Parents Put 2-Month-Old Baby In Teen Brother’s Room Because Dad Can’t Sleep, He Finally Loses It
Bringing new life into the world is one of the most exciting things many parents will ever do. It comes with immense joy and the opportunity to see the world through a fresh set of curious eyes, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s also sleepless nights full of seemingly endless screaming and countless unpleasant diaper changes. So when one teen was expected to sleep in the same room as his infant brother, he decided to ensure that he could actually get some rest. Below, you’ll find the full story that he shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left him.
As wonderful as babies are, we all know they’re not a walk in the park
Image credits: relucal (not the actual photo)
So after this teen had to sleep in the same room as his newborn brother, he decided to make sure his parents’ sleep was disrupted instead
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRAred_unsurrre
Later, the teen provided additional info and explained why he couldn’t sleep anywhere else
“The opinion on co-sleeping often depends on cultural background”
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Parenting For Brain, Pamela Li, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. Pamela first explained that the question of whether infants should sleep in the same room as their parents can often be a contentious topic. “The opinion on co-sleeping often depends on cultural background,” she explained. In general, children from predominantly-Asian countries are more likely to share a room with their parents than those from predominantly-Caucasian countries.”
It can also be a precaution to take to keep our kids safe. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, it is recommended to keep your little one in the same room as you for their first year of life, to minimize the risk of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS. On the other hand, however, 90% of SIDS cases happen within a baby’s first six months of life, so not everyone sees the necessity of keeping out little ones close by after six months.
“Some research suggests that when parents respond less to their baby’s needs at night, the baby learns to soothe themselves,” Pamela went on to explain. “Other studies indicate that babies who sleep in the same room as their parents cry less overall.”
“Older siblings, being children themselves, do not possess the necessary skills to provide proper care or support for their younger brothers or sisters”
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
“While babies who sleep alone may learn to self-soothe more effectively, research also shows that these children may have a higher stress response due to not having their parents nearby to help regulate stress at night,” she noted. “This increased stress response has been linked to more behavior problems and negative emotions by the time the child reaches preschool. As a result, weighing the short-term and long-term benefits of each sleeping arrangement might be helpful.”
Pamela also says that it’s important to consider your baby’s natural tendencies and needs when determining where they should be sleeping. “When the baby’s needs and behavior align with the parents’ cultural beliefs and responses, this can lead to positive development,” she told Bored Panda. “But if there is a mismatch between the baby’s needs and the parent’s responses, it can result in issues and poor adaptation.”
“If a baby cannot sleep through the night, sharing a room with their older siblings might not be advisable,” Pamela says, in reference to this specific situation. “Older siblings, being children themselves, do not possess the necessary skills to provide proper care or support for their younger brothers or sisters. It may be too much responsibility for them.”
“Regardless of age, no babies continuously cry throughout the night”
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
“Each child is different, but regardless of age, no babies continuously cry throughout the night. Most of them eventually fall asleep, which may result from either self-soothing or reaching a state of exhaustion and collapse,” Pamela added. “In the latter scenario, these babies might learn not to expect their parents’ help and instead adopt maladaptive self-soothing methods.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this teen was justified in placing his sibling’s bed in their parents’ room? Feel free to share what you would have done in this situation, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing how babies can disrupt our sleep schedules, look no further than right here!
Many readers assured the teen he had done nothing wrong, noting that the newborn is his parents’ responsibility
TACKY AF. I am literally feeding my newborn as we speak, but he sleeps in my room with my husband and me, His crib, diapers, and everything else are in here. My 15yo and 11yo need sleep too. My husband has to work too, and eventually I will be back at work too. Not sure if having another baby was right for them if they expected sleep......
They planned all along for him to do it for them. You know he "owes" them for taking away their youth!🙄
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The parents chose to have a baby and the teen didn’t get a vote. It’s unfair of them to ruin his nightly sleep. If they wanted a new baby, they should pay the price, not their other son. The parents are being very selfish, in my view.
He loves the baby. He just can't sleep with baby in his room.
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Parents are such a**holes to teenagers. They need MORE sleep than any other age group. It's already bad enough that parents and administrators refuse to make high school start later because they want their older kids to be available to help with younger. My brother was in my room as a baby when I was six and I almost had a psychotic episode because of lack of sleep.
This is disgusting behavior by his parents. They need to keep the baby in their room. Their 16 year old son is not a parent to their 2 month old. This is abusive to the 16 year old and beyond ridiculous. They need to step up and do their jobs. I would never do this to either of my children.
Your parents shouldn't have had another kid if they don't want to deal with crying and screaming. Not your problem.
Your mom just needs to respond to him fast & quietly in their dark room. Put bassinet RIGHT NEXT to the head if her side of the bed to hear and pick him up instantly. He will learn he does not need to cry loudly. Light should be NO BRIGHTER than than a night light so not to fully arouse/wake baby. Ideally nurse back to sleep - perhaps in bed with them. Totally possible. Dads can sleep through that - been there. Done that.
That's really good advice. I hope a lot of prospective parents read your post. Your sentence about dads-- spot on. I don't know how they can sleep thru it, but they do. LOL.
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How about dad gets himself some earplugs and an eyemask, or buys an airmattress for the livingroom? Babies cry. Parents care for their baby, they don''t get to push it off on the teenager, who also has to be able to get up in the morning for school. NTA
How about DAD just takes care if his kid ? Yeah right ... men as usual THINK only of themselves
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Let me ask: did they consult you before having the baby? Did they specifically ask you to help raise the baby before they got pregnant? If not, you had no say and you should not be saddled with the responsibility of losing sleep for the baby. Finally, if they do, that's parentification, which is technically considered child abuse. I was a victim of it as well, so I know firsthand how it can really mess you up.
Your parents made mistake one having a child too early. Now they make mistake number two by having one too late. They didn't have a room for him and are generally unprepared altogether. Now they expect a 16 year old to clean up their mess. Wow parents of the year!🙄
"We planned extremely poorly and it's your fault!" I honestly wish people had to be licensed to have kids.
That could happen in the future. All that’s needed is implantable birth control for both men and women. Mandatory from puberty till menopause (for women), life for men. Turned off only after getting a license (good for 3 months). Pregnant child legal. Not, license void start again. No license no pregnancy.
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These parents are both AH's. It doesn't matter if their baby was planned or not, it's their responsability, they have NO right to pass such a huge responsability to their teenager, especially night duty. The kid apparently helps through the day, which is awesome. I'm an older sister, I'm much older than my siblings and I had to deal with a c**p ton of responsabilities taking care of them, they had a huge impact on my psychological development as a teenager. I honestly think parents who have children in their teens and decide to be parents again are AH's. The teen kids more often than not end up getting overlooked in a lot of ways.
Who the heck moves a 2 month old into their own room and lets them cry at night this is honestly bordering on child abuse both kids
Both my children slept in their own rooms since the day we brought them home from the hospital.
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It'll be 100% his parents' fault if his grades tank because he can't get enough sleep to concentrate, and don't get me started on if he's at all behind the wheel in this state. It seems to me like his parents have a bit of a habit of not thinking these things through. I'd recommend some counseling if possible.
Yep. My parents did this to me. I was 11. Their room was upstairs. Our rooms were downstairs next to each other. I'd have to get up at night to care for her, a lot. My mom would sometimes come down. We lived in a converted stacked triplex, so it was a big trip to go between floors. Basically three apartments on top of each other. They could have had her upstairs with them, but nope, "it was more convenient," for her downstairs.
How does that make sense? They are building a baby room downstairs FAR AWAY from the parents. Shouldn't teen move to the downstairs bedroom instead? Both my kids had their own rooms since the first night they were brought home from the hospital
I noticed that too. How much farther away from the baby could they have gotten?
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Yall have lost yall damn minds, that not that boy's job to get up with that baby, yall had that baby, yall are old enough to know what the responsibility were having one cause you already have a teenager, your job to get up with the baby, DON'T do that teenager like that, DON'T have kids if you can take care of them, go to bed early if you can't hang then you'll have enough sleep, yall are WRONG WRONG WRONG DON'T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE, GROW UP
This kid will lose it and shake the baby. Kid will end up in prison for 30 years for murder while parents 100 percent blame him. Terrible parents.
Your scenario could end of happing. Luckily this kid had sense enough to take baby back to the parents room and locked his door from the inside instead of harming him.
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My late husband snored so loud that I'd be dreaming that a roomful of noisy machinery was running, then I'd wake up and realize that it was Tommy snoring. Another time I dreamed that a horse snorted in my face, followed by a young boy with blonde hair.
How did you do it? How did you even get to sleep, much less stay asleep? My ex-husband snored. I know I never got a decent nights sleep in the 27 years we were married. Tried earplugs. Problem with that is I couldn't hear my own alarm in the a.m. LOL.
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Totally apart from the fact that a baby that young should better be with the parents than share a room with a sibling who needs to get enough sleep for school the next day - am I the only one thinking about how inconvenient it must be to have the mother barging into a 16-year-old boy's room several times a night? For, um, reasons?
Not always best in parents room. I was in parents room from birth. Got croup. Cured croup back to parents room. Got croup. Over and over. Doctor finally figured something in that room, over a fairly short time made me sick. I slept in the front hall in my carriage until a room was built in the uninsulated attic for 8 year old brother. Bitterly cold, horrendously hot in summer. Until uncle took grandma. Summer and winter. Old house, Dad bought it from Grampa at below with with promise to take care of grandma. Who was a pain. I was a miracle. Parents told I couldn’t be. But was. I want to know why baby constantly cries at night. I had croup. Due to allergy. Stopped breathing once. Older brother did too. Now I’m almost 72 and the last one left. I want my older brother back! 😢 Hope this baby feels same way.
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Nta. Your parents are just horrible, disrespectful and pure lazy to expect that of a sibling. When you become a parent act like one.
That story pissed me off, they had a baby and they need to take care of it, and who is the dad a king ? He can't deal with his own baby crying? That should not be the son's problem.
It is illegal in many states to force childcare on another minor. You can't keep them out of school to watch their younger siblings so you can go to work. You can't MAKE them babysit. And you definitely shouldn't do this.
NTA sorry to break it to you but that's abuse. Maybe not legally but in actuality it is. I have insomnia to this day, because as a kid I was not allowed to sleep at night. It screwed my entire life up.
My husband tried doing this to my 16 year old but I was not having it. Told him it was not her baby but our responsibility. Made plans to sleep in the living room once if the baby was such a bother and that was the end of that conversation
Those of us who have had children, know that a baby needs night care for, at least, (if one is blessed enought to have a baby that settles down quickly) the first 6-8 months. These parents' wishing to unload their parents responsibility to their teenager son, is quite disturbing, cruel and abusive. If this baby doesn't settle down quickly after feeding and changing, what the mother should do is...the moment the baby wakes up, pick up the baby and move to a different room, living room for example. Feed and change the baby. When the baby has settled down and back to sleep, bring him/her back to the crib, so THE FATHER'S sleep is not interrupted. That would make so much more sense than unload the responsibility on your teenage son.
You are spot on with that! Most parents expect that and plan for that, I feel.
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Kinda thinking the parents planned this. I bet they were his age when they had him, so they figured they'd just dump the baby on their 16 year old. Wonder if they even took care of him when he was a baby
They Shouldn’t Of Had another kid if they can’t handle taking care of him at night it’s not fair to there oldest son putting him in his room it’s not his kid he didn’t choose to have a baby brother and he’s nit the father or mother of baby he’s brother which he can help with some baby duties during the day . PARENTS ARE THE ONES BEING AN A*S AND HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE UPSET WITH THERE SON FOR DOING WHAT HE DID THE BABY ISNT HIS. The Parents Chose to have baby yrs after there first so there the ones who needed to be selfish a******s and take care of there own baby the baby ain’t there sons baby to take care of for gods sakes there the selfish irresponsible ones…they have no right to be upset with there oldest son at all…
Um, why are the parents renovating a bedroom on the ground floor for the newborn baby when their bedroom is on the first floor? Why wouldn't they renovate that bedroom for the 16yr old and keep the baby's room on the same floor as them? Doesn't that make more sense? And what kind of mother/parents want their newborn baby in a different bedroom to them in the first place? They seem to think that they have a live-in nanny in the form of their 16yr old son ffs! Just shocking!
Though I understand the frustration, it's not the teenager's responsibility. The parents should have known better and realize this type of guild tripping can end up creating emotional scares to their teenage son/daughter too. The parents chose to have a baby while clearly being unprepared for the consequences it brought along with it.
These parents are clearly selfish and didn't give an iota of thought to their nearly adult son. Like...wtf. Also, it's b******t that they had the kid before the room was finished. Maybe, idk, hold your damn legs together and jeans zipper up until the room is done? Christ. Why is it that nobody has any compassion anymore, especially older jerks with younger generations
NTA. Absolutely not! OP has the right to sleep. Taking care of a 2 month old baby should not be his responsibility. Parents had months to fix up a room for this baby. A 2 month old should not be that far away from the parents. Mom, if your baby cries in the night, and you can't hear him, you are too far away! And dad could get up with that baby once in a while. Sounds like parents were totally unprepared for this baby. SURPRISE! Parents don't get much sleep with a newborn. OP says the baby cries all night long. If that is truly the case, there must be a reason. Colicky?
It's amazing how everyone is so quick to judge the parents badly on this. My father used to work driving 8hrs round trips everyday (here in Peru back then legislation was terrible on that regard) and he had to do at least 2 everyday, so we knew that is he didn't sleep as much as he could he might crash the bus with 60 passengers in it. We all wanted to play with him, my mom needed help with my new born brother, but risking hin dying for that was no option, so he pretty much was useless as a parent but we could eat, at 8yo my sleep was disrupted several times because my mom would be exhausted and pass out too, so I would put him down to sleep, I never felt she took advantage of that, I'm sure she was finally in deep sleep giving her body some recovery from the exhaustion that she had (my father would come to sleep at random times). My sleep is important as a child that needs to grow, but my mom needed to have her full senses through the day so she can cook and do all the other....
... Required tasks to keep the house running, I was proud I was able to help her, learb new things, I felt useful and with purpose, I might have had a few bad days at school for not sleeping well but it wasn't an everyday thing. My mom would always make sure chores were appropriate for our age, one I wanted to reach out and tried to help by boiling eggs in a plastic container, that happened in the 5 mins my mom when to get a missing ingredient as the corner shop. Kids nowadays think parents need to cater everything for them, but thinking as a family is thinking as a team and knowing why there are priorities or why a members needs would need to be put over the others, but even in situations like that they Ng's can be fair for everyone. OP's brother is only 2 months isn't that the time when grandma's still go to help with the new baby? If grandma is not available the need is still there and relying on an old enough sibling for that is not too much to ask, he mentioned that ....
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Forcing a your teen sleep deprivation and parentification has got to be child abuse. He needs to go to his guidance counsellor for support. Perhaps a visit from a social worker is needed. Babies shouldn't be left to sleep in a separate room at night. If they can't get up to the baby down the hall, how the heck are they going to tend to the baby when it's sleeping downstairs? Or is the plan to just make the baby cry all night?
Oh, Dad needs his beauty rest? He should have thought about that before irresponsibly impregnating his wife!
I really don't understand his parents. I had two teenagers when babies 3 and 4 arrived. The older children were not expected to change nappies or anything like that. The teenagers were/are great big brothers, they were not childcare.
This was saddening to read. A teenager needs his sleep at least as much as the father, and parents responsibilities to a child doesn't end because they have another child.
I *vaguely* remember how little sleep I was getting when my son was that age, and I wasn't the one who had to wake up to feed him (male boobs being strictly decorative). While my wife was on maternity leave, the deal was: before 5am, she had to get up for him. If he woke after that and before I left for work, it was my job to deal with him. After my wife went back to work (she worked nights every second month), it actually got harder, though he was sleeping better by then. Even sharing the load like that, it was a struggle. No teenager should have to deal with that. They need that sleep so their brain can actually develop.
NOPE. You did the right thing. Your dad is tired because he has to work? They chose to have that baby and you are a growing teen who need much more rest than your dad.
1. A new baby is a joyful thing that should be celebrated by everyone involved not turned into a burdensom punishment. 2. How sad for that newborn to not be getting that important bonding time and trust building time with mom and dad. 3. How strange that these parents who wanted so badly to start over with a child aren't cherishing this exceptional time with their newborn. It's over so fast. 4. How sad that this teen is having his parents treat him as though he is less of a priority. He's in a critical stage of his education and being tired and stressed will make learning impossible. This baby was supposed to bring joy and fulfillment to his family, and was supposed to be cherished and nurtured. Instead he is unwanted and has brought strife into there lives do to adults mismanagement and poor expectations. They probably had selective memory syndrome where you think back to when your babies were little and all you remember is tiny baby cuddles, and how cute they are.
I had my son when my daughter was 18 everyone would tell me at least you got a in home babysitter. I said no i don't she has her life to live. He is not her responsibility. She needs to go t college and enjoy life until she choose to be a mother. She didn't help me create him it's not her job t help me raise him. My daughter left home for college but when she comes home on breaks she lives her life but she set aside time for her brother and tells me to take a nap or go out and spend some me time. She will take him to the science center the zoo museum but she does it herself. When he was a baby she was home she wanted to put him t bed but I told her no worry about getting sleep for yourself. So I let her bathe him since she wanted to help. But her biggest role is to get her education and show her brother what's more important in life.
Not only are the parents shirking their responsibility for the baby, they're shirking their responsibility for their older son. Yes, 16 year olds need independence, and OP sounds very mature, but he's still a minor and may need his parents to be parent *him* on occasion. Apparently, he's not only expected to take on their responsibility toward his younger brother, but full responsibility for himself. The parents are neglecting both kids!
I'm thinking mom and dad are using this as some kind of subliminal birth control practice for their teenage son. Whatever they think they're doing it's wrong. They had the kid, they need to tend to it. That teenager needs to sleep way more than his dad, he is still growing and developing. Dad needs to grow up and accept his responsibility as a parent.
So much not the ahole. The only people not the ahole here is you and your sibling. Not your kid, not your responsibility. Tell your parents.
Co-sleeping is having the i fant sleep in the bed with the parent(s), not the same as keeping infant's crib in the same room. Teen is absolutely NTA, parents should have considered this aspect of having another baby. I grew up in a house constantly under construction because the ngs happened and plans were delayed, but my folks NEVER sacrificed the needs of us kids the way this teen's parents are. Get a new couch, and let Dad sleep on that.
This story is a year old. BP, please post current stories. Leo is now old enough to walk on his own.
NTA. I've lived through that scenario, and given their living arrangement one of the males would be sleeping on the sofa for most days of the week (likely the Dad or take turns) until bubs is able to sleep normally.
This irks me to no end...that infant is definitely not OP's responsibility. It seems to me his parents shouldn't have had another kid since they think it should be big brother's job to care for the child so the parents can get some sleep. No. That's not how it works at all (I am a mother of 3 and just had a baby 3 weeks ago, so I know a thing or 2 about childcare). It would never be my other kids' job to take care of their infant sibling. If you can't handle your infant or don't wish to care for them, simply don't have them. This is ridiculous.
My mind is blown by the level of selfishness from these parents. I would never feel comfortable putting the responsibility of a 2month old on my other children. Why is dad too good to lose sleep? Just because you have a job doesn't exempt you from your parental responsibilities. Then if the kid fails in school, they will probably get upset and punish him. what a joke
To me it's just bad parenting on their part to not want THEIR newborn in their room at least the first year, most parents expect that or at least nearby in an adjoining room. I would say most parents are usually worriers with SIDS, so it doesn't seem natural that they would even want their baby so far away and not concerned that their baby is well taken care at night. I wouldn't even be able to sleep knowing that.
They had op very young, and in the 15 years since then they forgot about how much care a newborn needs, how little sleep they get. They think that they are more mature than back then so it will be much easier 2nd time around. Nope. Babies cry a lot, need 24/7 care unlike their now 16 year old. Which is like they decided to dump the baby in op's room. If they could take care of him when they were so young then he ought to be able to take care of his siblings. Yeah, no. That's not how it works. Fix the babies room up immediately and leave the son alone. That isn't his child and you shouldn't be expecting him to parent your newborn every night. From someone who ended up with 3 younger siblings in my room starting from when they were born as I was the only one who got up with them in the night.
NTA. This is messed up, all the way around. You are 16 years old, a high school student, NOT THE FLAMING PARENT! YOUR parents need to step out of their PBS Masterpiece Theater world. They are trying to turn you into the live-in, freebie nanny, while abandoning their responsibility to the newest addition, and you. Is there anywhere else you can stay for at least six months, or until the baby's room is finished? In the meantime, get a lock for your bedroom door, to which only you will have access. Then sit down with both parents and tell them that 1) you are not the parent, 2) you are only 16, 3) you did not agree to this arrangement, and 4) you need your sleep, too. Tell them to figure out some other kind of arrangement other than putting an infant in your room. If your parents attempt to circumvent the boundaries you have put in place, speak with another adult whom you trust. CPS may have to intervene in order to reinforce your boundaries.
Staying in the parent's room for 6 months? Really? Which "mental health professionals" came up with this stupidity? NOBODY gets any sleep!
It may be inconvenient for the brother to share a room with his baby sibling. I can’t imagine how the older brother would of survived if he was born a few decades ago. You could be sharing a room with 5 other siblings and having to work the farm before heading to school. So count blessings. I shared a room with my baby sister when I was 10 years old. You may not see it now but we have a bond that is better because of that. And who’s paying for the roof over your head, your parents. Suck it up and help ur parents out!
Dad needs to talk with his doctor Inspire CPath solution to snoring problem.
He's 16 tho like your mom just has a baby, like you should help out. You're old enough to HELP. like they pay the bills and it was temporary. Not to mention your mom went through so much regardless whether or not it's a choice. And yall forgetting sometimes it not especially in Texas so
OMG People P...lease ! A 2 month old will NEVER sleep more than 3-4 hours (IF YOURE LUCKY) THUS Why I tell my adult boys the 1st 3 months are the WORST. Listen to The Old Folks give that baby some Rice Cereal & YES if you are a Mother YOU can even SPOON FEED a 2 month old. I did it with a 3 week old per my aunts instruction (she had 9 kids , she Just might know a Thing or 3) Watch for HARD GREEN POOP Too much Iron MOST Formulas are WAYYY to high on iron & then you have CLOGGED up SCREAMING BABY. give the baby lower iron Formula with a spoon or 2 of cereal in your 9-10pm bottle. AFTER a few spoonfuls of watery rice cereal around 7-8. for the 1st few nights you'll be Amazed & probably too confused to sleep yourself. but YOUR baby & YOU will BEGIN to get sleep. If you FOLLOW everything WIC & the pediatrician (who's spent her LIFE in school & has NO KIDS) then buy Stock in Starbucks I have no kids w/ ALLERGIES & NONE are Overweight. I'm sure I Know NOTHING of what I'm saying Just TRY I
Cps seems a lil extreme... also sry for what happened when u were ypunger
Load More Replies... TACKY AF. I am literally feeding my newborn as we speak, but he sleeps in my room with my husband and me, His crib, diapers, and everything else are in here. My 15yo and 11yo need sleep too. My husband has to work too, and eventually I will be back at work too. Not sure if having another baby was right for them if they expected sleep......
They planned all along for him to do it for them. You know he "owes" them for taking away their youth!🙄
Load More Replies... The parents chose to have a baby and the teen didn’t get a vote. It’s unfair of them to ruin his nightly sleep. If they wanted a new baby, they should pay the price, not their other son. The parents are being very selfish, in my view.
He loves the baby. He just can't sleep with baby in his room.
Load More Replies... Parents are such a**holes to teenagers. They need MORE sleep than any other age group. It's already bad enough that parents and administrators refuse to make high school start later because they want their older kids to be available to help with younger. My brother was in my room as a baby when I was six and I almost had a psychotic episode because of lack of sleep.
This is disgusting behavior by his parents. They need to keep the baby in their room. Their 16 year old son is not a parent to their 2 month old. This is abusive to the 16 year old and beyond ridiculous. They need to step up and do their jobs. I would never do this to either of my children.
Your parents shouldn't have had another kid if they don't want to deal with crying and screaming. Not your problem.
Your mom just needs to respond to him fast & quietly in their dark room. Put bassinet RIGHT NEXT to the head if her side of the bed to hear and pick him up instantly. He will learn he does not need to cry loudly. Light should be NO BRIGHTER than than a night light so not to fully arouse/wake baby. Ideally nurse back to sleep - perhaps in bed with them. Totally possible. Dads can sleep through that - been there. Done that.
That's really good advice. I hope a lot of prospective parents read your post. Your sentence about dads-- spot on. I don't know how they can sleep thru it, but they do. LOL.
Load More Replies... How about dad gets himself some earplugs and an eyemask, or buys an airmattress for the livingroom? Babies cry. Parents care for their baby, they don''t get to push it off on the teenager, who also has to be able to get up in the morning for school. NTA
How about DAD just takes care if his kid ? Yeah right ... men as usual THINK only of themselves
Load More Replies... Let me ask: did they consult you before having the baby? Did they specifically ask you to help raise the baby before they got pregnant? If not, you had no say and you should not be saddled with the responsibility of losing sleep for the baby. Finally, if they do, that's parentification, which is technically considered child abuse. I was a victim of it as well, so I know firsthand how it can really mess you up.
Your parents made mistake one having a child too early. Now they make mistake number two by having one too late. They didn't have a room for him and are generally unprepared altogether. Now they expect a 16 year old to clean up their mess. Wow parents of the year!🙄
"We planned extremely poorly and it's your fault!" I honestly wish people had to be licensed to have kids.
That could happen in the future. All that’s needed is implantable birth control for both men and women. Mandatory from puberty till menopause (for women), life for men. Turned off only after getting a license (good for 3 months). Pregnant child legal. Not, license void start again. No license no pregnancy.
Load More Replies... These parents are both AH's. It doesn't matter if their baby was planned or not, it's their responsability, they have NO right to pass such a huge responsability to their teenager, especially night duty. The kid apparently helps through the day, which is awesome. I'm an older sister, I'm much older than my siblings and I had to deal with a c**p ton of responsabilities taking care of them, they had a huge impact on my psychological development as a teenager. I honestly think parents who have children in their teens and decide to be parents again are AH's. The teen kids more often than not end up getting overlooked in a lot of ways.
Who the heck moves a 2 month old into their own room and lets them cry at night this is honestly bordering on child abuse both kids
Both my children slept in their own rooms since the day we brought them home from the hospital.
Load More Replies... It'll be 100% his parents' fault if his grades tank because he can't get enough sleep to concentrate, and don't get me started on if he's at all behind the wheel in this state. It seems to me like his parents have a bit of a habit of not thinking these things through. I'd recommend some counseling if possible.
Yep. My parents did this to me. I was 11. Their room was upstairs. Our rooms were downstairs next to each other. I'd have to get up at night to care for her, a lot. My mom would sometimes come down. We lived in a converted stacked triplex, so it was a big trip to go between floors. Basically three apartments on top of each other. They could have had her upstairs with them, but nope, "it was more convenient," for her downstairs.
How does that make sense? They are building a baby room downstairs FAR AWAY from the parents. Shouldn't teen move to the downstairs bedroom instead? Both my kids had their own rooms since the first night they were brought home from the hospital
I noticed that too. How much farther away from the baby could they have gotten?
Load More Replies... Yall have lost yall damn minds, that not that boy's job to get up with that baby, yall had that baby, yall are old enough to know what the responsibility were having one cause you already have a teenager, your job to get up with the baby, DON'T do that teenager like that, DON'T have kids if you can take care of them, go to bed early if you can't hang then you'll have enough sleep, yall are WRONG WRONG WRONG DON'T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE, GROW UP
This kid will lose it and shake the baby. Kid will end up in prison for 30 years for murder while parents 100 percent blame him. Terrible parents.
Your scenario could end of happing. Luckily this kid had sense enough to take baby back to the parents room and locked his door from the inside instead of harming him.
Load More Replies... My late husband snored so loud that I'd be dreaming that a roomful of noisy machinery was running, then I'd wake up and realize that it was Tommy snoring. Another time I dreamed that a horse snorted in my face, followed by a young boy with blonde hair.
How did you do it? How did you even get to sleep, much less stay asleep? My ex-husband snored. I know I never got a decent nights sleep in the 27 years we were married. Tried earplugs. Problem with that is I couldn't hear my own alarm in the a.m. LOL.
Load More Replies... Totally apart from the fact that a baby that young should better be with the parents than share a room with a sibling who needs to get enough sleep for school the next day - am I the only one thinking about how inconvenient it must be to have the mother barging into a 16-year-old boy's room several times a night? For, um, reasons?
Not always best in parents room. I was in parents room from birth. Got croup. Cured croup back to parents room. Got croup. Over and over. Doctor finally figured something in that room, over a fairly short time made me sick. I slept in the front hall in my carriage until a room was built in the uninsulated attic for 8 year old brother. Bitterly cold, horrendously hot in summer. Until uncle took grandma. Summer and winter. Old house, Dad bought it from Grampa at below with with promise to take care of grandma. Who was a pain. I was a miracle. Parents told I couldn’t be. But was. I want to know why baby constantly cries at night. I had croup. Due to allergy. Stopped breathing once. Older brother did too. Now I’m almost 72 and the last one left. I want my older brother back! 😢 Hope this baby feels same way.
Load More Replies... Nta. Your parents are just horrible, disrespectful and pure lazy to expect that of a sibling. When you become a parent act like one.
That story pissed me off, they had a baby and they need to take care of it, and who is the dad a king ? He can't deal with his own baby crying? That should not be the son's problem.
It is illegal in many states to force childcare on another minor. You can't keep them out of school to watch their younger siblings so you can go to work. You can't MAKE them babysit. And you definitely shouldn't do this.
NTA sorry to break it to you but that's abuse. Maybe not legally but in actuality it is. I have insomnia to this day, because as a kid I was not allowed to sleep at night. It screwed my entire life up.
My husband tried doing this to my 16 year old but I was not having it. Told him it was not her baby but our responsibility. Made plans to sleep in the living room once if the baby was such a bother and that was the end of that conversation
Those of us who have had children, know that a baby needs night care for, at least, (if one is blessed enought to have a baby that settles down quickly) the first 6-8 months. These parents' wishing to unload their parents responsibility to their teenager son, is quite disturbing, cruel and abusive. If this baby doesn't settle down quickly after feeding and changing, what the mother should do is...the moment the baby wakes up, pick up the baby and move to a different room, living room for example. Feed and change the baby. When the baby has settled down and back to sleep, bring him/her back to the crib, so THE FATHER'S sleep is not interrupted. That would make so much more sense than unload the responsibility on your teenage son.
You are spot on with that! Most parents expect that and plan for that, I feel.
Load More Replies... Kinda thinking the parents planned this. I bet they were his age when they had him, so they figured they'd just dump the baby on their 16 year old. Wonder if they even took care of him when he was a baby
They Shouldn’t Of Had another kid if they can’t handle taking care of him at night it’s not fair to there oldest son putting him in his room it’s not his kid he didn’t choose to have a baby brother and he’s nit the father or mother of baby he’s brother which he can help with some baby duties during the day . PARENTS ARE THE ONES BEING AN A*S AND HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE UPSET WITH THERE SON FOR DOING WHAT HE DID THE BABY ISNT HIS. The Parents Chose to have baby yrs after there first so there the ones who needed to be selfish a******s and take care of there own baby the baby ain’t there sons baby to take care of for gods sakes there the selfish irresponsible ones…they have no right to be upset with there oldest son at all…
Um, why are the parents renovating a bedroom on the ground floor for the newborn baby when their bedroom is on the first floor? Why wouldn't they renovate that bedroom for the 16yr old and keep the baby's room on the same floor as them? Doesn't that make more sense? And what kind of mother/parents want their newborn baby in a different bedroom to them in the first place? They seem to think that they have a live-in nanny in the form of their 16yr old son ffs! Just shocking!
Though I understand the frustration, it's not the teenager's responsibility. The parents should have known better and realize this type of guild tripping can end up creating emotional scares to their teenage son/daughter too. The parents chose to have a baby while clearly being unprepared for the consequences it brought along with it.
These parents are clearly selfish and didn't give an iota of thought to their nearly adult son. Like...wtf. Also, it's b******t that they had the kid before the room was finished. Maybe, idk, hold your damn legs together and jeans zipper up until the room is done? Christ. Why is it that nobody has any compassion anymore, especially older jerks with younger generations
NTA. Absolutely not! OP has the right to sleep. Taking care of a 2 month old baby should not be his responsibility. Parents had months to fix up a room for this baby. A 2 month old should not be that far away from the parents. Mom, if your baby cries in the night, and you can't hear him, you are too far away! And dad could get up with that baby once in a while. Sounds like parents were totally unprepared for this baby. SURPRISE! Parents don't get much sleep with a newborn. OP says the baby cries all night long. If that is truly the case, there must be a reason. Colicky?
It's amazing how everyone is so quick to judge the parents badly on this. My father used to work driving 8hrs round trips everyday (here in Peru back then legislation was terrible on that regard) and he had to do at least 2 everyday, so we knew that is he didn't sleep as much as he could he might crash the bus with 60 passengers in it. We all wanted to play with him, my mom needed help with my new born brother, but risking hin dying for that was no option, so he pretty much was useless as a parent but we could eat, at 8yo my sleep was disrupted several times because my mom would be exhausted and pass out too, so I would put him down to sleep, I never felt she took advantage of that, I'm sure she was finally in deep sleep giving her body some recovery from the exhaustion that she had (my father would come to sleep at random times). My sleep is important as a child that needs to grow, but my mom needed to have her full senses through the day so she can cook and do all the other....
... Required tasks to keep the house running, I was proud I was able to help her, learb new things, I felt useful and with purpose, I might have had a few bad days at school for not sleeping well but it wasn't an everyday thing. My mom would always make sure chores were appropriate for our age, one I wanted to reach out and tried to help by boiling eggs in a plastic container, that happened in the 5 mins my mom when to get a missing ingredient as the corner shop. Kids nowadays think parents need to cater everything for them, but thinking as a family is thinking as a team and knowing why there are priorities or why a members needs would need to be put over the others, but even in situations like that they Ng's can be fair for everyone. OP's brother is only 2 months isn't that the time when grandma's still go to help with the new baby? If grandma is not available the need is still there and relying on an old enough sibling for that is not too much to ask, he mentioned that ....
Load More Replies... Forcing a your teen sleep deprivation and parentification has got to be child abuse. He needs to go to his guidance counsellor for support. Perhaps a visit from a social worker is needed. Babies shouldn't be left to sleep in a separate room at night. If they can't get up to the baby down the hall, how the heck are they going to tend to the baby when it's sleeping downstairs? Or is the plan to just make the baby cry all night?
Oh, Dad needs his beauty rest? He should have thought about that before irresponsibly impregnating his wife!
I really don't understand his parents. I had two teenagers when babies 3 and 4 arrived. The older children were not expected to change nappies or anything like that. The teenagers were/are great big brothers, they were not childcare.
This was saddening to read. A teenager needs his sleep at least as much as the father, and parents responsibilities to a child doesn't end because they have another child.
I *vaguely* remember how little sleep I was getting when my son was that age, and I wasn't the one who had to wake up to feed him (male boobs being strictly decorative). While my wife was on maternity leave, the deal was: before 5am, she had to get up for him. If he woke after that and before I left for work, it was my job to deal with him. After my wife went back to work (she worked nights every second month), it actually got harder, though he was sleeping better by then. Even sharing the load like that, it was a struggle. No teenager should have to deal with that. They need that sleep so their brain can actually develop.
NOPE. You did the right thing. Your dad is tired because he has to work? They chose to have that baby and you are a growing teen who need much more rest than your dad.
1. A new baby is a joyful thing that should be celebrated by everyone involved not turned into a burdensom punishment. 2. How sad for that newborn to not be getting that important bonding time and trust building time with mom and dad. 3. How strange that these parents who wanted so badly to start over with a child aren't cherishing this exceptional time with their newborn. It's over so fast. 4. How sad that this teen is having his parents treat him as though he is less of a priority. He's in a critical stage of his education and being tired and stressed will make learning impossible. This baby was supposed to bring joy and fulfillment to his family, and was supposed to be cherished and nurtured. Instead he is unwanted and has brought strife into there lives do to adults mismanagement and poor expectations. They probably had selective memory syndrome where you think back to when your babies were little and all you remember is tiny baby cuddles, and how cute they are.
I had my son when my daughter was 18 everyone would tell me at least you got a in home babysitter. I said no i don't she has her life to live. He is not her responsibility. She needs to go t college and enjoy life until she choose to be a mother. She didn't help me create him it's not her job t help me raise him. My daughter left home for college but when she comes home on breaks she lives her life but she set aside time for her brother and tells me to take a nap or go out and spend some me time. She will take him to the science center the zoo museum but she does it herself. When he was a baby she was home she wanted to put him t bed but I told her no worry about getting sleep for yourself. So I let her bathe him since she wanted to help. But her biggest role is to get her education and show her brother what's more important in life.
Not only are the parents shirking their responsibility for the baby, they're shirking their responsibility for their older son. Yes, 16 year olds need independence, and OP sounds very mature, but he's still a minor and may need his parents to be parent *him* on occasion. Apparently, he's not only expected to take on their responsibility toward his younger brother, but full responsibility for himself. The parents are neglecting both kids!
I'm thinking mom and dad are using this as some kind of subliminal birth control practice for their teenage son. Whatever they think they're doing it's wrong. They had the kid, they need to tend to it. That teenager needs to sleep way more than his dad, he is still growing and developing. Dad needs to grow up and accept his responsibility as a parent.
So much not the ahole. The only people not the ahole here is you and your sibling. Not your kid, not your responsibility. Tell your parents.
Co-sleeping is having the i fant sleep in the bed with the parent(s), not the same as keeping infant's crib in the same room. Teen is absolutely NTA, parents should have considered this aspect of having another baby. I grew up in a house constantly under construction because the ngs happened and plans were delayed, but my folks NEVER sacrificed the needs of us kids the way this teen's parents are. Get a new couch, and let Dad sleep on that.
This story is a year old. BP, please post current stories. Leo is now old enough to walk on his own.
NTA. I've lived through that scenario, and given their living arrangement one of the males would be sleeping on the sofa for most days of the week (likely the Dad or take turns) until bubs is able to sleep normally.
This irks me to no end...that infant is definitely not OP's responsibility. It seems to me his parents shouldn't have had another kid since they think it should be big brother's job to care for the child so the parents can get some sleep. No. That's not how it works at all (I am a mother of 3 and just had a baby 3 weeks ago, so I know a thing or 2 about childcare). It would never be my other kids' job to take care of their infant sibling. If you can't handle your infant or don't wish to care for them, simply don't have them. This is ridiculous.
My mind is blown by the level of selfishness from these parents. I would never feel comfortable putting the responsibility of a 2month old on my other children. Why is dad too good to lose sleep? Just because you have a job doesn't exempt you from your parental responsibilities. Then if the kid fails in school, they will probably get upset and punish him. what a joke
To me it's just bad parenting on their part to not want THEIR newborn in their room at least the first year, most parents expect that or at least nearby in an adjoining room. I would say most parents are usually worriers with SIDS, so it doesn't seem natural that they would even want their baby so far away and not concerned that their baby is well taken care at night. I wouldn't even be able to sleep knowing that.
They had op very young, and in the 15 years since then they forgot about how much care a newborn needs, how little sleep they get. They think that they are more mature than back then so it will be much easier 2nd time around. Nope. Babies cry a lot, need 24/7 care unlike their now 16 year old. Which is like they decided to dump the baby in op's room. If they could take care of him when they were so young then he ought to be able to take care of his siblings. Yeah, no. That's not how it works. Fix the babies room up immediately and leave the son alone. That isn't his child and you shouldn't be expecting him to parent your newborn every night. From someone who ended up with 3 younger siblings in my room starting from when they were born as I was the only one who got up with them in the night.
NTA. This is messed up, all the way around. You are 16 years old, a high school student, NOT THE FLAMING PARENT! YOUR parents need to step out of their PBS Masterpiece Theater world. They are trying to turn you into the live-in, freebie nanny, while abandoning their responsibility to the newest addition, and you. Is there anywhere else you can stay for at least six months, or until the baby's room is finished? In the meantime, get a lock for your bedroom door, to which only you will have access. Then sit down with both parents and tell them that 1) you are not the parent, 2) you are only 16, 3) you did not agree to this arrangement, and 4) you need your sleep, too. Tell them to figure out some other kind of arrangement other than putting an infant in your room. If your parents attempt to circumvent the boundaries you have put in place, speak with another adult whom you trust. CPS may have to intervene in order to reinforce your boundaries.
Staying in the parent's room for 6 months? Really? Which "mental health professionals" came up with this stupidity? NOBODY gets any sleep!
It may be inconvenient for the brother to share a room with his baby sibling. I can’t imagine how the older brother would of survived if he was born a few decades ago. You could be sharing a room with 5 other siblings and having to work the farm before heading to school. So count blessings. I shared a room with my baby sister when I was 10 years old. You may not see it now but we have a bond that is better because of that. And who’s paying for the roof over your head, your parents. Suck it up and help ur parents out!
Dad needs to talk with his doctor Inspire CPath solution to snoring problem.
He's 16 tho like your mom just has a baby, like you should help out. You're old enough to HELP. like they pay the bills and it was temporary. Not to mention your mom went through so much regardless whether or not it's a choice. And yall forgetting sometimes it not especially in Texas so
OMG People P...lease ! A 2 month old will NEVER sleep more than 3-4 hours (IF YOURE LUCKY) THUS Why I tell my adult boys the 1st 3 months are the WORST. Listen to The Old Folks give that baby some Rice Cereal & YES if you are a Mother YOU can even SPOON FEED a 2 month old. I did it with a 3 week old per my aunts instruction (she had 9 kids , she Just might know a Thing or 3) Watch for HARD GREEN POOP Too much Iron MOST Formulas are WAYYY to high on iron & then you have CLOGGED up SCREAMING BABY. give the baby lower iron Formula with a spoon or 2 of cereal in your 9-10pm bottle. AFTER a few spoonfuls of watery rice cereal around 7-8. for the 1st few nights you'll be Amazed & probably too confused to sleep yourself. but YOUR baby & YOU will BEGIN to get sleep. If you FOLLOW everything WIC & the pediatrician (who's spent her LIFE in school & has NO KIDS) then buy Stock in Starbucks I have no kids w/ ALLERGIES & NONE are Overweight. I'm sure I Know NOTHING of what I'm saying Just TRY I
Cps seems a lil extreme... also sry for what happened when u were ypunger
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