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75
“I Couldn’t Lie”: Birth Mother’s Brutal Truth Shatters SIL’s Narrative Of How Terrible Adoption Is
There are many reasons why a birth mother might choose not to keep her baby. Finances, age, the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy, the dynamics of her relationship with the father, mental health or physical health issues are just a few. According to the United Nations, an estimated 260,000 adoptions take place worldwide every year. Some are through foster care, others via adoption agencies.
One birth mother has opened up about why she chose not to raise her “own baby” when she gave birth at the age of 20. She was being interviewed by her sister-in-law who is studying to be a social worker. But the interview took a surprising turn when her SIL got angry with her for being honest. Now, she’s wondering whether she should have declined the interview altogether.
RELATED:
Giving your baby up for adoption is a decision that you’ll live with for a long time
Image credits: KaterinaDalemans (not the actual photo)
When one woman admitted that she has “zero regrets” fourteen years later, her SIL lost it
Image credits: micens (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AccentStreet
What the adoption process entails, according to a registered agency
Nearly half of all pregnancies are unintended. That’s around 121 million a year, according to a 2022 United Nations Population Fund (UNPF) report. The UNPF has gone as far as calling it an “unintended global crisis”. While some women or girls choose to keep their babies, others opt to terminate their pregnancies, or give up their children for adoption.
Private, non-profit adoption agency Adoption Choice Inc. (ACI) cautions that birth moms should be fully aware of the process and their options before committing to placing their child or child for adoption.
The organization says if your reasons are financial, there is help available. They suggest talking to an adoption agency or social worker about this. The same applies if you lack food or shelter. “They can also help you get your financial documents to reach out to the court to get some expenses covered,” notes the site.
However, ACI warns that it is illegal for anyone to offer you money in exchange for your child and if this ever happens, you should contact the police or other authorities immediately.
Should you choose to go through with the adoption process, you’ll first have to select and make contact with a registered agency. Once you’ve had an initial meeting with them, the process of finding adoptive parents will begin. In the case of ACI and many other agencies, you’ll have full control over the type of family you wish to place your child with, the openness and level of contact you would like to have with that family and your child during the pregnancy and in future. You can also choose your birth plan and hospital.
According to Adoption Choice, adoptive families are thoroughly screened, and this includes home visits. The agency only accepts families that have completed the required hours of pre-adoptive education, have the financial stability to provide for a child, are healthy and active, have been screened through background checks and interviewed several times, have a strong commitment to adoption, and are open to the various levels of contact from birth parents.
Once you’ve found the right family for your child, and it’s a “match,” you can choose to build a relationship with them throughout your pregnancy – if you so wish. “This helps you to get to know the family and confirm they are the right family to raise your child,” advises the agency. “You can discuss your hospital plans and other plans, such as post-placement contact, throughout your pregnancy.”
Adoption Choice says contact is different in every situation. It can be via phone or video calls, texts, emails, or in person. The next step is to finalize your birth plan: where and how you want to deliver your baby, and who you want present.
Once your child is born, you’ll have to complete paperwork to request a hearing to terminate your parental rights. The legal hearing is usually held about a month after the birth, or after the paperwork is submitted. “Your counselor will be there with you at the hearing and will ensure that you understand your rights and feel comfortable moving forward with your decision,” reads the agency site.
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
The woman gave quite a bit more info in the comments
Many netizens came to the birth mom’s defense and worried about the SIL becoming a social worker
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What do you think ?
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
Rule one of research: you can't dictate what you want to find, and have to include what you don't work. Rule one of children's social work: every case is unique and you can't have a blanket policy. Heaven help this woman when she comes up against issues in perinatal mental health. I hope nobody dies before she gets the boot.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 9 months ago
Yes, crazy SIL is actually tantruming about her data ruining her pet hypothesis! If BIL doesn't leave OP alone, I'd threaten to talk to her project supervisor. 😃. What an idiot.
Load More Replies...
Mark Childers 9 months ago
Not everyone was meant to be a parent, and s*x isn't just for procreation. Accidents happen, and there has to be an option for those who choose and/or are able to have an abortion.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
That's a good point. And ràpe and incést happen all the time. So SIL apparently wants all ràpe victims to raise the babies that are the result of their traumatizing sexuàl àssault? And when an uncle or father sexuàlly àssaults their 12-year-old niece/daughter and that child becomes impregnated due to incést, SIL wants the 12-year-old to keep that baby and raise it, or allow the immediate family members - including the incéstuous ràpist - to raise that baby?
Load More Replies...
Lyone Fein 9 months ago
This woman’s SIL is not only a poor writer, but also delusional in general. First as a paper writer: you can’t just ignore a mountain of evidence simply because it doesn’t fit your agenda. That’s called being dishonest and irrational. And it makes for a very weak argument. Second, in reality there are tons of pregnancies that happen because of negative circumstances or in negative situations, and being offered all sorts of external support may have no influence over a woman’s feelings about actually being a mother. The sister in law is just showing how little life experience she herself has, by not being able to envision the variety of situations………whether due to extreme birth defects, or sexual abuse and violence, or maternal d r u g use or the mother’s own mental or physical health issues, etc…… any of these things can be reasons why a woman might choose to surrender custody of her baby.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
I would contact her department and tell them what a terrible interviewer she is, and that you have concerns about the other subjects. Keep her out of the social sciences if she can't handle a source that doesn't agree with her.
Royal Stray 9 months ago
Or inform them that she is biased and has admitted to wanting to put her bias into practice, which could harm real life children, if she passes her course
Load More Replies...
on second thought.... 9 months ago (edited)
As a retired social worker I can rather confidently predict that this very young and immature young lady will cause more harm than do good as a social worker.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I was adopted at birth. My bio mother already had two children, was add!cted to several drúgs, and was an a!coholic, and lived below the poverty line. She couldn't even care for the two children she already had, let alone the third (me.) Most of my fellow Pandas know that my adoptive mother is a terrible person, but I still have a MUCH better life having been adopted rather than not. One of my bio sisters has 7 children (all with different fathers), has been in and out of jail, and has a lot of substance abúse problems/drúg add!ctions of her own. I am vehemently in FULL SUPPORT of adoption. SIL is absolutely unhinged and I want to throttle her through my monitor. She wants to make adoption "a thing of the past"? That is actually literally not sane. That belief goes beyond even the usual levels of birther/tradwife insanity. I need to take a step back from the computer, because OP's SIL has actually infuriated me.
Tropical Tarot 9 months ago
My wife comes from a similar situation..She was 2 of 3. Her and her younger brother were adopted together. Her parent were physically a*****e and emotionally. Her being trans has added a new layer to their bs. Has to stay in contact or father will call for a wellness check. She still believes in adoption but thinks hit needs to be overhauled to make things more transparent so medical records are available. She did find an older sister through 23and me. She had so much info on their family. She was adopted too
Load More Replies...
Emilu 9 months ago (edited)
I was adopted out because my parents were very young when they had me and they realised they couldn't afford to give me a good life. I was adopted out to an amazing family and have had an amazing life. I thank my birth parents for realising their limitations and having the guts to give me something more than they could have offered me. Another vote to SIL needing a kick in the pants. Adoption isn't going to die out, and certainly not for the reasons she gives because she's only looking at a small percentage of what adoption actually is.
Corvus 9 months ago
Adoption can't just disappear altogether because there are all kinds of life situation where a child may be left without any living relatives. What would SIL do then - send such children to orphanages, which usually are pretty grim places?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
Apparently those children should be "raised by the community" as per one of OP's comments - but how that actually differs from orphanages/foster care/being literally adopted, ya got me XD
Load More Replies...
BrownEyedPanda 9 months ago (edited)
Should she actually become a social worker, the SIL is going to be personally responsible for an increase in child abuse cases. If she really believes that adoption is evil, she is seriously delusional. The courts usually support reunification, as parents can be inexperienced, overwhelmed, and without a support system. But all too often, reunification is not only detrimental to a child's well-being, it can also prove to be fatal. Based on this woman's tainted recommendations, a judge could end up placing a child right back into an a*****e situation. What will be her justification when (not if), as a result, a baby is shaken to death, a toddler is thrown down a flight of stairs, or a six-year-old is found unresponsive and bearing evidence of past abuse? Children under this woman's watch won't stand a chance.
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
Rule one of research: you can't dictate what you want to find, and have to include what you don't work. Rule one of children's social work: every case is unique and you can't have a blanket policy. Heaven help this woman when she comes up against issues in perinatal mental health. I hope nobody dies before she gets the boot.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 9 months ago
Yes, crazy SIL is actually tantruming about her data ruining her pet hypothesis! If BIL doesn't leave OP alone, I'd threaten to talk to her project supervisor. 😃. What an idiot.
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 9 months ago
Not everyone was meant to be a parent, and s*x isn't just for procreation. Accidents happen, and there has to be an option for those who choose and/or are able to have an abortion.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
That's a good point. And ràpe and incést happen all the time. So SIL apparently wants all ràpe victims to raise the babies that are the result of their traumatizing sexuàl àssault? And when an uncle or father sexuàlly àssaults their 12-year-old niece/daughter and that child becomes impregnated due to incést, SIL wants the 12-year-old to keep that baby and raise it, or allow the immediate family members - including the incéstuous ràpist - to raise that baby?
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 9 months ago
This woman’s SIL is not only a poor writer, but also delusional in general. First as a paper writer: you can’t just ignore a mountain of evidence simply because it doesn’t fit your agenda. That’s called being dishonest and irrational. And it makes for a very weak argument. Second, in reality there are tons of pregnancies that happen because of negative circumstances or in negative situations, and being offered all sorts of external support may have no influence over a woman’s feelings about actually being a mother. The sister in law is just showing how little life experience she herself has, by not being able to envision the variety of situations………whether due to extreme birth defects, or sexual abuse and violence, or maternal d r u g use or the mother’s own mental or physical health issues, etc…… any of these things can be reasons why a woman might choose to surrender custody of her baby.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
I would contact her department and tell them what a terrible interviewer she is, and that you have concerns about the other subjects. Keep her out of the social sciences if she can't handle a source that doesn't agree with her.
Royal Stray 9 months ago
Or inform them that she is biased and has admitted to wanting to put her bias into practice, which could harm real life children, if she passes her course
Load More Replies... on second thought.... 9 months ago (edited)
As a retired social worker I can rather confidently predict that this very young and immature young lady will cause more harm than do good as a social worker.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I was adopted at birth. My bio mother already had two children, was add!cted to several drúgs, and was an a!coholic, and lived below the poverty line. She couldn't even care for the two children she already had, let alone the third (me.) Most of my fellow Pandas know that my adoptive mother is a terrible person, but I still have a MUCH better life having been adopted rather than not. One of my bio sisters has 7 children (all with different fathers), has been in and out of jail, and has a lot of substance abúse problems/drúg add!ctions of her own. I am vehemently in FULL SUPPORT of adoption. SIL is absolutely unhinged and I want to throttle her through my monitor. She wants to make adoption "a thing of the past"? That is actually literally not sane. That belief goes beyond even the usual levels of birther/tradwife insanity. I need to take a step back from the computer, because OP's SIL has actually infuriated me.
Tropical Tarot 9 months ago
My wife comes from a similar situation..She was 2 of 3. Her and her younger brother were adopted together. Her parent were physically a*****e and emotionally. Her being trans has added a new layer to their bs. Has to stay in contact or father will call for a wellness check. She still believes in adoption but thinks hit needs to be overhauled to make things more transparent so medical records are available. She did find an older sister through 23and me. She had so much info on their family. She was adopted too
Load More Replies... Emilu 9 months ago (edited)
I was adopted out because my parents were very young when they had me and they realised they couldn't afford to give me a good life. I was adopted out to an amazing family and have had an amazing life. I thank my birth parents for realising their limitations and having the guts to give me something more than they could have offered me. Another vote to SIL needing a kick in the pants. Adoption isn't going to die out, and certainly not for the reasons she gives because she's only looking at a small percentage of what adoption actually is.
Corvus 9 months ago
Adoption can't just disappear altogether because there are all kinds of life situation where a child may be left without any living relatives. What would SIL do then - send such children to orphanages, which usually are pretty grim places?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
Apparently those children should be "raised by the community" as per one of OP's comments - but how that actually differs from orphanages/foster care/being literally adopted, ya got me XD
Load More Replies... BrownEyedPanda 9 months ago (edited)
Should she actually become a social worker, the SIL is going to be personally responsible for an increase in child abuse cases. If she really believes that adoption is evil, she is seriously delusional. The courts usually support reunification, as parents can be inexperienced, overwhelmed, and without a support system. But all too often, reunification is not only detrimental to a child's well-being, it can also prove to be fatal. Based on this woman's tainted recommendations, a judge could end up placing a child right back into an a*****e situation. What will be her justification when (not if), as a result, a baby is shaken to death, a toddler is thrown down a flight of stairs, or a six-year-old is found unresponsive and bearing evidence of past abuse? Children under this woman's watch won't stand a chance.
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