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Woman Says “No” To Picking Up Sister’s Kids Because She Wants To “Relax,” Regrets It
When you help out someone you love, you’re likely not expecting anything back in return. It’s only natural to want to support the people that you care about, regardless of whether or not they can reciprocate.
But after years of bending over backwards for her sister, this woman finally realized that she was being taken advantage of. Below, you’ll find the full story that the woman shared on Reddit detailing why she’s decided to stop doing favors for her sibling, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.
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This woman has never hesitated to help out her sister
Image credits: stefamerpik (not the actual image)
But when she realized that her sibling wouldn’t lift a finger for her, she decided that it was time to set boundaries
Image credits: Oscar Ramirez (not the actual image)
Image credits: Yunus Tuğ (not the actual image)
Image credits: Throwingparty15284
Conflicts between siblings are incredibly common, even in adulthood
It’s common for siblings to have a difficult time getting along while they’re growing up. They might fight every time they have to share, pick on each other constantly, and exhibit jealousy every time their brother or sister appears to be receiving more attention. But unfortunately, siblings don’t always grow out of these conflicts. In fact, these issues can sometimes stick around for their entire lives.
According to licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert Terri Cole, there are certain triggers that tend to result in fights between siblings. First, she notes that wills, estates, and inheritances often create some conflicts. But it’s also common for siblings to continue having the same fights they had in childhood for decades.
For example, if the eldest child always believes that they have far more responsibilities than their siblings, they might resent that. And if the parents clearly favor one child over the others, their siblings might never let that go.
Another issue that often causes siblings to fight is having aging parents that require care. Whether the brothers and sisters can’t agree on what kind of care their parents need or they simply can’t decide who should be responsible for what, this situation can test any sibling relationship.
It’s also common for siblings to fight over success disparities. If one person is seen as the “golden child,” they might be under intense pressure to not disappoint anyone. Meanwhile, their siblings may feel overlooked and resent the child who receives the most praise. And if one child has children before the others, they might suddenly be seen as the most valued member of the family.
It’s important to be able to spot the signs of someone taking advantage of you
In this particular situation, however, the author feels like her sister has been taking advantage of her by constantly taking her help without giving anything back in return. It can be difficult to admit it, even to yourself, but the people you love the most will also have the most opportunities to take advantage of you. So it’s important to be able to spot the signs of someone using you.
According to Verywell Mind, it’s a red flag if someone is constantly asking you for money, favors, or other items. It’s also a bad sign if they impose on you without considering that you may be busy or may not want to help. If they always expect you to put their needs above your own, show no interest in your own needs, and make no effort to help you out, you’re not in a healthy relationship with them.
To avoid being taken advantage of, Verywell Mind recommends setting and enforcing boundaries. It’s also wise to work on your self-esteem, so you know what kind of treatment you actually deserve. You might even want to seek guidance from a mental health professional if you need help redefining your relationship with this person.
Even if the person asking for help is your sibling, whom you love with all of your heart, you shouldn’t compromise your own health and happiness just to take care of them.
Readers unanimously sided with the author, noting that her sister deserved to be put in her place
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Jenna Kay 1 month ago
When my family would go to visit my in-laws house, my sister-in-law who lived an hour away would bring her children drop them off with overnight bags and just leave, she never asked if she could she just expected that my husband and I would watch her children the whole time we visited. No, my in-laws never helped to watch them, if you knew my in-laws, you wouldn't have expected it either. The thing is, I never put my foot down and just told her to come get her kids. Her children learned that we loved them and we wanted to see them and it didn't matter how entitled their mother was, we would be there for them, regardless. My children never even spent a single night at their cousins house, were never asked to come over, and if we were going to do something, it would be us taking my nieces and my own children. We covered all the costs for movies, little water parks, lunches out, whatever it was that we did with the kids. My nieces are adults now, and they clearly see what happened.
Kim Kermes 1 month ago
I flew across the country twice to help out a buddy and she couldn't pick up kids and tend them for a few hours? Blechh.
Jenna Kay 1 month ago
When my family would go to visit my in-laws house, my sister-in-law who lived an hour away would bring her children drop them off with overnight bags and just leave, she never asked if she could she just expected that my husband and I would watch her children the whole time we visited. No, my in-laws never helped to watch them, if you knew my in-laws, you wouldn't have expected it either. The thing is, I never put my foot down and just told her to come get her kids. Her children learned that we loved them and we wanted to see them and it didn't matter how entitled their mother was, we would be there for them, regardless. My children never even spent a single night at their cousins house, were never asked to come over, and if we were going to do something, it would be us taking my nieces and my own children. We covered all the costs for movies, little water parks, lunches out, whatever it was that we did with the kids. My nieces are adults now, and they clearly see what happened.
Kim Kermes 1 month ago
I flew across the country twice to help out a buddy and she couldn't pick up kids and tend them for a few hours? Blechh.
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