We all value our partners. The warmth, love and companionship we get from sharing a life with someone is one of the most rewarding things about being human, but living in such close proximity to someone can have its awkward moments too...
Sometimes your beloved can shock you with the dumb things that they say or do. You thought you knew them so well, but we are all capable of the odd brainfart, aren't we?
Someone took to AskReddit recently to ask the question “What’s the dumbest thing your significant other has said or done?,” and it had us all scrolling through suspiciously. She didn't, did she?
Luckily for me, my secret shames are safe for now. The thread quickly went viral as people couldn't resist spilling the beans about 'that time,' and the examples are as baffling as they are hilarious. Scroll down below to check them out for yourself, and share your own in the comments!
I had a kid prior to getting together with my fiancée and having a second daughter. The father of my eldest is not in the picture and my wonderful fiancée has taken her on as his own. To the point that he frequently forgets that she isn’t his genetic offspring.
We were at a holiday party at his parents house. I was talking to my future SIL about my eldest and her night terrors when fiancée pops off with “she gets that from my side of the family...” cue really confused faces all around. His sister sat there and started questioning what other genetic diseases my eldest has magically got from stepdad. It took a few minutes before he figured it out. I love this man...
I’ll answer for my wife. I had gone to Home Depot to pick up a trailer hitch ball for my truck. I didn’t realize that they had different shaft sizes, and I didn’t know which size I needed, so I called my wife and this conversation took place:
Me: “Are you at the house?” Her: “Yeah, why?” Me: “Can you go out to the driveway and measure the hole in the bumper of my truck? It should be either 1/2-inch or 3/4-inch.”
There’s a pause...
Her: “Isn’t your truck with you?”
Yes. Yes it was. That was how I had gotten to Home Depot. I forgot.
On the phone trying to describe where we are to her parents:
“We are behind the car that’s in front of us.”
I lost it.
My parents have an extremely ugly little dog. Like, this thing is unfortunate. A cross between a Chihuahua and some sort of lesser demon. Buggy eyes, underbite, just ugly. And she picks on my dogs, so she's not my favorite.
But this little creature adores my husband. One day, he came in to my parents' house from work (I was already there) and ugly dog runs up to him like she just won the lottery. He scoops her up, laughing, and completely without thinking, he said, "Ticktockmaven, why is it that only the ugly girls like me?"
There was dead silence, and his expression blanched in slow motion. It was like someone looking down and realizing they had **** all over the floor. I said nothing, just got up and walked outside, the sounds of his pitiful grovelling following me. "Not you!! I didn't mean you!! Oh my God, I am so sorry, I didn't..."
I know he meant nothing by it, but to this day my entire family gives him **** for it. He definitely paid for the faux pas, lol.
In high school, my girlfriend said, "Do you know what I just realized? There's no state that starts with the letter F!"
We went to school in Florida.
One time my husband called me at work, "Babe, you're gonna be mad, I made a mess but don't worry I'll fix it!" I didn't even ask, just sighed, because he is basically Lucy from I Love Lucy. When I got home a little bit later it was to a living room COVERED in gray powder, my husband completely filthy with a trash bag and broom and a super panicked look on his face. Turned out he'd decided to help around the house and wanted to clean the fireplace, he'd just decided the best way to do it would be to stand in front of it with a trash bag and use the leaf blower to blow the ashes in.
Spoiler - that doesnt work. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I laughed my ass off and it's still one of my favorite weird things he's done
Once me and my SO went for a walk around a local nature reserve.
On the way in we got a map given to us so we could navigate the area. Later on the walk she is looking at the map and says to me "these maps really need a 'you are here' on them."
It took me a second to realise what she meant, so I explained that it's a hand held map and that it wouldn't be possible, it took 4/5 attempts before it clicked with her.
My boyfriend as we were looking up at the beautiful night sky.
"Wow, there's so much we don't know about the universe. Like where the stars go during the day. Are they still there? If not, where do they go?".
He was dead serious.
I asked him to plant a baby tree in the back garden. The next day I saw it and thought it looked strange. Walked up and it had been planted upside down. He thought the roots were tiny limp branches. Laughed for days
We were sitting in a bus in the middle of heavy rush hour traffic. I'm kind of a car geek, so I spotted a mint condition 1970s classic Mustang.
I just went and said "Look honey! A car!"
There were hundreds of them.
... I don't think she'll let me live this down.
When my now ex-wife first started dating. I had made a roast for dinner, in my slow cooker. After dinner, she was helping me clean up. I come into the kitchen, and she had the entire crock pot submerged in the sink. I asked what she was doing, and she said she was cleaning it. (She didn’t know that the ceramic inside could be removed to clean).
After I explained that to her, she said, “I guess I shouldn’t have put the whole thing under water!” I said, “No!” And reached over and unplugged it! I have no idea how she didn’t get electrocuted.
Now ex girlfriend from high school. Her power had gone out in the neighboring town. She called crying saying she had so much homework to complete. I said to drive to my house since I still had power. She yelled at me saying “how dare you attempt to get me to drive! How do you expect me to do that... my headlights won’t work!”
It didn’t last much longer after that.
My eldest child was born in December 2004. This was the year that we found out that London had won the bid for the 2012 Olympics.
It was announced that children born on 20/12 would get free entry to the Olympics.
“But what if they’re not any good at sports?”
I had to gently explain that it was free entry to watch the Olympics.
My husband and I were at Canadian Tire and they had tiny examples of tents (basically looked like they were made for barbie dolls) and the pricing for each underneath. He turned to me shocked and asked, "why are these so expensive for such tiny tents?!".
I almost died laughing.
As we were driving along the road we saw a horse with its head over a gate. We slowed down, she opens the window and says “Mooooooo”.
When he first got a popcorn maker, he was excited to try it out. He got the popcorn, I think the machine came with seasoning, he got out a cereal bowl to catch the popped kernels. He scooped out a cup of unpopped kernels and put it in the machine.
Now, those of you paying attention to the quantities may have noticed a fatal flaw in this plan. After a minute or so, the popcorn started coming out, slowly at first. As it picked up speed, it gradually became clear that one cup of popcorn doesn't fit into a cereal bowl when popped - not even close. As the popcorn started to rise higher and higher, about to overflow, with no signs of stopping...
I will remember his mildly panicked face for as long as I live. At first he stood there, touching the bowl, trying to figure out how to replace it without making an even bigger mess. Finally, as the popcorn started bouncing onto the counter, he softly said "oh no." At that point, I couldn't hold it in any longer and collapsed on the floor laughing
I had an ex who didn't realise that vacuum cleaners had to be emptied. He genuinely thought the vacuum was broken because it was full of fluff and didn't suck any more. The worst thing was, I believed him that it was broken because it didn't occur to me that someone could think vacuum cleaners magically made dust disappear.
My boyfriend (now husband) and I were playing cash cab when we first started dating. For those of you who don’t know the concept of this game you have to try to answer as many questions as you can in a short amount of time, so you obviously answer really fast. My question to him was “what animal in Africa kills the most people a year.” And he blurted out very loudly “ANTS!!!!” I laughed so hard I was crying. 11 years later we still every once and awhile look at each other with a wild look in our eyes and yell “ANTS!”
When my wife and I started dating in the mid 1980's she knew I was a huge fan of David Letterman. She said she had a huge surprise for me as she had tickets to see Letterman at a local venue.
I was confused since David Letterman did not tour. I looked at the tickets she purchased and they were for the old 60's band "The Lettermen".
We didn't go, but I married her. 30 years this September...
I work at a school and received a candle as a gift one year for christmas from a parent. They were known to be hippies and set in their lifestyle. My boyfriend picked it up and said “wow, what hipsters, they even got a candle made in Mexico. It says soy candle!!” The candle was made from soy wax, it did not say “I am candle” in Spanish, much to his disappointment and my delight.
She believed that the Earth is made of water. She thought you could just swim to the bottom of the ocean and come out on the other side of the freaking planet. That one took a long time to convince her that she had it wrong. Heck, I'm not even certain I have convinced her.
I love my husband but I have watched him empty a vacuum cleaner bag into a wire wastebasket.
I, on the other hand, am frequently unable to remember common words and have to resort to saying things like “The box you put stuff in to make it cold.”
My wife couldn't think of the word "wood," and told me to clean up my "tree chunks."
Ex-girlfriend now, but one time we were talking about changes in taste preferences when she said “taste bugs”.
I corrected her, and she looked at me confused.
She had thought that “taste buds” was “taste bugs” her entire life up until that moment.
One time, my wife (then girlfriend) and I were at her brother’s house for a game night of Cranium.
I don’t remember the exact details (probably because I was in hysterics) but someone asked my wife what caused the US to enter WWII.
Now, my wife is not very history savvy. Probably her least knowledgeable subject. I, on the other hand, loooove history.
Point is, she didn’t know the answer. Her guess was the Boston Tea Party.
I lost my ****, and so did she and everyone else. To this day, if my wife doesn’t know the answer to something, I tell her to write down “Boston tea party.”
“What do you put in carrot cake to make it carrot flavoured? Is it carrot zest?” I’ve never let him live it down!
When my wife gave birth to our oldest daughter the doctor offered to let me cut the umbilical cord. I told him "Surely that's YOUR job."
I had no idea that was a thing.
Tried to make baked potatoes in the microwave for the first time. Wrapped them in tinfoil. Came to ask me why there were lightning bolts in the microwave and why was it getting very hot.
I have a fan with different settings labelled L M H for how fast the fan spins.
She was looking at it and told me she set the fan to 'Large'.