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When planning a wedding, it’s normal to want it to look the way you imagine, the way you want it to look. After all, it’s your big day, isn’t it? And yet, other people always come in with their ideas of how to “improve” it.
This couple didn’t avoid them either. For them, it was the groom’s sister, who had grand ideas on what the wedding should look like, which made her way more of a central figure than they intended. To make matters worse, they couldn’t technically say no to her… So, you can imagine what kind of drama ensued – dive in to find out more and see if your imagination served you right.
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Theoretically, a wedding should look exactly how the couple wants it to and still people like to suggest how to “improve” it
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Just like this sister who wanted her brother to throw a big wedding
Image credits: dusanpetkovic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The thing was that both the man and his fiancée wanted their celebration to be low-key
Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But the sister, who struggled with rejection sensitive dysphoria, had hard time accepting that her ideas won’t be implemented
Image credits: throwawayaitah101525
Image credits: freepic.diller / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So, the family starting pressuring the couple to change their minds, absolutely disregarding their wishes
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The pressure got so bad, that the couple decided that the only way to have the wedding they was without certain family members in it
Image credits: throwawayaitah101525
That meant that the man’s sister, brother-in-law and parents were uninvited
After two years together, the OP got engaged to his girlfriend. They aren’t planning to have a big wedding, as it seems like a headache to deal with. Instead, they planned to go to the city hall and sign the required papers with the closest family members and friends, and go to dinner afterwards.
Yet, the man’s sister got upset over their plan. Apparently, she wanted to be the bride’s maid of honor, be part of the wedding ceremony, and stuff like that. In normal circumstances, you could say that the brother could simply refuse her ideas if he doesn’t like them, and that’s it.
But in this story, the catch is that the sister has ADHD and a rejection-sensitive dysphoria coming from it. That means that she takes rejection really personally or perceives certain situations as rejection even if it isn’t. As you can guess, she took her brother’s refusal to fulfill her ideas for his wedding as rejection.
So, in the end, when the couple threw their wedding in the fashion they wanted, they decided not to invite the said sister to the small celebration. The brother-in-law and parents, who pressured the couple to fulfill their sister’s wishes, weren’t invited either. Why would people who wanted the couple to throw a wedding they didn’t want be invited, right?
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After all, the general consensus is that the wedding should be about the couple and not their guests. It’s their big day, a celebration of their love. Granted, it’s considerate to think about certain things that would make guests a little more comfortable and have a better time, but it doesn’t have to be regarding every single detail. And especially not when it comes to something as huge as the OP’s sister wanted.
The sister herself should have been more considerate of the brother’s wishes and not pushed so hard that he had no choice but to uninvite her. Of course, we’re empathetic towards her rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), as it causes a person to be unable to regulate rejection-related emotions.
These emotions tend to explode in a much more intense fashion than any other emotion. Just imagine how hard it is to deal with, especially since it’s not an official diagnosis, which means that the research and treatment methods for it are relatively limited.
It also seems that the family members try to avoid situations of rejecting her as much as possible, so the brother’s refusal to do what she wanted was rather an unorthodox action. At the same time, it was his day, so he shouldn’t feel pressured to do it in a way he doesn’t want. As someone online pointed out, technically the sister’s RSD is her problem and she should try not to make it others’ too.
Do you agree with the OP’s actions? Would you have done things differently? Please, explain your stance in the comments!
The people online thought it was a sensible move – the wedding should be about the couple and not anyone else
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What do you think ?
Ace 3 weeks ago
It sounds like this alleged "Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria" is just a euphemism for "I'm going to throw a tantrum if the whole world doesn't revolve around me". Crock of shite.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago
I wouldn't reject a new label out of hand. To me, what one does with it is important. Some people will exploit to get their ways. Others will do research and try to manage it to reduce its impact on themselves and others. Hence, you'll read comments where afflicted people say "I have problem X and I don't act like an @sshole about it."
Load More Replies...
Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
I despise this new trend of yelling ADHD at any random bad behaviour... It was hard enough for me to get diagnosed and taken seriously due to the amount of random b******t info around it... There are decades of peer review research that describes adhd... Be it due to a lack of supply or overly "gluttenous" neurons... The dopamine, Noradrenaline and some other transmitters I can't recall now are not enough... So the normal zen focus state that "normal" ppl can enjoy is MUCH shorter for a person with ADHD. This is what lead to the hyperactivity inability to focus etc... I can go on. Still no Fking link to PERSONALITY disorders! Even disorder is too much...I mean, you can write "Spoiled and selfish" as "Rejection sensitive dysphoria" and try to remove accountability by invoking ADHD or any other neuroabnormality... Srsly tho, I am getting sick of seeing this. If one has a condition, it is on them first to manage it... Any other consideration by ppl around is a "bonus" not a requirement.
Carrie de Luka 3 weeks ago
Complete agreement from me. I have ADHD and I AM overly sensitve to perceived rejection, even rejection in stupidly small ways (embarrassingly stupid). I've no idea if I have the rejection sensitivity dysphoria or not but it isn't an excuse to behave badly. No one knows how upset I feel when these things happen (as they do in normal life)! You can have the feelings but not be a complete a***e about it to people in your life.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
I can picture the sister in a hot pink gown and costume tiara just like Amy in The Big Bang Theory. And it sounds like her "rejection syndrome" is just psychobabble for a lifetime of being a spoiled brat.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 3 weeks ago (edited)
I agree . And if they are really that keen, the sister can still walk down the aisle in front of the bride, wearing her princess outfit. But I bet you that that will not be good enough for overgrown brat as the audience won't be big enough for her, on this day that is someone else's special day.
Load More Replies... Jack 3 weeks ago
People need to understand that in this situation, letting her behave like this is no different than handing needles to a d**g a****t. You are just fueling her problem, not solving it.
Paul C 3 weeks ago
Having ADHD and/or RSD doesn't make you behave like an entitled AH. That behaviour comes from being an entitled AH. Unfortunately a few people in OP's family don't seem to realise that. Same with most mental health conditions.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago
There are responsible people trying to manage mental health issues who get mighty p*ssed off at the ones who use it to get their way. A few folks with RSD have weighed in and agree with you.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
I agree with the, "Sis has Main Character Syndrome" comment. Glad OP + his wife got married without the drama from his fam.
Apatheist Account2 3 weeks ago
Bride, groom and whoever is paying for it get a say, no-one else. The couple's happiness is the only thing that's important. If you can accommodate the wishes of others, fine, but there's absolutely no obligation.
WindySwede 3 weeks ago
"At least do this for your sister, when you have done nothing else for her!" ??? could have missed something i text, so not 100% if correct statement..
FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago
With any chronic mental health issue, the way to accommodate it is to acknowledge that something might be difficult, be compassionate, support the person if you can. It does not mean let the person make decisions for you.
Monika Rhodes 3 weeks ago
Kind of topic but so many comments saying 'if you have kids' and op again and again replying they won't have kids cos both don't want them. I get it's a vibe but it's so exhausting seeing you're somehow 'expected' to have kids because you got married. You and your partner in so many cases is family enough.
Child of the Stars 3 weeks ago
People need to realize that their issues are THEIRS to manage, no one else's. I'm an alcoholic, but I don't get to tell someone they can't have alcohol at their party. House music (I think that's what it's called, that loud, thumping music you hear at clubs) and heavy, fast rock triggers anxiety in me; I don't get to tell you that you can't have it at your wedding reception. Your inability to make it to an event on time might be the result of your ADHD, but I'm still going to leave at the appropriate time, I won't wait for you. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria may mean that you can't accept being told "no;" I'm still going to maintain my boundaries and tell you "no." YOU have to find a way to deal with and manage it. It's no one else's responsibility.
WayoftheStarPrincess 3 weeks ago
I have a lot of struggles with RSD and other symptoms from my audhd. The thing is that I have actively worked with myself to take a deep breath and remind myself, out loud, that my mind is just playing tricks on me. And then I allow myself to wallow a short while, like at most an hour, *alone* later and just feel all the things. And then again I remind myself it's not that serious. Different techniques work for different people, the thing in common is that you have to actively work on it all the time. Take your adult responsibility, just like everyone else. I tell people about my issues a lot so they don't get surprised if I suddenly start crying or something, but I try to never make it their responsibility.
Zac 3 weeks ago (edited)
I have ADHD with RSD and what my therapist calls "a self destructive trend towards catastrophizing events". meaning i can get very emotionally and mentally affected by rejection or negative events. wanna know the first thing my therapist told me when we were working on tools to mitigate that? "your problems are yours, nobody else outside of this room is going to care or understand how much these things bother you, so you can either explain it to them like an adult and hope they care, or freak out and ensure they dont. i get paid either way, but the first option doesnt make you look like an a*****e" so when i feel the spiral i have to remember that the people im around are not dealing with the same issues, or licensed therapists, and i can not expect them to understand how i feel and cater to my needs. im the one who understands it, so im the one who has to deal with it. its really helped a lot.
Ace 3 weeks ago
It sounds like this alleged "Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria" is just a euphemism for "I'm going to throw a tantrum if the whole world doesn't revolve around me". Crock of shite.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago
I wouldn't reject a new label out of hand. To me, what one does with it is important. Some people will exploit to get their ways. Others will do research and try to manage it to reduce its impact on themselves and others. Hence, you'll read comments where afflicted people say "I have problem X and I don't act like an @sshole about it."
Load More Replies... Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
I despise this new trend of yelling ADHD at any random bad behaviour... It was hard enough for me to get diagnosed and taken seriously due to the amount of random b******t info around it... There are decades of peer review research that describes adhd... Be it due to a lack of supply or overly "gluttenous" neurons... The dopamine, Noradrenaline and some other transmitters I can't recall now are not enough... So the normal zen focus state that "normal" ppl can enjoy is MUCH shorter for a person with ADHD. This is what lead to the hyperactivity inability to focus etc... I can go on. Still no Fking link to PERSONALITY disorders! Even disorder is too much...I mean, you can write "Spoiled and selfish" as "Rejection sensitive dysphoria" and try to remove accountability by invoking ADHD or any other neuroabnormality... Srsly tho, I am getting sick of seeing this. If one has a condition, it is on them first to manage it... Any other consideration by ppl around is a "bonus" not a requirement.
Carrie de Luka 3 weeks ago
Complete agreement from me. I have ADHD and I AM overly sensitve to perceived rejection, even rejection in stupidly small ways (embarrassingly stupid). I've no idea if I have the rejection sensitivity dysphoria or not but it isn't an excuse to behave badly. No one knows how upset I feel when these things happen (as they do in normal life)! You can have the feelings but not be a complete a***e about it to people in your life.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
I can picture the sister in a hot pink gown and costume tiara just like Amy in The Big Bang Theory. And it sounds like her "rejection syndrome" is just psychobabble for a lifetime of being a spoiled brat.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 3 weeks ago (edited)
I agree . And if they are really that keen, the sister can still walk down the aisle in front of the bride, wearing her princess outfit. But I bet you that that will not be good enough for overgrown brat as the audience won't be big enough for her, on this day that is someone else's special day.
Load More Replies... Jack 3 weeks ago
People need to understand that in this situation, letting her behave like this is no different than handing needles to a d**g a****t. You are just fueling her problem, not solving it.
Paul C 3 weeks ago
Having ADHD and/or RSD doesn't make you behave like an entitled AH. That behaviour comes from being an entitled AH. Unfortunately a few people in OP's family don't seem to realise that. Same with most mental health conditions.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago
There are responsible people trying to manage mental health issues who get mighty p*ssed off at the ones who use it to get their way. A few folks with RSD have weighed in and agree with you.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
I agree with the, "Sis has Main Character Syndrome" comment. Glad OP + his wife got married without the drama from his fam.
Apatheist Account2 3 weeks ago
Bride, groom and whoever is paying for it get a say, no-one else. The couple's happiness is the only thing that's important. If you can accommodate the wishes of others, fine, but there's absolutely no obligation.
WindySwede 3 weeks ago
"At least do this for your sister, when you have done nothing else for her!" ??? could have missed something i text, so not 100% if correct statement..
FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago
With any chronic mental health issue, the way to accommodate it is to acknowledge that something might be difficult, be compassionate, support the person if you can. It does not mean let the person make decisions for you.
Monika Rhodes 3 weeks ago
Kind of topic but so many comments saying 'if you have kids' and op again and again replying they won't have kids cos both don't want them. I get it's a vibe but it's so exhausting seeing you're somehow 'expected' to have kids because you got married. You and your partner in so many cases is family enough.
Child of the Stars 3 weeks ago
People need to realize that their issues are THEIRS to manage, no one else's. I'm an alcoholic, but I don't get to tell someone they can't have alcohol at their party. House music (I think that's what it's called, that loud, thumping music you hear at clubs) and heavy, fast rock triggers anxiety in me; I don't get to tell you that you can't have it at your wedding reception. Your inability to make it to an event on time might be the result of your ADHD, but I'm still going to leave at the appropriate time, I won't wait for you. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria may mean that you can't accept being told "no;" I'm still going to maintain my boundaries and tell you "no." YOU have to find a way to deal with and manage it. It's no one else's responsibility.
WayoftheStarPrincess 3 weeks ago
I have a lot of struggles with RSD and other symptoms from my audhd. The thing is that I have actively worked with myself to take a deep breath and remind myself, out loud, that my mind is just playing tricks on me. And then I allow myself to wallow a short while, like at most an hour, *alone* later and just feel all the things. And then again I remind myself it's not that serious. Different techniques work for different people, the thing in common is that you have to actively work on it all the time. Take your adult responsibility, just like everyone else. I tell people about my issues a lot so they don't get surprised if I suddenly start crying or something, but I try to never make it their responsibility.
Zac 3 weeks ago (edited)
I have ADHD with RSD and what my therapist calls "a self destructive trend towards catastrophizing events". meaning i can get very emotionally and mentally affected by rejection or negative events. wanna know the first thing my therapist told me when we were working on tools to mitigate that? "your problems are yours, nobody else outside of this room is going to care or understand how much these things bother you, so you can either explain it to them like an adult and hope they care, or freak out and ensure they dont. i get paid either way, but the first option doesnt make you look like an a*****e" so when i feel the spiral i have to remember that the people im around are not dealing with the same issues, or licensed therapists, and i can not expect them to understand how i feel and cater to my needs. im the one who understands it, so im the one who has to deal with it. its really helped a lot.
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