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SIL Convinces Family That Woman Lies About Her Job, Sparking An Intervention To Save Her Brother
Many of us make assumptions about other people, sometimes no matter how hard we try not to. It’s just how our brains are wired most of the time: we see something and make conclusions based on the limited information we have. Sadly, that’s how gossip and false information spread, and it’s never fun to be on the receiving end of those.
This woman had to endure her sister-in-law telling her boyfriend’s family lies about her work. After seeing her work setup and how much she earns, the SIL incorrectly assumed that she was in a spicier line of work than IT sales. She went so far as to stage an intervention for her brother, and while he just laughed it off, the whole ordeal really offended the girlfriend.
RELATED:
A woman who worked in IT sales had her SIL making scandalous assumptions about her career
When she staged an intervention for her brother, the girlfriend had enough and kicked her out of their house
Commenters sided with the OP, also calling out the boyfriend for his weird reaction
More women than men are homeowners in the U.S., even while the wage gap still exists
It’s 2026, yet it still shocks people that women can have high-paying jobs, be homeowners, and not have to turn to a shady line of work to do it all. The boyfriend’s sister might still be a little traditional in her thinking: she herself is a stay-at-home mom who’s never had a job, so she might not be aware that single women have made quite the strides in closing the wage gap and becoming homeowners.
In fact, women lead the charge in homeownership, as the majority of homeowners in the U.S. are women; women tend to have bigger mortgages and make smaller down payments than men. Nevertheless, women’s homes tend to be lower in value because they get higher mortgage rates and because of predatory lending practices.
According to LendingTree data from 2020, an average woman makes 79 cents for every dollar a man makes. Yet, women are more likely to own a home in a metropolitan area than men. In New York, for example, 13.3% of homes are owned by single women, and 12.1% in San Francisco. In turn, single men own 7.9% of homes in the New York metropolitan area, and 7.6% in San Francisco.
The eradication of the wage gap doesn’t seem to be so far away, either. Even among married couples, the idea that a woman doesn’t have her own earnings and a career is outdated. As Pew Research Center data from 2023 shows, 29% of American heterosexual couples earn the same amount of money. In 16% of households, the woman is the sole breadwinner.
Attractive and hyper-feminine women are seen as lacking authority and competence, especially in the workplace
The OP also mentions that her appearance and inclination to always look feminine might also have something to do with the SIL’s assumptions. In reality, being feminine in professional environments can cost women a great deal: they’re looked down on, perceived as incompetent, and stereotyped as lacking analytical skills.
Sociologists call this the “beauty is beastly” effect: it’s a stereotype that conventionally attractive women can’t perform well in traditionally masculine jobs. It’s a double-edged sword: attractive people might get hired more, but beauty is also associated with inexperience, a lack of common sense and skills.
Research shows that people have a bias against hiring attractive women in male-dominated fields. It’s this gender bias that probably led to the sister-in-law making assumptions. Her brother’s girlfriend is earning a lot of money and is a homeowner, but she can’t have a legitimate high-paying job that she got based on her competence and career abilities.
What’s more, women who don’t adhere to the traditional role of a mother and a homemaker get punished for it. Working mothers and those perceived as potential mothers get discriminated against in the workplace and seen as less competent or less committed to their jobs than their peers. So, even if the OP had it all, she probably still wouldn’t be enough for her brother’s sister.
The woman had a serious conversation with her boyfriend, which only led to more uncertainty
Commenters advised OP to seriously reconsider marrying into such a family
Exhausted by family or in-law drama like this one? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic relatives, parenting styles, and personal boundaries.
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Tabitha 7 hours ago
I think it goes back to the parents. They sound like authoritarian parents who punish before knowing the facts. They were very hard on the sister in particular, due to their outdated sexism. The children of authoritarian parents learn to lie and conceal and blame others, just to keep from being punished. If they’re their parents’ favorite whipping boy (or girl), then they see how their siblings can make mistakes and not be punished as severely as they are, and they end up jealous, and try to get the favored sibling(s) in trouble too. So sister sounds like the product of that kind of upbringing, which places the blame squarely on the parents. Now, understand that I am not condoning what she’s done. It was awful and she owes OP a sincere apology. I am saying she was raised to be this way, and should be encouraged to seek professional help to try to get past it—-maybe to go low contact with her parents so she can finally have her own life, where SHE has autonomy (she was a SAHM, so I bet her husband ran everything except the domestic duties, so she probably never even knew what the bank account balance was). So now that the air has been cleared, once SIL apologizes, sincerely, maybe OP can help her find a job and become independent. That’s probably her main frustration, that everyone else had made decisions for her and run her life for her, when she actually wanted to run her own life. That’s my take on this. I may be wrong, but it’s what I see.
Tabitha 7 hours ago
I think it goes back to the parents. They sound like authoritarian parents who punish before knowing the facts. They were very hard on the sister in particular, due to their outdated sexism. The children of authoritarian parents learn to lie and conceal and blame others, just to keep from being punished. If they’re their parents’ favorite whipping boy (or girl), then they see how their siblings can make mistakes and not be punished as severely as they are, and they end up jealous, and try to get the favored sibling(s) in trouble too. So sister sounds like the product of that kind of upbringing, which places the blame squarely on the parents. Now, understand that I am not condoning what she’s done. It was awful and she owes OP a sincere apology. I am saying she was raised to be this way, and should be encouraged to seek professional help to try to get past it—-maybe to go low contact with her parents so she can finally have her own life, where SHE has autonomy (she was a SAHM, so I bet her husband ran everything except the domestic duties, so she probably never even knew what the bank account balance was). So now that the air has been cleared, once SIL apologizes, sincerely, maybe OP can help her find a job and become independent. That’s probably her main frustration, that everyone else had made decisions for her and run her life for her, when she actually wanted to run her own life. That’s my take on this. I may be wrong, but it’s what I see.
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