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Childless 34YO Refuses To Become A Mom Overnight, Won’t Adopt Orphaned Siblings, Aunt Gets Mad
Family relationships are often an invaluable source of support and love that can get people through even the toughest times. On the flip side, it might also be the cause of stress because of the massive obligations that come with such bonds.
This is exactly what a woman realized when her parents passed away, and she was faced with the responsibility of possibly having to adopt her three brothers. She didn’t want to give up her life looking after them, but this decision of hers soured her relationship with her aunt.
More info: Reddit
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Some people just don’t see themselves becoming parents, and that decision is, unfortunately, criticized by society
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that her parents gave birth to her other siblings only after she had left home, so she tried to be in their lives whenever she could
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Seven years ago, the poster had shifted to another country for work, but had to return to her birthplace recently due to the death of her mother
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Due to both of her parents having passed away, the woman was faced with the responsibility of adopting her siblings, which she decided not to take up
Image credits: TASIster23
Unfortunately, the woman’s decision not to adopt the kids angered her aunt, who felt that she was abandoning her brothers
The poster mentioned that she knew from an early age that she didn’t want to have children of her own, and that decision might have been, in part, due to her upbringing. Since her parents had her when they were just teenagers, she may have observed them struggling with parenthood and then later seen what it took to raise three boys.
As she was also living elsewhere when her siblings were growing up, it might have given her a more objective view of their family dynamics. All of this must have solidified her idea of not having kids so that she could preserve her freedom and focus on her own life, which is also what researchers say many childfree people strive for.
The poster was definitely working toward building her career, and for seven years, she had settled in another country to focus on her job. It’s only when her mother also passed away that she had to travel back in order to deal with the estate and figure out who would then take care of her siblings.
Since she was their elder sister, the OP was asked by a social worker if she wanted to adopt the three boys, but it’s not something she saw herself doing. In fact, the law states that adoption can only happen if an adult shows clear interest and an ability to take care of the child, along with having a home and enough time to spend with them.
Image credits: namii9 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Although it must have been a difficult decision for the woman to make, she told the social worker that she wouldn’t be able to adopt her brothers, but would physically and financially support whoever took up the responsibility. This choice of hers was respected by the welfare worker and her brothers, who even went to therapy with her to work things out.
The only person who tried to make things worse for the poster in her time of grief was her aunt, who felt she was foisting her “responsibility” on someone else. The older woman called the OP cruel for “abandoning” her brothers, even though she was willing to take care of all the finances that would be needed for raising the kids.
Guilt-trips like this can really make difficult family situations even worse, because of the added expectations they might come with. That has been the experience of many elder siblings who’ve felt resentful of always having to take up the caretaker role, and had to put their life on the back burner due to it.
It’s therefore so courageous of the poster to draw a boundary and be clear about how much responsibility she could take on. Even though there might be a stigma against not adopting one’s siblings, she didn’t shy away from people’s opinions and faced them instead.
What are your thoughts on the OP’s decision, and do you think she could have made a different choice for herself and her brothers? Let us know your thoughts down below.
People sided with the poster and felt that her aunt was in the wrong for trying to criticize her decision not to adopt her siblings
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What do you think ?
arthbach 2 months ago
If you have children, pets, or dependents, make sure you have a will. In that will specify who you are nominating to take care of them when you die, and make sure you have the person's permission to name them. Make provisions for the dependents' care and safety. And review the will on a regular basis. My parents' wills had me being put into the care of my lovely aunt. This was only changed when I was about 43. :oD
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 months ago
I really do need to get on this. I'm single, and if I died right now, everything I own would go to my mother (a narcissist who abúsed me in every way possible during my childhood.) That would include all of my pets - and I think the first thing she'd do would be to throw them out of a moving car - she wouldn't even bother taking them to a shelter. But as many problems as my ex and I had, I would trust him to take care of my pets, were I to die. I'm only 43, but we never know what's going to happen. Time to find a lawyer (well, one that isn't my ex, lol!)
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AspieGirl88 2 months ago
I honestly can’t judge. I’m (37) the youngest of 4 girls (48, 51 & 54) & our mum is 71. Not only am I the youngest, but I’m also the most vulnerable of my sisters; being autistic, type 1 diabetic & legit disabled to the point of total immobility, meaning I have to be hoisted (onto bed, wheelchair or for the toilet). Thankfully, my older (second & third youngest) sisters have been registered as part-time carers for me, to ease our mum’s burden, though she’s tough as anything & stubbornly insists on still caring for me … probably because I never left the nest. I do what I can to not be so needy, but of course, I can’t help but require certain things sometimes, like insulin or a hot water bottle for pain. I know that my 51yo sister will definitely be there for me when our mum can no longer be here, having already said that she won’t let me be taken into care (as her dad had Alzheimer’s & she felt awful when he was put into care). So, I believe her. 🥺💖
arthbach 2 months ago
If you have children, pets, or dependents, make sure you have a will. In that will specify who you are nominating to take care of them when you die, and make sure you have the person's permission to name them. Make provisions for the dependents' care and safety. And review the will on a regular basis. My parents' wills had me being put into the care of my lovely aunt. This was only changed when I was about 43. :oD
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 months ago
I really do need to get on this. I'm single, and if I died right now, everything I own would go to my mother (a narcissist who abúsed me in every way possible during my childhood.) That would include all of my pets - and I think the first thing she'd do would be to throw them out of a moving car - she wouldn't even bother taking them to a shelter. But as many problems as my ex and I had, I would trust him to take care of my pets, were I to die. I'm only 43, but we never know what's going to happen. Time to find a lawyer (well, one that isn't my ex, lol!)
Load More Replies... AspieGirl88 2 months ago
I honestly can’t judge. I’m (37) the youngest of 4 girls (48, 51 & 54) & our mum is 71. Not only am I the youngest, but I’m also the most vulnerable of my sisters; being autistic, type 1 diabetic & legit disabled to the point of total immobility, meaning I have to be hoisted (onto bed, wheelchair or for the toilet). Thankfully, my older (second & third youngest) sisters have been registered as part-time carers for me, to ease our mum’s burden, though she’s tough as anything & stubbornly insists on still caring for me … probably because I never left the nest. I do what I can to not be so needy, but of course, I can’t help but require certain things sometimes, like insulin or a hot water bottle for pain. I know that my 51yo sister will definitely be there for me when our mum can no longer be here, having already said that she won’t let me be taken into care (as her dad had Alzheimer’s & she felt awful when he was put into care). So, I believe her. 🥺💖
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