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“No Apology Has Been Offered”: Woman Cuts Sister And Her Toxic Family Out Of Her Life
You can’t choose your family, but you have a say in your relationships with them. A few days ago, Reddit user Fokaifemme shared her story on r/AITAH, detailing the fallout with her sister. For a long time, her sons had been bullied and harassed by their cousin and her friends in a deeply hurtful way. Despite the mom’s efforts to address the issue, her sibling met her with dismissal, and there was no resolution. Faced with a lack of accountability, the woman made the difficult decision to set firm boundaries—sparking years of tension that have recently reached a boiling point. So, she asked the internet to help her make sense of the whole ordeal.
RELATED:
Choosing family over family can be one of the most painful decisions a person has to make
Image credits: Daniel Martinez/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Especially when others feel like they can pressure you into making one decision or another
Image credits: Media_photos/Envato(not the actual photo)
As her story went viral, the woman provided more context on her family’s situation
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: fokaifemme
Around 29% of Americans are in a similar position as the woman
Family estrangement—the process by which family members become strangers to one another—is still somewhat taboo, but, that’s changing.
While there is no irrefutable data on whether estrangements are increasing or decreasing, some experts suggest that, with celebrities sharing their experiences, others may feel more comfortable divulging their own family struggles too.
“Families have always been complicated, and now we’re talking about it more,” says Lucy Blake, PhD, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of the West of England in Bristol and author of the book No Family Is Perfect: A Guide to Embracing the Messy Reality.
People dealing with estrangement have been found to benefit from therapy in specific ways, including receiving warmth, validation, and safety, which may have been missing in their previous relationships; addressing the causes and resulting fallout from their estrangement; and also working on their relationship skills.
Image credits: Nini FromParis/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
One poll of over 11,000 Americans conducted in 2022 found that more than one in four Americans — 29% — report being estranged from an immediate family member, including siblings, parents, children, or grandparents. This number is slightly higher for men, with 31% reporting estrangement compared to 27% of women.
Also, people between the ages of 30 and 44 are the most likely age group analyzed to report estrangement from a family member, possibly because they are more likely to have family members in each of these categories.
Sexual orientation also appears to be a factor, with higher rates of estrangement reported by gay men (49%), lesbian women (55%), and bisexual people (38%) compared to heterosexuals (27%).
Whether or not you agree with the author of the post, at least the silver lining is that she’s taking a proactive approach to protect her children and work out the disagreements she’s been having with her relatives.
The mom also has addressed some of the questions people have had about the conflict
The majority expressed full support for her
But some have been critical
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What do you think ?
Alexandra 12 months ago
I will cut everyone out of my life, without any consideration at all, if they harm my son and don't take accountability for it. It's high time people stopped 'keeping the peace', 'be the bigger person' or 'think of the family' in order to cover up bigotry, hatred, racism, misogyny and all the other evils mankind can come up with.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 12 months ago (edited)
I already did and it was the best thing I ever did. Full NC with my racist, misogynistic sperm donor and judgemental "golden " siblings, and very LC with the egg donor (text messages only two or three times a year). When family is toxic it's a relief to be free of them. Edit for spelling typo.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 12 months ago
Any other course of action devalues her son. Without contrition, you just can't go back, if family understands this or not.
Bette 12 months ago
The people to whom you might be related by blood or marriage does not make them "family". Your true family are those people who love you unconditionally, want only the best for you, defend you always , and support you. As a parent, defending your children against abusers always comes first.
Tonyah Mcanelly 12 months ago
I would have done the same thing . You cant expect to act like nothing happened. especially something so traumatizing. Our children depend on us to keep them safe. If that means to cut ties with toxic family members, then we do what we have to do. If the sister calls and says everything is fine I would have asked for a family meeting with all the kids to discuss the issue and then you can get a feel for the situation and if it is legitimate or if they were telling you things they think you want to hear.
Corvus 12 months ago (edited)
The thing that really angered me in this story is how a fair number of family members tried to downplay what had transpired, just for the sake of "keeping the peace." While I understand this logic, I also think there is a point where one has to say "enough is enough" and stick to it. Permanently.
WonderWoman 12 months ago
The sister doesn't *really* want OP & family at her wedding, she just doesn't want to explain to people WHY her sister and her kids aren't in attendance. Shame on family members weighing in when they don't know the facts or even ask what happened. Considering it has been 5 years, where the heck where these 'concerned' family members then? Did anyone reach out to OP to ask what was going on, and what could be done to resolve? The family is toxic and OP is wise to stay TF away from them.
Susy Hammond 12 months ago
Hard no contact ever, and I'd even include the OP's mother. How dare they act so cruelly with such abandon, already knowing how upsetting their behavior is ('cause you called them out on it). No, YOUR immediate family is your priority and nothing else matters. They brought the no contact on themselves. I'd even change my phone number(s), change locks (if any of them have keys) and block them on social media.
Mark Childers 12 months ago
And this is why I hate kids. Parents now don't actually parent. Most of them "suggest" that their kids do better without any repercussions. I'm an adult and refuse to be around kids. Parents, you're letting us all down by letting the kids be monsters. This situation should never have happened. When I was a kid, parents believed others when they told them about their kids' behaviors. Most kids who got in trouble at school got in more trouble once they were home.
Alexandra 12 months ago
I will cut everyone out of my life, without any consideration at all, if they harm my son and don't take accountability for it. It's high time people stopped 'keeping the peace', 'be the bigger person' or 'think of the family' in order to cover up bigotry, hatred, racism, misogyny and all the other evils mankind can come up with.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 12 months ago (edited)
I already did and it was the best thing I ever did. Full NC with my racist, misogynistic sperm donor and judgemental "golden " siblings, and very LC with the egg donor (text messages only two or three times a year). When family is toxic it's a relief to be free of them. Edit for spelling typo.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 12 months ago
Any other course of action devalues her son. Without contrition, you just can't go back, if family understands this or not.
Bette 12 months ago
The people to whom you might be related by blood or marriage does not make them "family". Your true family are those people who love you unconditionally, want only the best for you, defend you always , and support you. As a parent, defending your children against abusers always comes first.
Tonyah Mcanelly 12 months ago
I would have done the same thing . You cant expect to act like nothing happened. especially something so traumatizing. Our children depend on us to keep them safe. If that means to cut ties with toxic family members, then we do what we have to do. If the sister calls and says everything is fine I would have asked for a family meeting with all the kids to discuss the issue and then you can get a feel for the situation and if it is legitimate or if they were telling you things they think you want to hear.
Corvus 12 months ago (edited)
The thing that really angered me in this story is how a fair number of family members tried to downplay what had transpired, just for the sake of "keeping the peace." While I understand this logic, I also think there is a point where one has to say "enough is enough" and stick to it. Permanently.
WonderWoman 12 months ago
The sister doesn't *really* want OP & family at her wedding, she just doesn't want to explain to people WHY her sister and her kids aren't in attendance. Shame on family members weighing in when they don't know the facts or even ask what happened. Considering it has been 5 years, where the heck where these 'concerned' family members then? Did anyone reach out to OP to ask what was going on, and what could be done to resolve? The family is toxic and OP is wise to stay TF away from them.
Susy Hammond 12 months ago
Hard no contact ever, and I'd even include the OP's mother. How dare they act so cruelly with such abandon, already knowing how upsetting their behavior is ('cause you called them out on it). No, YOUR immediate family is your priority and nothing else matters. They brought the no contact on themselves. I'd even change my phone number(s), change locks (if any of them have keys) and block them on social media.
Mark Childers 12 months ago
And this is why I hate kids. Parents now don't actually parent. Most of them "suggest" that their kids do better without any repercussions. I'm an adult and refuse to be around kids. Parents, you're letting us all down by letting the kids be monsters. This situation should never have happened. When I was a kid, parents believed others when they told them about their kids' behaviors. Most kids who got in trouble at school got in more trouble once they were home.
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