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Dad Left Shattered When Daughter Chooses Biological Father Over Him, Refuses To Walk Her Down The Aisle After ‘Real Dad’ Passed Away
This story comes from a dad who hasn’t spoken with his daughter in years. “When she was 15 we found out she wasn’t my biological daughter and my wife had cheated on me years ago with a friend,” he wrote in a heartfelt post on r/AITA that received 21.2k upvotes.
The family collapsed after he divorced his wife, and his daughter “started pulling away from him.” At one point, she decided to live with her biological father, breaking the author’s heart and leaving him very depressed.
Now the situation has changed and the author’s daughter reached out to him after years asking if he could walk her down the aisle. After refusing, the dad turned to people online to find out if it was really the right decision.
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After not speaking with his daughter for years, this father receives a request to walk her down the aisle, to which he refuses
Image credits: Neustockimages
It turns out that he’s had a very complicated relationship with his daughter, who turned away after finding out he is not her biological father
And this is what people had to comment in response to this situation
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What do you think ?
deanna woods 4 years ago
When this woman was twenty, she made her decision to cut him out of her life and now she has to deal with the consequences of that decision. He doesn't owe her a thing and the only reason she called is because her bio dad is dead. He is not being an asshole, he is trying to protect his heart and mind by not getting back into that relationship again. She will only hurt him again. After the wedding was over, she would probably never call him again.
Gin 4 years ago
Yep. She just doesn't like the idea of not having a father to walk her down the aisle. She's just using him to make her wedding 'fit' her ideal. What kind of a person does this to someone who brought them up? That they thought was their real dad until 15? Not his fault that he wasn't. She's not worth it.
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Patrick O'Harris 4 years ago
Even if he'd be the biological father, nobody could force him. She broke contact with him and treated him badly. Sure, getting to know "the other dad" is absolutely fine, but the rest is crap. He doesnt owe her anything, specially after that.
Brent Kaufman 4 years ago
Getting to know her 'other dad' who caused so much pain to her family and caused her family to no longer exist (yes, yes, with the cheating wife; one issue at a time), is absolutely fine; if you're kind of amoral. I think the daughter is the kind of person that would find otherdad to be more of a kindred spirit, than 'not-narcissist dad' who was always there.
Load More Replies... chrissy goodman 4 years ago
i wont lie im adopted and i thought about asking my biological dad wen i got married but the reason i went with my adoptive father is bc hes the one who cared for me and loved me and raised me my whole life. i did invite both my biological parents but they both said they didnt deserve to b there i didnt fight it cuz i get it they havent been there for me and so on but they r the reason im here and they deserve to kno that someone they brought into this world is happy and healthy and has a good life. it hurt but i respected their answer. this mans daughter shouldve respected his response bc not only did he raise her and care for her throughout her whole childhood but bc its her fault things ended up this way. she shouldve realized her mistake and understood how hurt he is and respect his feelings. biological or not, there for u or not they r still ur parents and u should respect them. ive always said that unless the parent does something to lose all respect u should never disrespect ur parents. they do so much for you and deserve all the respect in the world.
Pearl 4 years ago
That passage was enlightening. Thank you for sharing your experiences. :)
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Carol Emory 4 years ago
Here is my thought on the matter. If she had treated you like crap when she was 15 and wanted to break off contact, then suddenly reconnect...I would say forgive her because a lot of teenagers at that age not only don't really know what they want or what's important...but how to deal with something as shocking as finding out your dad is not your dad. But she was 20 years old and had plenty of time to process what happened. Her treating you like garbage tells me she really didn't want to be part of your life. And if all she said was "I know we haven't talked in a while.." and not "I'm sorry I treated you like crap...I was wrong," then let her walk down the aisle alone. She made her bed..now she has to lay in it.
Bogart Lee Blues 4 years ago
Nope. You are 100% correct. She made her decision and now she has to live it with. I would not lose any sleep over this one. Not worthy of an ounce of your time and energy.
Katchen 4 years ago
Why does she need to be walked down the aisle? I always found that to be patriarchal bullshit. I walked down the aisle side by side with my husband, because no one was giving either one of us away. We’re not chattel.
Laura Pantazis 4 years ago
What is worse is that traditionally, the father is giving the daughter away to the new man who will watch over and protect her. For the daughter to ask the father to walk her down the aisle and give her away, after he already lost her, just seemed extra cruel.
Load More Replies...
Mike Crow 4 years ago
I know some will think that parents should leap into action and burry the pain that was caused to them but she hurt him deeply. He even tried to reach out to her but she shot him down. It is not her right to have him there and he is protecting his own mental health by staying away.
13 4 years ago
Honestly this only goes untill the kid is 18 or so. After that if kiddy dear is an insufferable asshat by all means disown the little monster.
Load More Replies...
CatWoman312 4 years ago
If this was for any other reason I would say it was okay she wanted to pop back up, but no in this instant she has selfish intentions. If her real dad was alive she wouldn't have contacted you at all and likely never would. I don't blame you and you're definitely NTA. I like the suggestion of having her brother give her away.
deanna woods 4 years ago
When this woman was twenty, she made her decision to cut him out of her life and now she has to deal with the consequences of that decision. He doesn't owe her a thing and the only reason she called is because her bio dad is dead. He is not being an asshole, he is trying to protect his heart and mind by not getting back into that relationship again. She will only hurt him again. After the wedding was over, she would probably never call him again.
Gin 4 years ago
Yep. She just doesn't like the idea of not having a father to walk her down the aisle. She's just using him to make her wedding 'fit' her ideal. What kind of a person does this to someone who brought them up? That they thought was their real dad until 15? Not his fault that he wasn't. She's not worth it.
Load More Replies... Patrick O'Harris 4 years ago
Even if he'd be the biological father, nobody could force him. She broke contact with him and treated him badly. Sure, getting to know "the other dad" is absolutely fine, but the rest is crap. He doesnt owe her anything, specially after that.
Brent Kaufman 4 years ago
Getting to know her 'other dad' who caused so much pain to her family and caused her family to no longer exist (yes, yes, with the cheating wife; one issue at a time), is absolutely fine; if you're kind of amoral. I think the daughter is the kind of person that would find otherdad to be more of a kindred spirit, than 'not-narcissist dad' who was always there.
Load More Replies... chrissy goodman 4 years ago
i wont lie im adopted and i thought about asking my biological dad wen i got married but the reason i went with my adoptive father is bc hes the one who cared for me and loved me and raised me my whole life. i did invite both my biological parents but they both said they didnt deserve to b there i didnt fight it cuz i get it they havent been there for me and so on but they r the reason im here and they deserve to kno that someone they brought into this world is happy and healthy and has a good life. it hurt but i respected their answer. this mans daughter shouldve respected his response bc not only did he raise her and care for her throughout her whole childhood but bc its her fault things ended up this way. she shouldve realized her mistake and understood how hurt he is and respect his feelings. biological or not, there for u or not they r still ur parents and u should respect them. ive always said that unless the parent does something to lose all respect u should never disrespect ur parents. they do so much for you and deserve all the respect in the world.
Pearl 4 years ago
That passage was enlightening. Thank you for sharing your experiences. :)
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
Here is my thought on the matter. If she had treated you like crap when she was 15 and wanted to break off contact, then suddenly reconnect...I would say forgive her because a lot of teenagers at that age not only don't really know what they want or what's important...but how to deal with something as shocking as finding out your dad is not your dad. But she was 20 years old and had plenty of time to process what happened. Her treating you like garbage tells me she really didn't want to be part of your life. And if all she said was "I know we haven't talked in a while.." and not "I'm sorry I treated you like crap...I was wrong," then let her walk down the aisle alone. She made her bed..now she has to lay in it.
Bogart Lee Blues 4 years ago
Nope. You are 100% correct. She made her decision and now she has to live it with. I would not lose any sleep over this one. Not worthy of an ounce of your time and energy.
Katchen 4 years ago
Why does she need to be walked down the aisle? I always found that to be patriarchal bullshit. I walked down the aisle side by side with my husband, because no one was giving either one of us away. We’re not chattel.
Laura Pantazis 4 years ago
What is worse is that traditionally, the father is giving the daughter away to the new man who will watch over and protect her. For the daughter to ask the father to walk her down the aisle and give her away, after he already lost her, just seemed extra cruel.
Load More Replies... Mike Crow 4 years ago
I know some will think that parents should leap into action and burry the pain that was caused to them but she hurt him deeply. He even tried to reach out to her but she shot him down. It is not her right to have him there and he is protecting his own mental health by staying away.
13 4 years ago
Honestly this only goes untill the kid is 18 or so. After that if kiddy dear is an insufferable asshat by all means disown the little monster.
Load More Replies... CatWoman312 4 years ago
If this was for any other reason I would say it was okay she wanted to pop back up, but no in this instant she has selfish intentions. If her real dad was alive she wouldn't have contacted you at all and likely never would. I don't blame you and you're definitely NTA. I like the suggestion of having her brother give her away.
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