Man Refuses To Take Time Off And Watch Kids While Wife Is Sick, She Finally Loses It
We all know that parenting is the one job you can never take a day off from. Even when your kids are on summer holiday, or when it’s your birthday, or when you’re sick in bed with the flu, the role of being a mom or dad must be filled. Having a partner parent is usually helpful when it comes to dividing up responsibilities, but that only works if both parties are willing to help out. And unfortunately, some parents seem to be more dedicated to their jobs than their children…
Below, you’ll find a story that one frustrated mom recently shared on MumsNet asking if she was being unreasonable for expecting her partner to take care of their children while she was ill. You can also read some of the responses readers have left her and decide for yourself how you would have responded to this infuriating situation. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing how moms never seem to get a break, check out this story next!
This frustrated mom is wondering if it was too much to ask for her partner to take time off to watch their kids while she was ill
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Image credits: Songbird54321
Moms are superheroes in the way that they can do it all, but they shouldn’t have to. They’re still human beings who deserve days off to rest and relax, and they certainly should be given a break when they’re ill. Being a single parent is even more challenging, but if you have a partner, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be able to adjust their schedule to help out when their partner is sick. But apparently, it’s quite common for moms to be stuck caring for their kids, regardless of the situation.
According to The Atlantic, moms are 10 times more likely to skip work to care for an ill child than dads are. And in this particular case, where a mother, and at least one of her kids, is sick, she still became responsible for either watching the kids herself, or finding someone else to care for them. Now, in some countries, like the United States, it can be even more challenging to navigate these situations because it’s extremely unlikely that a company will allow parents paid leave to care for their kids. In 2021, 47% of working moms in the US reported needing to take unpaid sick days to take care of their children, including 60% of lower-income moms and 75% of moms who work part-time.
But if this situation took place in the United Kingdom, parents may have more rights. “As a working parent you have the right to take reasonable time off to deal with a domestic emergency, which includes when your child is ill, and you need time to make alternative arrangements for their care,” writes Trades Union Congress on their site. “Around a quarter of working parents use this right each year. Talk to your boss as soon as a problem arises, giving them a reason for the absence and how long you expect to be away. Your employer may pay you, but they don’t have to.”
They even note that the burden should always be shared between parents. “Remember that both parents are entitled to time off to look after ill children, so it should not be assumed that mothers will drop everything while fathers carry on as usual. Dads can request time off work to look after their children too.”
In fact, according to Citizens Advice UK, all workers have the right to take time off to care for anyone who is a “dependent” of them, including their children and their spouse or partner. And while it may not be paid unless their contract specifies that it will be, they are entitled to take these days off.
There’s really no reason why this father could not have prioritized his partner and decided to take a day or two off to watch their children while she was ill. The last thing we ever want to do is make our loved ones’ lives harder, so you would expect a dad to jump at the opportunity to care for his family. We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever struggled to get days off to take care of your kids or spouse, or does your country allow paid days off for these purposes?
Many readers assured the mom that she was being reasonable
However, others were less sympathetic and told her to accept that this is just part of being parent
What I get from all the "nay-sayers" is that it's not fine to make the work harder for the father's colleagues but it is perfectly fine doing it for the mother's colleagues, and that his job, career, income, and so on is much more important than hers. Absolutely despicable.
We need a couple bits of context for this one, like which of them makes more money? Wouldn’t it be funny if SHE made twice as much as he does, but he’s acting like he’s the main breadwinner who can’t take a day off to care for kids who are HIS too, while his wife is too sick to do it herself—-not to mention trying to avoid passing her flu on to THEIR child, which could end up even worse.
Load More Replies...
single parents' comments are the worst. yes, you have to do it alone because you're a single parent, and that sucks, but she's not! she's not supposed to "toughen it up" and suffer. marriage is teamwork, and you're supposed to help each other out.
I agree with you completely. I'm a single parent but my situation doesn't mean that I have it better or worse than someone else. If I had a husband I would expect him to be a parent when I was too ill to do it myself, you are supposed to support each other in a relationship, even more so when children come into the picture.
Load More Replies...
Oh man. Its both parents equal responsibility to look after the kids. She's not taken a day off to watch the kids, its to be unwell. 100% Dads responsibility to ask for time off work. Also, some of these comments about making other people at works life harder. That's just sick corporate brainwashing.
Is no one going to mention how he might be a carrier and get his co-workers sick after being around sick family for three days? He should stay home anyway.
Yes, and she mentioned a bad cough! Did they take COVID tests?
Load More Replies...
I am very confused as to why this not an absolute NTA a cross the board. Insane!! The kids are not receiving adequate care. Therefore he needs to stay home. I just don't get it
I remember reading once that in ancient egypt, if a woman was having a bad period, the husband would take time off work to look after the kids and house. And this was ancient times, when things were tough. They still did it. And Egypt may have been more egalitarian than some cultures, but that's really not saying a lot. They were nowhere near as egalitarian as we are today. And yet we can't even hold ourselves to the same standards when it comes to division of labor? Let's just take a step back for a minute and see what that says about us. Just frumping take some time off work to take care of your wife. Your paycheck will be okay.
The bigger issue is that he never takes time off from work when the kids are sick. Should be sharing that burden as equally as possible. If he doesn't get sick days at all, that may be different. She mentioned his employer is flexible so I assume that includes sick days or flex scheduling. He's got options that won't result in him getting fired.
If you're REALLY sick your partner / husband has an obligation to stay at home. I'm a really tough cookie but sometimes you're just so ill, that you just can't do anything other than laying in bed and breathing. I don't understand the negotiability of severe sickness by some people...? I once had food poisoning and shat my bed because I was too weak to get up to go to the toilet and I felt so horrible that I considered calling an ambulance.
So glad that I never had a husband or children. Some of these men are really impossible!😬
DC, DH, YABU, YANBU... it is hard keeping up with all the abbreviations. Is aita not hip anymore 😉
As I’ve understood it, it’s a question of content from different websites. I think - I’m not sure - that “DC” is “dear child”, “DH” is “dear husband”, “YABU” is “you’re being unreasonable” and “YANBU” is “you’re not being unreasonable”. That’s how I deciphered it anyway.
Load More Replies... Without knowing if the father is allowed to take time off ( some companies give you very little or require doctor's notes for sick days, or they don't pay you for time off) its hard to say who is wrong here. But the father should try to alternate with mom when the kids are sick.
She mentioned his employer is "flexible" and "family friendly". I think that's enough to say he can probably take a sick day without much fuss.
Load More Replies... Is this the US? Here the sick partner would have paid sick leave and the other one paid time to tend to sick kids.
Judging by the language, I'm guessing this is a British post.
Load More Replies...
Am I the only one that doesn't really like how she said his work wasn't too "important"? It just stuck to me in a wrong way, it didn't sound too kind
In my eyes this is meant more descriptive than judgemental. If someone is the chief surgeon people may suffer if he's not at the hospital doing his work. If a cashier (yes, I worked as one myself) is absent, there might be longer waiting times for customers and it would suck for the employer, but its definitely a different scenario.
Load More Replies...
Notice how all the people that had zero empathy for her are either British or Australian? Very strange but I've noticed this before. They seem to be slightly backwards when it comes to women's equality. I wonder if this is a side effect from growing up in a culture where page 3 girls were an accepted thing. Pretty disturbing if you think about it.
I think anyone who goes into work sick is prolonging their illness and well as spreading whatever illness they have. It's very important to have a back up plan whenever you have kids for exactly these type of situations. But she sounds like she was pretty ill, I don't understand how you could just trot off to work and leave your spouse like that. She needed relief and rest to get well, and he didn't care.
You and him need to find a system that it is not only you taking time off when the kids are sick. It impacts your job as much as his. Also, if you are so sick it is hard to move, I understand that. If you guys could financially have him take one or two days off work because it is really bad then he should. I mean what if one of the kids gets hurt or something and you are extremely week. We are all human and weaknesses can happen to anyone. One time I had this virus that was so bad I couldn't move without being dizzy and throwing up. I has a single mom. Thank the Lord I had my friend 's 10 year old with me who helped me tremendously. My twins were 4 and hyper. I felt bad for her being 10. But it gave her the opportunity to show empathy and helping out part of a community. I would have done the same thing as a 10 year old. It teaches selflessness.
We are arguing about the symptoms instead of the disease. Friendly to flexible schedules still equals lost income that must be made up if time is taken off due to illness. Capitalism and unfair expectations ITA, not either parent. Mom should be allowed to be sick and dad should be able to take time off to care for their family w/o risking the mortgage.
I wouldn't ask my husband to take time off. I'm a SAHM and my husband doesn't get paid if he doesn't work, so for me it's tough titties until husband is back from work. To be fair though once he was back he would take over all responsibility and let me rest as much as possible. However if he did get paid sick and was in a work environment where he wouldn't need to get cover, then I would want him home with me.
Right, and I think that's what the OP is saying. He could ask, and his work and workplace is the type where they could say yes no problem. But he won't ask.
Load More Replies... 
Funny how in aita so many people immediately advise to get a divorce. Yeah much better for the kids and the whole situation without knowing anything else.
Load More Replies...
What happens you ask? Much less than what happens to her since she's the sole person calling out when the kids are sick. Your argument fails.
Load More Replies... What I get from all the "nay-sayers" is that it's not fine to make the work harder for the father's colleagues but it is perfectly fine doing it for the mother's colleagues, and that his job, career, income, and so on is much more important than hers. Absolutely despicable.
We need a couple bits of context for this one, like which of them makes more money? Wouldn’t it be funny if SHE made twice as much as he does, but he’s acting like he’s the main breadwinner who can’t take a day off to care for kids who are HIS too, while his wife is too sick to do it herself—-not to mention trying to avoid passing her flu on to THEIR child, which could end up even worse.
Load More Replies... single parents' comments are the worst. yes, you have to do it alone because you're a single parent, and that sucks, but she's not! she's not supposed to "toughen it up" and suffer. marriage is teamwork, and you're supposed to help each other out.
I agree with you completely. I'm a single parent but my situation doesn't mean that I have it better or worse than someone else. If I had a husband I would expect him to be a parent when I was too ill to do it myself, you are supposed to support each other in a relationship, even more so when children come into the picture.
Load More Replies... Oh man. Its both parents equal responsibility to look after the kids. She's not taken a day off to watch the kids, its to be unwell. 100% Dads responsibility to ask for time off work. Also, some of these comments about making other people at works life harder. That's just sick corporate brainwashing.
Is no one going to mention how he might be a carrier and get his co-workers sick after being around sick family for three days? He should stay home anyway.
Yes, and she mentioned a bad cough! Did they take COVID tests?
Load More Replies... I am very confused as to why this not an absolute NTA a cross the board. Insane!! The kids are not receiving adequate care. Therefore he needs to stay home. I just don't get it
I remember reading once that in ancient egypt, if a woman was having a bad period, the husband would take time off work to look after the kids and house. And this was ancient times, when things were tough. They still did it. And Egypt may have been more egalitarian than some cultures, but that's really not saying a lot. They were nowhere near as egalitarian as we are today. And yet we can't even hold ourselves to the same standards when it comes to division of labor? Let's just take a step back for a minute and see what that says about us. Just frumping take some time off work to take care of your wife. Your paycheck will be okay.
The bigger issue is that he never takes time off from work when the kids are sick. Should be sharing that burden as equally as possible. If he doesn't get sick days at all, that may be different. She mentioned his employer is flexible so I assume that includes sick days or flex scheduling. He's got options that won't result in him getting fired.
If you're REALLY sick your partner / husband has an obligation to stay at home. I'm a really tough cookie but sometimes you're just so ill, that you just can't do anything other than laying in bed and breathing. I don't understand the negotiability of severe sickness by some people...? I once had food poisoning and shat my bed because I was too weak to get up to go to the toilet and I felt so horrible that I considered calling an ambulance.
So glad that I never had a husband or children. Some of these men are really impossible!😬
DC, DH, YABU, YANBU... it is hard keeping up with all the abbreviations. Is aita not hip anymore 😉
As I’ve understood it, it’s a question of content from different websites. I think - I’m not sure - that “DC” is “dear child”, “DH” is “dear husband”, “YABU” is “you’re being unreasonable” and “YANBU” is “you’re not being unreasonable”. That’s how I deciphered it anyway.
Load More Replies... Without knowing if the father is allowed to take time off ( some companies give you very little or require doctor's notes for sick days, or they don't pay you for time off) its hard to say who is wrong here. But the father should try to alternate with mom when the kids are sick.
She mentioned his employer is "flexible" and "family friendly". I think that's enough to say he can probably take a sick day without much fuss.
Load More Replies... Is this the US? Here the sick partner would have paid sick leave and the other one paid time to tend to sick kids.
Judging by the language, I'm guessing this is a British post.
Load More Replies... Am I the only one that doesn't really like how she said his work wasn't too "important"? It just stuck to me in a wrong way, it didn't sound too kind
In my eyes this is meant more descriptive than judgemental. If someone is the chief surgeon people may suffer if he's not at the hospital doing his work. If a cashier (yes, I worked as one myself) is absent, there might be longer waiting times for customers and it would suck for the employer, but its definitely a different scenario.
Load More Replies... Notice how all the people that had zero empathy for her are either British or Australian? Very strange but I've noticed this before. They seem to be slightly backwards when it comes to women's equality. I wonder if this is a side effect from growing up in a culture where page 3 girls were an accepted thing. Pretty disturbing if you think about it.
I think anyone who goes into work sick is prolonging their illness and well as spreading whatever illness they have. It's very important to have a back up plan whenever you have kids for exactly these type of situations. But she sounds like she was pretty ill, I don't understand how you could just trot off to work and leave your spouse like that. She needed relief and rest to get well, and he didn't care.
You and him need to find a system that it is not only you taking time off when the kids are sick. It impacts your job as much as his. Also, if you are so sick it is hard to move, I understand that. If you guys could financially have him take one or two days off work because it is really bad then he should. I mean what if one of the kids gets hurt or something and you are extremely week. We are all human and weaknesses can happen to anyone. One time I had this virus that was so bad I couldn't move without being dizzy and throwing up. I has a single mom. Thank the Lord I had my friend 's 10 year old with me who helped me tremendously. My twins were 4 and hyper. I felt bad for her being 10. But it gave her the opportunity to show empathy and helping out part of a community. I would have done the same thing as a 10 year old. It teaches selflessness.
We are arguing about the symptoms instead of the disease. Friendly to flexible schedules still equals lost income that must be made up if time is taken off due to illness. Capitalism and unfair expectations ITA, not either parent. Mom should be allowed to be sick and dad should be able to take time off to care for their family w/o risking the mortgage.
I wouldn't ask my husband to take time off. I'm a SAHM and my husband doesn't get paid if he doesn't work, so for me it's tough titties until husband is back from work. To be fair though once he was back he would take over all responsibility and let me rest as much as possible. However if he did get paid sick and was in a work environment where he wouldn't need to get cover, then I would want him home with me.
Right, and I think that's what the OP is saying. He could ask, and his work and workplace is the type where they could say yes no problem. But he won't ask.
Load More Replies... Funny how in aita so many people immediately advise to get a divorce. Yeah much better for the kids and the whole situation without knowing anything else.
Load More Replies... What happens you ask? Much less than what happens to her since she's the sole person calling out when the kids are sick. Your argument fails.
Load More Replies...
40
51