50 Relatable Posts That Speak Nothing But The Truth About Having A Significant Other

We spoke with several experts who shared their insights on the one key factor for a thriving relationship that many couples tend to overlook. According to senior therapist and Lightline Therapy founder Jacob Mergendoller, LCSW, one of them is learning how to “fight right.” 

As he explained to Bored Panda, most couples prioritize “winning” over trying to understand their partner. In turn, they miss out on the growth that comes with resolving conflicts. 

“It's possible to combine kindness and gentleness with fighting; they are not mutually exclusive,” Mergendoller said. “We can grow closer together because of conflict, but to do this, we have to get to the heart of what we're really fighting about.”

Regarding conflict, clinical social worker and therapist Deanna Saunders, LICSW, notes that couples often don’t approach it with a “regulated nervous system.” As she explained, it occurs when a person responds defensively and negatively during an argument as a result of their fight-or-flight response. 

Saunders says couples overlook this because we are programmed to think through our problems instead of recognizing that we need to take care of ourselves first. For this, she advises building awareness and paying attention to how our bodies react during conflict. 

“Taking a five-minute pause when you notice fight-or-flight can prevent arguing about both the original issue and the hurtful comments made while dysregulated,” Saunders said. 

Many of us focus on the discomfort that disagreements bring. But according to New York-based licensed therapist Ingrid Camacho, we can reframe that through co-regulation. Simply put, it’s the process of honoring your partner’s individuality during moments of conflict. 

“The goal shifts from convincing to understanding, even if disagreement remains and compromise is needed,” she said, echoing Saunders’ previous statement of being mindful of your mood and slowing your breathing while listening. 

Space and having a strong sense of individuality are two factors that couples overlook, according to trauma specialist and therapist Dr. Hannah Paull. As she noted, movies, social media, and even the people around us tend to romanticize the idea of “two becoming one.” Her advice: schedule curiosity. 

“Instead of only scheduling date nights, set aside time to intentionally ask each other questions you don’t already know the answers to—about dreams, fears, memories, or future hopes,” she said, adding that relationships begin to stagnate when we assume we know everything about each other.

Keynote speaker and Primal Dating co-author Tim Ash mentioned another essential element that many people forget about: the biological asymmetries between men and women. It is when we fail to understand these differences that conflicts arise. 

Ash says couples tend to overlook this because of cultural and personal beliefs, and urges clarifying the minimum needs that can only be met through an intimate relationship. 

“If you start to pile extra wants on top of it, the relationship will break more easily,” Ash said. “Get your wants met outside of the intimate relationship.”

Many people also tend to undervalue the importance of asking their partner about their day. But as couples counselor and TEDx speaker, Dr. Claudia Six clarifies, it should be done without devices on hand and not while multitasking. 

“Sometimes it’s easier for people to give you data than feelings,” Dr. Six said. “Read between the lines to get their state of mind, how they feel about things. Then you can offer support and empathy, advice if it’s requested (only if it’s requested).”

From her end, relationship expert and breakup coach Nancy Ruth Deen shared some actionable tips, the first being to go for after-work walks. She does it with her husband of seven and a half years, where they go for 15 to 30-minute walks to get some fresh air and communicate without phones in hand. 

Another tip she shared is to talk about the highs and lows of the week every Sunday before bed. 

“Life can feel very routine and busy, so we celebrate and close each week by acknowledging the actual events and moments that meant something to us,” she shared.

A lack of sense of humor can apparently make or break a relationship, according to licensed psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, a.k.a Dr. Psych Mom. According to her, the main issue of some of her clients is that they don’t find their partner funny. 

Dr. Whiten says sense of humor is a proxy variable for intelligence. It means that the lack of it may cause a person to think their partner isn’t very intelligent, and may lead to a lack of respect. 

“If partners can't make each other laugh, they frequently don't feel very connected to one another and don't feel seen or known by the other,” she said.

Licensed family therapist Lea Trageser, LMFT, shared a similar comment, stating that people often forget to stay connected to joy and play with one another. She says couples tend to overlook this aspect when life becomes serious and issues about mortgage/rent payments, children, and navigating family dynamics arise. To address this, Trageser recommends having one hobby in common and one that is separate. 

“This fosters partnership, connection, and joy while also honoring each person individually. Bonus points for demonstrating curiosity and showing interest in each other's individual hobbies,” she adds. 

When it comes to addressing conflict, relationship therapist Anna Joseph, LCSW, provided a valuable tip: externalizing the problem. As she explained, it is simply about viewing the issue as “us vs. the problem” instead of “me vs. you.” 

As an example, Joseph used the frequency of attending social engagements. She advises viewing such an issue as 'my partner and I have different preferences in how often we hang out with friends, and that’s the problem,' instead of 'my partner wants to hang out with friends too much/too little, and that’s the problem.'

“It is a subtle shift, but it can really change how we address a conflict,” she noted.