Woman On An Almost Empty Train Gets Labeled A Jerk By A Man For Refusing To Move Her Stuff So He Could Sit Next To Her For The Second Time
Interview With Author
Public transportation may be wonderful, but sometimes also exhausting. It’s great since it’s typically affordable, quick, and pleasant as you can just sit back and relax. But there are other drawbacks that could negate all the advantages of public transportation. In most cases, you will encounter a large number of people pushing you in every direction, as well as weird smells and entitled individuals who may decide that you are disturbing them and cause a scene.
More info: Reddit
Trains are a comfortable and fast way to reach a destination; however, the journey can easily be disturbed by a stranger’s scene
Image credits: LTG link (not the actual image)
Woman asks the community if she was wrong for refusing to sit next to a stranger after he bossed her around for no reason
Image credits: u/skanus_cepelinai
Image credits: Markus Winkler (not the actual image)
The audacious passenger turned out to have a problem not with seats, but with the woman’s bags that were on the seats
Image credits: u/skanus_cepelinai
Image credits: Darina Belonogova (not the actual image)
The woman ended up being called an entitled jerk for keeping her bag on the seat
Reddit user “skanus_cepelinai” recently shared her story asking the community if she was being a jerk for refusing to sit next to a rude stranger. The post went viral immediately and in just 2 days, it got almost 10K upvotes and more than 1.6K comments.
The woman begins her story by stating that she traveled on a train that had only 5 or 6 passengers in the same carriage with her. She chose a spot with 4 seats (as, likely, do most of us), made herself more comfortable, laid her belongings out on the free seats, took off her shoes and put her feet on the seat across.
A little while later, a man approached and told her to move her bag. She asked him whether he wanted this specific location, and he confirmed that he did. Once the woman collected all her things and moved to another place, guess what, the same guy appeared again with the same orders.
This time, the author refused to allow him to dictate how she should behave and informed him that the prior seat had already been given to him. As it turns out, the unpleasant passenger simply has a grudge towards those who leave their belongings on the seats. Later, he attempted to take the woman’s luggage, but the author yelled at him and he was forced to return to his seat. However, he still had a few ideas left for his scene, so he called somebody and complained about entitled people who think that their bags deserve a seat. Yeah, what a show.
The audience gave the author a “Not The A-Hole” badge and agreed that the guy was a real jerk in this situation. “NTA. This guy is a creeper and looking to cause trouble with you, a woman. Good for you not putting up with it,” one user stated. Additionally, some folks shared their own experience with such creepers in a public transport. Given that many people questioned why she was wearing no shoes, it looks like a cultural difference, as one side of people found it completely normal and others wrote: “Please keep your shoes on and don’t put your feet on the seats regardless of if you’re just in your socks. It’s obnoxious behavior in public.”
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual image)
Bored Panda got in touch with the Redditor, and she said that she feels happy with the community’s verdict. “I felt validated to not have been in the wrong for refusing to let him sit with me, and it also felt really good that other people had the same hunch as me about him policing my behavior specifically because I was a woman taking up space and he was not having that for misogynistic reasons. I didn’t write this in the post because I didn’t want to influence people’s opinions, so when they came up with that point by themselves, it was a relief that my hunch can’t be that far off.”
Additionally, she shared that it is not the first time she has been in such a situation: “a few years ago a man asked me to move my bag in the bus, sat next to me and tried to start a conversation with me. That was really unpleasant and I decided that if something like that ever happens again, they can have the seat my bag is occupying, but they can not have me as a captive audience,” the woman remembered.
The OP also added her suggestions if you are ever being harassed: “You have no obligation to be polite, and often it’s even safer to stand up for yourself early in the interaction than to let the situation unfold.” Moreover, she is grateful for all the thoughtful responses from people who cared about her situation, and as a new Reddit user she was overwhelmed by so many notifications from the audience!
The author also asked to link a channel for Ukraine’s support donation website.
So folks, have you been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? Share your stories in a comment section!
The audience supported the woman and shared their insights
The feet in the seat aside, because that is not really the point of what happened, this man was being incredibly creepy. I don't know why he was so insistent on sitting next to this woman on an almost empty train, but he was the one in the wrong. He was the one acting entitled. The train was nearly empty, so he needed to find a seat and just sit down. No one wants a complete stranger sitting next to them on a mode of transportation no matter what the circumstances are. This is especially true if the public transportation is empty. I will never understand why people have to start arguments with strangers over the most minor things. Just find a seat and sit down. End of story.
It seems it was some kind of vigilante bullying. He felt he needed to "teach her a lesson". She is lucky he didn't escalate into violence as he seems unhinged.
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The guy wanted you to spend the trip huddled up and fearful while he harassed you, probably sexually. There are a surprising amount of guys who get off on doing that on public transportation. Good for you for telling him to eff off.
You're reading too much into this. More likely if she'd moved her stuff off the seat and taken up less space he'd have just sat there grinning smugly. Like he's proved his point and won some sort of moral victory for the poor masses who wanted to sit in that seat (even though there were none).
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Omg, I would love to see this in-person just so I could sit down with this AH once OP safely extricates herself. "Ha, women, amirite? I'll sit with ya, pal!" Start manspreading my overly large tall-guy body into his space. Release any pent-up gas I can muster. Then proceed with sexually aggressive comments toward him. Inevitably he'd either tell me to get lost or try to relocate, which triggers immediate cries of entitlement, etc. If he gets up, follow, "where we going next, AH?"
I think for safety loudly saying "I'm not sure why an older man is insisting on sitting next to a women traveling on her own with so many vacant seats, but it makes my uncomfortable. Find an empty seat' In my experience, that will at least sort of get people's attention enough to increase safety (at least where I live).
He called HER entitled and yet he went to her twice demanding she move her bag for him despite the train being mostly empty, allowing him to sit literally anywhere else. LOLOK
I think the second time I would have gotten the conductor and told him or her what happened. Let them know you don't feel comfortable with them on the train.
Oh eeeewwwwww… that dude just wanted to sit next to some random woman-total perv.
I would have told the guy off the first time around, solely because of his approach. The train was nearly empty. He approached her for no other reason than to make a scene, as evidenced by his second approach. People like him can fück right off.
A rude guy wanting a seat and telling you to move your bag, yeah, just eye roll at the idiot. But to then MOVE to a different set of seats when this guy already has a seat ( or 4 according to OP) and he then comes over and says the same again? Sorry , nuh uh. He's harassing a woman for personally creepy reasons. That's a red flag for trouble. At that point I would have threatened him with action ' I'm going to pull the train cord and stop this train and report you, get out of my face and go away'. Weirdo. Poor woman.
Things like this is why I had to get a car. I'm not a fan of driving,but if I had stayed on public transportation I would have wound up in jail.
The last straw was the dude with his hands in his pants, 8:30am on a crowded bus. He was have some me time staring at me. NOPE. I made him get off the bus and got me a car a week later.
Load More Replies... I don't care about her shoes. The guy was an ah. I think he just wanted to sit by her. Good for her for sticking up for herself!
NTA! Honestly, being obsessed with her feet like that is just wrongheaded! I'm going to have foot surgery in a month, and if had to ride on a train and could remove my shoes and so on like that, I would certainly do so as they cause a lot of pain right now! That's true of a lot of people. As for the creep on the train, he's a bully who wanted to 'put her in her place' because she's a woman and he thinks that makes him superior. What a jerk!
NTA I'm so happy she stood up for herself I feel as if I would have been to scared to say something especially the second time he approached me (that's why I carry a taser or pepper spray although I'm 5ft y'all so I'm small compared to almost anyone). The place was empty and he was being controlling and asshatish so I'm happy u put him in his place and are still safe
She's NTA at all for putting a bag on an empty seat in a mostly empty train, especially after being willing to move. But, she's definitely wrong about taking her shoes off and putting her feet up on the seat. You don't do that on a train. This is not just an "American" thing, as she implied, it is absolutely frowned upon in Europe and certainly in parts of western and southeast Asia.
Frowned upon, perhaps, but using a jacket to put them on as described is fine. I do think the bare or socked foot thing is more American that European, certainly reading some threads about air travel where American people think it's disgusting, whereas I've never thought it was so viewed and it's quite common on medium-long haul flights from Europe.
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I HATE those guys. "You should smile". WHY? Because you, a complete random f&*cking stranger on a train, thinks I should should? F*CK off. And NO - I do not owe you a smile, or a conversation or even an IOTA of my time. Get the f*ck away from me, you CREEP.
It’s funny how people get distracted by things that aren’t the point. Do I see any reason for her to spread out over 4 seats? No. (But most of us have spread out over 2 seats on a train and 3 on a plane if we score a row to ourselves.) Do I think she should take her shoes off and put it on the seat. No. But none of these are the point - they’re *irrelevant*. this guy was deliberately looking for conflict. The first time he sat next to her, his intentions were unclear and his behaviour a bit creepy. The second time was obviously. He’s an AH, full stop.
I have to confess if the train is say 90% full and there's some free seats but also some taken up by bags (clearly to get two seats for the price of one), then yes without really asking I will go sit where a bag is. Preferentially a big man's. Because if I don't, there's going to be a person (typically woman, or frail) standing only because the carefully curated aura of the 'placeholder'; that person can now sit next to someone less intimidating to them. So yes, I have the same 'policing' instinct; no if there's obvious spaces then not. That said taking both benches of a fourseater is obnoxious.
The feet in the seat aside, because that is not really the point of what happened, this man was being incredibly creepy. I don't know why he was so insistent on sitting next to this woman on an almost empty train, but he was the one in the wrong. He was the one acting entitled. The train was nearly empty, so he needed to find a seat and just sit down. No one wants a complete stranger sitting next to them on a mode of transportation no matter what the circumstances are. This is especially true if the public transportation is empty. I will never understand why people have to start arguments with strangers over the most minor things. Just find a seat and sit down. End of story.
It seems it was some kind of vigilante bullying. He felt he needed to "teach her a lesson". She is lucky he didn't escalate into violence as he seems unhinged.
Load More Replies... The guy wanted you to spend the trip huddled up and fearful while he harassed you, probably sexually. There are a surprising amount of guys who get off on doing that on public transportation. Good for you for telling him to eff off.
You're reading too much into this. More likely if she'd moved her stuff off the seat and taken up less space he'd have just sat there grinning smugly. Like he's proved his point and won some sort of moral victory for the poor masses who wanted to sit in that seat (even though there were none).
Load More Replies... Omg, I would love to see this in-person just so I could sit down with this AH once OP safely extricates herself. "Ha, women, amirite? I'll sit with ya, pal!" Start manspreading my overly large tall-guy body into his space. Release any pent-up gas I can muster. Then proceed with sexually aggressive comments toward him. Inevitably he'd either tell me to get lost or try to relocate, which triggers immediate cries of entitlement, etc. If he gets up, follow, "where we going next, AH?"
I think for safety loudly saying "I'm not sure why an older man is insisting on sitting next to a women traveling on her own with so many vacant seats, but it makes my uncomfortable. Find an empty seat' In my experience, that will at least sort of get people's attention enough to increase safety (at least where I live).
He called HER entitled and yet he went to her twice demanding she move her bag for him despite the train being mostly empty, allowing him to sit literally anywhere else. LOLOK
I think the second time I would have gotten the conductor and told him or her what happened. Let them know you don't feel comfortable with them on the train.
Oh eeeewwwwww… that dude just wanted to sit next to some random woman-total perv.
I would have told the guy off the first time around, solely because of his approach. The train was nearly empty. He approached her for no other reason than to make a scene, as evidenced by his second approach. People like him can fück right off.
A rude guy wanting a seat and telling you to move your bag, yeah, just eye roll at the idiot. But to then MOVE to a different set of seats when this guy already has a seat ( or 4 according to OP) and he then comes over and says the same again? Sorry , nuh uh. He's harassing a woman for personally creepy reasons. That's a red flag for trouble. At that point I would have threatened him with action ' I'm going to pull the train cord and stop this train and report you, get out of my face and go away'. Weirdo. Poor woman.
Things like this is why I had to get a car. I'm not a fan of driving,but if I had stayed on public transportation I would have wound up in jail.
The last straw was the dude with his hands in his pants, 8:30am on a crowded bus. He was have some me time staring at me. NOPE. I made him get off the bus and got me a car a week later.
Load More Replies... I don't care about her shoes. The guy was an ah. I think he just wanted to sit by her. Good for her for sticking up for herself!
NTA! Honestly, being obsessed with her feet like that is just wrongheaded! I'm going to have foot surgery in a month, and if had to ride on a train and could remove my shoes and so on like that, I would certainly do so as they cause a lot of pain right now! That's true of a lot of people. As for the creep on the train, he's a bully who wanted to 'put her in her place' because she's a woman and he thinks that makes him superior. What a jerk!
NTA I'm so happy she stood up for herself I feel as if I would have been to scared to say something especially the second time he approached me (that's why I carry a taser or pepper spray although I'm 5ft y'all so I'm small compared to almost anyone). The place was empty and he was being controlling and asshatish so I'm happy u put him in his place and are still safe
She's NTA at all for putting a bag on an empty seat in a mostly empty train, especially after being willing to move. But, she's definitely wrong about taking her shoes off and putting her feet up on the seat. You don't do that on a train. This is not just an "American" thing, as she implied, it is absolutely frowned upon in Europe and certainly in parts of western and southeast Asia.
Frowned upon, perhaps, but using a jacket to put them on as described is fine. I do think the bare or socked foot thing is more American that European, certainly reading some threads about air travel where American people think it's disgusting, whereas I've never thought it was so viewed and it's quite common on medium-long haul flights from Europe.
Load More Replies... I HATE those guys. "You should smile". WHY? Because you, a complete random f&*cking stranger on a train, thinks I should should? F*CK off. And NO - I do not owe you a smile, or a conversation or even an IOTA of my time. Get the f*ck away from me, you CREEP.
It’s funny how people get distracted by things that aren’t the point. Do I see any reason for her to spread out over 4 seats? No. (But most of us have spread out over 2 seats on a train and 3 on a plane if we score a row to ourselves.) Do I think she should take her shoes off and put it on the seat. No. But none of these are the point - they’re *irrelevant*. this guy was deliberately looking for conflict. The first time he sat next to her, his intentions were unclear and his behaviour a bit creepy. The second time was obviously. He’s an AH, full stop.
I have to confess if the train is say 90% full and there's some free seats but also some taken up by bags (clearly to get two seats for the price of one), then yes without really asking I will go sit where a bag is. Preferentially a big man's. Because if I don't, there's going to be a person (typically woman, or frail) standing only because the carefully curated aura of the 'placeholder'; that person can now sit next to someone less intimidating to them. So yes, I have the same 'policing' instinct; no if there's obvious spaces then not. That said taking both benches of a fourseater is obnoxious.
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