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Mom Is Sure Her Daughters Will Be Flower Girls At Bro’s Wedding, Stunned To See They Aren’t Welcome
Weddings are usually a grand affair, filled with excitement, celebrations, and meticulous planning that everyone gets to be a part of. But what happens when a major family event is announced with all the enthusiasm of a last-minute dinner reservation?
That’s exactly what today’s Original Poster (OP) experienced when she discovered that her two young daughters were not invited to her brother’s upcoming wedding. While she understood the concept of a child-free event, the sting of exclusion ran deep, leading her to question whether she should voice her feelings or simply accept the decision.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Yes, being excluded really hurts, but sometimes it’s just beyond your control
Image credits: Marko Klaric / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The brother of the author was planning his wedding on the low so she didn’t really know what was happening
Image credits: GutsyPeachExpert
Image credits: Eman Genatilan / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So when the wedding invitation came in, she was surprised to see that her daughters weren’t invited to the wedding
Image credits: GutsyPeachExpert
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her mother initially thought it was a mistake until the brother clarified that it wasn’t because they wanted a child-free wedding
Image credits: GutsyPeachExpert
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This upset her because she had also hoped that her daughters would be the flower girls
Image credits: GutsyPeachExpert
As it stands, her husband is refusing to go to the wedding and everyone is now deeply upset at the exclusion
The OP’s brother casually mentioned that he and his fiancée were getting married, and while the details of the wedding remained a mystery for the most part, there were tiny hints along the way. The OP’s brother never seemed to have answers when asked about the big day, but his fiancée was more forthcoming with information.
However, when the formal wedding invitations finally arrived in the mail, she realized that her daughters weren’t invited. Her mother initially assumed this was just an oversight, leading her to immediately call the brother for clarification. But no, it wasn’t a mistake, as it was actually a strict child-free wedding.
The mother had also assumed that the OP’s daughters would be the flower girls, but to her surprise, the OP’s brother and his fiancée had already chosen flower girls from the fiancée’s side of the family, leaving the OP’s daughters completely out of the celebration.
It wasn’t just about her daughters missing out on being flower girls, it was about them being completely excluded from such an important family event. Her logical side could accept that roles were already filled, but the thought of her children not even being present at their uncle’s wedding was deeply hurtful.
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
According to Faith It, opinions on child-free weddings are divided, as some see weddings as family gatherings where children should be included, while others prefer an adults-only event. The benefits of child-free weddings include reduced stress for the couple, allowing parents to fully enjoy the event, and simplifying logistics like venue and activities.
However, they acknowledge that downsides include hurt feelings, difficulties for parents needing childcare, and clashing with cultural or familial expectations.
As noted in Say I Do, wedding planning can quickly turn into a family affair, sometimes more than expected. From well-intentioned advice to differing expectations, the journey often brings out the best and worst of family dynamics including control freak tendencies, selfishness, jealousy, and even entitlement.
In the case of the OP whose mother believed that her grandchildren would be the flower girls, WebMD suggests it could be stem from an entitlement mentality. They describe it as the belief that someone deserves special favors, even if they haven’t earned it, and an “you owe me” attitude that can lead to frustration and expectations that others should accommodate them.
Netizens sympathized with the OP’s frustration, noting that while the couple has the right to a child-free wedding, the selective inclusion of children made the decision feel personal. On the other hand, they also emphasized that the couple’s choice should be respected, even if it stings. They encouraged the woman to either accept the decision or simply not attend the wedding.
What do you think about this situation? Would you be upset if your children were excluded from a close family member’s wedding? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens understand the sting behind the children not being invited, but they also urge the author to respect her brother’s wishes for his big day
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What do you think ?
Lila Allen 8 months ago
I love her " he didn't tell us anything because we would make it about us" and then proceeds to make it about her and her kids. Ma'am seriously I totally see why your brother grey rocked you.
sweet emotion 8 months ago (edited)
I hope those little girls have an easier time accepting that they can't always get what they want than the mother had / is still having. Sorry, honey, but as a mere sister of the groom, you get absolutely NO say in the makeup of the wedding party. Take this opportunity to grow up and show your children how a true adult handles disappointment.
Zoe Vokes 8 months ago
I completely understand a child free wedding, especially if the bride and groom don’t have children. The bride invited the children she was closest to as her flower girls. Whether they are her best friend’s children or her cousin’s children, it’s her choice who her flower girls are. And they are probably going home before the reception, which is adults only.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 8 months ago (edited)
This wedding is not about OP. It's bro's wedding + he + fiancée decided on no kids. Go or don't go, OP, but leave your kids at home. AND - we only have OP's word that her kids are little angels + won't wreck s**t.
PunchinelloTX 8 months ago
In my experience, the more someone insists to me that they’re not unreasonable, the more unreasonable they are.
Inglourioustmnt 8 months ago
Usually flower girls come from the brides side. These parents sound like nightmares. Most weddings, and all fun weddings, are child free nowadays. If my sister and BIL acted like these two they would be out of my life.
Orysha 8 months ago
I disagree. I went to really fun weddings with children. You just need to know how to take care of them.
Load More Replies...
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 8 months ago
'He thought we'd make the wedding about us, which isn't true'. Clearly it is, love. Grow up.
JayWantsACat 8 months ago
Wait, so OP was okay with the child free wedding when she thought her girls were going to the flower girls and thus the exception to the child free rule. But when it's someone else's kids being the exception as flower girls she now demands that there also be exceptions for her kids even though it's a child free wedding that she was originally okay with?
Lace Neil 8 months ago
First of all, the bride chooses the flower girls. It makes sense that she chose two little girls who she's close to rather than her sister in law's kids. Second, children hate weddings which aren't designed to be child centred, which it sounds like this one is. They would have far more fun staying at their grandparents house. Finally, OP needs to stop making her brother's wedding all about her.
Gwyn 8 months ago (edited)
I've never been to a child free wedding but where I live many people just don't bring their kids anyway Sounds like a cultural expectation they have to bring their kids but they need to realize that there's nothing inherently wrong with having a child free wedding and accept that her brother is choosing a child free wedding, and it isn't personal
Ginger ninja 7 months ago
Judging by OP and her moms reactions I think we can tell OP was the golden child of her family and her brother was the scapegoat.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
This is not a hill to die on. But you will die trying to persuade your brother to kick out the other flower girls because you think YOUR girls should be. I'm all for child free weddings, you can make arrangements with other family/friends to sort out a group babysitter, age dependent.
Ineke Pronk 8 months ago
OP is a hypocrite. "I am fine with a child free wedding, but I don't think people would care about 2 kids being flower girls that are part of the wedding entourage." Proceeds to get pissed its not her girls that get to be flower girls and finishes with "I don't get why my kids are excluded when there are 2 other kids there."
Dragons Exist 8 months ago
It's plain wrong to never take someone somewhere where they haven't been invited? Did you smoke a roll of printed Facebook posts?
Load More Replies... Lila Allen 8 months ago
I love her " he didn't tell us anything because we would make it about us" and then proceeds to make it about her and her kids. Ma'am seriously I totally see why your brother grey rocked you.
sweet emotion 8 months ago (edited)
I hope those little girls have an easier time accepting that they can't always get what they want than the mother had / is still having. Sorry, honey, but as a mere sister of the groom, you get absolutely NO say in the makeup of the wedding party. Take this opportunity to grow up and show your children how a true adult handles disappointment.
Zoe Vokes 8 months ago
I completely understand a child free wedding, especially if the bride and groom don’t have children. The bride invited the children she was closest to as her flower girls. Whether they are her best friend’s children or her cousin’s children, it’s her choice who her flower girls are. And they are probably going home before the reception, which is adults only.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 8 months ago (edited)
This wedding is not about OP. It's bro's wedding + he + fiancée decided on no kids. Go or don't go, OP, but leave your kids at home. AND - we only have OP's word that her kids are little angels + won't wreck s**t.
PunchinelloTX 8 months ago
In my experience, the more someone insists to me that they’re not unreasonable, the more unreasonable they are.
Inglourioustmnt 8 months ago
Usually flower girls come from the brides side. These parents sound like nightmares. Most weddings, and all fun weddings, are child free nowadays. If my sister and BIL acted like these two they would be out of my life.
Orysha 8 months ago
I disagree. I went to really fun weddings with children. You just need to know how to take care of them.
Load More Replies... The_Nicest_Misanthrope 8 months ago
'He thought we'd make the wedding about us, which isn't true'. Clearly it is, love. Grow up.
JayWantsACat 8 months ago
Wait, so OP was okay with the child free wedding when she thought her girls were going to the flower girls and thus the exception to the child free rule. But when it's someone else's kids being the exception as flower girls she now demands that there also be exceptions for her kids even though it's a child free wedding that she was originally okay with?
Lace Neil 8 months ago
First of all, the bride chooses the flower girls. It makes sense that she chose two little girls who she's close to rather than her sister in law's kids. Second, children hate weddings which aren't designed to be child centred, which it sounds like this one is. They would have far more fun staying at their grandparents house. Finally, OP needs to stop making her brother's wedding all about her.
Gwyn 8 months ago (edited)
I've never been to a child free wedding but where I live many people just don't bring their kids anyway Sounds like a cultural expectation they have to bring their kids but they need to realize that there's nothing inherently wrong with having a child free wedding and accept that her brother is choosing a child free wedding, and it isn't personal
Ginger ninja 7 months ago
Judging by OP and her moms reactions I think we can tell OP was the golden child of her family and her brother was the scapegoat.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
This is not a hill to die on. But you will die trying to persuade your brother to kick out the other flower girls because you think YOUR girls should be. I'm all for child free weddings, you can make arrangements with other family/friends to sort out a group babysitter, age dependent.
Ineke Pronk 8 months ago
OP is a hypocrite. "I am fine with a child free wedding, but I don't think people would care about 2 kids being flower girls that are part of the wedding entourage." Proceeds to get pissed its not her girls that get to be flower girls and finishes with "I don't get why my kids are excluded when there are 2 other kids there."
Dragons Exist 8 months ago
It's plain wrong to never take someone somewhere where they haven't been invited? Did you smoke a roll of printed Facebook posts?
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