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New Mom Is Sick Of Her Spouse Bodyshaming Her, Yells At Him In The Midst Of Family Christmas Gathering, Gets Called A Jerk
New Mom Is Sick Of Her Spouse Bodyshaming Her, Yells At Him In The Midst Of Family Christmas Gathering, Gets Called A Jerk
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New Mom Is Sick Of Her Spouse Bodyshaming Her, Yells At Him In The Midst Of Family Christmas Gathering, Gets Called A Jerk

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The birth of a child is called absolute happiness by many women, and holding this tiny creature in your arms after it was a part of your body for around nine months is totally incredible. However, motherhood is also a complicated job, so every new mom needs maximum support – first of all, from her own partner.

This sounds obvious, but however, often causes various problems… The fact is that some men, even after becoming a father, show such an incredible lack of empathy, behave so selfishly and childishly that one can only wonder how. And then come plaintive posts about lost custody battles… however, that’s not what we’re talking about now. Not about that yet…

This particular story appeared in the AITA Reddit community a few days ago, and has already managed to collect more than 45.3K upvotes and almost 2.6K various comments, and the vast majority of their authors, of course, massively support the author of the post. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

More info: Reddit

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    The author of the post is married and she delivered a baby several months ago

    Image credits:  cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

    So, a few months ago, the author of the original post gave birth to a child, after which she encountered a very unpleasant phenomenon, namely indirect comments about her body from her own husband. The Original Poster’s hubby turned out to be so entitled that he literally had the audacity to comment on the changes that happened to her body and comment in a negative way.

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    Image credits: u/SallysSalon111

    The author’s husband started making hurtful ‘observations’ regarding her body

    No, of course, the man did not allow himself any hurtful words, but still, his so-called ‘observations’ sounded extremely offensive to the new mom. For example, the husband would see his wife wearing her old top and say “Oh, that top used to look good on you, but not anymore though…” Well, actually a standard set for beginner abusers…

    Image credits: u/SallysSalon111

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    The woman says that this went on for months, but she tolerated this passive aggression until, finally, her husband got to the point that he began to criticize her appearance in front of friends and relatives. And yet, what happened at Christmas totally overwhelmed the author’s patience.

    Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

    While at their family Christmas party, the spouse even had the audacity to criticize his wife’s waist in public

    The couple were visiting the husband’s parents for a Christmas celebration, and her sister-in-law complimented the beautiful floral maxi dress that the OP wore for this gathering. The author thanked her SIL for the nice words, but at that moment, her husband intervened again with a completely inappropriate remark: “I agree it looks nice on you… though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!”

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    Image credits: u/SallysSalon111

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    The woman lost her temper and yelled at her husband straight at the dinner table

    There was absolute silence. Relatives were completely discouraged by hearing such words from the OP’s spouse. As the woman herself admits, this was the last straw for her, and she, jumping up from her chair right in the midst of the festive dinner, yelled at her husband right in the face with anger: “SHUT THE F**K UP ABOUT MY BODY!”

    Image credits: u/SallysSalon111

    The man was literally speechless, and some relatives tried to somehow calm the OP down. Needless to say, the party ended right there. After recovering, the husband stormed out of the house, going to one of his buddies, where he spent the whole night. Moreover, after some time, the author of the post received a nasty text from him, where he called her ‘childish’ and scolded her for allegedly ruining his holiday by throwing a fit in response to the ‘observation’ he made.

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    Image credits:  Elina Fairytale (not the actual image)

    In addition, the man stated that his wife could use therapy for her insecurities instead of ‘verbally abusing him and scaring his family’. As a result, as the Original Poster herself admits, she felt herself guilty and decided to find out from folks online what they think about this situation.

    The expert thinks the author’s husband behaves like a typical abuser

    “Of course, the husband here behaved completely rudely and inappropriately, and not only in this particular situation, but in general for all the months that have passed since the birth of their baby,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for comments on this story. “There are clear signs of a typical abuser – in particular, the substitution of concepts and accusations of abuse made against the victim.”

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    “It is possible that the woman had some insecurities associated with her body after the birth of a child. This happens quite often. However, instead of supporting his wife, reassuring her, the husband behaved in a completely outrageous way. I think therapy would certainly not hurt this woman – but therapy regarding confrontation of family bullying,” states Irina Matveeva.

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    Some people in the comments even go further and advise the author to divorce this man who’s gaslighting her

    Many people in the comments agree with the expert, however, arguing that if the Original Poster really gets therapy, she’d discover that her spouse is an emotionally abusive bully. Commenters strongly recommend that the OP visit a psychoanalyst to regain the self confidence her husband has eroded with his cruel ‘observations’. Moreover, some people in the comments are advising the woman to go ahead and divorce the man who’s in fact gaslighting her.

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    According to some of the commenters, it is the husband who makes the woman feel insecure, and his remarks look completely manipulative. As some folks claim, the author really needs a counselor and if she even wants to stay married, then she should seek out marriage counseling as well, as this dynamic with the OP’s husband is not OK at all.

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    In fact, people in relationships can be downright weird at times – like this man, who literally parted ways with his girlfriend after discovering she has breast implants, four months into a relationship with her. If you have also witnessed something similar, please let us know about your own case in the comments. And we’d like to know your own opinion on this particular tale as well.

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    Oleg Tarasenko

    Oleg Tarasenko

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

    Read less »
    Oleg Tarasenko

    Oleg Tarasenko

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

    What do you think ?
    S Mi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    'Gaslighting' and 'verbal abuse' are often over used online. This, however is an (unfortunately) perfect example of both. He needs therapy and family violence intervention. Hopefully she gets out of there.

    PattyK
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wish I could add more up-votes to this one. The husband’s remarks are not passive-aggressive. They are aggressive-aggressive and abusive. He needs therapy and they both need marriage counseling if they are to stay married.

    Load More Replies...
    LH25
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Great comments. There is nothing "indirect" about his hurtful comments. She is minimizing his words. We were visiting family and a friend who was there made a comment about how her partner said he wouldn't sleep with her until she was back to her pre-baby weight. She had gained very little while pregnant, gave birth a month previously and looked great. But she thought his attitude was reasonable.

    Lyone Fein
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing to add to the wonderful comments already posted. Once you have a pregnancy your body changes permanently.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Classic abuse technique- he pokes and pokes until you explode, then he gets to call you crazy and hysterical as he blames you for everything. I’m not sure this is fixable.

    MimSorensson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even if it was - would it be worth it? My spontaneous answer would be no. He’s been doing this nasty shìt for months she says, so it seems this is his personality.

    Load More Replies...
    Mama Penguin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those were not observations. Those were insults, plain and simple. And the fact that he stormed off to his friend's place instead of going home and have an open discussion with her shows that he's an effing man child who can't handle an adult conversation. She should see a therapist because she would need one as her husband is a total twat. If I were her, I would dish it right back to him and he's not allowed to get angry as those are just "observations".

    Christina R
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't be surprised if the friend turned out to be another woman.

    Load More Replies...
    Mad McQueen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a jerk. Make sure everyone knows it's been going on an none of them would like it happening to them. My mil used to talk s**t about me losing weight all the time. Then I did an she didn't like how "Marilyn Monroe" I looked. Boobs and hips. So it shut her up

    Lara Verne
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ugh. My friend married guy like this. She gained some weigh after two children, nothing extreme, but her husband started body shaming her, first with "observations", later with directly mocking her for being "fat". Unfortunately, she listened to him, went on a diet and eventually developed anorexia. She got better after divorcing her a*****e husband, though.

    NotACookieCutter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree that you should lose weight: dump his a** immediately and enjoy instant weight loss.

    Victoria Pitt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm expecting and I mentioned to my partner that I'm going to try to only gain 25lbs, because my BMI is already a little high that is the recommended amount for me to gain. His response: You don't have to worry about your weight babe. He went on to say I shouldn't worry about it because you're supposed to gain weight during pregnancy. Even though I was speaking more medically than worrying about my looks, he just trying to be supportive. <3 He's a keeper that's for sure.

    David Fox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't condone violence but if (hypothetically speaking) my daughter was married to him my first would make contact with his face.....and a size 10 boot mark on his a**e after I kicked him out.

    Colin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are a lot of people who need a high five...to the face...with a steel chair!

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    S Mi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    'Gaslighting' and 'verbal abuse' are often over used online. This, however is an (unfortunately) perfect example of both. He needs therapy and family violence intervention. Hopefully she gets out of there.

    PattyK
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wish I could add more up-votes to this one. The husband’s remarks are not passive-aggressive. They are aggressive-aggressive and abusive. He needs therapy and they both need marriage counseling if they are to stay married.

    Load More Replies...
    LH25
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Great comments. There is nothing "indirect" about his hurtful comments. She is minimizing his words. We were visiting family and a friend who was there made a comment about how her partner said he wouldn't sleep with her until she was back to her pre-baby weight. She had gained very little while pregnant, gave birth a month previously and looked great. But she thought his attitude was reasonable.

    Lyone Fein
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing to add to the wonderful comments already posted. Once you have a pregnancy your body changes permanently.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Classic abuse technique- he pokes and pokes until you explode, then he gets to call you crazy and hysterical as he blames you for everything. I’m not sure this is fixable.

    MimSorensson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even if it was - would it be worth it? My spontaneous answer would be no. He’s been doing this nasty shìt for months she says, so it seems this is his personality.

    Load More Replies...
    Mama Penguin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those were not observations. Those were insults, plain and simple. And the fact that he stormed off to his friend's place instead of going home and have an open discussion with her shows that he's an effing man child who can't handle an adult conversation. She should see a therapist because she would need one as her husband is a total twat. If I were her, I would dish it right back to him and he's not allowed to get angry as those are just "observations".

    Christina R
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't be surprised if the friend turned out to be another woman.

    Load More Replies...
    Mad McQueen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a jerk. Make sure everyone knows it's been going on an none of them would like it happening to them. My mil used to talk s**t about me losing weight all the time. Then I did an she didn't like how "Marilyn Monroe" I looked. Boobs and hips. So it shut her up

    Lara Verne
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ugh. My friend married guy like this. She gained some weigh after two children, nothing extreme, but her husband started body shaming her, first with "observations", later with directly mocking her for being "fat". Unfortunately, she listened to him, went on a diet and eventually developed anorexia. She got better after divorcing her a*****e husband, though.

    NotACookieCutter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree that you should lose weight: dump his a** immediately and enjoy instant weight loss.

    Victoria Pitt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm expecting and I mentioned to my partner that I'm going to try to only gain 25lbs, because my BMI is already a little high that is the recommended amount for me to gain. His response: You don't have to worry about your weight babe. He went on to say I shouldn't worry about it because you're supposed to gain weight during pregnancy. Even though I was speaking more medically than worrying about my looks, he just trying to be supportive. <3 He's a keeper that's for sure.

    David Fox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't condone violence but if (hypothetically speaking) my daughter was married to him my first would make contact with his face.....and a size 10 boot mark on his a**e after I kicked him out.

    Colin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are a lot of people who need a high five...to the face...with a steel chair!

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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