14-Year-Old Won’t Stop Slamming Her Bedroom Door And Parents Replace It With A Curtain, But She’s Not Having It
Parents removing their children’s bedroom doors as a punishment violates their privacy, which is supposed to be one of the fundamental human rights not even people who take care of you can take away.
But what if the child keeps slamming it and waking up family members in the middle of the night even after being asked to stop? Then taking away the door would be a direct punishment, so this mom did, but believing in privacy, she set up a heavy curtain, although her daughter wasn’t thrilled.
More info: Reddit
Being woken up in the middle of a night by a loud bang makes you annoyed, but when it keeps happening constantly, you have to do something
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
The bang this mom was hearing was her daughter slamming her bedroom door and what she did to stop it was to remove the door
Image credits: Monique Prater (not the actual photo)
Thankfully, the mom realized the importance of privacy and installed a light-proof and sound-proof curtain
Image credits: verkeorg (not the actual photo)
Image credits: The-Compliment-Fairy
However, the teenager was not amused and thought it was emotional abuse
Maggie is the Original Poster’s (OP) oldest child and is 14 years old. As the mom described her, the teen is a great kid who stays out of trouble, does well at school, helps around the house and has a normal relationship with her siblings, which includes bugging each other, as you do.
The only reproach she has for her daughter is that she keeps slamming her bedroom door, which shakes the walls and makes a loud noise that can wake up the whole family in the middle of the night.
At first the parents tried talking to the teen, but nothing changed, so one day, they took the door off the frame and because they still wanted their daughter to have privacy, they hung up a curtain. The mom explained that it was an industrial curtain that blocked out light and even sound, but the best part was that you couldn’t slam it.
When the teen saw it, she was not having it and still thought that it was an invasion of privacy. She didn’t talk to her parents the whole weekend and the mom wanted to make sure that she did everything right and came to the internet for help.
People in the comments were confused as to why the daughter would not stop slamming the door, but when it came to the parents’ reaction, they approved of it because they still considered that a 14-year-old needs her own separate space.
They also weren’t worried about the teen because the parents would bring back the door once the daughter agreed to not slam it anymore. Readers agreed that sleep is as important as privacy, so the family can’t keep sacrificing it for the sake of the teen’s right to block the world from her with a door.
Image credits: Porter Hall (not the actual photo)
It is a complete mystery why the teen can’t stop slamming the door and in the comments, the mom explained that the door definitely doesn’t slam on itself because you need force to close it as it rubs against the carpet.
In general, such behavior is associated with negative emotions. Psychology Spot explains that slamming the door is “an unequivocal sign that the situation has overwhelmed us. A slam – real or psychological – implies that we’re victims of an emotional hijacking, that anger and frustration have taken over. And each time that happens, our ability to think rationally is ‘turned off.’”
Slamming the door is the result of not being able to find a more mature way of dealing with your emotions or the situation that is bothering you.
Slamming doors is in the same category as throwing or breaking things, screaming and punching walls. Evolve Treatment Centers point out that these acts of aggression when we are angry about something are believed to be stress-relieving but in reality it is not a great way to deal with overwhelming emotions.
It would be very concerning if the 14-year-old keeps slamming the door because she is angry or overwhelmed all the time, especially knowing that she has ADHD. But the mom is convinced that her medications are working because there are no other signs of a tolerance break.
The mom’s only theory is that the daughter wants to annoy her little brothers and doesn’t actually realize how loud the bang is and that you can hear it all over the house. Also, someone in the comments suggested that because you need a bit of force as the door rubs to the carpet, maybe the teen can’t calculate how much strength to use.
Do you have any idea why OP’s daughter still slammed the door when the family asked not to because that would wake them up? Also, what do you think about the parents’ solution to the problem? Do you think there was a better way? Let us know in the comments.
Redditors didn’t agree, because that would put her right to privacy above other people’s right to rest and sleep
Tell her if she's good, you'll upgrade the curtain to a swinging door (like the door in a restaurant that leads to the kitchen). You can't slam those, and they can still be locked with a chain. If it gets worse, you can downgrade to the ones in an old western saloon lol
At least the mom still respects privacy, she just doesn't want loud booms waking her up every night.
Add a slow close bracket like stores have. Then she can slam it but it will buffer an soft close. The same way cabinet doors work.
I was wondering if they sold those for regular indoor doors.
Load More Replies...
I like how almost every AITH post contains things like "and I very politely asked to please stop" and "I calmly said." If I woke up from a sound sleep to a slamming door, being polite would be a figment of the imagination
If I did this I'd never have a door again. I slammed a door only once in my father's face. If looks could kill I'd be 6 ft under lol 😆 I got spanked and sent to bed. Never did that again
Load More Replies...
Why is the kid slamming the door? Using the bathroom in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep does not even necessitate closing the bedroom door (it's not like someone is going to swoop into her room). And slamming it so hard she shakes the house? She is clearly doing this on purpose, and since she is a "good kid"--what's up? Is she trying to tell them something or assert control or rebelling? It sounds like the parents have respectfully found a solution, but I'd be asking the daughter some questions.
I thought that too. I question the "good kid" - seems like a heavy passive-aggressive move.
Load More Replies...
What a brat. She absolutely deserved to lose her door. Hopefully she will learn the lesson. When I was 16 I slammed my bedroom door in my dad's face. He proceeded to kick it in and broke it. And I totally deserved it too. :) Teenage girls are awful - myself included!
This is another issue that really doesn't warrant much discussion. Clearly NTA. Good parenting.
This is obviously not an Asian family. No SANE kid in Asia is going to yell back at their parents under the threat of death or being disowned.
I can talk back to my Asian parents but that’s only because I got too much overconfidence with them. I’d still die though if I attempted what OP’s daughter did
Load More Replies...
NTA. And if you don't mind my saying so, mom, Maggie really doesn't sound like such a great kid.
Its probably the lack of consequences coming from the parents. She started doing it, saw that she never really got any backlash, and kept doing it.
Load More Replies...
I absolutely loathe door slammers lol. It boggles my mind how some people just don't get it.
I don't like slamming doors either. Unfortunately the door to the upper apt area thinks otherwise. It sticks and has to be slammed to close.
Load More Replies...
She kinda asked for it screaming and throwing a tantrum like that. Not to mention she had zero intention to listen anyway. Consideration goes a long way, the earlier you learn this in life, the better.
I don’t see a problem with discipline here. She was asked to be respectful to others in the house and change how she closes (slams actually for some bizarre reason) the door, and she didn’t or couldn’t comply. That would certainly drive me nuts. Nothing wrong with a curtain. She’s spoiled compared to some children who don’t even have their own room - or even food, shelter, stability, safety, guidance or love. And then when she learns the lesson they can still put on a door closet thingy that will not allow it to slam anyway because she may still do it once in awhile since her muscle memory seems to be stuck in slam mode.
Honestly, Kids do need to be told no sometimes. Right move
Why is this child sulking? She still has privacy. This is about control - that child wants to dictate how things run in the house.
How old are you? Teenagers are very emotional, even if they don't mean to be. And its more about the reliability of a locked door. Also, dictate how things are in the house? 😂 Dude the kid is 14 i don't know what your talking about.
Load More Replies...
I wish they would add comments of both opinions instead of just the popular opinion. I agree with this one but I think it would be interesting to see both sides of the argument.
What would the other side of the argument be? That it's okay to wake an entire family this way? That there's a good reason to slam a door in the middle of the night? Sorry, both sides of the story is fine, but this is not a hill to die on.
Load More Replies...
That daughter doesn't appreciate how good she has it. Slamming a door in my mom's face would have gotten me a well whipped a*s.
Load More Replies... NTA.Teenagers are teenagers and sometimes even the best of them can be jerks. They're young adults testing limits and sometimes have a sense of entitlement. I say this as a mom to a teenager (17 m) who is a great young man(knock-on-wood). He does well in school, does his chores(most of the time 😏), helps with siblings (9 m & 10m), etc basically I'm blessed. However, rules are put in place for a reason and he knows that if they are broken there will be consequences. My only question is did OP warn her daughter if she slammed the door again her door would be taken as punishment? If OP had her daughter wouldn't be so surprised her door was taken away. As parents we sometimes get stuck on proving our point and not listening to our kids because we feel ignored or disrespected. OP could've done no door for 1 week punishment and given the door back with the understanding that if it's slammed again the door comes off. Basically, compromise so everyone is understood and communication is open.
Yes, the post says she told her daughter the door would be taken off if she didn't stop.
Load More Replies...
I used to slam our front door as a teen. Didn't really think about it even after my parents said something several times. Finally, dad had enough. He made me open and close the front door "quietly" 100 times. Never slammed it again. Also, putting glue dots or something similar on the door frame where the door meets the wood will keep most doors from slamming, but still allow them to close.
This is a good consequence. It fits the bad behaviour while still respecting the child. Though I do wonder if OP ever sat down and asked Why the door gets slammed. Sometimes the air circulation is such that a gentle push causes it to slam. Perhaps a soft close hinge would work too.
Why does it seem these days that parents seem afraid to parent their own kids??? Slam a door in my own house in my face 5 times and you no longer have one period. That includes no curtain either. Maybe that's why these past two generations are the messed up way they are.
I'm confused of this phrase "right to privacy" as children have no rights unless given by the parents. I grew up with 4 brothers in a three bedroom house. No privacy and we managed just fine. It's no wonder why these kids do what they do these days. Because adults/teachers/TV/social media pump these rights into their head and they run with it.
No way Jose. That door would have been off long ago. Ryle when I was growing up? Slam.your door and loose it. I did this w my kid when she felt that slamming her door, hard enough to damage the frame was justified because she got grounded from not doing her chores all week. Ha! Jokes on you young one, she lost her door for a month, had to pay to repair the frame. Anger is never an excuse to damage anything. She knew the.consequences. She never slammed her door, or any door after that. No curtain either.
This "right to privacy" for a child is nonsense. They live in your house, you feed them and clothe them and pay the bills. You have every right in the world to remove a door, ground them and discipline as you see fit as long as it is not physically abusive. If a child chooses not to follow the rules and is being rude and disruptive to the household, that child needs to be disciplined. This girl is fortunate that her parents put up a privacy curtain but, if were me, the would be no door or curtain until she learned respect of others. Her whole attitude is that of a privileged child who thinks that the rules don't apply to her. That wouldn't stand in my house. She would also be doing chores which she would already be doing. Coddling a child does not do the child any good because when they become an adult they can't take care of themselves. It is not abuse to teach your child RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY.
You do need to be aware that no child asked to be born and no child owes their parents anything for the bare minimum of giving them a house and food. I agree with a bit of this but privacy is a human right and children, no matter how s****y they are, are human.
Load More Replies...
NTA. The faster kids learn the consequences of bad behavior, the better they can navigate through life. I would have come home and found my belongings moved back into the room I had shared with my sister. My father was old school do as I say, no questions asked, kids are to be seen and not heard. And I would have stayed there until I graduated from high school and moved out. Sometimes it just takes being reminded how good you have things to start being more considerate
Exactly. Let her get away with it once and she rules the house not you to the detriment of her and you.
Load More Replies... NTA. She was warned, she defied the warning, you kept to your word. The no door k**b idea can be useful once the door goes back, should she relapse, remove door k**b as a reminder. I don't see a problem here, and I was raised by strict parents, which I am thankful for. Otherwise I would have runamuck.
NTA. At 14, you EARN privacy and respect. If I had slammed the door repeatedly in the middle of the night spitefully, I'd have not sat for a week without buttcheek discomfort.
Abuse is never the solution, I'm sorry you think it's normal.
Load More Replies...
I did wonder if the type of door was making it particularly slammy. Light ones made of MDF are incredibly easy to slam even if you don't mean to.
Nah the daughter was deliberately being disrespectful. She slammed the door five times after Mom warned her. That was no accident.
Load More Replies...
Should have installed an overhead door closer and set the pressure so that it would stop short of slamming before slowly closing. She wouldn't be able to slam the door even if she tried
I have to wonder how long it took before you finally gave her a consequence like this? Sounds like far too long. The girl sounds very entitled and disrespectful to everyone in the home. The grandmother sounds ignorant as heck sticking up for such horrible behaviors too. I would’ve given a serious consequence after it happened the very next time because everyone’s sleep is crucial to their health. I feel most sorry for her brother. And if a child gets no consequences after acting like this too many times, more than once, it clearly brings on entitlement and disrespect to most children. Being nice and walking on eggshells around your child is not parenting in these types of circumstances. That is actually not nice whatsoever. How is she going to cope in the real world when she’s not used to consequences as a child, young adult or throughout her the rest of her life? Life is hard and it’s a parents vital role to teach children respectful behavior.
To many parents are afraid to bring out consequences to anything because they are afraid of how other people will see it! Clearly shows how respect is pretty much dead with young people
You warned her. She thinks her actions DON'T have consequences. You are just showing her HOW WRONG SHE IS. I am sure there are other measures you could take to physically reduce the "slamming" of the door, but as far as teaching a lesson to your selfish 14 year old daughter, you're doing just fine.👍👍
I don't know who the entitled snots are who wrote this article, but privacy is not a fundamental human right. Food? Yes. Clean water? Yes. Safe shelter? Yes. Privacy? No. Especially if on the other side of privacy is disrespect. Y'all can debate over there whether indoor plumbing is a "right", but please up your writing quality because it's in the crapper.
My mom did something similar when I was a teenage a**h***. Except, she replaced my door with a large piece of cardboard! Did the same thing with my little sister when she tried doing the same. We both learned real quick.
Daughter needs some anger management sessions, possibly a psych exam. There's something going on that mom's not seeing.
Or just talk to her. Not every has to be pathological and teenagers don't have fully developed impulse control. A course isn't going to fix that. I'm all for checking on mental health, but with no other red flags, 'sourcing her out' to a dr. could put a real riff in their relationship for no reason. The slamming sounds like a cry for attention. That's not pathological, it's a normal reaction to an unmet need. Maybe they can have a conversation about what that need might be when the door situation has blown over
Load More Replies...
I think a logical assumption would be that the brothers have identical doors on their room and the same carpet. I doubt this is a new house since it is an ongoing issue so the daughter knows how to shut the door right most likely and probably used to as well. Maybe the mother should tell the daughter to learn from her little brothers how to shut her door since the two brothers are able to share a door to their room that gets closed twice as much by two younger boys without noise being an issue. The sister can practice with the brothers door, and since she probably wakes her brothers up the most, give the boys a say on her door being given back.
I agree with this if it is in fact presented without bias, but I'm really wary here. I've been threatened with removal of my door over slamming before and in my case it only happened once or twice when I was in a terrible mood and didn't want to talk to anyone. It's really a scary thought and although that's partially because my parents don't understand the concept of privacy, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. In this case, I agree with the measures taken, but I'm concerned that OP is stretching the truth to make themself look better
Somehow I doubt it. Teenagers like to push their boundaries to see what they could get away with. Many commenters here said they did the same as teens and regretted it after getting consequences. Sorry, though, about your parents not respecting privacy. The Mom here did giving the daughter the curtain.
Load More Replies...
Sometimes teens are going through a lot of c**p and being dismissed by adults who think they don't go through anything. Maybe she just needs someone to vent to or some consideration. I'm not saying to ignore or permit the door slamming, but consider there may be something more to it that also needs to be addressed.
There’s a lot of things teens “think” they’re going through. No different than any other generation. This is just a brat and a door
Load More Replies...
Go to local DIY store or hardware store, buy foam draft excluder, stick it around doorframe, double it up on the non hinge side. Ta dah! Door can no longer be slammed.
But the rude, disrespectful teen doesn’t learn to knock that shite off.
Load More Replies...
This is seriously a post here?? BP is getting really boring by stealing from Reddit all the time.
You clicked on it, read it, and commented on it. As long as BP is getting engagement from stolen Reddit posts, they're going to keep stealing Reddit posts.
Load More Replies... A curtain won't be much good if there's a fire. Doors save lives. OP would have done better to get those soft close brackets as others have suggested. And if you think I'm exaggerating about doors saving lives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSP03BE74WA&t=244s (actual demo starts at 2:32 for the impatient among us)
First world problems. Rude, entitled teens are another first world problem.
Load More Replies...
If the door is broken or needs extra force to be closed the OP is the AH. But I’m still kinda confused why the kid is acting like that? I think there’s more to the story
Slamming it five times in a row would suggest a functioning door and an angry teen. The BP article itself suggests the teen just wants to annoy her younger brothers and doesn't realise it's annoying her parents too, and also that slamming doors is often the result of being too immature to handle the emotional upset that comes with hormonal surge.
Load More Replies...
if i slammed my door id be slammed against the wall, but i had parents who were ACTUALLY abusive and not the spank on the butt "abusive"
Did basically the same thing to my 12 y/o daughter, only she was slamming her door intentionally when something didn't go her way. She kept up the attitude and disrespect so she didn't get her door back for about 3 months.
NTA, but parents need to stop removing their children’s doors because door offer protection during fire. https://fire.lacounty.gov/cbyd/#:~:text=Created%20by%20the%20Underwriters%20Laboratories,part%20of%20their%20bedtime%20routine.
Foam weather stripping on the door frame. I added this to my bedroom door to stop it from rattling. I didn't want to bother the landlord with the door and it's removable. You can't slam on foam.
When she gets the door back, let her know that she will lose it permanently if she slams it again.
Get her into anger management! ASAP! This is the beginning of a messed up life!
I would've asked her why she does it, and why she gets upset when asked to stop. It's very easy to look at situations like this and think they're just being overdramatic or spoiled, but as someone who was 'a good child' my whole life, I was unintentionally neglected by my parents which impacted my emotional development. How much time does OP spend with her? Does OP tend to give more attention to the boys? Does OP tend to dismiss, or cancel any attempts the daughter tries to make at spending quality time because "I'm too tired to"? Children who may be experiencing emotional neglect aren't necessarily the stereotypical rebellious teens we see on TV. I know I never was. As a matter of fact, I taught myself that I was a burden to my mom, and just stopped trying to ask for her time at some point. If she's calm and behaved everywhere else, don't you find it strange she's suddenly being angry over this? It could simply be that she knows this gets OP's attention, and that's all she wants.
Teenagers have a hard time communicating what they want a lot of the time. Before making a decision, I definitely would've approached it differently by talking to her, not about the door slamming, but about if she feels like I'm giving her enough time and attention. I want her to feel loved, even if I'm tired. After all, I hope no one has 3 kids thinking they won't be tired. Even if none of this holds up and she really is just being a testy teen, at least you know for sure she's happy. Because emotional neglect is something that causes permanent damage, and takes years to get through. It impacts your ability to create long lasting, and healthy relationships, and makes future emotional management very difficult. A lot of people assume their kid is fine because they personally can't think of a reason why the kid wouldn't be okay. You have to see it from their perspective, and realize that you guys don't share the same emotions or experiences.
Load More Replies...
1, she's 14 and NOT ENTITLED to anything her Parents don't feel she's earned. She has NO right to privacy as a MINOR. I didn't; it was my parents' home. 2, I commend the parents for giving their children equal considerations ... like privacy. 3, At no point does the poster mention talking to her daughter about problems she may be reacting to outside the home. 4, I had a carpet door situation, and did slam the door without noting the force I was using. I got asked to be mindful. It took me being aware so a possibility. 5, Try cutting out the offending carpet or flip the hinge direction if possible in doorway. 6, I hope things work out for all ... although the ADHD classifications of children have reached KAREN proportions in America. Own being a parent and the struggle, not a band aid to your "inability to." You don't medicate children still developing. Be well all.
So...she never "slams" ANY other door, but she can't figure out how to close this one door softly enough to avoid making a noise that is "too loud" for this parent. Sounds like s**t construction being blamed on a girl who can't defend herself. Yeah, if I was just closing my door and getting accused of slamming it constantly, I would get to the point where I would ACTUALLY slam it to prove there's a difference. Maybe parent can stop assuming that the only problem can be that their daughter is a s**t who isn't trying to tip toe around them hard enough and fix their house instead. No amount of punishment will make it possible for the kid to compensate for shoddy construction. I have had a door that made a lot of noise when I closed it. It was in the basement, just panelling on 2x4s, no insulation. The panelling vibrated every time the door was closed, it echoed of the block walls and could be heard through the heat registers. No one complained though, because they all slept two floors up.
Plane the bottom of the door before you put it back on so it doesn't rub on the carpet. Give her a few days to adjust to how easily the door closes because her habit is to yank hard because of the carpet.
Did you ever have a conversation? I'm puzzled, daughter. This door slamming seems really out of sync with what I know about you. You're a great girl. You're a good student, you help out around the house and I know you complain about and fight with your brothers way less than you'd like to. I love you and I'm glad you're my daughter. I can't figure this out. Continuing to slam your door, even though you know you're waking all of us up, is a surprise. Why do you want to wake us up? What's going on for you?
Yeah I was on the minds side till she admitted you have to FORCE THE DOOR CLOSED BECAUSE OF THE CARPET making it physically impossible to close it without slamming.
Oh wow! The parents are so nice to even replaced the door with a curtain. My dad would have beat the hell out of me, and I wouldn’t even think about closing the door…😃😃
My daughter got out of line obnoxious with me and slammed her door. I told her if she ever did it again I would take the door off. I showed her the hinge pins and told her she could time me it would take less than 3 minutes.
You are not TAH. 14 years can be AH and your daughter is one. She was never accidentally slamming; it was all deliberate. If the rule in your house is that door slamming causes the loss of your door then I think it's great. Not sure what the hurry is in putting the door back. The 14 yr old is not being harmed. She's being an AH.
They sell the little stick on silicone dots. It keeps it from cabinet doors from slamming. Stick them on the frame. Where it shuts then the noise will deaden. Maybe get kid a therapist to work through what she's going through
Fix the door when you give it back. It doesn't HAVE to slam EVERYTIME regardless of a bad habit.
The "right to privacy" is a made up right when it comes to children. They have whatever "rights" their parents extend to them. Progressivism has created a society of morons. I would have been warned once then the door would have been turned into firewood or I'd have gotten a beating but in either case I would have learned within a day or 2.
Biggest crock of 💩 I have ever heard. Privacy is a basic right? Some families live in multi-generational households and have one family to a room, some people live in a tent or car. This child has a room, bed and a curtain so she has privacy. I lost my door a once as a teen and hated it so much I sure didn't lose it again! Her parents aren't beating, starving or in any other way abusing her (from what we have read). As long as she is cared for in all the basic ways and loved her human rights are met.
Why don't you install a door closer. They actually stop the problem by closing the door at set speed.
I didn't read the whole story but I don't agree with how it was handled. What the mother should have done was try and find the root cause of the slamming. People don't usually just slam on things for no reason. Instead of threatening her to stop slamming her door, she should have taken her daughter out for a one on one like lunch together. Then try getting her daughter to talk about what it is that's getting her so upset. People just want to be heard. The slamming of things is typically a sign that they are not being acknowledged. It is their way of being heard, when they feel like no one is listening to them. And when your parent chooses to threaten you when you already feel unheard, that is just a recipe for disaster. Regardless if you tried talking to her about being more quiet. You didn't try talking to her about what is bothering her. YOU ARE THE A*****E!!!
Instead of this extreme response, sit down with her when you aren't both upset and solve the problem. For example, you might add some thick weather stripping to stop the slamming, or put springs on the frame that will compresswhen the door is closed. You could also try positive incentives for not slamming. Our daughter used to slam her door. When I tried closing it myself I realized it took effort not to make a loud noise.
This was not an extreme response. Mom TRIED to speak to daughter who decided to test her and found out that she would get the promised consequences. The punishment fit the crime. My dad would have given me way more severe consequences if I tried pulling that mess. Mom was very reasonable and daughter should be glad she even has a curtain.
Load More Replies... This may be a simple teenage thing or some other underlying issue brooding. A visit to a counselor may not be such a bad thing.
NTA, one bit. I am starting to understand why these students are as they are. Too many of these are like, "I actually disciplined my child, am I the a*****e?" Golllyyy. Not condoning spanking but straight up, we were told not to slam our doors. I did it and had instant regret, knowing my dad was going to be coming right in after me. He spanked me. Now, my parents did not hit us, my dad was not that kind of man, but I knew I deserved this because we had just been talked to about it and I know I had lost my cool and did it in spite. So, this 14yr has been the biggest a*****e to not even understand what she has been doing and has had no reflection upon it either. No, you're not the a*****e for finally forcing her to reflect on what she has been doing.
Exactly! I would have gotten way worse as a kid. Our society thinks we should coddle such behavior which is why many kids don't respect boundaries and think the world owes them. Mom did well here.
Load More Replies...
Definitely Nta she needs to learn that her emotional outbursts shouldn't affect others and talk about them instead of slamming the door I would've done the same fking thing
Try googling a way to make the door closed really really hard. Won’t be so much fun to slam it then I’m sure it can be fixed.
NTA, you set very appropriate limits. But maybe consider the underlying problem. Why is she slamming the door in the first place? She is upset about something and having difficulty managing her emotions. If the issue is not addressed, she will find another outlet, appropriate or not.
She has ADHD? Of course she's going to forget even if her symptoms are managed by medication. It doesn't matter how nice or mad you are about it either. You could start waking her up when she's trying to sleep but I think you're better off by getting a different door that has a delayed closure. You know, like modern kitchen drawers.
I probably would have just added a hydralic door closer. You can get them for ~$30 at Home Dept, which is probably around what a curtain and rod and such cost. No matter how hard you push it'll only close but so fast. No more slamming and no drama.
Why should the parents be spending that kind of money? Daughter needs to learn a lesson. As a matter of fact she can pay the $30 for it since her actions led to this.
Load More Replies...
I'm not even supposed to close my bedroom door. I don't really mind tho
You should be able to close your door. That’s messed up
Load More Replies...
My cousins grew up with curtains for doors because their rooms had been converted from a kitchen and a family room. They NEVER had a problem. Having said that, if she can NOT keep from slamming the door, put a hydraulic-type arm (like a screen door) that PREVENTS it from being slammed.
Me and my sister had door to our small room but parents could always come in. Maybe those were different times? We were supposed to be quiet and not shower too late, because the bathroom was next to the parents' bedroom. I think privacy was definitely in the toilet and the bathroom. But if I slammed the door on purpose I would be hit and/or punished.
Or, the rude brat can learn the world doesn’t revolve around her or owe her anything, including a door.
Load More Replies... My autistic daughter used to slam her door deliberately. I padded it with some draught proofing foam strips which work fine. Taking the door away seems very inconvenient and over the top.
You shouldn’t have to modify a door, to coddle a brat. Not your daughter, the girl in the story. OP did the right thing
Load More Replies...
in my house there are brackets at the top of every door - they cannot be slammed in way, shape or form. She should put one of those on, not remove a young teen girl's privacy (privacy includes sound as well as sight). Seems pretty over-dramatic to remove the entire door to me.
yeah or one of those spring thingies that let the door close slowly, with a piston that stops it moving fast. You see them on doors in some office buildings.
Load More Replies...
NTA.....but they are most definitely raising one. Toss her out the house and she can slam the door to her cardboard box or tent.
Take the door and tell her if she continues acting like a s**t the bathroom door is next
You are much nicer then I would habe been! I'm only 32 years old and I can tell you there are way to many kids who think they have more "rights" then they actually do. If you have a kid who likes to abuse your household yup if needs to be stopped! I wouldn't habe even installed a curtain, privacy is a privilege in a home you don't pay for. Her parents gave her, her own room which included tons of privacy, she gave up that right when she took away the right to rest and have a peaceful home from those who do pay the bills.
Did she ever explain her self involved inability to NOT slam the door, just that door? These parents were a lot more patient than I would have been. Your parents feed, clothe and shelter you. Adulting is a tough gig, add in children and it ages you. To disturb everyone's sleep by indulging in something so petty is just arrogant and selfish. Put up a curtain? Install a soft closing door? Nope. Take down the door and let her suck it up. She can dress in the bathroom until she can treat others and THEIR space with respect. This business of "rights" has validity, but a household is not a democracy, unless everyone gets to enjoy the same rights and respect.
NTA. This is called "natural consequences" and effective parenting. Since a majority of Redditers are Millennials & Gen Z, I suspect most "too harsh!" comments are youngsters w/o children, much less extensive parenting experience. DO make the door easy to close (if it drags on carpet a lot, that could lead to unintentionally slamming), and add felt pads around the frame. Dave, dad of 6, 3 of whom were adopted
I feel like the op answered their own riddle with the extra info. Oh, it drags on the carpet, you say. Definitely requires force to close it? Yeah. Or a lot of time. Kid figured out how much force it takes to get the door thru the carpet and close it without taking forever or coming up short of closing it's a significant force, hence the slam. Then they got all miscle-memoried into that motion and it's just how they close the door now. Remove the carpet, put the door back. Problem will solve itself
If curtains were as private as doors we'd all have them. We don't. It's not as private and feels insecure. Therefore this is not simply a solution it is a punishment. The punishment is losing the sense of privacy. It's a d**k move. Ground her or whatever but leave the door in place. The simpler solution would have been to put a rubber 'button' in the door jamb. No noise even if slammed and problem solved..
My question is....is the door itself built in such a way that regardless of how much force is used to close it, it slams shut? Or is it actually the daughter that is slamming it shut. That will determine if I think OP is the AH or not. If it's the door itself that slams shut (I have a door that has to be forcibly closed to "click" so it stays shut), then OP is the AH and needs to fix the door itself.
The OP does say there is nothing wrong with the door. I have one, like yours, that needs pushing firmly to get it to latch properly sometimes but I can do it gently.
Load More Replies...
She's complaining about a curtain? I'd have beat her senseless after the five door slams. She could try clamming the door to her hospital room
Clearly something going on with the teen and parents first idea is to punish the kid instead of delving deeper. Another case of parents who will wonder why their kids don't talk to them as adults. Invalidated children are gonna ghost ya lmao
So she slams her door every f*****g chance she gets? If something is wrong, she needs to find some other to communicate that, not slam her f*****g door. And she’s not even being punished, she has a whole a*s curtain put up. Sound proof!
Load More Replies...
Tell her if she's good, you'll upgrade the curtain to a swinging door (like the door in a restaurant that leads to the kitchen). You can't slam those, and they can still be locked with a chain. If it gets worse, you can downgrade to the ones in an old western saloon lol
At least the mom still respects privacy, she just doesn't want loud booms waking her up every night.
Add a slow close bracket like stores have. Then she can slam it but it will buffer an soft close. The same way cabinet doors work.
I was wondering if they sold those for regular indoor doors.
Load More Replies... I like how almost every AITH post contains things like "and I very politely asked to please stop" and "I calmly said." If I woke up from a sound sleep to a slamming door, being polite would be a figment of the imagination
If I did this I'd never have a door again. I slammed a door only once in my father's face. If looks could kill I'd be 6 ft under lol 😆 I got spanked and sent to bed. Never did that again
Load More Replies... Why is the kid slamming the door? Using the bathroom in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep does not even necessitate closing the bedroom door (it's not like someone is going to swoop into her room). And slamming it so hard she shakes the house? She is clearly doing this on purpose, and since she is a "good kid"--what's up? Is she trying to tell them something or assert control or rebelling? It sounds like the parents have respectfully found a solution, but I'd be asking the daughter some questions.
I thought that too. I question the "good kid" - seems like a heavy passive-aggressive move.
Load More Replies... What a brat. She absolutely deserved to lose her door. Hopefully she will learn the lesson. When I was 16 I slammed my bedroom door in my dad's face. He proceeded to kick it in and broke it. And I totally deserved it too. :) Teenage girls are awful - myself included!
This is another issue that really doesn't warrant much discussion. Clearly NTA. Good parenting.
This is obviously not an Asian family. No SANE kid in Asia is going to yell back at their parents under the threat of death or being disowned.
I can talk back to my Asian parents but that’s only because I got too much overconfidence with them. I’d still die though if I attempted what OP’s daughter did
Load More Replies... NTA. And if you don't mind my saying so, mom, Maggie really doesn't sound like such a great kid.
Its probably the lack of consequences coming from the parents. She started doing it, saw that she never really got any backlash, and kept doing it.
Load More Replies... I absolutely loathe door slammers lol. It boggles my mind how some people just don't get it.
I don't like slamming doors either. Unfortunately the door to the upper apt area thinks otherwise. It sticks and has to be slammed to close.
Load More Replies... She kinda asked for it screaming and throwing a tantrum like that. Not to mention she had zero intention to listen anyway. Consideration goes a long way, the earlier you learn this in life, the better.
I don’t see a problem with discipline here. She was asked to be respectful to others in the house and change how she closes (slams actually for some bizarre reason) the door, and she didn’t or couldn’t comply. That would certainly drive me nuts. Nothing wrong with a curtain. She’s spoiled compared to some children who don’t even have their own room - or even food, shelter, stability, safety, guidance or love. And then when she learns the lesson they can still put on a door closet thingy that will not allow it to slam anyway because she may still do it once in awhile since her muscle memory seems to be stuck in slam mode.
Honestly, Kids do need to be told no sometimes. Right move
Why is this child sulking? She still has privacy. This is about control - that child wants to dictate how things run in the house.
How old are you? Teenagers are very emotional, even if they don't mean to be. And its more about the reliability of a locked door. Also, dictate how things are in the house? 😂 Dude the kid is 14 i don't know what your talking about.
Load More Replies... I wish they would add comments of both opinions instead of just the popular opinion. I agree with this one but I think it would be interesting to see both sides of the argument.
What would the other side of the argument be? That it's okay to wake an entire family this way? That there's a good reason to slam a door in the middle of the night? Sorry, both sides of the story is fine, but this is not a hill to die on.
Load More Replies... That daughter doesn't appreciate how good she has it. Slamming a door in my mom's face would have gotten me a well whipped a*s.
Load More Replies... NTA.Teenagers are teenagers and sometimes even the best of them can be jerks. They're young adults testing limits and sometimes have a sense of entitlement. I say this as a mom to a teenager (17 m) who is a great young man(knock-on-wood). He does well in school, does his chores(most of the time 😏), helps with siblings (9 m & 10m), etc basically I'm blessed. However, rules are put in place for a reason and he knows that if they are broken there will be consequences. My only question is did OP warn her daughter if she slammed the door again her door would be taken as punishment? If OP had her daughter wouldn't be so surprised her door was taken away. As parents we sometimes get stuck on proving our point and not listening to our kids because we feel ignored or disrespected. OP could've done no door for 1 week punishment and given the door back with the understanding that if it's slammed again the door comes off. Basically, compromise so everyone is understood and communication is open.
Yes, the post says she told her daughter the door would be taken off if she didn't stop.
Load More Replies... I used to slam our front door as a teen. Didn't really think about it even after my parents said something several times. Finally, dad had enough. He made me open and close the front door "quietly" 100 times. Never slammed it again. Also, putting glue dots or something similar on the door frame where the door meets the wood will keep most doors from slamming, but still allow them to close.
This is a good consequence. It fits the bad behaviour while still respecting the child. Though I do wonder if OP ever sat down and asked Why the door gets slammed. Sometimes the air circulation is such that a gentle push causes it to slam. Perhaps a soft close hinge would work too.
Why does it seem these days that parents seem afraid to parent their own kids??? Slam a door in my own house in my face 5 times and you no longer have one period. That includes no curtain either. Maybe that's why these past two generations are the messed up way they are.
I'm confused of this phrase "right to privacy" as children have no rights unless given by the parents. I grew up with 4 brothers in a three bedroom house. No privacy and we managed just fine. It's no wonder why these kids do what they do these days. Because adults/teachers/TV/social media pump these rights into their head and they run with it.
No way Jose. That door would have been off long ago. Ryle when I was growing up? Slam.your door and loose it. I did this w my kid when she felt that slamming her door, hard enough to damage the frame was justified because she got grounded from not doing her chores all week. Ha! Jokes on you young one, she lost her door for a month, had to pay to repair the frame. Anger is never an excuse to damage anything. She knew the.consequences. She never slammed her door, or any door after that. No curtain either.
This "right to privacy" for a child is nonsense. They live in your house, you feed them and clothe them and pay the bills. You have every right in the world to remove a door, ground them and discipline as you see fit as long as it is not physically abusive. If a child chooses not to follow the rules and is being rude and disruptive to the household, that child needs to be disciplined. This girl is fortunate that her parents put up a privacy curtain but, if were me, the would be no door or curtain until she learned respect of others. Her whole attitude is that of a privileged child who thinks that the rules don't apply to her. That wouldn't stand in my house. She would also be doing chores which she would already be doing. Coddling a child does not do the child any good because when they become an adult they can't take care of themselves. It is not abuse to teach your child RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY.
You do need to be aware that no child asked to be born and no child owes their parents anything for the bare minimum of giving them a house and food. I agree with a bit of this but privacy is a human right and children, no matter how s****y they are, are human.
Load More Replies... NTA. The faster kids learn the consequences of bad behavior, the better they can navigate through life. I would have come home and found my belongings moved back into the room I had shared with my sister. My father was old school do as I say, no questions asked, kids are to be seen and not heard. And I would have stayed there until I graduated from high school and moved out. Sometimes it just takes being reminded how good you have things to start being more considerate
Exactly. Let her get away with it once and she rules the house not you to the detriment of her and you.
Load More Replies... NTA. She was warned, she defied the warning, you kept to your word. The no door k**b idea can be useful once the door goes back, should she relapse, remove door k**b as a reminder. I don't see a problem here, and I was raised by strict parents, which I am thankful for. Otherwise I would have runamuck.
NTA. At 14, you EARN privacy and respect. If I had slammed the door repeatedly in the middle of the night spitefully, I'd have not sat for a week without buttcheek discomfort.
Abuse is never the solution, I'm sorry you think it's normal.
Load More Replies... I did wonder if the type of door was making it particularly slammy. Light ones made of MDF are incredibly easy to slam even if you don't mean to.
Nah the daughter was deliberately being disrespectful. She slammed the door five times after Mom warned her. That was no accident.
Load More Replies... Should have installed an overhead door closer and set the pressure so that it would stop short of slamming before slowly closing. She wouldn't be able to slam the door even if she tried
I have to wonder how long it took before you finally gave her a consequence like this? Sounds like far too long. The girl sounds very entitled and disrespectful to everyone in the home. The grandmother sounds ignorant as heck sticking up for such horrible behaviors too. I would’ve given a serious consequence after it happened the very next time because everyone’s sleep is crucial to their health. I feel most sorry for her brother. And if a child gets no consequences after acting like this too many times, more than once, it clearly brings on entitlement and disrespect to most children. Being nice and walking on eggshells around your child is not parenting in these types of circumstances. That is actually not nice whatsoever. How is she going to cope in the real world when she’s not used to consequences as a child, young adult or throughout her the rest of her life? Life is hard and it’s a parents vital role to teach children respectful behavior.
To many parents are afraid to bring out consequences to anything because they are afraid of how other people will see it! Clearly shows how respect is pretty much dead with young people
You warned her. She thinks her actions DON'T have consequences. You are just showing her HOW WRONG SHE IS. I am sure there are other measures you could take to physically reduce the "slamming" of the door, but as far as teaching a lesson to your selfish 14 year old daughter, you're doing just fine.👍👍
I don't know who the entitled snots are who wrote this article, but privacy is not a fundamental human right. Food? Yes. Clean water? Yes. Safe shelter? Yes. Privacy? No. Especially if on the other side of privacy is disrespect. Y'all can debate over there whether indoor plumbing is a "right", but please up your writing quality because it's in the crapper.
My mom did something similar when I was a teenage a**h***. Except, she replaced my door with a large piece of cardboard! Did the same thing with my little sister when she tried doing the same. We both learned real quick.
Daughter needs some anger management sessions, possibly a psych exam. There's something going on that mom's not seeing.
Or just talk to her. Not every has to be pathological and teenagers don't have fully developed impulse control. A course isn't going to fix that. I'm all for checking on mental health, but with no other red flags, 'sourcing her out' to a dr. could put a real riff in their relationship for no reason. The slamming sounds like a cry for attention. That's not pathological, it's a normal reaction to an unmet need. Maybe they can have a conversation about what that need might be when the door situation has blown over
Load More Replies... I think a logical assumption would be that the brothers have identical doors on their room and the same carpet. I doubt this is a new house since it is an ongoing issue so the daughter knows how to shut the door right most likely and probably used to as well. Maybe the mother should tell the daughter to learn from her little brothers how to shut her door since the two brothers are able to share a door to their room that gets closed twice as much by two younger boys without noise being an issue. The sister can practice with the brothers door, and since she probably wakes her brothers up the most, give the boys a say on her door being given back.
I agree with this if it is in fact presented without bias, but I'm really wary here. I've been threatened with removal of my door over slamming before and in my case it only happened once or twice when I was in a terrible mood and didn't want to talk to anyone. It's really a scary thought and although that's partially because my parents don't understand the concept of privacy, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. In this case, I agree with the measures taken, but I'm concerned that OP is stretching the truth to make themself look better
Somehow I doubt it. Teenagers like to push their boundaries to see what they could get away with. Many commenters here said they did the same as teens and regretted it after getting consequences. Sorry, though, about your parents not respecting privacy. The Mom here did giving the daughter the curtain.
Load More Replies... Sometimes teens are going through a lot of c**p and being dismissed by adults who think they don't go through anything. Maybe she just needs someone to vent to or some consideration. I'm not saying to ignore or permit the door slamming, but consider there may be something more to it that also needs to be addressed.
There’s a lot of things teens “think” they’re going through. No different than any other generation. This is just a brat and a door
Load More Replies... Go to local DIY store or hardware store, buy foam draft excluder, stick it around doorframe, double it up on the non hinge side. Ta dah! Door can no longer be slammed.
But the rude, disrespectful teen doesn’t learn to knock that shite off.
Load More Replies... This is seriously a post here?? BP is getting really boring by stealing from Reddit all the time.
You clicked on it, read it, and commented on it. As long as BP is getting engagement from stolen Reddit posts, they're going to keep stealing Reddit posts.
Load More Replies... A curtain won't be much good if there's a fire. Doors save lives. OP would have done better to get those soft close brackets as others have suggested. And if you think I'm exaggerating about doors saving lives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSP03BE74WA&t=244s (actual demo starts at 2:32 for the impatient among us)
First world problems. Rude, entitled teens are another first world problem.
Load More Replies... If the door is broken or needs extra force to be closed the OP is the AH. But I’m still kinda confused why the kid is acting like that? I think there’s more to the story
Slamming it five times in a row would suggest a functioning door and an angry teen. The BP article itself suggests the teen just wants to annoy her younger brothers and doesn't realise it's annoying her parents too, and also that slamming doors is often the result of being too immature to handle the emotional upset that comes with hormonal surge.
Load More Replies... if i slammed my door id be slammed against the wall, but i had parents who were ACTUALLY abusive and not the spank on the butt "abusive"
Did basically the same thing to my 12 y/o daughter, only she was slamming her door intentionally when something didn't go her way. She kept up the attitude and disrespect so she didn't get her door back for about 3 months.
NTA, but parents need to stop removing their children’s doors because door offer protection during fire. https://fire.lacounty.gov/cbyd/#:~:text=Created%20by%20the%20Underwriters%20Laboratories,part%20of%20their%20bedtime%20routine.
Foam weather stripping on the door frame. I added this to my bedroom door to stop it from rattling. I didn't want to bother the landlord with the door and it's removable. You can't slam on foam.
When she gets the door back, let her know that she will lose it permanently if she slams it again.
Get her into anger management! ASAP! This is the beginning of a messed up life!
I would've asked her why she does it, and why she gets upset when asked to stop. It's very easy to look at situations like this and think they're just being overdramatic or spoiled, but as someone who was 'a good child' my whole life, I was unintentionally neglected by my parents which impacted my emotional development. How much time does OP spend with her? Does OP tend to give more attention to the boys? Does OP tend to dismiss, or cancel any attempts the daughter tries to make at spending quality time because "I'm too tired to"? Children who may be experiencing emotional neglect aren't necessarily the stereotypical rebellious teens we see on TV. I know I never was. As a matter of fact, I taught myself that I was a burden to my mom, and just stopped trying to ask for her time at some point. If she's calm and behaved everywhere else, don't you find it strange she's suddenly being angry over this? It could simply be that she knows this gets OP's attention, and that's all she wants.
Teenagers have a hard time communicating what they want a lot of the time. Before making a decision, I definitely would've approached it differently by talking to her, not about the door slamming, but about if she feels like I'm giving her enough time and attention. I want her to feel loved, even if I'm tired. After all, I hope no one has 3 kids thinking they won't be tired. Even if none of this holds up and she really is just being a testy teen, at least you know for sure she's happy. Because emotional neglect is something that causes permanent damage, and takes years to get through. It impacts your ability to create long lasting, and healthy relationships, and makes future emotional management very difficult. A lot of people assume their kid is fine because they personally can't think of a reason why the kid wouldn't be okay. You have to see it from their perspective, and realize that you guys don't share the same emotions or experiences.
Load More Replies... 1, she's 14 and NOT ENTITLED to anything her Parents don't feel she's earned. She has NO right to privacy as a MINOR. I didn't; it was my parents' home. 2, I commend the parents for giving their children equal considerations ... like privacy. 3, At no point does the poster mention talking to her daughter about problems she may be reacting to outside the home. 4, I had a carpet door situation, and did slam the door without noting the force I was using. I got asked to be mindful. It took me being aware so a possibility. 5, Try cutting out the offending carpet or flip the hinge direction if possible in doorway. 6, I hope things work out for all ... although the ADHD classifications of children have reached KAREN proportions in America. Own being a parent and the struggle, not a band aid to your "inability to." You don't medicate children still developing. Be well all.
So...she never "slams" ANY other door, but she can't figure out how to close this one door softly enough to avoid making a noise that is "too loud" for this parent. Sounds like s**t construction being blamed on a girl who can't defend herself. Yeah, if I was just closing my door and getting accused of slamming it constantly, I would get to the point where I would ACTUALLY slam it to prove there's a difference. Maybe parent can stop assuming that the only problem can be that their daughter is a s**t who isn't trying to tip toe around them hard enough and fix their house instead. No amount of punishment will make it possible for the kid to compensate for shoddy construction. I have had a door that made a lot of noise when I closed it. It was in the basement, just panelling on 2x4s, no insulation. The panelling vibrated every time the door was closed, it echoed of the block walls and could be heard through the heat registers. No one complained though, because they all slept two floors up.
Plane the bottom of the door before you put it back on so it doesn't rub on the carpet. Give her a few days to adjust to how easily the door closes because her habit is to yank hard because of the carpet.
Did you ever have a conversation? I'm puzzled, daughter. This door slamming seems really out of sync with what I know about you. You're a great girl. You're a good student, you help out around the house and I know you complain about and fight with your brothers way less than you'd like to. I love you and I'm glad you're my daughter. I can't figure this out. Continuing to slam your door, even though you know you're waking all of us up, is a surprise. Why do you want to wake us up? What's going on for you?
Yeah I was on the minds side till she admitted you have to FORCE THE DOOR CLOSED BECAUSE OF THE CARPET making it physically impossible to close it without slamming.
Oh wow! The parents are so nice to even replaced the door with a curtain. My dad would have beat the hell out of me, and I wouldn’t even think about closing the door…😃😃
My daughter got out of line obnoxious with me and slammed her door. I told her if she ever did it again I would take the door off. I showed her the hinge pins and told her she could time me it would take less than 3 minutes.
You are not TAH. 14 years can be AH and your daughter is one. She was never accidentally slamming; it was all deliberate. If the rule in your house is that door slamming causes the loss of your door then I think it's great. Not sure what the hurry is in putting the door back. The 14 yr old is not being harmed. She's being an AH.
They sell the little stick on silicone dots. It keeps it from cabinet doors from slamming. Stick them on the frame. Where it shuts then the noise will deaden. Maybe get kid a therapist to work through what she's going through
Fix the door when you give it back. It doesn't HAVE to slam EVERYTIME regardless of a bad habit.
The "right to privacy" is a made up right when it comes to children. They have whatever "rights" their parents extend to them. Progressivism has created a society of morons. I would have been warned once then the door would have been turned into firewood or I'd have gotten a beating but in either case I would have learned within a day or 2.
Biggest crock of 💩 I have ever heard. Privacy is a basic right? Some families live in multi-generational households and have one family to a room, some people live in a tent or car. This child has a room, bed and a curtain so she has privacy. I lost my door a once as a teen and hated it so much I sure didn't lose it again! Her parents aren't beating, starving or in any other way abusing her (from what we have read). As long as she is cared for in all the basic ways and loved her human rights are met.
Why don't you install a door closer. They actually stop the problem by closing the door at set speed.
I didn't read the whole story but I don't agree with how it was handled. What the mother should have done was try and find the root cause of the slamming. People don't usually just slam on things for no reason. Instead of threatening her to stop slamming her door, she should have taken her daughter out for a one on one like lunch together. Then try getting her daughter to talk about what it is that's getting her so upset. People just want to be heard. The slamming of things is typically a sign that they are not being acknowledged. It is their way of being heard, when they feel like no one is listening to them. And when your parent chooses to threaten you when you already feel unheard, that is just a recipe for disaster. Regardless if you tried talking to her about being more quiet. You didn't try talking to her about what is bothering her. YOU ARE THE A*****E!!!
Instead of this extreme response, sit down with her when you aren't both upset and solve the problem. For example, you might add some thick weather stripping to stop the slamming, or put springs on the frame that will compresswhen the door is closed. You could also try positive incentives for not slamming. Our daughter used to slam her door. When I tried closing it myself I realized it took effort not to make a loud noise.
This was not an extreme response. Mom TRIED to speak to daughter who decided to test her and found out that she would get the promised consequences. The punishment fit the crime. My dad would have given me way more severe consequences if I tried pulling that mess. Mom was very reasonable and daughter should be glad she even has a curtain.
Load More Replies... This may be a simple teenage thing or some other underlying issue brooding. A visit to a counselor may not be such a bad thing.
NTA, one bit. I am starting to understand why these students are as they are. Too many of these are like, "I actually disciplined my child, am I the a*****e?" Golllyyy. Not condoning spanking but straight up, we were told not to slam our doors. I did it and had instant regret, knowing my dad was going to be coming right in after me. He spanked me. Now, my parents did not hit us, my dad was not that kind of man, but I knew I deserved this because we had just been talked to about it and I know I had lost my cool and did it in spite. So, this 14yr has been the biggest a*****e to not even understand what she has been doing and has had no reflection upon it either. No, you're not the a*****e for finally forcing her to reflect on what she has been doing.
Exactly! I would have gotten way worse as a kid. Our society thinks we should coddle such behavior which is why many kids don't respect boundaries and think the world owes them. Mom did well here.
Load More Replies... Definitely Nta she needs to learn that her emotional outbursts shouldn't affect others and talk about them instead of slamming the door I would've done the same fking thing
Try googling a way to make the door closed really really hard. Won’t be so much fun to slam it then I’m sure it can be fixed.
NTA, you set very appropriate limits. But maybe consider the underlying problem. Why is she slamming the door in the first place? She is upset about something and having difficulty managing her emotions. If the issue is not addressed, she will find another outlet, appropriate or not.
She has ADHD? Of course she's going to forget even if her symptoms are managed by medication. It doesn't matter how nice or mad you are about it either. You could start waking her up when she's trying to sleep but I think you're better off by getting a different door that has a delayed closure. You know, like modern kitchen drawers.
I probably would have just added a hydralic door closer. You can get them for ~$30 at Home Dept, which is probably around what a curtain and rod and such cost. No matter how hard you push it'll only close but so fast. No more slamming and no drama.
Why should the parents be spending that kind of money? Daughter needs to learn a lesson. As a matter of fact she can pay the $30 for it since her actions led to this.
Load More Replies... I'm not even supposed to close my bedroom door. I don't really mind tho
You should be able to close your door. That’s messed up
Load More Replies... My cousins grew up with curtains for doors because their rooms had been converted from a kitchen and a family room. They NEVER had a problem. Having said that, if she can NOT keep from slamming the door, put a hydraulic-type arm (like a screen door) that PREVENTS it from being slammed.
Me and my sister had door to our small room but parents could always come in. Maybe those were different times? We were supposed to be quiet and not shower too late, because the bathroom was next to the parents' bedroom. I think privacy was definitely in the toilet and the bathroom. But if I slammed the door on purpose I would be hit and/or punished.
Or, the rude brat can learn the world doesn’t revolve around her or owe her anything, including a door.
Load More Replies... My autistic daughter used to slam her door deliberately. I padded it with some draught proofing foam strips which work fine. Taking the door away seems very inconvenient and over the top.
You shouldn’t have to modify a door, to coddle a brat. Not your daughter, the girl in the story. OP did the right thing
Load More Replies... in my house there are brackets at the top of every door - they cannot be slammed in way, shape or form. She should put one of those on, not remove a young teen girl's privacy (privacy includes sound as well as sight). Seems pretty over-dramatic to remove the entire door to me.
yeah or one of those spring thingies that let the door close slowly, with a piston that stops it moving fast. You see them on doors in some office buildings.
Load More Replies... NTA.....but they are most definitely raising one. Toss her out the house and she can slam the door to her cardboard box or tent.
Take the door and tell her if she continues acting like a s**t the bathroom door is next
You are much nicer then I would habe been! I'm only 32 years old and I can tell you there are way to many kids who think they have more "rights" then they actually do. If you have a kid who likes to abuse your household yup if needs to be stopped! I wouldn't habe even installed a curtain, privacy is a privilege in a home you don't pay for. Her parents gave her, her own room which included tons of privacy, she gave up that right when she took away the right to rest and have a peaceful home from those who do pay the bills.
Did she ever explain her self involved inability to NOT slam the door, just that door? These parents were a lot more patient than I would have been. Your parents feed, clothe and shelter you. Adulting is a tough gig, add in children and it ages you. To disturb everyone's sleep by indulging in something so petty is just arrogant and selfish. Put up a curtain? Install a soft closing door? Nope. Take down the door and let her suck it up. She can dress in the bathroom until she can treat others and THEIR space with respect. This business of "rights" has validity, but a household is not a democracy, unless everyone gets to enjoy the same rights and respect.
NTA. This is called "natural consequences" and effective parenting. Since a majority of Redditers are Millennials & Gen Z, I suspect most "too harsh!" comments are youngsters w/o children, much less extensive parenting experience. DO make the door easy to close (if it drags on carpet a lot, that could lead to unintentionally slamming), and add felt pads around the frame. Dave, dad of 6, 3 of whom were adopted
I feel like the op answered their own riddle with the extra info. Oh, it drags on the carpet, you say. Definitely requires force to close it? Yeah. Or a lot of time. Kid figured out how much force it takes to get the door thru the carpet and close it without taking forever or coming up short of closing it's a significant force, hence the slam. Then they got all miscle-memoried into that motion and it's just how they close the door now. Remove the carpet, put the door back. Problem will solve itself
If curtains were as private as doors we'd all have them. We don't. It's not as private and feels insecure. Therefore this is not simply a solution it is a punishment. The punishment is losing the sense of privacy. It's a d**k move. Ground her or whatever but leave the door in place. The simpler solution would have been to put a rubber 'button' in the door jamb. No noise even if slammed and problem solved..
My question is....is the door itself built in such a way that regardless of how much force is used to close it, it slams shut? Or is it actually the daughter that is slamming it shut. That will determine if I think OP is the AH or not. If it's the door itself that slams shut (I have a door that has to be forcibly closed to "click" so it stays shut), then OP is the AH and needs to fix the door itself.
The OP does say there is nothing wrong with the door. I have one, like yours, that needs pushing firmly to get it to latch properly sometimes but I can do it gently.
Load More Replies... She's complaining about a curtain? I'd have beat her senseless after the five door slams. She could try clamming the door to her hospital room
Clearly something going on with the teen and parents first idea is to punish the kid instead of delving deeper. Another case of parents who will wonder why their kids don't talk to them as adults. Invalidated children are gonna ghost ya lmao
So she slams her door every f*****g chance she gets? If something is wrong, she needs to find some other to communicate that, not slam her f*****g door. And she’s not even being punished, she has a whole a*s curtain put up. Sound proof!
Load More Replies... 
106
217