Guy Demands Girlfriend Put Down Her Horse Because He Thinks She Should “Prioritize Their Relationship”
If you were starting to think that Am I The A-Hole? stories have already reached their peak and are beginning to sound samey, then brace yourself—this next one is something you’d see Netflix doing a docuseries about.
A woman turned to Reddit’s r/AITA community for some perspective on her relationship with her then-boyfriend. Apparently, he was demanding she get rid of her horse so she could prioritize their relationship. Without spoiling too much, let’s say that not only did his plan fail miserably, but he also turned out to be in a cosmological amount of trouble for how he handled his next relationship after OP dumped him.
Netflix, are you reading this? Get cracking!
More Info: Original Story | Update | Plot Twist
Horses are some of the most majestic animals on the planet, so it should come as no surprise why folks would prioritize them over other people
Image credits: nohorsethrow
The story goes that 24-year-old Reddit user u/nohorsethrow is an avid lover of horses. She’s been one ever since she was 4, and had been very close with her personal steed named Lady since acquiring her at the age of 12.
At one point, she started dating a guy who she was upfront and transparent with—she explained her commitment to Lady, and how spending 3 to 4 hours a day caring for her and riding was part of her. He was cool with it. For the first 6 months. That’s when conflict started brewing.
And it’s this prioritization that led to a conflict between a couple that found its way onto Reddit. But unlike most Reddit posts, this one has become a “novel”
Image credits: nohorsethrow
Since it all seemed to be getting serious between the two, he started demanding that she start spending less time with Lady and start prioritizing their relationship. Understandable, to some degree. OP put effort into making it work, reducing her time with Lady to every other day, and only spending a couple of hours each time.
That was, however, not enough, as demands grew to a degree where the boyfriend suggested she sell Lady. At this point, she was only there to do the basics, and ride on occasion. But she needed to prioritize more, when all she was doing was prioritizing. The argument got so heated, the boyfriend suggested euthanasia because the horse is “old” and claimed that all his girlfriend does is “hang out with other insane horse people.”
So, this woman was with a guy who, while cool at first, later started demanding that she stop seeing her horse so much and prioritize their relationship
Image credits: nohorsethrow
Image credits: Ryan Crierie (not the actual photo)
After the story found itself on r/AITA, folks started pointing out red flags left and right. His supposed jealousy, his manipulative abusiveness, his hypocrisy, all that jazz. She ended up dumping him—leaving his things outside their building, texting him, and having another back-and-forth about how it’s not a “minor disagreement.”
She later got in touch with his ex and really understood just how lucky she was to get out of that relationship as early as she did. OP didn’t elaborate, but made it clear that she made the right decision. Things went back to normal, with OP being able to spend her regular dedicated time with Lady. That is, until 11 months later.
His demands grew so much that, even with the best of efforts, the author of the post just could not meet them as she just can’t sell her childhood steed (let alone euthanize her)
Image credits: nohorsethrow
Image credits: Samson Katt (not the actual photo)
At that point, there had already been two posts made on the story. The original, and then the follow-up. But five days ago—11 months after the first two—OP posted a thank you letter of sorts to the Reddit community on r/TrueOffMyChest.
In it, she details how she feels a bit guilty about it all. While her boyfriend never hit her, he was abusive in other ways, and it took thousands of Redditors to convince her, all the while not truly listening to the same thing being said by her family and friends. Also, in her posts, she felt like she sugarcoated a lot, when she shouldn’t have.
After a reality check from Reddit’s audience, the woman decided to split with the guy as he was just too toxic for her to begin with
Image credits: nohorsethrow
Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual photo)
The post culminated in a pretty shocking plot twist when OP revealed her ex-boyfriend had taken his girlfriend’s life. She came into the picture very soon after OP had broken up with him. She also expressed her regret on not doing anything to, at the very least, warn her about him:
“I feel guilty that I didn’t track her down when they met and warned her, but when I found out he had another girlfriend all I could think was ‘thank god, then he will forget about me’. Does that make me an awful person? Maybe? I don’t know. And I could never imagine he would do something like this. Even now it doesn’t feel real. Yes, he had anger management issues, but [taking somebody’s life]? It’s just difficult to comprehend,” OP explained herself.
All seemed to be fine until 11 months later when the woman, much to everyone’s surprise, posted another update—a scarier one this time
Image credits: nohorsethrow
She concluded by reiterating her gratitude for helping her understand, and in turn helping her dodge a very deadly bullet. Also, “[Foop] you, Adam. Hope you rot in hell.”
Throughout this entire experience, Redditors have been nothing but supportive, suggesting she pulls out and doesn’t give into the guilt she feels after what happened to that other girl, and just throwing loads of positivity her way. Across the 3 posts, she’d accumulated around 27,000 upvotes (averaging at 98% positivity) with nearly a hundred Reddit awards.
Turns out, the woman dodged a bullet as the guy ended up taking his next girlfriend’s life, leaving the author of the post even more distressed
Image credits: nohorsethrow
You can check out the original story, the update, and the aftermath by following their respective hyperlinks. But before you go, do share your thoughts and stories in the comment section below, and consider hitting that upvote button as it certainly makes my day.
Well that was a complete rollercoaster of emotions. Also fúck you Adam.
Damn I really do feel like reddit might have saved her life....never thought I'd type that sentence
I think some Reddit communities saved a lot of lives. r/grieve saved me when I wasn't able to talk to anybody. There are a lot of A$$holes on Reddit, like everywhere on the internet, but a lot of lonely, kind souls are there too
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That's how it starts, small, negligible, little by little. People who murder don't have many outer signs and you recognise them by their looks only in movies.
Well, one warning sign that appears again and again is neighbors saying afterwards that the murderer seemed to be "such a nice normal and quiet person." This is why all my friends are weird and loud.
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I hope she doesn't beat herself up to much about not warning the new girlfriend. Typically the new girlfriend sees it as the old girlfriend being jealous and end up bonding more with the dude in a weird "us vs the world" thing. Watched my best friend go through that with her creepy new boyfriend. His ex fiance tried to warn her. I tried saying maybe she should consider her side of the story with the concerning behaviors he had been showing. I no longer have a best friend.(eta just realized that sounded darker, she isn't dead as far as I know, she just ghosted me)
The fact that she ghosted you is so concerning. I hope she's okay. Sometimes it's hard to reach out when your pride is bruised
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i kno how she feels honestly. my ex told me i should put my dog down bc he was 15 and had cancer. not only was my dog my best friend but the cancer didnt cause him pain. it was in his nose and all it did was cause him bloody sneezes and nose drips as well as loss of smell. i was eating meals that he can have as well so he would eat and making life comfortable for him. i think my ex was actually jealous of that. anyways i said no and while he was over and i was making dinner i saw he went to kick my dog. i pushed him away from my dog and i got punched in the shoulder. wouldve been my face if i hadnt moved out of the way but still. i picked up my dog ran to my room locked myself in and called the cops. he was arrested and a month later i met my now husband who helped me care for my little best friend for the next 2 years. he died in his sleep at 17 in his giant oversized bed using his favorite bear stuffed animal as a pillow. crazy part about everything is my dogs name was brandy and my husband adopted his dog a month before we met and her name is also brandy. i see alot of my dog in her sometimes even tho shes a she and 60lbs not 15lbs lol. as for my ex he moved to a different state got a girl knocked up and is married to her. ive blocked him in every way so my friend told me. she said he looks miserable but the girl is happy. im just happy my little best friend got to meet my now husband and got to go peacefully surrounded by ppl who care and his favorite stuffed animal (which i still have and keep by my pillow).
Yep, a normal, decent human being won't try to isolate you from your family / friends / pets. So glad she got away from that guy. I see posts about people finding pets (especially cats) dumped in garbage bags and the like, and I wonder how many times, it's some abusive "boyfriend" / "girlfriend" doing it to "punish" their victim. Horrifying.
And I don't think a decent partner who's been with you for more than a couple months and especially gotten to the point of practically living with you would never have tagged along to meet the animal who was so important to you that you spent hours every day with it. It's fortunate in this case that he didn't show that much interest as it kept them both safer at the stables, but if a partner isn't excited about seeing the stuff you're passionate about, that's another red flag that they don't care about you the way a real partner should even if they aren't abusive.
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I hope he lives a very, VERY long and rotten life behind bars. Hopefully he dies in prison, alone, at 105 years old. I hope no one will miss him. I hope his cremains are flushed down the nastiest toilet in that whole place and everyone celebrates the fact that he's dead. I know this sounds harsh, but some people don't deserve forgiveness and some actions (such as taking a human life) cannot be redeemed no matter what.
I'm not abusive but it just seems like trying to get rid of someone's pet, especially one that's been around for over a decade, a stupid manipulation tactic. How is that EVER going to look good for you?
Omg...this is why women need to warn each other! Keep each other safe ladies❤️
Very true, but also why parents need to raise better kids (of all genders). Some people can't be helped, some people really are born evil, but only some. We should ALL help each other out.
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Wow, that poor girl really dodged a bullet hail here. I hope Lady is still going strong and healthy for many more years by her side.
In the end she prioritized the relationship the right way,. By choosing her pet, she got to keep both ends of a horse, instead of just one.
I felt like I was reading my past. I'm still shaking. So so so so happy OP got out. So so so sad for the new girlfriend's death. I hope her family finds some peace in Adam's conviction. And yeah, rot in hell, Adam. F*ck you.
Me too. The hairs rose on the back of my neck. I'm watching a work colleague go through this atm , we have warned her, but she won't listen.
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Anyone who demands you harm anyone/ anything else because they "need to be prioritized" needs to be broken up with immediately. If they are going to put your beloved ones in danger, you're certainly next. Not only is it a break up moment, it's a restraining order one, too.
Burn in hell, Adam!!! Burn in the deepest, darkest, most unforgiving parts of purgatory!!!
Do you want him to go to hell or purgatory? 2 different places there. And both have different punishments.
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This story is old and OP has moved on but I hope it serves as a cautionary tale for anyone finding themselves in controlling relationships. If you have friends and family who care about you, pay attention when they see red flags you do not. The details of my story are different but TLDR is I wish I had taken that advice when I was younger. Also, as an ex-horse owner - RHHEEEEEEEEEE!!!! at "kill your horse".
Tell me about it! After my experience, years later when a new boyfriend said I'd have to get rid of my cat, I recognized the flag and tossed him out the door. A few months later, the next boyfriend's response to the cat was, "Oh - looks like I'll need to get some allergy meds for when I come over." Then he proceeded to by kitty treats and toys. We three had many happy years together until the cat was called over the rainbow bridge.
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I was already plotting a reply when I read the preface of him wanting her to put her horse down- it was along the lines of 'Oh dear, the dead bolt meant for the horse slipped and shot him straight through the head instead', but given the outcome of the story, he may well be facing the proverbial firing squad. Any person who is jealous of their SO's relationship with an animal- big red flag. I am relieved that she got out when she did, but a tragic ending for his last girlfriend.
I would love nothing more than to find a woman that had her own joy in her own life. When I am happy in my life with my friends and my hobbies, I bring that energy to the person I am with. I just don't understand those people who want to isolate and control their 'Other'. Yes, I was in a marriage where i was isolated and gaslighted for years. I am grateful for it as it made me who I am today.
Who would think he'd do such a thing? But if you think about it it makes sense. Controlling, wants her to put a defenseless animal to sleep simply because she *spends too much time with it*. She indeed dodged a bullet here.
Wow. Just wow. I'm not a horse guy, but if I were dating a horse girl I'd at least understand her hobby, know where it was, etc... I certainly wouldn't interfere with it. I don't understand people that try to change their partners (good intentions or bad) instead of just learning to mutually coexist.
It really was never about the horse. It was about his insatiable need to control her.
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Sometimes it takes strangers to point things out to you. You think the people closest to you are biased, and it's sometimes easy to ignore them. The objectivity that strangers provide can make things clear to you. I'm so glad she got out of that relationship, but I feel absolutely terrible for the next woman. F**k you, Adam.
You still feel some guilt, but please, don't! You are not , nor have you been, responsible for his behavior. EVER!!! He i the only one responsible for his behavior, no matter how awful it is, and you should never feel guilty for saving yourself. One thing that worries me, is why you never thought to leave when he began to show these scary behaviors and why you felt you couldn't leave. Even if he convinced you to stay at times. You learned somewhere, from someone, you didn't deserve a healthy relationship with a man. Please address this issue/ problem in therapy. You need to break this pattern and build up your self esteem and confidence. Some episode triggered your behavior as a " victim". But you don't need to be a victim. You are a survivor. Work on this in therapy, please! You deserve the best!
My bf is supportive of me spending time with my horse as long as I have the time to spend with her. His only caveat is that horses can be unpredictable and dangerous without intent. His concern is that I may be injured by my horse as he's witnessed me being kicked. Jealously over an animal world be a major red flag.
Please don't beat yourself over not getting in touch with that poor girl. Chances are she hadn't been with him long enough to see that side of him, and wouldn't have listened to you. F Adam
I'm hoping in prison, Big Hoss likes Adams perty mouth. But I think the OP will have a niggling piece of survivor guilt for quite a while.
WTAF? I am always a believer in things happening for a reason. While giving credit to the Reddit community also give credit to Lady. If she had not been in your life, you very well could have been at risk for being killed. Hang on to that horse and give her lots of treats and hugs for saving your life.
Good riddance, scumbag. And another fùck you, Adam, for the road. Never stay with someone who wants you to become someone else, ever.
Isolation of a gf or wife is a typical behavior for domestic abusers. Make himself the "only" one she sees and relies on. Then start in on the nasty behavior to make you " see clearly" he is the only one you "need". Look up the signs so if you feel like like she did, you can figure out how to get out or get help getting out. Your life may depend on it.
God I hope this is one of those fake Reddit stories. The one time I really hope this isn't real. That's awful. If this is real... f uck you Adam! Also, if you're with someone who is trying to make you give up your pets, take you from friends & demands that they be your #1 priority especially while you're not even on their top 5... RUN! Please! If you're in a relationship like this now.. please seek out help! Please ask family or friends to help you get out safely & don't assume that the worst can't or won't happen... ppl with anger issues & who crave/demand control are people don't have control over themselves or their emotions. Especially anger. Hence the dangerous cycle. Throwing things & yelling can very quickly turn into pushing shoving... which will turn into physical violence towards your personally. All it takes is one "good" punch to the head or one shove down the stairs or one blow to the head with a lamp for you to lose your life. Please get out!
Wow. So glad she got out. I was in one of those relationships for about 3 years... I'm an outgoing optimistic person so I dismissed most of the isolation comments but it still happened over time. He didn't like that my best friend was a guy but would just say that there was something he didn't like about the guy. Over time it becomes easier to not talk to the person unfortunately. It got a lot worse after birth of our son, i wasn't working anymore and after a while cut me off of gas money and i had to provide receipts for food etc. He was more responsible with money than i was, it was one of the things i liked about him when we met. Owned his own house etc while i was still renting. Then he started commenting on my post baby weight. Last straw him slapping me, i left the next day. I kept tabs on his families social media and warned the girl he started dating but she wouldn't listen until he started hitting her. Then she left. Please heed the isolation warnings, it leads to worse!
Ran out of room but a year later after rebuilding my self esteem i met the love of my life, supportive nice guy, and we just hit 10 year anniversary.
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"Put the horse down"? Not even give maybe to another family member who enjoys horses, so at least she could still visit her? Straight up kill her? Those aren't red flags, dear, those are ambulance sirens! Or in "Adam's" case...police lights. And then he tried to gaslight her by saying she was "misremembering" things. I do feel sorry for the girl that was murdered, but OP dodged an entire nuke. If you love someone, you don't give them toxic ultimatums. You don't go out of your way to try to sever their ties with family, friends, animals or in some cases their career. That's not love, that's someone trying to initiate stockholm syndrome as the captor, it sounds like. Indeed, "F*ck you, Adam! Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you!"
There is an animal in this story that should be put down. The horse ain't it.
Wow, yeah, huge red flags were definitely when he “gave her the silent treatment” and when he tried to tell her she was misremembering. Knew it was extremely toxic but never could have guess it would have evolved into him being a murderer.
That is a terrifying situation. Even worse when you can't get out of it.
This guy was a walking red flag even before the later added knowledge. :( I am so glad my husband is the biggest green flag. I haven't ridden in 15 years but told him about how much I miss horses, sadly no fitting stables nearby. We married and 2 months later we got a horse together from Spain, he started taking riding lessons to see what I was talking about and maybe one day "get a 2nd horse so we can ride together". He learnt how to take care of a horse, cleans the stables one day a week with me (everyone in the stable does one day) and loves our horse and positive reinforcement dearly - always making sure she gets the best, feels her best and never knows a single bad thing in her young life (we had her the day before she turned 4 till now, 6 1/2). He wants to start lessons against next spring (weather is bad here) and I hope OP finds a man like this one day - supporting each other and just loving life no matter what it throws at them. :)
Holy s**t. But yeah, telling me to put down my horse would make me kick anyone to the curb, instantly. She dodged a major bullet if the last update is true.
Lady is very lucky to have this girl. Wonderful read, and just to make it an even three: F*CK YOU, ADAM.
And then the next sentence better be and then she was single and spent every waking moment with her horse
Ah... This story... hearing that particular common male name: "Adam"... Brings me back to memories of my own abuse with a boy named Adam. God that name is so heavily tainted... Bless this girl, for still being alive and I hope she finds more peace with her life, but for also having a loving animal family member that makes her happy! With friends and family right behind her back that share her interests and hobbies in horsemanship.
Thank you reddit. And thanks OP for having a open mind and reacting immediately.
Jesus Christ that was a roller coaster. I hope OP and Lady get to have many more years together, and I agree: fück you Adam.
Clearly he has zero sanctity for life... oh this living creature that was there years before me is now in my way so just unalive it. Yikes... I'm very sorry for the gf that he did unalive. And her family. That's beyond tragic. I'm sure his family(especially his mommy) think he's the victim and all these females in his life are just evil and forced him to do this. I had an abusive POS once and his mommy thought he was an angel and if these women couldn't keep him happy they deserved whatever they got. It was truly sick!
If there is in fact a hell,I'm sure that ambulatory heap of s**t will rot in it.Until then,prison will have to do.I'm glad the OP got rid of the guy before it was too late,and she was wise to alert the owner of the stable,as I have no doubt that if the sicko could murder a girlfriend,he'd have no qualms at all about killing a horse that he viewed as competition.
Well that was a complete rollercoaster of emotions. Also fúck you Adam.
Damn I really do feel like reddit might have saved her life....never thought I'd type that sentence
I think some Reddit communities saved a lot of lives. r/grieve saved me when I wasn't able to talk to anybody. There are a lot of A$$holes on Reddit, like everywhere on the internet, but a lot of lonely, kind souls are there too
Load More Replies... That's how it starts, small, negligible, little by little. People who murder don't have many outer signs and you recognise them by their looks only in movies.
Well, one warning sign that appears again and again is neighbors saying afterwards that the murderer seemed to be "such a nice normal and quiet person." This is why all my friends are weird and loud.
Load More Replies... I hope she doesn't beat herself up to much about not warning the new girlfriend. Typically the new girlfriend sees it as the old girlfriend being jealous and end up bonding more with the dude in a weird "us vs the world" thing. Watched my best friend go through that with her creepy new boyfriend. His ex fiance tried to warn her. I tried saying maybe she should consider her side of the story with the concerning behaviors he had been showing. I no longer have a best friend.(eta just realized that sounded darker, she isn't dead as far as I know, she just ghosted me)
The fact that she ghosted you is so concerning. I hope she's okay. Sometimes it's hard to reach out when your pride is bruised
Load More Replies... i kno how she feels honestly. my ex told me i should put my dog down bc he was 15 and had cancer. not only was my dog my best friend but the cancer didnt cause him pain. it was in his nose and all it did was cause him bloody sneezes and nose drips as well as loss of smell. i was eating meals that he can have as well so he would eat and making life comfortable for him. i think my ex was actually jealous of that. anyways i said no and while he was over and i was making dinner i saw he went to kick my dog. i pushed him away from my dog and i got punched in the shoulder. wouldve been my face if i hadnt moved out of the way but still. i picked up my dog ran to my room locked myself in and called the cops. he was arrested and a month later i met my now husband who helped me care for my little best friend for the next 2 years. he died in his sleep at 17 in his giant oversized bed using his favorite bear stuffed animal as a pillow. crazy part about everything is my dogs name was brandy and my husband adopted his dog a month before we met and her name is also brandy. i see alot of my dog in her sometimes even tho shes a she and 60lbs not 15lbs lol. as for my ex he moved to a different state got a girl knocked up and is married to her. ive blocked him in every way so my friend told me. she said he looks miserable but the girl is happy. im just happy my little best friend got to meet my now husband and got to go peacefully surrounded by ppl who care and his favorite stuffed animal (which i still have and keep by my pillow).
Yep, a normal, decent human being won't try to isolate you from your family / friends / pets. So glad she got away from that guy. I see posts about people finding pets (especially cats) dumped in garbage bags and the like, and I wonder how many times, it's some abusive "boyfriend" / "girlfriend" doing it to "punish" their victim. Horrifying.
And I don't think a decent partner who's been with you for more than a couple months and especially gotten to the point of practically living with you would never have tagged along to meet the animal who was so important to you that you spent hours every day with it. It's fortunate in this case that he didn't show that much interest as it kept them both safer at the stables, but if a partner isn't excited about seeing the stuff you're passionate about, that's another red flag that they don't care about you the way a real partner should even if they aren't abusive.
Load More Replies... I hope he lives a very, VERY long and rotten life behind bars. Hopefully he dies in prison, alone, at 105 years old. I hope no one will miss him. I hope his cremains are flushed down the nastiest toilet in that whole place and everyone celebrates the fact that he's dead. I know this sounds harsh, but some people don't deserve forgiveness and some actions (such as taking a human life) cannot be redeemed no matter what.
I'm not abusive but it just seems like trying to get rid of someone's pet, especially one that's been around for over a decade, a stupid manipulation tactic. How is that EVER going to look good for you?
Omg...this is why women need to warn each other! Keep each other safe ladies❤️
Very true, but also why parents need to raise better kids (of all genders). Some people can't be helped, some people really are born evil, but only some. We should ALL help each other out.
Load More Replies... Wow, that poor girl really dodged a bullet hail here. I hope Lady is still going strong and healthy for many more years by her side.
In the end she prioritized the relationship the right way,. By choosing her pet, she got to keep both ends of a horse, instead of just one.
I felt like I was reading my past. I'm still shaking. So so so so happy OP got out. So so so sad for the new girlfriend's death. I hope her family finds some peace in Adam's conviction. And yeah, rot in hell, Adam. F*ck you.
Me too. The hairs rose on the back of my neck. I'm watching a work colleague go through this atm , we have warned her, but she won't listen.
Load More Replies... Anyone who demands you harm anyone/ anything else because they "need to be prioritized" needs to be broken up with immediately. If they are going to put your beloved ones in danger, you're certainly next. Not only is it a break up moment, it's a restraining order one, too.
Burn in hell, Adam!!! Burn in the deepest, darkest, most unforgiving parts of purgatory!!!
Do you want him to go to hell or purgatory? 2 different places there. And both have different punishments.
Load More Replies... This story is old and OP has moved on but I hope it serves as a cautionary tale for anyone finding themselves in controlling relationships. If you have friends and family who care about you, pay attention when they see red flags you do not. The details of my story are different but TLDR is I wish I had taken that advice when I was younger. Also, as an ex-horse owner - RHHEEEEEEEEEE!!!! at "kill your horse".
Tell me about it! After my experience, years later when a new boyfriend said I'd have to get rid of my cat, I recognized the flag and tossed him out the door. A few months later, the next boyfriend's response to the cat was, "Oh - looks like I'll need to get some allergy meds for when I come over." Then he proceeded to by kitty treats and toys. We three had many happy years together until the cat was called over the rainbow bridge.
Load More Replies... I was already plotting a reply when I read the preface of him wanting her to put her horse down- it was along the lines of 'Oh dear, the dead bolt meant for the horse slipped and shot him straight through the head instead', but given the outcome of the story, he may well be facing the proverbial firing squad. Any person who is jealous of their SO's relationship with an animal- big red flag. I am relieved that she got out when she did, but a tragic ending for his last girlfriend.
I would love nothing more than to find a woman that had her own joy in her own life. When I am happy in my life with my friends and my hobbies, I bring that energy to the person I am with. I just don't understand those people who want to isolate and control their 'Other'. Yes, I was in a marriage where i was isolated and gaslighted for years. I am grateful for it as it made me who I am today.
Who would think he'd do such a thing? But if you think about it it makes sense. Controlling, wants her to put a defenseless animal to sleep simply because she *spends too much time with it*. She indeed dodged a bullet here.
Wow. Just wow. I'm not a horse guy, but if I were dating a horse girl I'd at least understand her hobby, know where it was, etc... I certainly wouldn't interfere with it. I don't understand people that try to change their partners (good intentions or bad) instead of just learning to mutually coexist.
It really was never about the horse. It was about his insatiable need to control her.
Load More Replies... Sometimes it takes strangers to point things out to you. You think the people closest to you are biased, and it's sometimes easy to ignore them. The objectivity that strangers provide can make things clear to you. I'm so glad she got out of that relationship, but I feel absolutely terrible for the next woman. F**k you, Adam.
You still feel some guilt, but please, don't! You are not , nor have you been, responsible for his behavior. EVER!!! He i the only one responsible for his behavior, no matter how awful it is, and you should never feel guilty for saving yourself. One thing that worries me, is why you never thought to leave when he began to show these scary behaviors and why you felt you couldn't leave. Even if he convinced you to stay at times. You learned somewhere, from someone, you didn't deserve a healthy relationship with a man. Please address this issue/ problem in therapy. You need to break this pattern and build up your self esteem and confidence. Some episode triggered your behavior as a " victim". But you don't need to be a victim. You are a survivor. Work on this in therapy, please! You deserve the best!
My bf is supportive of me spending time with my horse as long as I have the time to spend with her. His only caveat is that horses can be unpredictable and dangerous without intent. His concern is that I may be injured by my horse as he's witnessed me being kicked. Jealously over an animal world be a major red flag.
Please don't beat yourself over not getting in touch with that poor girl. Chances are she hadn't been with him long enough to see that side of him, and wouldn't have listened to you. F Adam
I'm hoping in prison, Big Hoss likes Adams perty mouth. But I think the OP will have a niggling piece of survivor guilt for quite a while.
WTAF? I am always a believer in things happening for a reason. While giving credit to the Reddit community also give credit to Lady. If she had not been in your life, you very well could have been at risk for being killed. Hang on to that horse and give her lots of treats and hugs for saving your life.
Good riddance, scumbag. And another fùck you, Adam, for the road. Never stay with someone who wants you to become someone else, ever.
Isolation of a gf or wife is a typical behavior for domestic abusers. Make himself the "only" one she sees and relies on. Then start in on the nasty behavior to make you " see clearly" he is the only one you "need". Look up the signs so if you feel like like she did, you can figure out how to get out or get help getting out. Your life may depend on it.
God I hope this is one of those fake Reddit stories. The one time I really hope this isn't real. That's awful. If this is real... f uck you Adam! Also, if you're with someone who is trying to make you give up your pets, take you from friends & demands that they be your #1 priority especially while you're not even on their top 5... RUN! Please! If you're in a relationship like this now.. please seek out help! Please ask family or friends to help you get out safely & don't assume that the worst can't or won't happen... ppl with anger issues & who crave/demand control are people don't have control over themselves or their emotions. Especially anger. Hence the dangerous cycle. Throwing things & yelling can very quickly turn into pushing shoving... which will turn into physical violence towards your personally. All it takes is one "good" punch to the head or one shove down the stairs or one blow to the head with a lamp for you to lose your life. Please get out!
Wow. So glad she got out. I was in one of those relationships for about 3 years... I'm an outgoing optimistic person so I dismissed most of the isolation comments but it still happened over time. He didn't like that my best friend was a guy but would just say that there was something he didn't like about the guy. Over time it becomes easier to not talk to the person unfortunately. It got a lot worse after birth of our son, i wasn't working anymore and after a while cut me off of gas money and i had to provide receipts for food etc. He was more responsible with money than i was, it was one of the things i liked about him when we met. Owned his own house etc while i was still renting. Then he started commenting on my post baby weight. Last straw him slapping me, i left the next day. I kept tabs on his families social media and warned the girl he started dating but she wouldn't listen until he started hitting her. Then she left. Please heed the isolation warnings, it leads to worse!
Ran out of room but a year later after rebuilding my self esteem i met the love of my life, supportive nice guy, and we just hit 10 year anniversary.
Load More Replies... "Put the horse down"? Not even give maybe to another family member who enjoys horses, so at least she could still visit her? Straight up kill her? Those aren't red flags, dear, those are ambulance sirens! Or in "Adam's" case...police lights. And then he tried to gaslight her by saying she was "misremembering" things. I do feel sorry for the girl that was murdered, but OP dodged an entire nuke. If you love someone, you don't give them toxic ultimatums. You don't go out of your way to try to sever their ties with family, friends, animals or in some cases their career. That's not love, that's someone trying to initiate stockholm syndrome as the captor, it sounds like. Indeed, "F*ck you, Adam! Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you!"
There is an animal in this story that should be put down. The horse ain't it.
Wow, yeah, huge red flags were definitely when he “gave her the silent treatment” and when he tried to tell her she was misremembering. Knew it was extremely toxic but never could have guess it would have evolved into him being a murderer.
That is a terrifying situation. Even worse when you can't get out of it.
This guy was a walking red flag even before the later added knowledge. :( I am so glad my husband is the biggest green flag. I haven't ridden in 15 years but told him about how much I miss horses, sadly no fitting stables nearby. We married and 2 months later we got a horse together from Spain, he started taking riding lessons to see what I was talking about and maybe one day "get a 2nd horse so we can ride together". He learnt how to take care of a horse, cleans the stables one day a week with me (everyone in the stable does one day) and loves our horse and positive reinforcement dearly - always making sure she gets the best, feels her best and never knows a single bad thing in her young life (we had her the day before she turned 4 till now, 6 1/2). He wants to start lessons against next spring (weather is bad here) and I hope OP finds a man like this one day - supporting each other and just loving life no matter what it throws at them. :)
Holy s**t. But yeah, telling me to put down my horse would make me kick anyone to the curb, instantly. She dodged a major bullet if the last update is true.
Lady is very lucky to have this girl. Wonderful read, and just to make it an even three: F*CK YOU, ADAM.
And then the next sentence better be and then she was single and spent every waking moment with her horse
Ah... This story... hearing that particular common male name: "Adam"... Brings me back to memories of my own abuse with a boy named Adam. God that name is so heavily tainted... Bless this girl, for still being alive and I hope she finds more peace with her life, but for also having a loving animal family member that makes her happy! With friends and family right behind her back that share her interests and hobbies in horsemanship.
Thank you reddit. And thanks OP for having a open mind and reacting immediately.
Jesus Christ that was a roller coaster. I hope OP and Lady get to have many more years together, and I agree: fück you Adam.
Clearly he has zero sanctity for life... oh this living creature that was there years before me is now in my way so just unalive it. Yikes... I'm very sorry for the gf that he did unalive. And her family. That's beyond tragic. I'm sure his family(especially his mommy) think he's the victim and all these females in his life are just evil and forced him to do this. I had an abusive POS once and his mommy thought he was an angel and if these women couldn't keep him happy they deserved whatever they got. It was truly sick!
If there is in fact a hell,I'm sure that ambulatory heap of s**t will rot in it.Until then,prison will have to do.I'm glad the OP got rid of the guy before it was too late,and she was wise to alert the owner of the stable,as I have no doubt that if the sicko could murder a girlfriend,he'd have no qualms at all about killing a horse that he viewed as competition.
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