Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser
BoredPanda Add Post

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

“[Am I The Jerk] For Asking My Son And His STBW To Pay To Spend Their Honeymoon In My Winter Cabin?”
63points
6
Parenting, People6 days ago

“[Am I The Jerk] For Asking My Son And His STBW To Pay To Spend Their Honeymoon In My Winter Cabin?”

Parents are obligated to take care of their children until they are legally adults, but they usually continue to support them until they are in a life stage when they can survive by themselves and even beyond because that’s what you do for people you love.

But this one dad didn’t think that he should help his financially struggling son and not only did he not contribute to his wedding, but asked for money if he was planning on staying in his winter cabin for his honeymoon. The dad wants to know how the internet feels after his family started to berate him for his decision.

More info: Reddit

Dad knows his son is struggling financially and wouldn’t help with his wedding or his honeymoon

Image credits: Jim Kravitz (not the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) has a son who is 22 years old and is getting married in a month. The dad thinks that his son is rushing and shouldn’t marry so young, but as he is an adult, he can make decisions for himself.

So he decided not to take the advice, but was struggling financially to put this wedding together. That means he didn’t have any more money to spare for a honeymoon, but wanted to go.

This man’s son is getting married soon, so he asked his dad if he could stay at his winter cabin for their honeymoon as he doesn’t have much money

“[Am I The Jerk] For Asking My Son And His STBW To Pay To Spend Their Honeymoon In My Winter Cabin?”

Image credits: honeya34____

A honeymoon doesn’t seem like a very important part of the wedding as you can get married without it, but many resources online suggest that it is actually significant for the relationship.

Andrea Dindinger, a San Francisco-based licensed family and marriage therapist, explains that “On a honeymoon, you and your spouse are completely focused on each other and the joy your union has created. This infusion of joy helps solidify the foundation of this lifelong commitment.” Missing it would mean not having the private time to process the transition to a new life that you are entering together.

The Knot highlights a few benefits of going on a honeymoon such as focusing your attention solely on one another, forgetting about the rest of the world and leaving your problems behind and playing around and having fun.

The most seasoned wedding publication in the United States, Bride, agrees that a “honeymoon is a time to bond, relax, celebrate as a couple, reflect on your relationship, and look ahead at what’s to come.”

The money situation is known to the dad, but he still wanted his son to pay for the stay at the cabin

Image credits: honeya34____

However, there may be reasons why you wouldn’t want a honeymoon. Loverly assures couples that skipping it is not a big deal, especially if you’re saving money and would rather spend it on something else or you already travel a lot so it wouldn’t be as exciting. Maybe your wedding is already a vacation or you just want all the planning and stress to end with the wedding with no traveling included.

They also mention that money is a big factor as to whether a couple can go on a honeymoon or not. They suggest couples keep that idea in mind and plan your dream vacation later; for now, you can plan a staycation or a so-called mini-moon that requires less funds.

This is not what the son wanted, so he complained to the rest of the family and they stood on his side, but the dad doesn’t think he deserved the backlash

Image credits: honeya34____

Well, that’s what the OP’s son was thinking of doing when he asked his dad to allow him to spend his honeymoon in a winter cabin that the OP bought with his late wife years ago. The dad agreed, but only if his son would pay for the stay. When his sister asked for the same favor, she had to pay too, so the man didn’t see it as a big deal.

The son didn’t take it well, especially because the dad didn’t contribute to the wedding either, although he mentioned in the comments that he will be giving them a wedding gift. The groom-to-be complained about it to other family members and the OP got contacted by them telling him to change his mind.

Bored Panda reached out to Judy Bartkowiak, a family therapist, for a comment on the father-son relationship and she thought that “it would have been a kind gesture for him to have let his son and daughter-in-law use the cabin for their honeymoon and create their own happy memories. Unfortunately he has missed that opportunity and created bad feeling which is sad.”

On the other hand she adds, “I think parents want to help out and be involved with their children’s weddings and contribute financially if they can. I don’t think it should feel like an obligation on either side.”

You may think that because there is no obligation for parents to help their adult children, the son seems a bit entitled reacting in the way that he did and the dad surely thinks this way, but the therapist told us that “His son was probably surprised and hurt about being asked to pay for using the cabin and didn’t mean to sound rude.” She also reminds the fact that “Weddings can be emotional times and we have to tread carefully.”

Image credits: U.S. Department of Agriculture (not the actual photo)

People in the comments were defending the son and couldn’t comprehend why the OP wouldn’t do this favor for him, especially when he knows that the son doesn’t have a lot of money. They believed that this incident could really damage their relationship to the point that when the dad will need help in his late years, his son won’t be there for him.

Do you think the son is entitled to have a free stay at his dad’s cabin, or the dad has the right to require payment? Do you think the dad is acting like this because he doesn’t approve of the marriage? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

People in the comments already saw how the son would be cutting ties with his dad in the future after being treated this way

Image credits: Benediktv (not the actual photo)

Do you think the son is entitled to have a free stay at his dad’s cabin, or the dad has the right to require payment? Do you think the dad is acting like this because he doesn’t approve of the marriage? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Share on Facebook
You May Like
Popular on Bored Panda
Share your thoughts
7773989
Community Member
6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We don’t know the whole story here, but to me it seems like the father is trying to punish his son for not listening to his advice (aka obeying his orders) by literally making him pay for the honeymoon in the Big Bear Cabin. Some people have what I call a Compulsive Control Disorder, their advice and orders must be obeyed whether they make sense or not. It doesn’t matter if they are right or wrong, you must do as they tell you. If you don’t, they can make your life hell. But I don’t know these people, and I don’t know the whole story. I hope things turn out well.

BakedKahuna
Community Member
6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the father tries to teach son a lesson about getting married young. Pretty petty.

Ash
Community Member
5 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It also sounds like the lesson might consist of, "If you get married young, people are going to be an a*hole to you. And by people we mean specifically your father."

Load More Replies...
Phil Amylon
Community Member
6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Immediately the a-hole for making me look up some ridiculous acronym instead of just saying fiancée.

Becky's Display Name
Community Member
4 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's rather insulting as well. If my father referred to my fiance as (I'm guessing it would be) STBH, I'd stop talking to him right then and there. Sounds like OP does not care too much for his STBDIL (heehee, sorry, I had to.)

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
7773989
Community Member
6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We don’t know the whole story here, but to me it seems like the father is trying to punish his son for not listening to his advice (aka obeying his orders) by literally making him pay for the honeymoon in the Big Bear Cabin. Some people have what I call a Compulsive Control Disorder, their advice and orders must be obeyed whether they make sense or not. It doesn’t matter if they are right or wrong, you must do as they tell you. If you don’t, they can make your life hell. But I don’t know these people, and I don’t know the whole story. I hope things turn out well.

BakedKahuna
Community Member
6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the father tries to teach son a lesson about getting married young. Pretty petty.

Ash
Community Member
5 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It also sounds like the lesson might consist of, "If you get married young, people are going to be an a*hole to you. And by people we mean specifically your father."

Load More Replies...
Phil Amylon
Community Member
6 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Immediately the a-hole for making me look up some ridiculous acronym instead of just saying fiancée.

Becky's Display Name
Community Member
4 days ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's rather insulting as well. If my father referred to my fiance as (I'm guessing it would be) STBH, I'd stop talking to him right then and there. Sounds like OP does not care too much for his STBDIL (heehee, sorry, I had to.)

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
Popular on Bored Panda
Popular on Bored Panda
User Submissions
Also on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda