When the US and England meet on the pitch, some good things can happen. And one of these things is Ted Lasso, the TV show that debuted in August 2020, amidst uncertain times when people longed for some glimpse of normalcy and a bit of laughter to help them through.
This sports comedy-drama follows our titular main character, an American football coach, moving to England to coach a Premier League soccer team. But wait, wasn’t Ted Lasso a football coach? Do these two sports have anything to do with each other? Not much actually, and this gives life to the whole story. Despite the initial skepticism, Ted’s charisma and wit win over the team members, and he ends up winning over the audience too!
The entire series takes viewers on a journey through Ted’s experience in England, which turns out to be a concentrated juice of life lessons and blessed us with some impressive sports quotes. Ted may be new to soccer, but he’s still a great coach with an ability to connect with people like no other. Ted Lasso’s one-liners are as funny as they are profound, and while they may seem like the result of a spur-of-the-moment attempt to make people laugh, they always have an underlying point that makes us stop and reflect on those words.
For all you Ted Lasso fans out there who want to recall the greatest quotes from the series, this is the place for you! We’ve watched and rewatched the show and took note of Ted’s best lines that we think are worth remembering and sharing.
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“On whether or not Ted believes in ghosts: I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves.” - Ted Lasso
“I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.” - Ted Lasso
“I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.” - Ted Lasso
“I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.” - Ted Lasso
“You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.” - Ted Lasso
“I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.” - Ted Lasso
“If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.” - Ted Lasso
“There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.” - Ted Lasso
“Ice cream is the best. It's kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live. Never disappoints.” - Ted Lasso
“Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.” - Ted Lasso
“Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.” - Ted Lasso
“Rule number one: even though it’s called girl talk sometimes it needs to be more like girl listen. - Ted Lasso
“It's just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.” - Ted Lasso
“You should do a Ted talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted listen.'” - Ted Lasso
“You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it. All right?” - Ted Lasso
“If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.” - Ted Lasso
“What I can tell you is that with the exception of the wit and wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, not much lasts forever.” - Ted Lasso
“Oh, God. I’m very nervous. But also very excited. That’s similar to whenever Colin drives me somewhere in his Lamborghini.” - Sam Obisanya
“Oh, no, no, no, no. I have five boys. I never look over anyone’s shoulders to see what’s on their screens. I used to.” - Leslie Higgins
“If the Internet has taught us anything, it's that sometimes it's easier to speak our minds anonymously.” - Ted Lasso
“I think that you might be so sure that you're one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you're just one in 11.” - Ted Lasso
“I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree and hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool of cash and sour patch kids.” - Ted Lasso
“This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I'd hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn't be able take my eyes off of it, either.” - Ted Lasso
“We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ cause it’s all about controlling possession.” - Ted Lasso
“Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that’s a little rich for my blood.” - Ted Lasso
“Here’s an idea that’s gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?” - Ted Lasso
“The second thing that you don’t want your opponent to know is that you’re tired.” - Ted Lasso
“I've never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it's all part of growing up.” - Ted Lasso
“If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.” - Ted Lasso
“All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.” - Ted Lasso
“Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.” - Ted Lasso
“I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.” - Ted Lasso
“You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece, you hear?” - Ted Lasso
“That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.” - Ted Lasso
“Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense.” - Ted Lasso
“Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty.” - Ted Lasso
“You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink?” - Ted Lasso
“I’ve been to Vegas many times. One night is good, two nights is perfect, three is too many.” - Coach Beard
“What do you have to be sad about? Did one of the Paw Patrol dogs die?” - Ted Lasso
“I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that's being alone and being sad. Ain't no one in this room alone.” - Ted Lasso
“Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.” - Ted Lasso
“For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.” - Ted Lasso
“Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. Its pigeon sweat.” - Ted Lasso
“Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.” - Ted Lasso
“If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.” - Ted Lasso
“I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside… it was the mob.” - Ted Lasso
“You’re telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y’all patch me up, and I don’t have to pay jack squat? I tell you; I love this country.” - Ted Lasso
“So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. ‘It’s the hope that kills you.’ Y’all know that? I disagree, you know. I think it’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief.” - Ted Lasso
“We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It don’t get nearly enough credit.” - Ted Lasso
“Like I always say, sometimes the best stew is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight ’cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers.” - Ted Lasso
“If you care about someone, and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.” - Ted Lasso
“I came here tonight, because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life coaching with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin asap.” - Ted Lasso
“Roy, are you sure they still take paper tickets at airports? Like, is the plane gonna have propellers? Oh my God, am I gonna be able to smoke on the flight?” - Keeley
“I should go. I promised the boys we’d watch Empire Strikes Back tonight, and I have to get my thoughts together for when they ask about Luke and Leia making out.” - Leslie Higgins
“Fight or flight is a natural response. You just happened to do both. Impressive range, really.” - Sharon Fieldstone
“I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.” - Ted Lasso
“Well, normally right back to the counter because there’s been a terrible mistake.” - Ted Lasso
“Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if… you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.” - Ted Lasso
“If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right?” - Ted Lasso
“The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii.” - Ted Lasso
“I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t nobody in this room alone. Let’s be sad now. Let’s be sad together. And then we can be a gosh-darn goldfish. Onward. Forward.” - Ted Lasso
“Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape: a love triangle. Second place of course is the ‘I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit’ dodecahedron.” - Ted Lasso
“That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rootin’ for him.” - Ted Lasso
“You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.” - Ted Lasso
“We’re gonna try it on and see if it fits. It might not. Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette. I might wear it right out of the store. Makes me feel good, start to strut. Oooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel.” - Ted Lasso
“I know change can be scary. One minute, you are playing freeze tag out there at recess with all your buddies. Next thing you know, you’re getting zits, your voice gets low. And every time your art teacher, Ms. Scanlon, leans over your desk to check and see how your project’s going, you feel all squiggly inside.” - Ted Lasso
“Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.” - Ted Lasso
“I can diagnose myself in a heartbeat. I thought being invulnerable would protect me, so I pushed people away for years, leading me directly to my greatest fear… being alone. Big whoop.” - Rebecca Welton
“You’re nearly 70, and you’re having a baby? I mean, what are you, a character from the Bible? When your kid hits puberty, you’ll be nothing but a pile of dust and a black Amex card.” - Rebecca Welton
“I like the idea of someone becoming rich, because of what they gave to the world. Not just because of who their family is.” - Sam Obisanya
“I’d like to be reincarnated as a tiger… and then ravage anyone who looked at me wrong.”- Nathan Shelley
“The great Roy Kent. You’re old now. And slow. And your focus drifts. But your speed and your smarts were never what made you who you are. It’s your anger. That’s your superpower. That’s what made you one of the best midfielders in the history of this league.” - Nathan Shelley
“This is my cat’s collar. She was a faithful companion for 20 years. Gonna miss you, Cindy Clawford.” - Leslie Higgins
“You know, fellas, we make a lot of choices in our lives every single day... me choosing not to be forthright with y'all, that was a bad choice. But I can't be wasting time wishing for a do-over on all that. Cause, that ain't how choices work... every choice is a chance, fellas.” - Ted Lasso
“If that's a joke, I love it. If not, can't wait to unpack that with you later.” - Ted Lasso
“I think one of the neatest things about being a coach is the connection you get to make with your players. That’s a loss that hits me a lot harder and is gonna stay with me a lot longer than anything that happens while playing a game on a patch of grass.” - Ted Lasso
“Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” - Ted Lasso
“Hey, you two are like Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, you know? Or, uh, Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow. Or Frank and… actually, you know what? I’m starting to realize that Ol’ Blue Eyes might’ve skewed mercurial.” - Ted Lasso
“This is a sad moment right here. For all of us. And there ain’t nothing I can say, standing in front of you right now, that can take that away. But please do me this favor, will you? Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Yeah? Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful that you’re going through this sad moment with all these other folks.” - Ted Lasso
“It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they’re now gone.” - Ted Lasso
“I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it; otherwise, they get lost. That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I’d just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing.” - Ted Lasso
“Coach Beard’s views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one — it loses its flavor.” - Ted Lasso
“In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. One, you gotta play physical, two, you gotta give 100 percent until the final whistle, and three, you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline.” - Ted Lasso
“It’s more than a game to me. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s who I am. It’s all I am.” - Roy Kent
“Oh what a lovely inscription… that you wrote completely over my head, face and body.” - Coach Beard
“Because he’s the one, coach. If we’re gonna make an impact here, the first domino needs to fall right inside of that man’s heart.” - Ted Lasso
“We lost. Would have been closer, but one of the goals got disallowed because apparently nine-year-olds aren’t allowed to do headers yet.” - Roy Kent
“This place is for rich twats who piss away all their money on an outfit they only wear once. But, Nate, today you are one of those twats.” - Keeley
“Right, I’m not gonna beat around the bush. I’m just gonna… get straight to the point. No faffing around, ’cause that’s just annoying, and definitely no procrastinating. Procrast… procrast… That’s a good word, isn’t it? Procrastinating. Pro… procrastinating. Huh. I wonder what the etymology of that word is. Obviously, ‘pro,’ very good, but ‘crast?’ Crast… I have no idea. Hey! Why don’t we look it up?” - Rebecca Welton
Ted Lasso is the best but why on earth did they leave out "he's a wigwam inside of a teepee. He's 2 tents ⛺️ that one is my favorite
Ted Lasso is the best but why on earth did they leave out "he's a wigwam inside of a teepee. He's 2 tents ⛺️ that one is my favorite
