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Everyone wants a harmonious dynamic with their in-laws. But as we all know, these relationships can be complicated to navigate, especially if the person you’re trying to win over has an overbearing personality.
A woman knows this feeling all too well after her recent dealings with her mother-in-law. She had initially put up with passive-aggressive comments, including matters that were highly sensitive to her.
Things eventually reached a boiling point, leading to her husband breaking down in tears. Scroll through to find the lengthy story below.
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Dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law can be a headache
Older woman with glasses and cross necklace making a rude comment during a tense family conversation at home.
If you’ve heard enough mother-in-law jokes, you’d notice that they are usually from a male perspective. Yet, according to experts, the tension is typically highest with the daughter-in-law involved.
“Women are playing a more central role,” author and University of Maryland, Baltimore professor Dr. Geoffrey Greif told TODAY.
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Dr. Greif co-authored a book titled “In-law Relationships: Mothers, Daughters, Fathers,and Sons,” which included a survey revealing that 15% of MILs and DILs have a strained relationship.
Further statistics from the survey showed that only 22% of young women enjoy spending time with their MIL, while only 23% admitted to showing and feeling admiration. Likewise, only 23% of DILs agreed that they trust their mother-in-law.
So, where is the tension coming from? As psychologist Dr. Terri Apter tells The Guardian, it all boils down to the assertion of dominance, particularly on the part of the mother-in-law.
‘There then arises that tricky question about who is ‘mother’ in the family, with final say over all those things women still assume charge over: housework and child care, meal times and children’s manners,’ she explained.
Dr. Apter notes that the daughter-in-law may perceive herself as the “most important woman” in her husband’s life, yet simultaneously expect to be both embraced and supported, as well as left alone.
Handling such conflicts can be exhausting, especially in the woman’s case, where her MIL refuses to give a genuine apology. Experts like licensed clinical social worker Brooke Schwartz, LCSW, typically advise approaching with empathy, but based on the story, the situation seems to have passed that point.
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In such cases, Schwartz urges avoiding contact, maintaining self-respect, and communicating with the spouse to address problems and discuss boundaries.
The woman did all of these, and based on her account, establishing a relationship with her MIL may already be a long shot. It would be best for her to maintain her distance for her sake.
People in the comments unanimously went after the MIL
Text from a woman sharing her experience of rude comments from her mother-in-law and her husband’s emotional response.
Online conversation about woman’s mother-in-law making rude comments and husband reaching breaking point over emotions.
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Reddit comment discussing a woman’s MIL making rude comments and the husband breaking down emotionally.
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Text comment about rude and racist remarks towards Koreans, reflecting years of MIL’s disrespectful behavior.
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Comment suggesting comebacks for rude mother-in-law’s behavior while husband struggles to accept her attitude.
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Reddit comment advice on handling passive aggressive MIL and years of rude comments from husband’s perspective.
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Comment thread discussing rude mother-in-law's behavior and husband’s emotional breakdown after years of tension with MIL.
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Commenter urging husband to confront rude mother-in-law and set boundaries after years of passive aggressive behavior.
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Comment advising to confront rude mother-in-law and urging husband to set clear boundaries in emotional conflict.
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She provided another lengthy update, as commenters didn’t hold back on their reactions
Woman’s MIL makes rude comments for years, husband finally breaks down over emotional boundaries and family tensions.
Text excerpt about woman confronting MIL's rude comments and husband agreeing, highlighting family tension and emotions.
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Text excerpt discussing a husband's way of dealing with rude MIL by stopping engagement and ending communication.
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Text from a Reddit post discussing a husband finally breaking down after years of rude comments from his mother-in-law.
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Reddit conversation showing a woman’s husband breaking down after years of rude comments from her mother-in-law.
Reddit conversation about husband setting boundaries with rude mother-in-law and ignoring her texts to protect emotions.
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Woman’s MIL makes rude comments for years, husband finally breaks down amid emotional family conflict.
Reddit conversation about a woman’s MIL rude comments and husband breaking down over family emotions issues.
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Reddit comment discussing emotional dysregulation linked to brain damage and impatience during ongoing stressful events.
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Reddit comment discussing years of rude comments from mother-in-law and husband’s emotional breakdown.
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Comment discussing boundaries with rude mother-in-law and a husband finally breaking down about emotional disrespect.
Reddit comment discussing consequences for rude behavior from a mother-in-law and husband finally breaking down.
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This was a hard one, because honestly the OP doesn't paint a very flattering picture of herself either. The MIL sounds like a nightmare. Person I feel for is the husband, he's being pulled a bit in both directions
It's weird, isn't it? Language is a powerful tool, but I can't even put my finger on WHY I found OP so grating the longer the post went. I went in expecting to be fully on OP's side, but somehow I'm not. In the sense that I wouldn't want to spend time with either of them, MIL or OP. And I don't know why.
I know very WELL why OP is so grating; it’s because of this: “I was like… and he was like… so I was like… and she was like… and I was like… and he was like… and he and she were like… so I was like…”! Someone needs to, like, grab her by, like, her throat, and, like, squeeze really, like, hard, while, like, telling her she’s, like, NOT a fυcking VALLEY GIRL!
Right? MIL seems a maybe bit rude but I really don't agree with OP that the examples were "rude AF," OP seems super sensitive and annoying. If you go somewhere and learn a language for 6 months then come home and don't use it you probably will forgot most of it. It IS pretty weird to have your therapist as a wedding guest. If you're complaining about being cold and don't put another layer on I can get why the MIL made a comment. If you're picky all the time there's nothing wrong with people commenting that you're picky and nothing is good enough for you. I had to quit reading before the end.
For a start, it is weird to have your therapist at a wedding, and it's not passive-aggressive to mention that; that's direct. Secondly, why are you moaning about being cold and not doing anything about it anyway? The comments are hardly a*****e.
With regards to that text you will eventually get of "How dare you do this to me?!!", may I suggest that you reply "Well, you can be sure that we had good reasons for making the decision we did", then block. 🙂
As someone who is half Asian and half white and grew up with strange comments from my white family: The best thing to do is to move away from them and avoid their presence as much as possible. My mother heard racist comments her entire life, and so did I. It destroyed my self-esteem, and it took me until adulthood to find myself beautiful.
"why do you care if I'm wearing lashes?" Say "you're right" Everytime she makes a rude comment. When you see her coming or she says something mean, turn around and walk away. When she says something in a conversation, say "I wasn't talking to you" After a comment, say "hmmm"
But I guess it doesn't matter anymore since you're moving
This was a hard one, because honestly the OP doesn't paint a very flattering picture of herself either. The MIL sounds like a nightmare. Person I feel for is the husband, he's being pulled a bit in both directions
It's weird, isn't it? Language is a powerful tool, but I can't even put my finger on WHY I found OP so grating the longer the post went. I went in expecting to be fully on OP's side, but somehow I'm not. In the sense that I wouldn't want to spend time with either of them, MIL or OP. And I don't know why.
I know very WELL why OP is so grating; it’s because of this: “I was like… and he was like… so I was like… and she was like… and I was like… and he was like… and he and she were like… so I was like…”! Someone needs to, like, grab her by, like, her throat, and, like, squeeze really, like, hard, while, like, telling her she’s, like, NOT a fυcking VALLEY GIRL!
Right? MIL seems a maybe bit rude but I really don't agree with OP that the examples were "rude AF," OP seems super sensitive and annoying. If you go somewhere and learn a language for 6 months then come home and don't use it you probably will forgot most of it. It IS pretty weird to have your therapist as a wedding guest. If you're complaining about being cold and don't put another layer on I can get why the MIL made a comment. If you're picky all the time there's nothing wrong with people commenting that you're picky and nothing is good enough for you. I had to quit reading before the end.
For a start, it is weird to have your therapist at a wedding, and it's not passive-aggressive to mention that; that's direct. Secondly, why are you moaning about being cold and not doing anything about it anyway? The comments are hardly a*****e.
With regards to that text you will eventually get of "How dare you do this to me?!!", may I suggest that you reply "Well, you can be sure that we had good reasons for making the decision we did", then block. 🙂
As someone who is half Asian and half white and grew up with strange comments from my white family: The best thing to do is to move away from them and avoid their presence as much as possible. My mother heard racist comments her entire life, and so did I. It destroyed my self-esteem, and it took me until adulthood to find myself beautiful.
"why do you care if I'm wearing lashes?" Say "you're right" Everytime she makes a rude comment. When you see her coming or she says something mean, turn around and walk away. When she says something in a conversation, say "I wasn't talking to you" After a comment, say "hmmm"
But I guess it doesn't matter anymore since you're moving
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