“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife I’m Not Going To Sacrifice My Hobbies Just So That I Can Babysit?”

Many marriage stories, unfortunately, end far from the classic “till death do us part” – and the role of death is actually played by the court in divorce proceedings. However, experts strongly believe that it’s often better to try to start all over again than to desperately glue together a marriage that is simply falling apart.

The story we are going to tell you today, from the user u/Logical-Carpet-4381, is one of them. It features a husband and wife, her daughter and ex-husband – and lots and lots of golf balls. Already intrigued? Then let’s just read on!

More info: Reddit

The author of the post is a 38-year-old man married to a woman with a 9-year-old daughter from her previous marriage

Man in casual wear playing with stepchild, highlighting hobbies and family dynamics.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The ex-spouses have a custody agreement, and the girl lives from Friday to Sunday at her bio dad’s home, especially since he’s a decent father

Text about a husband refusing to give up hobbies for stepdaughter babysitting.

Text about respecting boundaries and roles as a trusted authority figure for a stepchild, emphasizing family dynamics.

Text about stepkids and family dynamics, focusing on conflicts with new step-siblings.

Image credits: Logical-Carpet-4381

Young girl with a teddy bear gazing out a window, conveying emotions tied to family and hobbies balance.

Image credits: sunnyn / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Recently that guy remarried to another woman with kids, and the 3 stepsiblings don’t get along at all

Text conversation about custody schedule change without consulting husband. Issue with wife's decision.

Man discussing golf hobby conflict with babysitting request.

Text discussing scheduling conflicts about watching a stepkid, mentions hiring a babysitter.

Image credits: Logical-Carpet-4381

Man swinging a golf club on a sunny day, focusing on hobbies.

Image credits: Steve Momot / Pexels (not the actual photo)

So the girl’s parents decided to change the custody terms so that she could spend the weekends at the mom’s house

Text message about a man's refusal to prioritize stepkid over his golf hobby, leading to conflict with his wife.

Text conversation about balancing hobbies and family responsibilities, mentioning babysitting and golf.

Text asking if refusing to watch a stepchild to keep golf plans makes someone selfish.

Image credits: Logical-Carpet-4381

However, the author refused to agree with this, since he’d be the main babysitter to the girl on Saturdays – and he has a long-term tradition of playing golf at this time

So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 38-year-old man who is happily married to his 34-year-old wife. From her first marriage, the woman has a 9-year-old daughter “Emily,” with whom our hero is on good terms. His wife, however, has repeatedly noted that he need not become another parental figure for her – after all, the girl’s bio dad is also a decent guy and they have split custody.

The problems started recently, when that guy remarried, and his new wife also had kids, who, according to the terms of her divorce from her ex, were also supposed to live with their mother for a few days. And it soon became clear that Emily didn’t get along with her new stepsiblings. Fight followed fight – and the girl’s bio dad suggested that his ex change the custody conditions.

Said change would involve Emily not having to cross paths with his new wife’s children in their house. The woman readily agreed – but did it behind the author’s back. And he, having learned that Emily would now be at their house on Saturdays, flatly opposed it.

The thing is that in the next 12 months, the author’s wife will take a certification course – just on Saturdays, from morning until evening. And this means that now, the main and only caretaker on Saturday will be the OP himself, who has a regular game of golf with his brother and sister on Saturday mornings.

Moreover, this tradition, according to our hero, is many, many years old, and they started playing long before Emily and her mom appeared in the author’s life. And no, the original poster is not at all against watching the girl – the problem is that his wife negotiated changes in the custody conditions behind his back, essentially putting him before the fact.

After facing a refusal, an offer to find the girl a babysitter for the “golf hours,” the spouses had a massive spat, and the wife called our hero all sorts of offensive words. He sincerely believes that before agreeing, she should have at least asked his opinion – considering that she knew about all these circumstances.

Couple in disagreement, woman upset and man stressed, reflecting tension over balancing hobbies and stepkid responsibilities.

Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)

“The issue is not even about golf – it is that such problems in the family should be resolved through a general discussion, and not through all kinds of manipulation,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case. “It’s quite reasonable that this man feels hurt and partly neglected.”

“Partly, this looks like double standards – in a normal situation, this woman didn’t need her husband’s help, since the girl already has a biological father. But as soon as a serious problem arose, they immediately tried to solve it with his participation – but without even consulting him.”

“Moreover, I cannot call this a solution. Trying to ‘separate’ the children in time is not a solution to the problem, but an attempt to escape from it. It would be better to have counseling and maybe therapy – so that the kids would finally get along better. And the fact that the parents didn’t do this also says a lot,” Irina concludes.

Even legal experts note that the main issue in parenting after remarriage is the emotional aspect of raising kids, because the divorce and the new people in their lives are almost always stressful. “Therefore, it ought to be handled with care and understanding to ensure that the child’s best interests are always at the forefront of any decisions or changes,” this dedicated post on Fischer & Van Thiel’s PC website says.

People in the comments to the original post also mostly took our hero’s side, noting that his wife should have consulted with him first anyway. And since she stated from the first days of their life together that his parenting help was not so critical, then she needs to be consistent to the end.

As for the attempt to simply avoid conflict between the girl and her stepsiblings, this is definitely not the best idea on the part of her parents, the responders considered. Our hero also agrees with this. In the comments, the OP noted that he has found a solution to the problem. Now, during his golf games, the girl will be at his brother’s house, playing with his kids.

In addition, the man told his wife that if she now and in the future counts on his help in raising her daughter, then she should treat him as a parental figure after all. This, in the author’s opinion, would be more appropriate and reasonable. Well, let’s wish this family good luck… And what do you, our dear readers, think about this story?

People in the comments mostly sided with the man, praising him for standing up for his personal boundaries

Reddit discussion about balancing hobbies and family responsibilities.

Reddit thread discussing parental duties in relationships with stepchildren.

Reddit comments discussing issues about hobbies and relationship dynamics involving stepchildren and golf.

Reddit comment discussing a husband's refusal to watch stepkid for his wife's plans on his golf day, analyzing family roles.

Reddit comment discussing stepfather responsibilities and balancing hobbies with family commitments.

Reddit comment discussing step-parent responsibilities, focusing on hobbies and childcare balance.

Reddit comment discussing parental responsibilities and hobbies in family dynamics.

Reddit user defends husband prioritizing golf over stepkid, highlighting personal commitments and family dynamics.

Text discussing family dynamics and responsibilities regarding stepkid and golf day arrangement.

Reddit comment discussing stepkid dynamics and hobbies.

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