New Mom Sends Her Daughter’s Picture On Sister’s Request, Gets Called A Jerk Since She Had A Miscarriage 4 Years Ago
Loving relatives or other close people means, in particular, respecting their feelings, trying, if possible, not to hurt them. Unfortunately, we do not know how to read the thoughts of other people, and are not able to predict how one or another of our actions will affect them. Unfortunately – because otherwise many sad life situations could have been avoided easily.
Like this story posted on the AITA Reddit community by user u/Book-worm1991, for example. Several years have passed since the original publication, and we can only hope that everything is fine in the author’s family, and she eventually managed to repair relations with her sister – especially since no one wanted to hurt each other.
The author’s sister had a pregnancy loss four years ago and after going to therapy, decided to stay childfree
Image credits: Book-worm1991 (not the actual photo)
The author did her best to support her sister in this difficult situation, so did their mother
Image credits: Book-worm1991
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Book-worm1991
After sending relatives ultrasound pictures of her own daughter, the author got a demand from her sister to stop sending these images
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Book-worm1991
When the author’s daughter was nine months old, they visited her relatives and the aunt politely held the baby, yet felt upset later
The Original Poster (OP) says that it all started four years before the events described, when her sister had a miscarriage without even realizing she was pregnant. Despite the fact that the author of the post lives several hundred kilometers away, she tried to support her in this grief as much as possible, to deliver joyful emotions in order to bring her loved one out of a difficult mental state.
Anyway, the OP’s sister went through therapy, after which she decided she didn’t want to have children any more. A decision that the author of the post, as she herself says, accepted with respect and understanding. Moreover, when, after some time, the woman found out about her own pregnancy, she tried to present this information to her sister as tactfully as possible so as not to hurt her feelings.
As the original poster recalls, the sister took the news with visible joy, and said that she would be the best auntie ever. But just a week later, the OP experienced a shock when she started bleeding and got told her body was threatening to miscarriage. However, this time everything worked out – a week later the doctors told the expectant mother that everything was in order with her child. To celebrate, she sent the image to all the relatives – and this upset her sister so much she asked her mother to tell the OP not to send her pictures anymore.
No sooner said than done. For the rest of her pregnancy, the OP remained calm – and even when her daughter was finally born, she tried to protect her sister from an overabundance of information about her little niece. But when the girl was nine months old, she and her husband went to see the relatives, and the sister as well. However, this time the new mom’s fears turned out to be unnecessary – the woman was delighted with her niece, willingly held her in her arms and even posed for a joint photo.
After some time, the sister texted the original poster with a request to send her that very picture where she was holding the baby in her arms. The author of the post did that – and after some time her mother called her and said that she had acted extremely imprudently, because her sister, when she saw the photo, burst into tears and was extremely upset. Moreover, after a conversation with the sister, it got even worse – after all, she said that she deliberately asked her mother to call the OP, and even blamed her as she felt that the OP was “rubbing her happiness in her face.”
Image credits: Vlad Fonsark (not the actual photo)
“After a pregnancy loss, some people will find the sight of pregnant women and babies upsetting,” the British Miscarriage Association states. “Perhaps you could send a card or a text and check how they feel before visiting.” As you can see, the OP’s sister was well aware of the kind of feelings her sister could experience after their visit, even four years after that tragic moment in her life.
“In general, the behavior of the author of this story does her only credit. She tried to support her sister as much as possible in a difficult situation, and even after so many years she took care of her mental health,” notes Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment. “Of course, it was a bit wrong to send her that ultrasound picture, but after the woman experienced shock and then was reassured by the doctors, few will accuse her of inconsistency.”
“In any case, it seems to me that the this woman’s sister, as well as her mother, still cannot recover from this tragic moment in their lives, so it would be worthwhile to advise them both to go through more therapy in order to finally let it go. Especially since now they have a granddaughter and a niece, and this is probably the best solution in case of preventing possible unpleasant situations in the future,” Irina believes.
People in the comments generally agreed with the expert, noting that the situation looks like the mother of the sisters still seems to be painfully reliving that story, and it is her reaction that influences the behavior of the OP’s sister. “Honestly, it kind of sounds like your mother is the problem here, not your sister?” some of the commenters wrote. In any case, most people are sure that the OP has nothing to reproach herself for, and her sister really “should do herself the favor of a few therapy sessions to reconcile herself with her loss.”
Meanwhile, not all relatives in such difficult situations behave as decently as the heroine of our story did. For example, this woman’s sister found nothing better to do than seduce her husband while she was losing a baby, and this story turned out to be as sad as possible. If you have something to say on this tale as well, please feel free to leave your comments below.
People in the comments believe that the author’s sister should have a few new therapy sessions to finally let this situation go
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And the human race died out because no one was allowed to reproduce after OP's sister had a miscarriage of a baby she didn't even plan.
Ha! That gave me a good laugh XD srsly though, I don't have children and have never wanted them, so I don't understand entirely the sister's upset-ness at miscarrying a child she did not know she was pregnant with. I don't presume to understand what she's going through, but it does seem confusing to me that sis is still upset 4 years later after a miscarriage of a child she *did not know* she was pregnant with and thus presumably wasn't planned...? Again, I don't understand the feelings of wanting a child, so I know I'm probably coming across as callous, but I honestly don't understand. Is that kind of emotion normal?
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Ok, so she clearly does want children, and she is afraid to try again. I had a missed miscarriage in January 2022. My 20yo niece got pregnant by accident in May 2022. I was so upset that by accident she was pregnant and thriving, but I didn't dare tell her that! I was happy for her and supportive because when you love someone, that is what you do! I got pregnant in July 2022. Mind you, this is my third, but it hurts so matter what. But other people deserve their happiness. Sister is manipulating the family for pity because she isn't sure what she wants.
One can want children and still decide to not have them. I'd love to have kids, I've always wanted kids but I don't think I'll ever have any. And it's a choice I've made, however sad it makes me and I'm envious of others kids. But I do not take it out on others. I love being in my niece and nephew's life, and in the lives of my friends kids.
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Some people are in serious need to be medicated. Imagine having to worry about having a baby because someone else couldn't? Hiding your happiness? Jesus
This s**t is so common now. Even amongst strangers. "How dare you announce your pregnancy publicly when I can't have kids" legit. I see this ALL THE DAMN TIME ON SM! Especially when it's groups of friends. "Jessica, you know I've wanted kids for 3 years & can't have them! Why did you post an announcement on a day when you knew I wouldn't be busy! Do you know how hard it is to see you having what I can't have!" When did we turn into ppl who expect the entire world to revolve around our personal feelings. It's one thing to be gay or trans or NB & want the same rights as everyone else or to have ppl use the right names/pronouns for you. That's understandable. But when it turns into "the whole world needs to cater to how I, a single person is feeling & it's everyone else's responsibility to think about who they could upset rather than living their lives the way they want to & enjoying their achievements.. it's not reasonable for me to manage my own issues though! It's yours!"
Sister has some very mixed feelings and needs WAY more intensive therapy.
Sister:YoU cAn't HAvE a BaBy SinCe I NevEr gOT a BabY And iF YoU DO ThaN HidE TheM FRoM ThE wORlD So i DoN't HaVe tO seE BabYS AgAIn!
Another reason why I think the word family means almost very little right now. Didn't OP's sister ask for the photo and now she's trying to play victim to OP's happiness? I'm not trying to shame her but judging from her actions, I'd think she sounds just an attention hog and not ready to be a mother. Sorry, OP's sister ain't ready at all, nope...
Sister suffers from an extreme case of attentionwhorism. After 4 years, she's still grieving a miscarriage from a baby she didn't know about and didn't want? tf? No, she's not. She wants to have a tantrum so people will pay attention to her. That's all she's after. "Send me a picture. WAH! YOU SENT ME A PICTURE I ASKED FOR!" I hope OP keeps her child far away from this head case.
Sounds harsh but sister needs to find an alternative way to cope. She can't avoid her niece forever and her behaviour will be picked up on by the niece as she gets older. The niece doesn't deserve to feel guilty or have to avoid family because she is alive and sister lost a baby.
Only after I had my first child did I discover my sister had been having difficulty getting pregnant and in fact it was a big factor in the end of her marriage. We were never close, but I don't think she has ever forgiven me
im sorry to hear that, it seems unright for her to take it out on you
Load More Replies... 1 in 5 women will suffer a miscarriage. It is an unfortunate and very painful (emotionally and physically) but very real (necessary) and part of pregnancy. Not talking about it makes it worse. we lost ours at 12 weeks just after announcing it, they would have been 8 years old - it took us another 4 tumultuous years to catch again. It is an impossibility to avoid triggers so bottling it up and blaming others is unhelpful and hurtful to everyone involved. Take your time, but talk about it, take the help offered even if you think you're 'fine'. Love to anyone going through this at the moment.
Sister needs to get over herself. Women have miscarriages all of the time for multiple reasons. The placental wall can not support the pregnancy: the body doesn't produce enough progesterone, etc... I had two miscarriages and still wanted kids which I was later blessed with.
She doesn't want kids, she acted ok during the day, she agreed to taking pictures, she wanted to SEE the picture yet she still gets upset. What?
"Hey show me that picture!"....."OMG how DARE you show me that picture"....people are weird.
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She needs to go back to therapy. She’s not made at you, she’s mad at the universe. What sucks is that your mam is enabling her to continue this attitude. Family can show her love, while telling her that she needs to talk directly to you and not play telephone through family members. There’s going to be hard moments for sure, but that’s on her not you.
As VaultHunter93 says, I honestly don't think you should be grieving for something you didn't plan 4 YEARS LATER, she shouldn't get mad and upset cuz she got what she asked for. I don't want kids or a relationship so I don't understand why she's mad at her sis for something that happened to her in the past, let it go lady.
The mother and the sister who had the miscarriage both sound like Karen's. I'm not going to say get over it but she only has herself to blame if she requested the photo in the first place. No sympathy at all from me. Forget therapy. Grovel to the sister and her daughter Appalling.
You did nothing wrong, your sister ASKED for it. I honestly think she needs therapy. And you don't have to hide your happiness with your child to appease her.
Sister is pathological. Based on mom's reaction it's probably mom's fault. Never taught her how to deal with adversity, be happy for others, and that she's not the center of the universe.
maybe i am just a different kind of person. i had several miscarriages & was eventually told that i couldn't carry a child. then, i ended up pregnant & didn't know it until i went for an annual check up. the time right after the last miscarriage was hard but after getting it together i made sure that if a friend/family got pregnant i never got upset or jealous or resentful. i've known a couple of women who have had miscarriages or even lost a child and they had had other children before and after losing the one and they carried that loss like a banner across their chest. i know that every one grieves differently but at some point you have to get to a place of acceptance or you can't move forward. post also said sister decide to be childfree so is she going to act like this the rest of her life around and about any other woman who has a child?
Just wow! I'm sorry, but the sister (who had a miscarriage) sounds like she has some kind of a split personality. She decided to NOT have children after her miscarriage; then, she asked for a picture of her with her niece, then calls their mom to cry about it? What on earth??? She needs some serious professional help.
She needs to get the f**k over it, it’s been 4 years - she had no idea she was even pregnant & miscarriages happen all the time in the first trimester. This is her demanding attention over the new baby - it’s at a point of being pathetic. I’ve had a miscarriage, and I was actually aware I was pregnant & was excited about it but @ 11 weeks I miscarriage & it was a tough week after, but 4. F*****g. Years.???? No, this is a brat looking for attention.
This is what you get when someone is emotionally immature. The sister probably truly wanted to see the picture, but upon receiving she was triggered by her own grief. Instead of being happy for her sister she lashed out in pain. The fact she got triggered, understandable, blaming her sister after that? Immature and a sign of not being able to deal with her emotions. It's sad, I hope she does find a way in the future so that she can be happy too.
My adult son died more than 2 years ago. I still have weepy days. I suspect I always will. OP did nothing wrong. Her sister probably did not expect such a strong reaction from herself. Grief sneaks up on you sometimes. Just back away when asked to. Congratulations on your lovely daughter!
Let me tell you my family has been mad at each other before and the other person usually doesn't understand, but none of us go to our mom with problems. We speak to each other and try to explain. Then we agree to disagree.
The sister is getting away with bad behaviour now, the OP has every right to enjoy her baby and talk about her. The mother needs to stop enabling the sisters behaviour; she needs to be honest with herself, if she wants another baby see a specialist to find out the risk factors. OP tried for seven years before she got pregnant, she should be able to visit her mother without the sister having a breakdown.
I can understand her sister. It must hurt a lot to have had a miscarriage and then have your sister of all people have a baby. I think looking at the baby brought all the feelings back up.
Mam might be mum but nana is grandma. I call 1 of my grandmas nana
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And the human race died out because no one was allowed to reproduce after OP's sister had a miscarriage of a baby she didn't even plan.
Ha! That gave me a good laugh XD srsly though, I don't have children and have never wanted them, so I don't understand entirely the sister's upset-ness at miscarrying a child she did not know she was pregnant with. I don't presume to understand what she's going through, but it does seem confusing to me that sis is still upset 4 years later after a miscarriage of a child she *did not know* she was pregnant with and thus presumably wasn't planned...? Again, I don't understand the feelings of wanting a child, so I know I'm probably coming across as callous, but I honestly don't understand. Is that kind of emotion normal?
Load More Replies... Ok, so she clearly does want children, and she is afraid to try again. I had a missed miscarriage in January 2022. My 20yo niece got pregnant by accident in May 2022. I was so upset that by accident she was pregnant and thriving, but I didn't dare tell her that! I was happy for her and supportive because when you love someone, that is what you do! I got pregnant in July 2022. Mind you, this is my third, but it hurts so matter what. But other people deserve their happiness. Sister is manipulating the family for pity because she isn't sure what she wants.
One can want children and still decide to not have them. I'd love to have kids, I've always wanted kids but I don't think I'll ever have any. And it's a choice I've made, however sad it makes me and I'm envious of others kids. But I do not take it out on others. I love being in my niece and nephew's life, and in the lives of my friends kids.
Load More Replies... Some people are in serious need to be medicated. Imagine having to worry about having a baby because someone else couldn't? Hiding your happiness? Jesus
This s**t is so common now. Even amongst strangers. "How dare you announce your pregnancy publicly when I can't have kids" legit. I see this ALL THE DAMN TIME ON SM! Especially when it's groups of friends. "Jessica, you know I've wanted kids for 3 years & can't have them! Why did you post an announcement on a day when you knew I wouldn't be busy! Do you know how hard it is to see you having what I can't have!" When did we turn into ppl who expect the entire world to revolve around our personal feelings. It's one thing to be gay or trans or NB & want the same rights as everyone else or to have ppl use the right names/pronouns for you. That's understandable. But when it turns into "the whole world needs to cater to how I, a single person is feeling & it's everyone else's responsibility to think about who they could upset rather than living their lives the way they want to & enjoying their achievements.. it's not reasonable for me to manage my own issues though! It's yours!"
Sister has some very mixed feelings and needs WAY more intensive therapy.
Sister:YoU cAn't HAvE a BaBy SinCe I NevEr gOT a BabY And iF YoU DO ThaN HidE TheM FRoM ThE wORlD So i DoN't HaVe tO seE BabYS AgAIn!
Another reason why I think the word family means almost very little right now. Didn't OP's sister ask for the photo and now she's trying to play victim to OP's happiness? I'm not trying to shame her but judging from her actions, I'd think she sounds just an attention hog and not ready to be a mother. Sorry, OP's sister ain't ready at all, nope...
Sister suffers from an extreme case of attentionwhorism. After 4 years, she's still grieving a miscarriage from a baby she didn't know about and didn't want? tf? No, she's not. She wants to have a tantrum so people will pay attention to her. That's all she's after. "Send me a picture. WAH! YOU SENT ME A PICTURE I ASKED FOR!" I hope OP keeps her child far away from this head case.
Sounds harsh but sister needs to find an alternative way to cope. She can't avoid her niece forever and her behaviour will be picked up on by the niece as she gets older. The niece doesn't deserve to feel guilty or have to avoid family because she is alive and sister lost a baby.
Only after I had my first child did I discover my sister had been having difficulty getting pregnant and in fact it was a big factor in the end of her marriage. We were never close, but I don't think she has ever forgiven me
im sorry to hear that, it seems unright for her to take it out on you
Load More Replies... 1 in 5 women will suffer a miscarriage. It is an unfortunate and very painful (emotionally and physically) but very real (necessary) and part of pregnancy. Not talking about it makes it worse. we lost ours at 12 weeks just after announcing it, they would have been 8 years old - it took us another 4 tumultuous years to catch again. It is an impossibility to avoid triggers so bottling it up and blaming others is unhelpful and hurtful to everyone involved. Take your time, but talk about it, take the help offered even if you think you're 'fine'. Love to anyone going through this at the moment.
Sister needs to get over herself. Women have miscarriages all of the time for multiple reasons. The placental wall can not support the pregnancy: the body doesn't produce enough progesterone, etc... I had two miscarriages and still wanted kids which I was later blessed with.
She doesn't want kids, she acted ok during the day, she agreed to taking pictures, she wanted to SEE the picture yet she still gets upset. What?
"Hey show me that picture!"....."OMG how DARE you show me that picture"....people are weird.
Load More Replies... She needs to go back to therapy. She’s not made at you, she’s mad at the universe. What sucks is that your mam is enabling her to continue this attitude. Family can show her love, while telling her that she needs to talk directly to you and not play telephone through family members. There’s going to be hard moments for sure, but that’s on her not you.
As VaultHunter93 says, I honestly don't think you should be grieving for something you didn't plan 4 YEARS LATER, she shouldn't get mad and upset cuz she got what she asked for. I don't want kids or a relationship so I don't understand why she's mad at her sis for something that happened to her in the past, let it go lady.
The mother and the sister who had the miscarriage both sound like Karen's. I'm not going to say get over it but she only has herself to blame if she requested the photo in the first place. No sympathy at all from me. Forget therapy. Grovel to the sister and her daughter Appalling.
You did nothing wrong, your sister ASKED for it. I honestly think she needs therapy. And you don't have to hide your happiness with your child to appease her.
Sister is pathological. Based on mom's reaction it's probably mom's fault. Never taught her how to deal with adversity, be happy for others, and that she's not the center of the universe.
maybe i am just a different kind of person. i had several miscarriages & was eventually told that i couldn't carry a child. then, i ended up pregnant & didn't know it until i went for an annual check up. the time right after the last miscarriage was hard but after getting it together i made sure that if a friend/family got pregnant i never got upset or jealous or resentful. i've known a couple of women who have had miscarriages or even lost a child and they had had other children before and after losing the one and they carried that loss like a banner across their chest. i know that every one grieves differently but at some point you have to get to a place of acceptance or you can't move forward. post also said sister decide to be childfree so is she going to act like this the rest of her life around and about any other woman who has a child?
Just wow! I'm sorry, but the sister (who had a miscarriage) sounds like she has some kind of a split personality. She decided to NOT have children after her miscarriage; then, she asked for a picture of her with her niece, then calls their mom to cry about it? What on earth??? She needs some serious professional help.
She needs to get the f**k over it, it’s been 4 years - she had no idea she was even pregnant & miscarriages happen all the time in the first trimester. This is her demanding attention over the new baby - it’s at a point of being pathetic. I’ve had a miscarriage, and I was actually aware I was pregnant & was excited about it but @ 11 weeks I miscarriage & it was a tough week after, but 4. F*****g. Years.???? No, this is a brat looking for attention.
This is what you get when someone is emotionally immature. The sister probably truly wanted to see the picture, but upon receiving she was triggered by her own grief. Instead of being happy for her sister she lashed out in pain. The fact she got triggered, understandable, blaming her sister after that? Immature and a sign of not being able to deal with her emotions. It's sad, I hope she does find a way in the future so that she can be happy too.
My adult son died more than 2 years ago. I still have weepy days. I suspect I always will. OP did nothing wrong. Her sister probably did not expect such a strong reaction from herself. Grief sneaks up on you sometimes. Just back away when asked to. Congratulations on your lovely daughter!
Let me tell you my family has been mad at each other before and the other person usually doesn't understand, but none of us go to our mom with problems. We speak to each other and try to explain. Then we agree to disagree.
The sister is getting away with bad behaviour now, the OP has every right to enjoy her baby and talk about her. The mother needs to stop enabling the sisters behaviour; she needs to be honest with herself, if she wants another baby see a specialist to find out the risk factors. OP tried for seven years before she got pregnant, she should be able to visit her mother without the sister having a breakdown.
I can understand her sister. It must hurt a lot to have had a miscarriage and then have your sister of all people have a baby. I think looking at the baby brought all the feelings back up.
Mam might be mum but nana is grandma. I call 1 of my grandmas nana
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