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Life hacks are awesome. Handy short cuts that let you get the boring stuff done quicker and easier, giving you more time to get on with the more important stuff, like playing with your dog or saving the world.

These life hacks however, are not that. These are parody life hacks, life hacks so creatively useless that the only thing they are good for is making you giggle uncontrollably. Which I guess is an end unto itself right? This is the sequel to our previous pro-tip shit list, which proved wildly popular!

Scroll down the list below and marvel at the absurdity of it all, but whatever you do don’t take any of this terrible advice on board, as some of them are actually pretty dangerous. Do vote for your favourite though!

#1

Don't Throw Out Old Doll Heads. You Can Turn Them Into Handy Night Lights For Your Kids

Don't Throw Out Old Doll Heads. You Can Turn Them Into Handy Night Lights For Your Kids

Improbably_wrong Report

#2

Tired Of Boiling Water Every Time You Make Pasta? Boil A Few Gallons At The Beginning Of The Week And Freeze It For Later

Tired Of Boiling Water Every Time You Make Pasta? Boil A Few Gallons At The Beginning Of The Week And Freeze It For Later

datassque Report

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Lara B.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Genius! I will try that today, saves so much time! Wait...

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#4

Eggs Are Really Healthy And Should Be The Foundation Of Your Diet. Don't Like The Taste? Add Cacao, Butter, Flour And Bake For 30 Minutes

Eggs Are Really Healthy And Should Be The Foundation Of Your Diet. Don't Like The Taste? Add Cacao, Butter, Flour And Bake For 30 Minutes

toromio Report

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#5

If You Sleep Till Noon You Only Have To Pay For 2 Meals Instead Of 3

If You Sleep Till Noon You Only Have To Pay For 2 Meals Instead Of 3

harriscolten Report

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Lara B.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'd do that, I'd have to sleep until 6pm, as I could only afford to pay for one meal, after getting fired because of my sleeping schedule :D

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#6

Batteries Dead In Your Smoke Alarm? Just Use Popcorn As A Smoke Alarm. When You Hear Crackling, Grab Your Popcorn And Get The Hell Out

Batteries Dead In Your Smoke Alarm? Just Use Popcorn As A Smoke Alarm. When You Hear Crackling, Grab Your Popcorn And Get The Hell Out

shittyIifetips Report

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lara_andrea avatar
Lara B.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you can have a little snack while you watch your house burning down.

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#7

If It Works It Isn't Stupid

If It Works It Isn't Stupid

maharaja17 Report

#8

Use A Snake To Hold Your Pasta Easily

Use A Snake To Hold Your Pasta Easily

Tucko29 Report

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#9

If Your Car Is Making An Unsettling Noise, Just Turn Your Radio Up Until It Disappears

If Your Car Is Making An Unsettling Noise, Just Turn Your Radio Up Until It Disappears

theultimatedoot Report

#10

When Cutting Bagels In Half, Put Your Finger Through The Stabilization Hole To Keep It Steady

When Cutting Bagels In Half, Put Your Finger Through The Stabilization Hole To Keep It Steady

jaapgrolleman Report

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Evgeniya Khon
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep you will have a perfectly cut in two bagel and some extra meat and red sauce

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#11

Fill Your Arms With Puppies So No One Can Ask You For Help

Fill Your Arms With Puppies So No One Can Ask You For Help

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#12

Pro Tip: If You Stir Coconut Oil Into Your Kale It Makes It Easier To Scrape Into The Trash

Pro Tip: If You Stir Coconut Oil Into Your Kale It Makes It Easier To Scrape Into The Trash

Boobooloo Report

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#13

Having A Shitty Day? Put On Sunglasses! Now You're Having A Shitty Evening

Having A Shitty Day? Put On Sunglasses! Now You're Having A Shitty Evening

SkillUpYT Report

#14

Fill A Rubber Glove With Warm Water And Put It On Your Hand When You Feel Lonely

Fill A Rubber Glove With Warm Water And Put It On Your Hand When You Feel Lonely

gregthegregest Report

#15

Use This Hack With Deaf People

Use This Hack With Deaf People

robotrowboat Report

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David Madden
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife is deaf. This is useful. The misunderstandings we have had have been hilarious. For example, the sign for bug and penis are very damn close.

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#16

Want To Get Rid Of Wrinkles Fast? Just Get Bit By A Rattlesnake

Want To Get Rid Of Wrinkles Fast? Just Get Bit By A Rattlesnake

kyletells Report

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Some Body
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And then the rattlesnake can hold your pasta whilst you are at the hospital

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#17

Want To Turn Your Drink Into Diet? No Problem! Just Push This Button

Want To Turn Your Drink Into Diet? No Problem! Just Push This Button

osher32 Report

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megakitty8808 avatar
Some Body
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was a kid I used to think that when you pushed one of the 'buttons' on the lid the drink would change to that type

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#18

Add A Touch Of Magic To Your Cold By Putting Glitter In Your Mouth Before You Sneeze

Add A Touch Of Magic To Your Cold By Putting Glitter In Your Mouth Before You Sneeze

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#19

If Your Phone Screen Is Too Small, Put It In Water. It Will Magnify The Screen Up To 200%

If Your Phone Screen Is Too Small, Put It In Water. It Will Magnify The Screen Up To 200%

gabewil Report

#20

Use This Tip To Save Your Money

Use This Tip To Save Your Money

howfemalesact Report

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#21

Sink Full Of Dirty Dishes? Visitors Imminent? Put Some Clean Dishes In The Dishrack. Now It Looks Like You're Working On It

Sink Full Of Dirty Dishes? Visitors Imminent? Put Some Clean Dishes In The Dishrack. Now It Looks Like You're Working On It

TheJoePilato Report

#22

Don't Be Afraid To Use Public Bathrooms Ever Again

Don't Be Afraid To Use Public Bathrooms Ever Again

j0be Report

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Rabbitt209
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sobbing works too. Be sure you're wearing tear stains when you come out.

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#23

A Slice Of Red Onion In Your Dvd Drive Is An All-Natural Way Of Protecting Your Computer Against Viruses

A Slice Of Red Onion In Your Dvd Drive Is An All-Natural Way Of Protecting Your Computer Against Viruses

thejogging Report

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Cip IESAN
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mac laptops need no onion, because an apple a day keeps the doctor away!

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#24

To Maximize Horsepower On The Highway Shift From 5th Gear To "R" For Racing

To Maximize Horsepower On The Highway Shift From 5th Gear To "R" For Racing

gregthegregest Report

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#25

If You Put Your Wipers Up Parking Inspectors Are Unable To Give You A Ticket

If You Put Your Wipers Up Parking Inspectors Are Unable To Give You A Ticket

untitled02 Report

#27

Use Cello Tape As Hands Free Selfie Stick

Use Cello Tape As Hands Free Selfie Stick

ripeinmay Report

#28

Dress For The Weight You Want, Not The Weight You Have

Dress For The Weight You Want, Not The Weight You Have

dustinyo_ Report

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Lara B.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That must be the most horrible tip of all. An the scary thing is: some people really seem to take that one to heart

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#29

Having Trouble Finding A Parking Spot? Turn On Your Hazard Lights To Make Yourself Immune To Traffic Laws, Then Park Wherever You Want

Having Trouble Finding A Parking Spot? Turn On Your Hazard Lights To Make Yourself Immune To Traffic Laws, Then Park Wherever You Want

jtumbaco5 Report

#30

Don't Have A Flashlight On Your Phone? Take A Picture Of The Sun And Use The Photo To Find Your Way In The Dark

Don't Have A Flashlight On Your Phone? Take A Picture Of The Sun And Use The Photo To Find Your Way In The Dark

Samrulesan Report

#31

When All The Cups Are Dirty And You're Too Lazy To Clean One

When All The Cups Are Dirty And You're Too Lazy To Clean One

Report

#32

Use This Simple Tip To Get Free Meals Forever

Use This Simple Tip To Get Free Meals Forever

TheSlimyDog Report

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#33

Save Hundreds Instantly

Save Hundreds Instantly

daftlimmy Report

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Judy Semmens
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a couple of boyfriends who did that with birthdays. That way they could get a present for their birthday while saving money on my birthday. It gets a bit obvious when they want to make up shortly after your birthday, then next year it happens again. (Obviously, doing it before Christmas means they also miss out on getting presents.)

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#34

This Tiny Tool Can Make Any Pair Of Headphones Wireless

This Tiny Tool Can Make Any Pair Of Headphones Wireless

Evan_Giants Report

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Lara B.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amazing! So i can just transform my old ones and don't have to pay 200 quid for a wireless pair that i will lose anyway.

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#35

In An Awkward/Uncomfortable Situation? Just Moon-Walk Away. People Will Think You Are Walking Towards That, But You Are In Fact Leaving

In An Awkward/Uncomfortable Situation? Just Moon-Walk Away. People Will Think You Are Walking Towards That, But You Are In Fact Leaving

Olena Hromova Report

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Hamdhaan Hassan
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

moonwalk out of every problem in life and watch your life get destroyed in style

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#36

If You're In A Rush In The Morning, Remember To Save Some Time By Having Breakfast Whilst Cleaning Your Teeth At The Same Time

If You're In A Rush In The Morning, Remember To Save Some Time By Having Breakfast Whilst Cleaning Your Teeth At The Same Time

HaveAGoodDay_ Report

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#37

Plant Your Hot Dog Seeds Now To Guarantee A Healthy Bounty For Your Backyard BBQ

Plant Your Hot Dog Seeds Now To Guarantee A Healthy Bounty For Your Backyard BBQ

StupidLullabies Report

#38

Tear A Strip Off Of Plastic Cups To Make A Convenient Handle

Tear A Strip Off Of Plastic Cups To Make A Convenient Handle

JumpinJalupes Report

#39

No Friends? Doesn't Matter. Use This Hack

No Friends? Doesn't Matter. Use This Hack

joeheenan Report

#40

Not Disabled? Put One Of These On Your Car To Use Disabled Parking Whenever You Like

Not Disabled? Put One Of These On Your Car To Use Disabled Parking Whenever You Like

Roland_Sausage Report

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Lara B.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With this sign, most people also seem to lose the capability to use their indicator!

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#42

Use Condoms As Homemade Waterproof Socks

Use Condoms As Homemade Waterproof Socks

Uncle_Retardo Report

#43

Nail Art Hack

Nail Art Hack

rob-ho Report

#44

Here's A Tip For Boys: Put A Pee Stain Down Low On Your Jeans And People Will Think Your Penis Is Longer

Here's A Tip For Boys: Put A Pee Stain Down Low On Your Jeans And People Will Think Your Penis Is Longer

Protttt Report

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#45

When Painting The Outside Of Your House, Use A Fine Detail Brush. Larger Brushes Are Often Lower Quality And Use Far More Paint

When Painting The Outside Of Your House, Use A Fine Detail Brush. Larger Brushes Are Often Lower Quality And Use Far More Paint

RecycleYourCats Report

#46

Get A Whole Extra Glass Of Juice By Slightly Tilting The Carton

Get A Whole Extra Glass Of Juice By Slightly Tilting The Carton

theangrypancake Report

#47

Having Trouble Opening A Soda Bottle? Hold It Upside-Down Whilst You Open It. This Will Force All The Gases Away From The Neck Of The Bottle And Make It Much Easier To Open

Having Trouble Opening A Soda Bottle? Hold It Upside-Down Whilst You Open It. This Will Force All The Gases Away From The Neck Of The Bottle And Make It Much Easier To Open

lifehackeble Report

#48

Use Frozen Vegetables When You Run Out Of Ice

Use Frozen Vegetables When You Run Out Of Ice

deviousdishsoap Report

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#49

Throw It In A Microwave And You Won't Even Be Able To Tell The Difference

Throw It In A Microwave And You Won't Even Be Able To Tell The Difference

190IQ_REDDIT_SAGE Report

#50

Make Your Car Almost Twice As Fast By Changing It From Mph To Kmh

Make Your Car Almost Twice As Fast By Changing It From Mph To Kmh

Bioslayer2k Report

#51

To Make Sure Your Phone Is Nice And Clean, Microwave It For 30 Seconds In The Morning To Get Rid Of All The Bad Bacteria That Might Have Got On It During The Night

To Make Sure Your Phone Is Nice And Clean, Microwave It For 30 Seconds In The Morning To Get Rid Of All The Bad Bacteria That Might Have Got On It During The Night

ultowich Report

#52

Here's A Simple & Easy Way To Lose Weight Fast. You Can Lose A Ton Of Weight Just By Weighing Yourself While Sitting On The Toilet

Here's A Simple & Easy Way To Lose Weight Fast. You Can Lose A Ton Of Weight Just By Weighing Yourself While Sitting On The Toilet

chuckhistory Report

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#53

Use This When You Want Your Pc To Be Even Faster

Use This When You Want Your Pc To Be Even Faster

TheRadmite Report

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Mikleo
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't forget to put flame stickers on the side to make it even faster.

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#54

Never Lose Your Keys Again

Never Lose Your Keys Again

Fckuu Report

#55

Fire Extinguishers Can Be Damaged So To Keep It Safe Have It In A High Place That's Out Of Reach So It Will Be Ready When You Need It

Fire Extinguishers Can Be Damaged So To Keep It Safe Have It In A High Place That's Out Of Reach So It Will Be Ready When You Need It

gcbkkm2007 Report

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lazyiranch0 avatar
Suzanne Marriott
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is real! By law, the laundromat has to have a fire extinguisher on the premise. They probably had problems with theft and vandalism.

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#56

Never Slip In The Winter Anymore By Piercing Screwdrivers Through Your Wheels

Never Slip In The Winter Anymore By Piercing Screwdrivers Through Your Wheels

HahaUrGay Report

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kwill04 avatar
Kiahna
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is an expensive post. Wheels aren't cheap! Neither are screwdrivers!

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#57

Inform An Officer You Are Carrying A Handgun Like This

Inform An Officer You Are Carrying A Handgun Like This

Luke Soderling Report

#58

How To Make Your Own Quesadilla Wallet In 3 Super Easy Steps

How To Make Your Own Quesadilla Wallet In 3 Super Easy Steps

notquitestrongbad Report

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Sherrie Glendening
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And when someone tries to rob you, just give him the quesadilla without the cash and cards. He won't even notice.

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#59

Replace Your Treadmill Belt With Sandpaper For Better Traction While Running

Replace Your Treadmill Belt With Sandpaper For Better Traction While Running

DuctTapeNinja99 Report

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kwill04 avatar
Kiahna
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This gives me nightmares, I once slipped my hand when using one of these in school. My nail only took a few weeks to grow back.

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#60

Coffee Got Cold? Heat It Up Quick On The Stove

Coffee Got Cold? Heat It Up Quick On The Stove

Tiraffe Report

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#61

The Iphone 7 Does Has A Headphone Jack! It's Just Hidden Behind The Casing. All You Have To Do To Access It Is To Drill A Small Hole 14mm From The Left Edge. The Drill Shouldn't Be Larger Than 4mm

The Iphone 7 Does Has A Headphone Jack! It's Just Hidden Behind The Casing. All You Have To Do To Access It Is To Drill A Small Hole 14mm From The Left Edge. The Drill Shouldn't Be Larger Than 4mm

Jdabby32 Report

#62

If You Need To Rob A Bank And Don't Have A Stocking, Use An Extra Large Condom Instead

If You Need To Rob A Bank And Don't Have A Stocking, Use An Extra Large Condom Instead

rodent999 Report

#63

Turn One Cigarette Upside Down And Smoke It Last. This "Lucky Cigarette" Will Prevent You From Getting Cancer

Turn One Cigarette Upside Down And Smoke It Last. This "Lucky Cigarette" Will Prevent You From Getting Cancer

Baddudes Report

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weatherwax054 avatar
Judy Semmens
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Back in the 1980s I knew someone who did this. I think his reasoning was that if you had dirty fingers you could take that one without getting the dirt on the filter, and you could pinch off the end to remove the dirt.

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#64

Don't Put Gas In Your Car, The Extra Weight Reduces Fuel Efficiency

Don't Put Gas In Your Car, The Extra Weight Reduces Fuel Efficiency

shittyIifetips Report

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#65

Grab A Piping Hot Cuppa Joe At The Corner Store And Stick An Egg In It To Make A Hard Boiled Morning Snack

Grab A Piping Hot Cuppa Joe At The Corner Store And Stick An Egg In It To Make A Hard Boiled Morning Snack

vice Report

#66

Instead Of Wasting Cans, Put Them To Use And Make Do-It-Yourself Cup

Instead Of Wasting Cans, Put Them To Use And Make Do-It-Yourself Cup

CracklesCousin Report

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grubbster55 avatar
Andrew Gibb
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

got scabby lips caused by the winter cold? This handy DIY scab remover is just what you need...

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