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Person Upgrades To Business Class To Escape Mid-Flight Babysitting, Vacation Turns Tense
Interview With ExpertFamily often comes first, but there are days when you have to prioritize yourself. Maybe that means skipping that pricey dinner with your cousins or saying “no” to a last-minute babysitting request. In an ideal world, setting boundaries wouldn’t cause drama. But as one woman found out, sometimes it definitely does.
She shared how her sister expected her to help care for her two young kids during a 10-hour flight. Not wanting to give up her sleep and sanity for the entire journey, the woman came up with a quiet backup plan instead. Keep reading to see how she managed to dodge babysitting duty at 30,000 feet.
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Long-distance flights can often be challenging for young children
Image credits: Rahul Singh (not the actual image)
A woman questioned whether she was too harsh for refusing to babysit her sister’s kids during a long flight
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Image credits: Frugal Flyer (not the actual image)
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The author provided more details about her strained situation with her sister
Traveling with young children often comes with its own set of challenges and can be especially exhausting for parents navigating long flights
Being a parent is no small feat. Now, imagine doing it solo: juggling two kids, your own responsibilities, and the ever-growing pressure to get it all right. It’s no wonder so many single parents lean on their support systems, whether that’s family, friends, or even coworkers. But sometimes, even the best support comes with its limits, and that’s where things get complicated.
Traveling with kids? That’s a whole different challenge. Especially when it involves a long-haul flight. Between the cramped spaces, cabin pressure changes, and restlessness, it’s a recipe for exhaustion.
To get a better idea of how parents manage mid-air meltdowns, Bored Panda spoke with Ellie, a seasoned flight attendant who’s been flying with a low-budget airline for over a decade. She’s seen everything, from kids peacefully napping through turbulence to full-blown tantrums in row 22. And along the way, she’s picked up some smart advice.
“Flying with kids can be a hassle,” Ellie says, “but I’ve also seen parents who absolutely nail it. It’s not about perfection, it’s about preparation and patience. That combo makes a world of difference, both for the kids and everyone else on the plane.”
She explains that many parents rely on tech as their go-to. “They hand the kids an iPad loaded with movies, games, or YouTube videos. It works like magic. Screens, when used wisely, can buy parents hours of peace during a flight.” For tired parents, a well-charged tablet is basically gold.
Others try a more old-school route: books, coloring pads, sticker activity books. “These parents are determined to keep things screen-free, and honestly, some of them pull it off beautifully,” Ellie shares. “It depends on the kid and the routine they’re used to.”
Ellie recalls one mother who came exceptionally prepared. “She packed her child’s favorite plush toys, a small blanket, even a few surprise gifts to open mid-flight. Her whole carry-on was a mobile entertainment station.” The result? A calm, content child who barely made a sound.
Image credits: Hanson Lu (not the actual image)
Keeping a stash of their favorite snacks on hand can work wonders: lifting moods, distracting little minds, and preventing mid-air meltdowns
“One tip I always give parents is: tire your kids out before the flight,” Ellie says. “Walk around the terminal, let them run a bit. If they’re even a little worn out by the time they board, they’re far more likely to nap during the flight.”
Snacks can be game-changers, too. “If you have their favorite snacks ready, kids tend to be more cooperative. I’ve seen many small tantrums completely neutralized by a well-timed cracker or fruit snack,” she laughs.
Reward systems help as well. “Let them know they’ll get a treat for being on their best behavior. Something as simple as a new toy or extra screen time later, it motivates them and sets clear expectations.”
“You could also rotate activities throughout the flight,” Ellie adds. “Don’t give them everything at once. Space it out so there’s always something new to look forward to. That pacing really helps avoid boredom-induced meltdowns.”
Ellie concludes, “Honestly, most parents are doing their best. It’s tough up there in the clouds with little ones. But a little planning and a lot of grace can go a long way for both the parent and everyone around them.”
In this particular case, the woman at the heart of the story wasn’t a parent, but her sister expected her to co-parent for 10 straight hours in the sky. Instead, she chose her peace and upgraded her seat. Would you have done the same? Or would you have pitched in for family’s sake? Let us know what you think.
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual image)
Some people supported the woman, saying she made the right decision by setting boundaries
Others felt her actions were unkind and lacked consideration for her sister’s struggles
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago (edited)
If you aren't up for travelling with kids, especially when you have to hold the baby the entire flight, just wait to travel. Very common for people to say no big trips until the kids can handle it. This is just for an anniversary, no one is ill or dying, so you're not obligated to go. Alternatively one or both of the kids could stay with their dad if travel is too difficult and mom still wants to go.
Katchen 8 months ago
If we’d waited for our kids to be easier to travel with, they never would have met their grandmother. She died suddenly when they were 3 and 5 years old. You never know if someone you love is ill or dying but not yet showing symptoms.
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Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 8 months ago
The yta people can go babysit then. Not helping with kids that are not your own never makes you an ah. Kids are just a special kind of exhausting that many people can't handle especially not in circumstances when they're supposed to relax like a holiday. Even if you have siblings, two living sets of grandparents, cousins evtl, none of them is obligated to help with these kids other than their other parent.
XenoMurph 8 months ago (edited)
No, you are right, no one has to do anything. You can stay in your home. With the windows closed. And not interact with any other human. But we all live within society, sometimes we get helped, sometimes we help. That's what society means. If you are unwilling even to help your own family when they need it, what sort of world does that lead to. People stepping over old ladies when they fall over in the street. "I didn't ask to see her fall over, nothing to do with me...." But just expect other people to step over you when you need help. And when you are old and grumpy, in the old people's home and don't want to interact with these children, I'm sure those same children, now adults, will refuse to help the old lady, after all they are not your own...
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Katiekat 8 months ago
YTA and ESH comments are wild, and I love when people just get soooo upset when a woman enacts a perfectly reasonable boundary when she doesn't want to nurture. It make s me laugh every single time. Of course she's NTA, and when her sister tried to steamroll her into helping, I'm very glad she upgraded and got out of that coercion and manipulation. I mean, come on, folks, let's call it what it is. And let's absolutely normalize women setting and keeping boundaries about what they will and will not do for family, and/or with children. Not wanting to nuture is very valid. Yeah, we're all part of the village, but the sister overstepped, and she got abandoned for coercion and manipulation, as she should. MAYBE she'll learn. One of these days.
Anyone-for-tea? 8 months ago
I’m child free, not entirely by choice, and I would never dream of leaving my siblings in the lurch like that, despite them being a pain in the a**e. Having children seems to make some people a bit more selfish, because they can’t see outside of their own little bubble. But it’s up to both parties to clearly communicate their requests, boundaries, and needs, these don’t have to be met, but boundaries should be respected. But upgrading yourself and leaving your post-partum, recently separated sister seems unnecessarily cruel.
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Tanya Phillips 8 months ago
You're not entitled to a childfree world but you are entitled to a childfree life. Why do parents assume everyone needs to help them? You made the decision to have kids, so deal with them. And yes, as a single woman I'll be in the front sipping on champagne because #consequences
sweet emotion 8 months ago
Not only NTA, but a brilliant escape. You don't ignore an answer of "no", you make other arrangements. The sister was way out of line to assume the OP would just cave in once on the plane.
XenoMurph 8 months ago
Well this was surprising. I was expecting all NTA because "You didn't choose to have kids, so it's not your problem" which so many posts seem to end up with. We seem to have lost so much kindness in society, I'm glad this one turned out opposite. Hopefully the tide is turning against "I didn't ask to be born so why should I bother doing anything kind" attitude of so many posts.
marcelo D. 8 months ago
Except one cannot choose in any way shape or form to be born. One however can choose to have children. If you have children, it is a lot of work. Everyone knows it’s a lot of work, but it is work you chose. You cannot expect anybody to do that work for you. You can ask, but unless they were a part in creating that kid, they do in fact not have any obligation to help. So people choose to help, and thats nice of them, but people expect this sometimes and are actually ungrateful, like OP’s sister
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Heather Menard 8 months ago
All the yta people most likely have kids. If you choose not to have children. Why is it your responsibility to help others that did choose.
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
I have kids and I'm in camp nta. Op said no to being voluntold and sister didn't accept that. This is the only way to enforce that no
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Laura Smith 8 months ago
As usual all the people saying that the OP is the a*****e are exactly the kind of s**t parents that the sister is. The op does not have to give a reason for an explanation or any other g*****n thing why she does not want to babysit the sister's kids. Especially when she has a history of dumping them on her. Everyone who said that the op was the a*****e really needs to check themselves and their garbage Behavior
Hope Tirendi 8 months ago
How many times did she "dump" them on OP to go have "me time"?? If she wanted "me time" on this trip the smart thing to have done is LEAVE THEM WITH THEIR FATHER!!! Oh but I forgot she hates him now so she's gonna play the "poor single mom" c**p!
Korok 8 months ago
I have kids, I also have a sister with kids. Of course I would help out during the flight!
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
Sounds like you have a very different relationship to your sister than OP does.
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Clara Stallworth 8 months ago
To the YTA's and the ESH's, OP's sister should not assume that OP will be available as a sitter all throughout the trip! She should have hired a temporary nanny to travel with her and the kids so that everyone, OP, sister and the kids would have a good time. NO ONE likes to be "voluntold" or surprised with being designated the sitter with next to no notice at all, and doing a "drop-by" leaving the kids at the front door is grounds for neglect! NTA, BTW!!
GalPalAl 8 months ago
I hate when people gang up and say you are the ahole. I often wonder if they were the person being imposed upon if they would suddenly change their minds. I agree with the sentiments about her choice to have children and her responsibility. Asking you to help is one thing, but putting you in a position where you can't say no definitely makes her the entitled ahole.
Nona G 8 months ago
Parents have children of their own volition. No one else is responsible for taking care of those children. Parents should never expect other people to take care of their offspring unless those other people had a hand in the making. Otherwise, it's their sole responsibility. Being stuck on a plane with someone else's kids while their parent is asleep is hell. You procreate, you deal with it.
Damien McDallydally 8 months ago
Sis EXPECTED help. Sis didn't take no for an answer and tried to guilt-trip her into doing as she said even after they got a clear NO.. How can ppl still go "clearly YTA.."???
Sathe Wesker 8 months ago
I’m child free by choice but I’ve been on many long plane and train rides where I have entertained random children to give the mother/father a break, without being asked. Jesus, this is her sister and her niblings.
Emilu 8 months ago
The thing that shìts me about this story (assuming OP’s retelling is accurate) is how the sister just assumed OP would help babysit rather than ask and say “hey, can I have a hand on the plane looking after the kids so we can both get some sleep?” That said, I think OP is selfish for the way she went about not helping. No, they’re not her kids; no, she isn’t obligated to help. I think the average non-selfish person would at least lend some sort of a hand, though.
Emily 8 months ago
The real issue here is that this is REPEAT behavior; OOPs sister constantly asks (demands) babysitting help and routinely inconveniences people (i.e. OP) with her children. And yes, children can and are an inconvenience when you are strong armed and guilted into taking care of them. The CORRECT way to have handled this was for the sister to ASK - not voluntell - OP if she wouldn't mind helping for an hour or two so she could attempt a nap. "Hey sis, I know that it is a lot to ask since we are flying over seas, but, do you think that you could lend me a hand with the kids for an hour or two so I can get a little sleep? I packed plenty of games and snacks to keep them occupied, and of course please wake me up if you need help, but if you wouldn't mind, it would be great to nap a little so I can keep up with everyone better when we land. I understand if that is a big ask, though, this is your vacation too."
Mark Childers 8 months ago
Wow! I recently moved to be closer to my family knowing full well that I would need to be part of the family and help when needed. I've house/dog sat for my sister, driven my mother to an hour away doctors' appointments (ongoing), and other things. My attitude is that if I'm not doing anything, and they need me for something, just tell me what time and where, and I'll be there. I don't like kids or have kids, but if this situation was my sister and me, I would have helped her in a heartbeat because I love her and want the best for her, and if I can help, I will.
Michael Largey 8 months ago
Why fly someplace else to be with family but avoid family en route? And it's not like the sister was going to dump the kids on the OP during the flight and go off to take skydiving lessons or fly the plane.
Lisa Barbeau 8 months ago
Why is everyone completely ignoring how the sister ignored the OP when she said she was uncomfortable? She actually refused to accept the answer and just hung up. Where I come from that’s the epitome of rude behavior. Instead of basically demanding she could have acknowledged the OP’s feelings and worked with her for a solution. And Rachel, just like the sister you keep ignoring the simple fact the parents paid for all the flights. The mother could also have made the adult choice to remain home if taking her children was too overwhelming. Not one of your responses has addressed the part entitled mom played in any of this.
Load More Replies... Dragon Ashes 8 months ago
If course OP's sister needed "me time" after a ten hour flight with an infant and a kindergartner. That would be exhausting even if the kids were absolute angels.
bfypbncgnx 8 months ago
She’s an AH. A 10 hour flight with kids that young is hard going. I can’t imagine abandoning my sister or even a stranger. Sometimes it’s just nice to be kind and help someone who is struggling. I’ve taken a strangers baby on a flight before so the mum could eat and relax for a bit.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
The parents paid for the sister's ticket (and presumably her children's' tickets as well.) It's not like she even bought her own ticket with her own hard-earned money. And it's a VACATION... a luxury, not a necessity. How is she "struggling"? Just because she's a single mom? That's not OP's fault. And plenty of single moms manage to take care of their children on flights just fine.
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Ginger Winters 1 month ago
It's one thing to ask for help. 1 she didn't ask. 2 she didn't accept your no. At that point you needed to take action which you did. The people acting like you're required to do all this extra just because of family ties is disgusting. You're your own person and are allowed to decline being voluntold
david kichi 8 months ago (edited)
People are so judgemental and bad readers, obviously if OP's sister didn't have a history of dropping her kids at OPs for free babysitting she wouldn't have avoided looking after the kids. Looks like this airplane babysitting expectation was the straw that broke the camel's back especially when sister was gaslighting her and didn't even allow or wait for an answer before hanging up. All you folks telling OP she's a bad person for not helping family are more likely than not hypocrites that would've bailed or worse given the same situation. Also, why are people so inconsiderate to bring crying smelly diaper c****h goblins on crowded planes and make strangers suffer? Plane companies should really ban small babies/ kids from flying regular flights and offer flights for parents with babies so they can bother each other with their offsprings' crying and smelly diapers shenanigans.
K Barnes 8 months ago
The OP has every right to refuse to help out family and to play the role of a caretaker. It makes me really sad that, without valid reason given such as health issues or neurodiversity that would impact caring for children, she think's it's a huge chore to read a few books or watch a movie with her niece and nephew and that helping for a few hours is some unreasonable request. I would HAPPILY spend a few hours with my nephews to give my brother a break and not see it as an imposition or unreasonable request- they are my family. I'm lucky my family is a team. I think OP is selfish but has the right to be selfish... I'm glad I'm not like OP.
RM 8 months ago
It is a huge chore if you do not want to do it/or don't like kids. You're assuming that everyone is like you and likes kids/likes looking after kids. Everyone needs to accept that some people just do not want to look after kids. It's not selfish, it's no reflection on the people who DO like/want/have kids. But people need to respect that others feel differently about children and not just whine 'but they're family!' to get their own way and force their kids on other people.
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whiterabbit 8 months ago
Yea I'm surprisingly going with YTA. I don't have kids and I don't like kids. But, if my sister and I are flying to see our parents and she has her hands full with two kids I wouldn't even hesitate to help her in any way possible. I would be dreading the flight tbh, but I wouldn't tell her that.
Sarah 8 months ago
Sister Should have helped out. I’ve done jt for my brother .. up at 6.30 to babysit ( and took annual leave - 2 weeks to do so) don’t resent it a bit . Those kids are love of my life. You could have brought one kids up to sit on lap and watch something? Your poor sister must have been run ragged
My O My 8 months ago
To all of those yelling that parents wanted the children they have: so, if you were r***d, abortion isn't allowed, and you then have to carry and birth this child, you are the as'shole? Because that is what you are implementing
Rachel Pelz 8 months ago
As one can tell, this one really bugs me because OP conveniently forgets to mention the parents' opinion on her outright refuse to assist her niece and her nephew during the parent-paid flight. If I was the one paying, I would want to know about this lack of empathy and lack of willingness to be kind. I'd cancel OP's ticket and upgrade my grandkids' ticket (plus their mom's). And if OP ranted about the sister getting the trip paid I'd be perfectly fine telling OP that I get to decide how to spend my money. Btw we do not know if grandparents are able to travel (health-wise) so possibly this is the only way they get to have their grandkids around.
Rachel Pelz 8 months ago
My country is said to have a general attitude that is not "child-friendly". Sometimes I wonder if there's such a lot of fellow Germans here on BP. I do not know that each of you has experienced, if you have been abused, exploited or experienced injustice. But the attitude of "only parents are responsible for their children, they decided to have them, they have to take care of them 24/7 with no help from other people to be expected at any time" does amaze me time after time. Yes, there are parents who don't do a good job, who dispose and breed annoying behavior. But we don't live in caves by ourselves and weed out the weak and sick by just watching them die. None of us knows if and how much assistance we might need in our lives due to accidents, illnesses or old age. As for old age, it's likely that people your age will no longer be able to assist you so younger people will be needed. I am 100% for the right not to have kids. But teaching kids to help other humans may not be bad.
Rachel Pelz 8 months ago
Let's see if I'll get downvoted as well, but the question is not about the general situation but about helping out on a 10h flight. Which is paid for by FAMILY and the trip is to a FAMILY event. And OP chooses to make sure she will not be othered by FAMILY on that flight. Adult behavior would be to talk to the parents about options like coming to see them at a different time. OP points out that she paid for the upgrade but she is freeriding on the flight itself. If I offered to pay for my children to come visit me, I would not possibly have imagined (until reading this post) that one of them would have the audacity to decline the other's request for help.
Lisa Barbeau 8 months ago
Freeloading mom could have paid for a babysitter to accompany her too. You are looking at this way too one-sided and ignoring the other red flags showings a lot of entitlement from the breeding sister.
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Earonn - 8 months ago
Normally I'm NTA on this but here? Reall? Is sister supposed to bring a babysitter on board? Just relieve her for 2 hours so she can sleep a bit. Yes, she would have had to manage alone if OP hadn't been able to come along, but sometimes it's not too much to ask just to make our fellow human's life a bit easier. I have seen strangers doing that on flights, just to be nice to a single parent.
Laura Smith 8 months ago
How about go f**k yourself. It's not the sister's responsibility to babysit those kids especially when that sister has a history of dumping them on her. GTFOH with your b******t, entitlement is gross.
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Shortstuff 8 months ago
Very selfish. I have helped complete strangers with kids on flights. I also had a business man who offered to help me when I was on a 12 hour flight with a 2 and 5 year old....he read them stories. Be kind as you may need help yourself in the future.
Melissa Harris 8 months ago (edited)
This says all I need to know about the OPs relationship with her sister. I'm not a big fan of caring for young kids but if you're traveling together with children they becone everyones in thr groups' responsibility. The OP didn't want to be part of her sister's group, also known as family. Her sister shouldn't be springing childcare on the OP but this was a family trip paid for by their parents.
Svenne O'Lotta 8 months ago
Children absolutely do not ever become anyone's responsibility but their parents. You can't just make up random shít and claim that's the rules.
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Λjvo 8 months ago (edited)
It's exactly the same as always... JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER GODDAMIT, both sides needs to learn to communicate instead of making passive aggressive s**t and/or assuming other s**t. If they just talked more, the whole AITA post wouldn't exist.
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
Op tried but sis didn't listen. At that point actions speak louder than words
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bfypbncgnx 8 months ago
That’s got nothing to do with the question of whether the sister was an AH for not helping with the kids. Maybe neither of them are toxic and they just decided they were better off not together?
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago (edited)
If you aren't up for travelling with kids, especially when you have to hold the baby the entire flight, just wait to travel. Very common for people to say no big trips until the kids can handle it. This is just for an anniversary, no one is ill or dying, so you're not obligated to go. Alternatively one or both of the kids could stay with their dad if travel is too difficult and mom still wants to go.
Katchen 8 months ago
If we’d waited for our kids to be easier to travel with, they never would have met their grandmother. She died suddenly when they were 3 and 5 years old. You never know if someone you love is ill or dying but not yet showing symptoms.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 8 months ago
The yta people can go babysit then. Not helping with kids that are not your own never makes you an ah. Kids are just a special kind of exhausting that many people can't handle especially not in circumstances when they're supposed to relax like a holiday. Even if you have siblings, two living sets of grandparents, cousins evtl, none of them is obligated to help with these kids other than their other parent.
XenoMurph 8 months ago (edited)
No, you are right, no one has to do anything. You can stay in your home. With the windows closed. And not interact with any other human. But we all live within society, sometimes we get helped, sometimes we help. That's what society means. If you are unwilling even to help your own family when they need it, what sort of world does that lead to. People stepping over old ladies when they fall over in the street. "I didn't ask to see her fall over, nothing to do with me...." But just expect other people to step over you when you need help. And when you are old and grumpy, in the old people's home and don't want to interact with these children, I'm sure those same children, now adults, will refuse to help the old lady, after all they are not your own...
Load More Replies... Katiekat 8 months ago
YTA and ESH comments are wild, and I love when people just get soooo upset when a woman enacts a perfectly reasonable boundary when she doesn't want to nurture. It make s me laugh every single time. Of course she's NTA, and when her sister tried to steamroll her into helping, I'm very glad she upgraded and got out of that coercion and manipulation. I mean, come on, folks, let's call it what it is. And let's absolutely normalize women setting and keeping boundaries about what they will and will not do for family, and/or with children. Not wanting to nuture is very valid. Yeah, we're all part of the village, but the sister overstepped, and she got abandoned for coercion and manipulation, as she should. MAYBE she'll learn. One of these days.
Anyone-for-tea? 8 months ago
I’m child free, not entirely by choice, and I would never dream of leaving my siblings in the lurch like that, despite them being a pain in the a**e. Having children seems to make some people a bit more selfish, because they can’t see outside of their own little bubble. But it’s up to both parties to clearly communicate their requests, boundaries, and needs, these don’t have to be met, but boundaries should be respected. But upgrading yourself and leaving your post-partum, recently separated sister seems unnecessarily cruel.
Load More Replies... Tanya Phillips 8 months ago
You're not entitled to a childfree world but you are entitled to a childfree life. Why do parents assume everyone needs to help them? You made the decision to have kids, so deal with them. And yes, as a single woman I'll be in the front sipping on champagne because #consequences
sweet emotion 8 months ago
Not only NTA, but a brilliant escape. You don't ignore an answer of "no", you make other arrangements. The sister was way out of line to assume the OP would just cave in once on the plane.
XenoMurph 8 months ago
Well this was surprising. I was expecting all NTA because "You didn't choose to have kids, so it's not your problem" which so many posts seem to end up with. We seem to have lost so much kindness in society, I'm glad this one turned out opposite. Hopefully the tide is turning against "I didn't ask to be born so why should I bother doing anything kind" attitude of so many posts.
marcelo D. 8 months ago
Except one cannot choose in any way shape or form to be born. One however can choose to have children. If you have children, it is a lot of work. Everyone knows it’s a lot of work, but it is work you chose. You cannot expect anybody to do that work for you. You can ask, but unless they were a part in creating that kid, they do in fact not have any obligation to help. So people choose to help, and thats nice of them, but people expect this sometimes and are actually ungrateful, like OP’s sister
Load More Replies... Heather Menard 8 months ago
All the yta people most likely have kids. If you choose not to have children. Why is it your responsibility to help others that did choose.
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
I have kids and I'm in camp nta. Op said no to being voluntold and sister didn't accept that. This is the only way to enforce that no
Load More Replies... Laura Smith 8 months ago
As usual all the people saying that the OP is the a*****e are exactly the kind of s**t parents that the sister is. The op does not have to give a reason for an explanation or any other g*****n thing why she does not want to babysit the sister's kids. Especially when she has a history of dumping them on her. Everyone who said that the op was the a*****e really needs to check themselves and their garbage Behavior
Hope Tirendi 8 months ago
How many times did she "dump" them on OP to go have "me time"?? If she wanted "me time" on this trip the smart thing to have done is LEAVE THEM WITH THEIR FATHER!!! Oh but I forgot she hates him now so she's gonna play the "poor single mom" c**p!
Korok 8 months ago
I have kids, I also have a sister with kids. Of course I would help out during the flight!
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
Sounds like you have a very different relationship to your sister than OP does.
Load More Replies... Clara Stallworth 8 months ago
To the YTA's and the ESH's, OP's sister should not assume that OP will be available as a sitter all throughout the trip! She should have hired a temporary nanny to travel with her and the kids so that everyone, OP, sister and the kids would have a good time. NO ONE likes to be "voluntold" or surprised with being designated the sitter with next to no notice at all, and doing a "drop-by" leaving the kids at the front door is grounds for neglect! NTA, BTW!!
GalPalAl 8 months ago
I hate when people gang up and say you are the ahole. I often wonder if they were the person being imposed upon if they would suddenly change their minds. I agree with the sentiments about her choice to have children and her responsibility. Asking you to help is one thing, but putting you in a position where you can't say no definitely makes her the entitled ahole.
Nona G 8 months ago
Parents have children of their own volition. No one else is responsible for taking care of those children. Parents should never expect other people to take care of their offspring unless those other people had a hand in the making. Otherwise, it's their sole responsibility. Being stuck on a plane with someone else's kids while their parent is asleep is hell. You procreate, you deal with it.
Damien McDallydally 8 months ago
Sis EXPECTED help. Sis didn't take no for an answer and tried to guilt-trip her into doing as she said even after they got a clear NO.. How can ppl still go "clearly YTA.."???
Sathe Wesker 8 months ago
I’m child free by choice but I’ve been on many long plane and train rides where I have entertained random children to give the mother/father a break, without being asked. Jesus, this is her sister and her niblings.
Emilu 8 months ago
The thing that shìts me about this story (assuming OP’s retelling is accurate) is how the sister just assumed OP would help babysit rather than ask and say “hey, can I have a hand on the plane looking after the kids so we can both get some sleep?” That said, I think OP is selfish for the way she went about not helping. No, they’re not her kids; no, she isn’t obligated to help. I think the average non-selfish person would at least lend some sort of a hand, though.
Emily 8 months ago
The real issue here is that this is REPEAT behavior; OOPs sister constantly asks (demands) babysitting help and routinely inconveniences people (i.e. OP) with her children. And yes, children can and are an inconvenience when you are strong armed and guilted into taking care of them. The CORRECT way to have handled this was for the sister to ASK - not voluntell - OP if she wouldn't mind helping for an hour or two so she could attempt a nap. "Hey sis, I know that it is a lot to ask since we are flying over seas, but, do you think that you could lend me a hand with the kids for an hour or two so I can get a little sleep? I packed plenty of games and snacks to keep them occupied, and of course please wake me up if you need help, but if you wouldn't mind, it would be great to nap a little so I can keep up with everyone better when we land. I understand if that is a big ask, though, this is your vacation too."
Mark Childers 8 months ago
Wow! I recently moved to be closer to my family knowing full well that I would need to be part of the family and help when needed. I've house/dog sat for my sister, driven my mother to an hour away doctors' appointments (ongoing), and other things. My attitude is that if I'm not doing anything, and they need me for something, just tell me what time and where, and I'll be there. I don't like kids or have kids, but if this situation was my sister and me, I would have helped her in a heartbeat because I love her and want the best for her, and if I can help, I will.
Michael Largey 8 months ago
Why fly someplace else to be with family but avoid family en route? And it's not like the sister was going to dump the kids on the OP during the flight and go off to take skydiving lessons or fly the plane.
Lisa Barbeau 8 months ago
Why is everyone completely ignoring how the sister ignored the OP when she said she was uncomfortable? She actually refused to accept the answer and just hung up. Where I come from that’s the epitome of rude behavior. Instead of basically demanding she could have acknowledged the OP’s feelings and worked with her for a solution. And Rachel, just like the sister you keep ignoring the simple fact the parents paid for all the flights. The mother could also have made the adult choice to remain home if taking her children was too overwhelming. Not one of your responses has addressed the part entitled mom played in any of this.
Load More Replies... Dragon Ashes 8 months ago
If course OP's sister needed "me time" after a ten hour flight with an infant and a kindergartner. That would be exhausting even if the kids were absolute angels.
bfypbncgnx 8 months ago
She’s an AH. A 10 hour flight with kids that young is hard going. I can’t imagine abandoning my sister or even a stranger. Sometimes it’s just nice to be kind and help someone who is struggling. I’ve taken a strangers baby on a flight before so the mum could eat and relax for a bit.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
The parents paid for the sister's ticket (and presumably her children's' tickets as well.) It's not like she even bought her own ticket with her own hard-earned money. And it's a VACATION... a luxury, not a necessity. How is she "struggling"? Just because she's a single mom? That's not OP's fault. And plenty of single moms manage to take care of their children on flights just fine.
Load More Replies... Ginger Winters 1 month ago
It's one thing to ask for help. 1 she didn't ask. 2 she didn't accept your no. At that point you needed to take action which you did. The people acting like you're required to do all this extra just because of family ties is disgusting. You're your own person and are allowed to decline being voluntold
david kichi 8 months ago (edited)
People are so judgemental and bad readers, obviously if OP's sister didn't have a history of dropping her kids at OPs for free babysitting she wouldn't have avoided looking after the kids. Looks like this airplane babysitting expectation was the straw that broke the camel's back especially when sister was gaslighting her and didn't even allow or wait for an answer before hanging up. All you folks telling OP she's a bad person for not helping family are more likely than not hypocrites that would've bailed or worse given the same situation. Also, why are people so inconsiderate to bring crying smelly diaper c****h goblins on crowded planes and make strangers suffer? Plane companies should really ban small babies/ kids from flying regular flights and offer flights for parents with babies so they can bother each other with their offsprings' crying and smelly diapers shenanigans.
K Barnes 8 months ago
The OP has every right to refuse to help out family and to play the role of a caretaker. It makes me really sad that, without valid reason given such as health issues or neurodiversity that would impact caring for children, she think's it's a huge chore to read a few books or watch a movie with her niece and nephew and that helping for a few hours is some unreasonable request. I would HAPPILY spend a few hours with my nephews to give my brother a break and not see it as an imposition or unreasonable request- they are my family. I'm lucky my family is a team. I think OP is selfish but has the right to be selfish... I'm glad I'm not like OP.
RM 8 months ago
It is a huge chore if you do not want to do it/or don't like kids. You're assuming that everyone is like you and likes kids/likes looking after kids. Everyone needs to accept that some people just do not want to look after kids. It's not selfish, it's no reflection on the people who DO like/want/have kids. But people need to respect that others feel differently about children and not just whine 'but they're family!' to get their own way and force their kids on other people.
Load More Replies... whiterabbit 8 months ago
Yea I'm surprisingly going with YTA. I don't have kids and I don't like kids. But, if my sister and I are flying to see our parents and she has her hands full with two kids I wouldn't even hesitate to help her in any way possible. I would be dreading the flight tbh, but I wouldn't tell her that.
Sarah 8 months ago
Sister Should have helped out. I’ve done jt for my brother .. up at 6.30 to babysit ( and took annual leave - 2 weeks to do so) don’t resent it a bit . Those kids are love of my life. You could have brought one kids up to sit on lap and watch something? Your poor sister must have been run ragged
My O My 8 months ago
To all of those yelling that parents wanted the children they have: so, if you were r***d, abortion isn't allowed, and you then have to carry and birth this child, you are the as'shole? Because that is what you are implementing
Rachel Pelz 8 months ago
As one can tell, this one really bugs me because OP conveniently forgets to mention the parents' opinion on her outright refuse to assist her niece and her nephew during the parent-paid flight. If I was the one paying, I would want to know about this lack of empathy and lack of willingness to be kind. I'd cancel OP's ticket and upgrade my grandkids' ticket (plus their mom's). And if OP ranted about the sister getting the trip paid I'd be perfectly fine telling OP that I get to decide how to spend my money. Btw we do not know if grandparents are able to travel (health-wise) so possibly this is the only way they get to have their grandkids around.
Rachel Pelz 8 months ago
My country is said to have a general attitude that is not "child-friendly". Sometimes I wonder if there's such a lot of fellow Germans here on BP. I do not know that each of you has experienced, if you have been abused, exploited or experienced injustice. But the attitude of "only parents are responsible for their children, they decided to have them, they have to take care of them 24/7 with no help from other people to be expected at any time" does amaze me time after time. Yes, there are parents who don't do a good job, who dispose and breed annoying behavior. But we don't live in caves by ourselves and weed out the weak and sick by just watching them die. None of us knows if and how much assistance we might need in our lives due to accidents, illnesses or old age. As for old age, it's likely that people your age will no longer be able to assist you so younger people will be needed. I am 100% for the right not to have kids. But teaching kids to help other humans may not be bad.
Rachel Pelz 8 months ago
Let's see if I'll get downvoted as well, but the question is not about the general situation but about helping out on a 10h flight. Which is paid for by FAMILY and the trip is to a FAMILY event. And OP chooses to make sure she will not be othered by FAMILY on that flight. Adult behavior would be to talk to the parents about options like coming to see them at a different time. OP points out that she paid for the upgrade but she is freeriding on the flight itself. If I offered to pay for my children to come visit me, I would not possibly have imagined (until reading this post) that one of them would have the audacity to decline the other's request for help.
Lisa Barbeau 8 months ago
Freeloading mom could have paid for a babysitter to accompany her too. You are looking at this way too one-sided and ignoring the other red flags showings a lot of entitlement from the breeding sister.
Load More Replies... Earonn - 8 months ago
Normally I'm NTA on this but here? Reall? Is sister supposed to bring a babysitter on board? Just relieve her for 2 hours so she can sleep a bit. Yes, she would have had to manage alone if OP hadn't been able to come along, but sometimes it's not too much to ask just to make our fellow human's life a bit easier. I have seen strangers doing that on flights, just to be nice to a single parent.
Laura Smith 8 months ago
How about go f**k yourself. It's not the sister's responsibility to babysit those kids especially when that sister has a history of dumping them on her. GTFOH with your b******t, entitlement is gross.
Load More Replies... Shortstuff 8 months ago
Very selfish. I have helped complete strangers with kids on flights. I also had a business man who offered to help me when I was on a 12 hour flight with a 2 and 5 year old....he read them stories. Be kind as you may need help yourself in the future.
Melissa Harris 8 months ago (edited)
This says all I need to know about the OPs relationship with her sister. I'm not a big fan of caring for young kids but if you're traveling together with children they becone everyones in thr groups' responsibility. The OP didn't want to be part of her sister's group, also known as family. Her sister shouldn't be springing childcare on the OP but this was a family trip paid for by their parents.
Svenne O'Lotta 8 months ago
Children absolutely do not ever become anyone's responsibility but their parents. You can't just make up random shít and claim that's the rules.
Load More Replies... Λjvo 8 months ago (edited)
It's exactly the same as always... JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER GODDAMIT, both sides needs to learn to communicate instead of making passive aggressive s**t and/or assuming other s**t. If they just talked more, the whole AITA post wouldn't exist.
Ginger Winters 1 month ago
Op tried but sis didn't listen. At that point actions speak louder than words
Load More Replies... bfypbncgnx 8 months ago
That’s got nothing to do with the question of whether the sister was an AH for not helping with the kids. Maybe neither of them are toxic and they just decided they were better off not together?
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