Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Woman Accused Of “Ruining Office Vibes” After Refusing To Plan Events And Restock Snacks For Free
Have you ever brought snacks to work once and accidentally got promoted to Chief Happiness Officer without consent? People talk about being helpful at work, but no one really talks about how it can backfire in unexpected ways.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) found herself suddenly assigned to lead an office morale initiative she never agreed to. When she pushed back, she was accused by coworkers of “ruining the vibe” in the office.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Sometimes, work doesn’t just ask for your skills, it asks for your compliance to partake in things you didn’t agree to, especially ones that fall outside your role
Image credits: kuprevich / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author worked at a small tech company and was asked to take on a new culture initiative, including organizing events and office morale tasks, despite already having a full workload
Image credits: PavelDune
Image credits: gzorgz / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She was told she was chosen because of her gender and “good vibes” from bringing muffins, which she politely refused, insisting she would participate but not plan
Image credits: PavelDune
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Requests kept coming from coworkers and HR, who even made her the owner of a “morale” group chat, leading her to step back and formally decline the role
Image credits: PavelDune
After a meeting with HR, she filed a formal report, which prompted HR to re-evaluate the process, while some coworkers criticized her for “ruining the vibe”
The OP shared that she works at a small tech company in hybrid form, and that her plate is already full from dashboards, data migration, and the dreaded on-call pager. And then HR announced a new culture initiative meant to boost morale involving restocking snacks, planning birthdays, and taking notes so managers could be more present.
She noted that she didn’t even sign up for it, but after missing the meeting, she received a cheerful ping celebrating her for being the new lead of the initiative. Apparently, someone decided she had “good vibes” because she once brought muffins, which were from Costco, by the way. When she politely declined, HR hit back and told her that it would be good for women to lead because they listen better.
She pushed back again, though, reminding them that culture work deserves either time or compensation. Still, despite her clear boundaries, the requests rolled in from zero-sugar energy drinks and surprise baby showers, to fun team days. Meanwhile, her core responsibilities piled up, and when she stopped responding, HR created a “morale” group chat and made her the owner, which she promptly left.
Even her manager admitted she was behind on deliverables but still urged her to “be a team player.”. Finally, the OP filed a formal report, including the gendered comment. HR expressed disappointment and promised to reevaluate the process. Some coworkers accused her of “ruining the vibe” which left her wondering if she did anything wrong.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The OP’s experience reflects a broader workplace pattern known as office housework. According to Forbes, this term describes the countless small but necessary tasks that keep an office running like organizing events, taking notes, or restocking supplies. While these jobs are vital to daily operations, they’re often seen as trivial compared to core responsibilities.
Building on this, Premierline reports that women perform about 29% more office housework than men. They note that they are more likely to be asked to take on these thankless duties, and even when not directly approached, they tend to volunteer more often.
However, this isn’t because women enjoy the work, rather ABC News highlights how this expectation is deeply rooted in traditional gender norms. Women are still disproportionately expected to handle administrative and supportive roles because of persistent stereotypes that label them as nurturing and community-focused.
These patriarchal assumptions blur the boundary between professional duties and emotional caretaking, reinforcing a system where women’s contributions are undervalued. The OP’s story perfectly illustrates how these invisible pressures play out in real offices today where a single act of kindness, like bringing muffins, can suddenly turn into unpaid “culture work.”
Netizens expressed strong support for the OP, emphasizing that she should not be forced into unpaid work that falls outside her role. They also highlighted that the gendered aspect of the assignment was particularly problematic, noting that using her gender as a reason to select her was inappropriate and unfair.
If you were in the OP’s shoes, would you have taken on the office morale duties or pushed back like she did? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that the author should not be forced into unpaid work, and also encouraged her to consider looking for other opportunities if the situation persists
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Lousha 4 weeks ago
They should hire some women for the HR team, because right now they sure don't listen very well.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago
I've twice encountered sexism from women: in both cases, they didn't want to ask men to do certain tasks associated with women. I've encountered way more from men, but women are not immune.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 4 weeks ago
When OP find's a new job (I hope they are actively looking), they need to make this a major topic of their exit interview.
Apatheist Account2 4 weeks ago (edited)
In a company video chat, a director asked if I would like to organise an escape room event. I simply said "No". I was relatively new, so had to point out (afterwards) that I wouldn't even go to such an event (or any other, for that matter) so there wasn't any point asking me to organise anything. We don't all have the time or the inclination. If it's not part of the job spec, it's optional, end of discussion.
Binky Melnik 4 weeks ago
That’s what I’d point out: “The job I’m paid to do is listed in my contract [present contract]. It doesn’t mention anything about being the ‘activities coordinator,” therefore it’s not my job.” (Under the desk, I’d have surreptitiously turned my phone to record the conversation.) The things we read here about people being expected to do things not listed in their contracts boggles my mind! (And I worked during the phase when it was “women’s’ work” to organize all the birthday parties and other nonsense, even.) This one’s *really* gross, and I’m laughing that HR incriminated themselves with the “women listen better” nonsense. I’ll bet they also say things like “Men have more muscles and so can lift things more easily,” too. (Hey! Someone tell me what “hybrid” means, please? I gather it’s a sexuality; is a “hybrid” someone who straddles two of ‘em? Thanks for helping me out!)
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 4 weeks ago
I have never heard of HR or anyone assigning a morale leader. Surely that's the actual manager's job, if it's anyone's. Also it all seems to be about food? This seems like someone pitching an episode for the Office
Kristiina Männiste 4 weeks ago
I work as a secretary, but I still do not organize any "social" stuff. Why - because I suck at it and my employer knows😂 If anybody hints at me organizing stuff I bring up that one party (that I organized) where we almost froze to death and ended up with an extra 1000 eur expense on vodka and they kinda fade off😂.
Sue User 3 weeks ago (edited)
If men can do strategic incompetence on cleaning, we csn do actual imcompetence on party organising haha.
Load More Replies...
Bret Sander 3 weeks ago
As a man, I'm offended that they think men can't pay atten... squirrel!
Damned_Cat 3 weeks ago
Interesting how HR tried to assign this to a regular employee. My old boss gave that same task BECAUSE I was the HR manager for our department. She used to do all the over-the-top party planning and such when she was assistant department head but shoved it off on me after she got promoted because the new assistant department head wouldn't do it. Either way, it s***s trying to be the cheerleader for a less than enthusiastic group of employees.
geezeronthehill 3 weeks ago
Her coworkers are disappointed? They'll either get over it or go to their graves disappointed.
Cat servant 4 weeks ago
From the post it also looks like the OP would be purchasing the snacks. Is this with office funds or is she supposed to buy them? I would not us my money to keep the break room stocked. Why is logistics not ordering the snacks? I have organized departmental lunches but they were all potlucks. Bring what you want often around a theme and keep it low cost. Each person's costs can be kept down to less than the cost of a meal at our canteen. At least my other duties as assigned are in line with my department. Government job so no extra money for extra duties, unfortunately.
JayWantsACat 4 weeks ago
"OP k****d the vibe". The mandate and gender BS k****d HER vibe. If that k****d the vibe in the office, why didn't anyone else step in and take over? Also, pretty pathetic that the whole office is hinged on one person's vibe. A person who just did normal stuff. Sounds like the office is just full of socially awkward dorks or people who only want to get things and not ever be the person getting those things. Lame a*s people. And this coming from a socially awkward dork.
SheamusFanFrom1987 4 weeks ago (edited)
I feel this in my bones and soul. I was basically stuck with being my department's Fire Warden for a good 3 years, seeing as I was one out of only three guys in my department at the time (another was a middle-aged recruitment manager and the other a personal secretary to the Head of Dept so exempted on basis of "urgent work"). This despite the fact that I was often out of office for work a good 95% of the time. I had to pretty much endure emergency procedure briefings, round up the staff during fire drills (imagine having to round up a bunch of office staff that barely cooperate on the grounds of not wanting to descend 39 flights of stairs), submit safety reports among other things. Come Year 4 and they tried to once again dump it on to my shoulders, I just told them I would make sure I am out of the office every time emergency meetings and fire drills occurred (seeing as I deal with the government on the company's behalf first-hand, I could switch my travel schedule at any moment's notice).
SheamusFanFrom1987 4 weeks ago (edited)
All of a sudden, the HOD's secretary could fill in the roll of Fire Warden and they stopped bugging me (though they still made me 3rd caller-in-charge for emergencies). So I'd tell OP this: NOPE is a good enough reasoning if it doesn't involve work! -_-"
Load More Replies...
Sally Moen 4 weeks ago
They're just mad that there's nobody there to buy balloons and cupcakes for their upcoming birthday
Damned_Cat 3 weeks ago (edited)
The worst part of having to do the "morale" job is that, unless you work for a fabulous company that funds everything, you end up having to collect money from your co-workers to pay for all these gifts and parties. Either that, or you have to rally them to contribute something else like food for a potluck or an item for a gift basket. It's like pulling teeth. Most of the time, you end up paying out of your own pocket just to come up with something that doesn't completely $uck.
Lousha 4 weeks ago
They should hire some women for the HR team, because right now they sure don't listen very well.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago
I've twice encountered sexism from women: in both cases, they didn't want to ask men to do certain tasks associated with women. I've encountered way more from men, but women are not immune.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 4 weeks ago
When OP find's a new job (I hope they are actively looking), they need to make this a major topic of their exit interview.
Apatheist Account2 4 weeks ago (edited)
In a company video chat, a director asked if I would like to organise an escape room event. I simply said "No". I was relatively new, so had to point out (afterwards) that I wouldn't even go to such an event (or any other, for that matter) so there wasn't any point asking me to organise anything. We don't all have the time or the inclination. If it's not part of the job spec, it's optional, end of discussion.
Binky Melnik 4 weeks ago
That’s what I’d point out: “The job I’m paid to do is listed in my contract [present contract]. It doesn’t mention anything about being the ‘activities coordinator,” therefore it’s not my job.” (Under the desk, I’d have surreptitiously turned my phone to record the conversation.) The things we read here about people being expected to do things not listed in their contracts boggles my mind! (And I worked during the phase when it was “women’s’ work” to organize all the birthday parties and other nonsense, even.) This one’s *really* gross, and I’m laughing that HR incriminated themselves with the “women listen better” nonsense. I’ll bet they also say things like “Men have more muscles and so can lift things more easily,” too. (Hey! Someone tell me what “hybrid” means, please? I gather it’s a sexuality; is a “hybrid” someone who straddles two of ‘em? Thanks for helping me out!)
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 4 weeks ago
I have never heard of HR or anyone assigning a morale leader. Surely that's the actual manager's job, if it's anyone's. Also it all seems to be about food? This seems like someone pitching an episode for the Office
Kristiina Männiste 4 weeks ago
I work as a secretary, but I still do not organize any "social" stuff. Why - because I suck at it and my employer knows😂 If anybody hints at me organizing stuff I bring up that one party (that I organized) where we almost froze to death and ended up with an extra 1000 eur expense on vodka and they kinda fade off😂.
Sue User 3 weeks ago (edited)
If men can do strategic incompetence on cleaning, we csn do actual imcompetence on party organising haha.
Load More Replies... Bret Sander 3 weeks ago
As a man, I'm offended that they think men can't pay atten... squirrel!
Damned_Cat 3 weeks ago
Interesting how HR tried to assign this to a regular employee. My old boss gave that same task BECAUSE I was the HR manager for our department. She used to do all the over-the-top party planning and such when she was assistant department head but shoved it off on me after she got promoted because the new assistant department head wouldn't do it. Either way, it s***s trying to be the cheerleader for a less than enthusiastic group of employees.
geezeronthehill 3 weeks ago
Her coworkers are disappointed? They'll either get over it or go to their graves disappointed.
Cat servant 4 weeks ago
From the post it also looks like the OP would be purchasing the snacks. Is this with office funds or is she supposed to buy them? I would not us my money to keep the break room stocked. Why is logistics not ordering the snacks? I have organized departmental lunches but they were all potlucks. Bring what you want often around a theme and keep it low cost. Each person's costs can be kept down to less than the cost of a meal at our canteen. At least my other duties as assigned are in line with my department. Government job so no extra money for extra duties, unfortunately.
JayWantsACat 4 weeks ago
"OP k****d the vibe". The mandate and gender BS k****d HER vibe. If that k****d the vibe in the office, why didn't anyone else step in and take over? Also, pretty pathetic that the whole office is hinged on one person's vibe. A person who just did normal stuff. Sounds like the office is just full of socially awkward dorks or people who only want to get things and not ever be the person getting those things. Lame a*s people. And this coming from a socially awkward dork.
SheamusFanFrom1987 4 weeks ago (edited)
I feel this in my bones and soul. I was basically stuck with being my department's Fire Warden for a good 3 years, seeing as I was one out of only three guys in my department at the time (another was a middle-aged recruitment manager and the other a personal secretary to the Head of Dept so exempted on basis of "urgent work"). This despite the fact that I was often out of office for work a good 95% of the time. I had to pretty much endure emergency procedure briefings, round up the staff during fire drills (imagine having to round up a bunch of office staff that barely cooperate on the grounds of not wanting to descend 39 flights of stairs), submit safety reports among other things. Come Year 4 and they tried to once again dump it on to my shoulders, I just told them I would make sure I am out of the office every time emergency meetings and fire drills occurred (seeing as I deal with the government on the company's behalf first-hand, I could switch my travel schedule at any moment's notice).
SheamusFanFrom1987 4 weeks ago (edited)
All of a sudden, the HOD's secretary could fill in the roll of Fire Warden and they stopped bugging me (though they still made me 3rd caller-in-charge for emergencies). So I'd tell OP this: NOPE is a good enough reasoning if it doesn't involve work! -_-"
Load More Replies... Sally Moen 4 weeks ago
They're just mad that there's nobody there to buy balloons and cupcakes for their upcoming birthday
Damned_Cat 3 weeks ago (edited)
The worst part of having to do the "morale" job is that, unless you work for a fabulous company that funds everything, you end up having to collect money from your co-workers to pay for all these gifts and parties. Either that, or you have to rally them to contribute something else like food for a potluck or an item for a gift basket. It's like pulling teeth. Most of the time, you end up paying out of your own pocket just to come up with something that doesn't completely $uck.
You May Like Woman Can't Handle A 'No' After Coworker Refuses To Give Back Her Old Office Space "I'm Not Gonna Do That": Person Refuses To Bend Secret Santa Rules At Coworker's Request "Don't Expect To Be Employed By The End Of The Day”: People Give Vengeful Employee A Reality Check
Gabija Palšytė
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Viktorija Ošikaitė
Related on Bored Panda
33
27