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Siblings Turn On Sister After She Refuses To Turn Her Home Into A Shelter For Brother’s Whole Family
Interview With ExpertQuite frankly, some families have that one group chat that feels more like a warzone than a bonding space. Some folks are battling over where to eat Thanksgiving dinner, but when your family’s drama starts resembling an episode of Judge Judy, and you’re being cast as the villain for simply setting boundaries? That’s interesting.
That’s exactly the dilemma today’s Original Poster (OP) found herself in. When she dared to say “no” to turning her home into a shelter, all family hell broke loose, and then came the finger-pointing, birthday party drama, and accusations of being a heartless snob.
More info: Reddit
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The author had long established firm boundaries after years of being asked to babysit and lend help without appreciation from her older siblings
Image credit: Brave-Frosting-179
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her brother, facing eviction with his girlfriend and four kids, asked to move into her home, but she refused due to their history of unpaid rent and property damage
Image credit: Brave-Frosting-179
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her brother and his girlfriend eventually had to go live in a shelter, and her other siblings accused her of being selfish and blamed her for their brother having to live in a shelter
Image credit: Brave-Frosting-179
Despite the backlash, she stood by her decision, feeling it was unfair to be expected to sacrifice simply because she and her husband are financially stable
The OP is the youngest of four, but unlike her siblings, she’d built a stable, comfortable life. At 22, she’s a college graduate working as a nurse, and her husband has a well-paying job in aviation. Meanwhile, her older siblings, aged 30 to 33, have 14 kids among them, entry-level jobs, and rely heavily on their parents for financial help.
She had long since drawn boundaries with her family, especially around babysitting and money. As a teen, she used to help out, but the one-way street of favors turned her off, so six years prior, she told them not to ask her for anything, and she’s stuck to it. Recently, her oldest brother was evicted and asked if he, his girlfriend, and their four kids could move in with her and her husband.
She declined, citing past behavior, such as their refusal to pay rent and the damage their children caused in previous rentals. The brother did not take it well. Things came to a head at their mom’s birthday party, where the brother and his girlfriend exploded in anger, blaming her for their looming stay at a shelter.
The other two siblings chimed in, siding with the brother and accusing her of being heartless. However, the OP didn’t budge, especially not when history had shown they wouldn’t contribute, leave, or respect the home.
To better understand the emotional weight behind setting boundaries with family, especially when it sparks conflict, Bored Panda spoke to Ronke Adesina, a marriage counselor, who offered insight into the psychology behind saying “no” and the backlash it can cause.
When asked how someone can tell the difference between healthy generosity and manipulation, Adesina explained that true generosity feels voluntary and energizing, not guilt-driven or fear-based.
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“If saying no leads to shame, guilt trips, or emotional punishment, it’s a red flag,” she noted, pointing out that healthy giving should always come from personal choice, not pressure or obligation.
We also wanted to know how much someone’s past behavior, like unpaid debts or property damage, should factor into deciding whether to help again. According to Adesina, these aren’t just unfortunate incidents; they could be key indicators.
“It’s not about being unloving,” she said, “it’s about recognizing patterns and setting boundaries that protect you from being taken advantage of, which is a very common occurrence in familial relationships.”
Finally, we asked how someone can maintain their mental well-being when the family labels them as selfish or heartless for not stepping in, and Adesina acknowledged that it’s a tough position but one that calls for emotional clarity.
“Being seen as ‘the bad guy’ often just means you’re breaking a dynamic others depended on, so, of course, a person who does that should expect to be seen as the villain,” she explained before emphasizing that it’s important to reaffirm your values and stance, lean on supportive people like her husband in this case, and practice self-compassion.
Netizens emphasized that the OP has every right to set boundaries and questioned why the responsibility fell on her, especially when their parents and other siblings exist. They also highlighted the brother’s pattern of irresponsibility, citing poor financial choices and a lack of accountability.
What do you think about this situation? And what would you have done if you were in the OP’s shoes? Would you have opened your door or kept your peace? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens rallied around the author and insisted that since her siblings felt so strongly about her not taking the brother in, they could do it themselves
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What do you think ?
sweet emotion 6 months ago
NTA. And the update is too generous. It's probably time to cut contact with all siblings and explain why to mom and dad (but only if you must).
Kate Johnson 6 months ago
I do not understand staying in relationship with people who bring nothing positive to your life, and much that is negative, simply because of an accident of DNA. Her siblings are entitled grifters that should be cut off entirely IMO. I'd see my parents alone and avoid any family get togethers.
Tonyah Mcanelly 6 months ago
The parents down sized their home and seems to be quiet about the situation. They clearly know that by now the adult children should be more responsible.
Mark Childers 6 months ago
I would hope this would be a wakeup call for the brother and his wife, but I'm sure it won't be. Sounds like it's not the first time. But birth control. If you're going to have s*x and don't specifically want a baby from it, use birth control. There's a lot out there, and they're easy to get.
Kari Lynn 6 months ago
My husband and I often get into this situation with family. We took in my stepson during the winter when he said he had no place to go. He said he would pay rent, and he had a decent job. He promptly quit his job. He never paid for anything. He broke the house rule of no weed in the house (it's illegal in our state), and he was selling weed out the window (our neighbors caught him). He had his ex drop off his two year old after I told him she couldn't visit while my dog was in heat. My husband's dog was biting everyone including him. I absolutely knew stepson's ex would sue us if her kid got bit, and would've had the service dog put down. My stepson flipped out, and started punching holes in doors. We had to get the police to remove him. My husband's family trashed our names on Facebook. Now he says that my sister-in-law told him he has to pay rent or be evicted. He asked to move back in with us. I said no, the room is already promised. Nobody should suffer family like that.
Lily 4 months ago
Okay toots, except for the update, NTA, but really, that's too far. Sure, give them some mney to help tide them over, but no, you don't have to let people into your home. Funny thing is how people who want something and you don't provide it, they call you selfish, when it's them who are selfish. Just say no and leave it at that, don't even explain or defend yourself, it just makes it worse.
Paul C 6 months ago
The tone of this one makes me think it is fake. That language used is really dismissive of all other family members. In which case why be writing asking for advice? There are also the age gaps - 3 in 3 years then an 8 year gap (could be a "mistake" by the parents of course). The eldest brother's children being described as so evil and brother many times getting kicked out (yet still finding somewhere else to rent, despite a history of non-payment of rent, squatting and vandalising properties...). And of course the youngest is the only one to get an education and good job, so able to afford a 4 bed house with the husband only 26. It's all just so successful & good vs poor & bad that makes me wonder why anyone would want any advice and so why it appears fake. Just too black and white for me.
Roni Stone 6 months ago
Mother was married before and the first 3 kids are products of that first marriage. OPs father and mother are together and have only OP between them; the other 3 kids are his stepchildren. Believe me I know how that works. There are 10 years between my two kids. Other than that, I don't know what to 5\tell you, but I don't find any of it unbelievable.
Load More Replies...
sweet emotion 6 months ago
NTA. And the update is too generous. It's probably time to cut contact with all siblings and explain why to mom and dad (but only if you must).
Kate Johnson 6 months ago
I do not understand staying in relationship with people who bring nothing positive to your life, and much that is negative, simply because of an accident of DNA. Her siblings are entitled grifters that should be cut off entirely IMO. I'd see my parents alone and avoid any family get togethers.
Tonyah Mcanelly 6 months ago
The parents down sized their home and seems to be quiet about the situation. They clearly know that by now the adult children should be more responsible.
Mark Childers 6 months ago
I would hope this would be a wakeup call for the brother and his wife, but I'm sure it won't be. Sounds like it's not the first time. But birth control. If you're going to have s*x and don't specifically want a baby from it, use birth control. There's a lot out there, and they're easy to get.
Kari Lynn 6 months ago
My husband and I often get into this situation with family. We took in my stepson during the winter when he said he had no place to go. He said he would pay rent, and he had a decent job. He promptly quit his job. He never paid for anything. He broke the house rule of no weed in the house (it's illegal in our state), and he was selling weed out the window (our neighbors caught him). He had his ex drop off his two year old after I told him she couldn't visit while my dog was in heat. My husband's dog was biting everyone including him. I absolutely knew stepson's ex would sue us if her kid got bit, and would've had the service dog put down. My stepson flipped out, and started punching holes in doors. We had to get the police to remove him. My husband's family trashed our names on Facebook. Now he says that my sister-in-law told him he has to pay rent or be evicted. He asked to move back in with us. I said no, the room is already promised. Nobody should suffer family like that.
Lily 4 months ago
Okay toots, except for the update, NTA, but really, that's too far. Sure, give them some mney to help tide them over, but no, you don't have to let people into your home. Funny thing is how people who want something and you don't provide it, they call you selfish, when it's them who are selfish. Just say no and leave it at that, don't even explain or defend yourself, it just makes it worse.
Paul C 6 months ago
The tone of this one makes me think it is fake. That language used is really dismissive of all other family members. In which case why be writing asking for advice? There are also the age gaps - 3 in 3 years then an 8 year gap (could be a "mistake" by the parents of course). The eldest brother's children being described as so evil and brother many times getting kicked out (yet still finding somewhere else to rent, despite a history of non-payment of rent, squatting and vandalising properties...). And of course the youngest is the only one to get an education and good job, so able to afford a 4 bed house with the husband only 26. It's all just so successful & good vs poor & bad that makes me wonder why anyone would want any advice and so why it appears fake. Just too black and white for me.
Roni Stone 6 months ago
Mother was married before and the first 3 kids are products of that first marriage. OPs father and mother are together and have only OP between them; the other 3 kids are his stepchildren. Believe me I know how that works. There are 10 years between my two kids. Other than that, I don't know what to 5\tell you, but I don't find any of it unbelievable.
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