Woman Refuses To Help Parents Going Through Financial Crisis Because She Was Disowned By Them 9 Years Ago
The importance of a loving and supporting family cannot be emphasized enough. When people get in trouble, they immediately turn to their family members for support. However, is it okay to expect support from someone whom you turned down when they were in need? Is it okay to expect support from a daughter you disowned many years ago for not being religious?
While most daughters would love to help their parents in need, Redditor u/Born-Problem-8280 refused to do so because she was disowned by them 9 years ago. OP (Original Poster) was feeling slightly guilty for not helping her parents who have medical conditions and are going through a bankruptcy phase. So, she turned to this popular subreddit and asked other users to know if she was right or wrong.
More info: Reddit
This woman got disowned by her religious parents because she became a stripper
Image credits: Francisco Osorio
Sometimes, rigid religious beliefs can break a family. It’s often seen that the kids of religious parents become rebellious and even against religion because they see their peers enjoying more social freedom and less-disciplined family environments. Therefore, they feel like there is something missing in their lives or that their parents are too strict to let them live their life their own way.
Image credits: u/Born-Problem-8280
She wanted to go to a normal college but her parents insisted her to go to a Christian college
The OP revealed that her parents were religious and wanted her to pursue education in a Christian college instead of a regular one. When she refused their idea and went to a normal college, her parents stopped paying her college tuition.
She joined a strip club to pay for her expenses
The woman made good money while working as a stripper but when her parents found out, they disowned her
As she was making good money with her job, she decided to quit college. As soon as her parents found out, they told her that she was unwanted in their family now. Even her relatives didn’t support her (except for two cousins). So, she probably felt lonely and rejected.
She is now well settled and doing well financially
The OP revealed that her financial condition is really good as of now. She is earning from various sources, and she owns a house, an apartment building, and a Tesla. She is perfectly able to help her parents but she doesn’t want to do so because of the treatment she got when she was young.
Her parents suffered bankruptcy and went to seek her help forgetting what they did to her years ago
Her parents contacted her 9 years later only when they were in trouble. OP mentioned that they declared bankruptcy and are struggling with some medical problems. But she refused to help them by saying that she doesn’t have parents anymore. She also pointed “according to their religion and church, my money was earned while sinning, so to use it is to damn your soul to hell and I really didn’t want that for them.”
She even gave the extended family a taste of their own medicine by telling them to help her parents themselves
Do you think that OP was wrong for refusing to help her parents? Let us know in the comments what would you do in her situation.
Image credits: David Dennis
Most people in the comments section have shown support to the OP and told her that she did the right thing because her parents made a choice years ago and didn’t even apologise to her about it.
I am getting so sick and tired of people using religion as a justification to mistreat other people, especially their family members. These same people that spout all of their hateful bigotry don't seem to understand that Jesus was Jewish, dark skinned, and from the Middle East. He was also friends with tax collectors and a prostitute. He didn't judge their lifestyle or mistreat them. This young woman does not owe her parents anything. To the Christian community:STOP USING RELIGION TO JUSTIFY BEING AN A-HOLE!!! You are making the rest of us look bad.
@deanna woods : This comment can rigorously apply to all religions without exception and not only the Christian religion.
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When my children and I were in a desperate situation my sister forbade my parents to offer any help because I had "consorted with the enemy" by marrying rather than staying at home to "serve" them as she had. Many years later after my parents died my sister, who had inherited the house for her "service", was deeply in debt and expected me and my second husband to pay her debts and support her gambling and drinking habits. It is now over 20 years ago and i don't know or care what became of her. .
That is good. I'm sure she learned, hopefully, that she should be careful how she treats people. I would do the same things if one of my sisters did that. I mean, gambling, really?
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I really appreciated the idea of sending them a one time gift and walking away guilt free. Particularly if their health and/or lives are endangered (ie, if they are American without health insurance). Them OP can give them the boost they need to help themselves (or not) and not feel awful if/when something happens.
Absolutely. She is not the AH but a lot can be said for a clear conscience. She already is feeling guilty and a month's pay that wouldn't hurt her would be worth sending just to assuage the guilt. As long as it has the caveat to never contact her again.
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She has no obligation, but she'll regret not helping them. I dunno.
I feel the same. If she is going to help it should be with the diabetes meds health comes first and risking her mum dying is a bridge too far regardless whether she would have received the same consideration if it was reversed. I know, they would blame her life choices if she were unwell but two wrongs do not make a right.
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NTA. Let their god help them out, after all he/she must be so proud of the choices they've made as "Christians". Maybe the real God is trying to teach them a lesson, obviously one they need to learn the hard way since it wasn't abundantly apparent to them as it is to others that you should love your children even if they aren't miniature versions of yourself.
Pretty sure there's a relevant story in the Book of Job.
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I feel this. Totally not the AH. In my case, I bought groceries for them for a few months. Everyone called me a moron for helping them after all the abuse but I couldn't let their kids go hungry. Even though they were also horrible to me. I just couldn't. In the end, my aunt and uncle divorced. I still feel dumb for helping them because they never changed but what can ya do? This lady decided to do the opposite and I respect that. At the end of the day you'll be the one to live with your decisions.
nta,those parents are scummy people and are real cowards crawling back to the daughter THEY disowned.
NTA.They literally disowned them! When they needed help is when they came running back.
I personally believe that while your argument to not help your parents may have pretty strong legs to stand on, in the end it all boils down to who you are and the fact that you arent doing anything because of who THEY are, but truly and simply because if who YOU are. Okay, youre still hurt by thier small minded rejection of the path for your life that was right for YOU when they had to recognize that you had come of age and sink or swim, this is how you want to try to become your own, competent and autonomous. The question now becomes this: as competent and confident as you have become, as an adult who has struggled to find yourself and walk your road without shame, would you be able to be as petty as you felt they were then AND still be able to look yourself in the eye in the bathroom and find no fault in YOUR actions? Don't ever think you need to do anything for anyone based on who THEY are. ALWAYS do everything because of who YOU became. Yours is the ONLY opinion that matters.
I personally wouldn't give them money and make it known as to why. However, I would tell them I will pay for any and all medication so they can focus on getting their money together and getting back on track.
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the fact that she used their own convictions as a basis to refuse is not only correct with some fundamentalist views but brilliant. if they ignored her for 9 years and have only attempted to reconnect now due to financial issues then she is NTA. exotic dancers/sex workers get a horrible rap from family/society. i have a family member who worked as an escort where she met her hubby. when her abusive hubby attempted to blackmail her w/"i'll tell your mom", she told her mom herself. when i found out about it i didn't think anything negative with the exception that i wanted to pound the crap out of the then hubby. she did what she needed to do to survive/make a decent living. only thing she has shared with me is that it was a decision and not driven by addiction or a pimp as a way to get on her feet.
NTA for sure but the question the poster should be asking is "how will this make me feel"? If I am going to feel bad about my decision personally and NOT how I might be perceived then I should do something different. There is no lesson to be taught to these parents. All the poster can do is make a decision based on how they will feel about the decision.
NTA. Though I would have handled it differently. I'd have helped them out financially, then given them a shot at being back in my life. WHEN they started spouting the religious junk and how being a striper was against gods will, that's when I'd nail them with their hypocrisy. You didn't have a problem with striper money when you needed it.
"When my parents found out, they disowned me." To disown her means she is no longer their daughter. She could have died in the gutter, and they would have seen that as God's judgment on her, a non-relative. They are no longer her parents, and she is not their daughter. For nine years, nothing has changed that. Period. NTA.
I'd send some money with a note saying "every dollar you spend is a dollar I earnt by someone admiring my nearly naked or naked body (I'm not sure tbh) better not put any of this in the church's donation box!" But I understand the moral obligation we as children feel towards our parents and how the parent sometimes feels entitled to assistance which blows my mind how someone can feel so entitled to help when they've been an aggressive, narcissistic wanker 🤷🏻♀️
NTA buuuttt, I believe in trying to truly reconcile. Maybe it’s the parent’s lesson that they were wrong - if they can admit it it could be the start of a new beginning. But then, I’m a softy
Reconciliation is usually good, if only for peace of mind, but I would suspect that if the parents got back on their feet it would just revert back to the disowning, or she would be expected to fully support them. They turfed her when she was young and needed them. Let the rest of the family and the church support them. I'm the sort who gives people trust at the start but if they mess it up there is only a wee chance of getting it back. Trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me.
Load More Replies... You are definitely NTA, but only you know in your heart what you should do. If you can't sleep at night wondering whether you should help them, then help them. If, OTOH, you feel they really are strangers to you, don't feel bad about ignoring them. After all, they had no problem ignoring you.
If she's asking, she's obviously going to have regrets down the road. They disowned her and I think we'd all understand if she walked away, but not everyone is easily hardwired like that especially when it comes to your parents. I would want to visit with them again, maybe give them some money, but also have them understand that it is a one time thing until they are ready to open up a dialogue about how hurtful they were. If family helps family, why didn't they want to help her when she wanted to go to school and had trouble paying for it? What about everything she went through in those 9 years. She will be more satisfied if she tries to have a talk going forward instead of shutting down for good. Will it work? No, probably not, but when they die she will at least say she was the better person for trying.
Well, how about this-- offer to pay for one year's premiums and deductible of health insurance for them. That way, they can get their meds and get their health looked after, you don't feel guilty, and they have no leg to stand on when complaining. Either way, NTA.
If OP has the money to spare, a one time gift (especially if she can get them to sign an agreement not to contact her for money ever again)might be an idea. Not because she 'owes' them, but for her own peace of mind/closure. Sometimes doing a kindness can be a way to let go of a relationship and stopping holding on to animosity or resentment. Not letting them back in her life, just saying 'Go in peace'.
What did they think disowning meant? That they could come back to use you whenever it was convenient? Disowning you was where they “went wrong with you”, and the consequences of that choice are theirs to live with.
I think you are right. Do the right thing, help them out with a one-time payment. It will make you feel better and (if it's any satisfaction) probably make them feel even worse - embarrassed and possibly ashamed for how they treated you. That could really close that chapter for you all - you would definitely be the bigger person, religious or not. It's about human compassion in the end isn't it? Your family could learn a thing or two!!!
The parents are utter hypocrites. If their daughter is going to hell because she earned money "sinning" and using it will damn her soul, the same applies to them. They'll be using money that was earned "sinning" so their souls will also be damned to hell. Not that I'm religious in the slightest. They disowned her, do her parents understand what that means? They've come grovelling back purely because they want money, no other reason. It's vile. If the amount of money they want will help them and you wont even notice it's gone, give it to them and tell them to never contact you again. What awful parents. Yet another reason why I think organised religion is sickening.
Your not the AH, but I’d still help them just cause I can and maybe that will help them change and be better people?
Whelp there's 2 ways to handle it: 1. They thought your money was dirty then so it's dirty now, ask the Lord; or 2. You can try to be the better person and not totally save them but give them a one time hand....I understand what they did was wrong but they are her parents. She doesn't owe them anything but you wouldn't be who you are without them.
"She doesn't owe them anything but you wouldn't be who you are without them". That's not true. She is who she is because they first cut her off for choosing the wrong college. That forced her to try and find a way, which ended up in a strip club. Then they disowned her. And that made her who she is, and gave her everything that could help her. She only am who she is because they abandoned her, not because of what they did for her. If she'd gotten help with her college she probably would have had a regular job, with a regular income. Instead she did well for herself because they wasn't there for her. She owes them nothing, and they disowning her made her who she is.
Load More Replies... Is the author an only child? If not, where are those kids to pitch in? No apology to her for the heartache she must have gone through when this first happened. The parents probably felt pretty smug and pleased with the outcome until things went sour for them. Then, they sought her out to ask for money. Wow. I couldn’t treat my kids like that, and anyone who does, you didn’t deserve them.
I agree with one commenter there: would they be speaking to you if they didn't need help? After almost a decade of silence suddenly they need something. And it would keep going. They wouldn't speak to you again except to ask for money. I have nothing against stripping, if I had the body I would have chosen it too, it's good money. It's your money. You were comfortable enough to earn it that way, you get to use it how you see fit. And you made great choices with it. They wouldn't have come to you at all if they didn't need anything. They probably would keep asking for money, all while criticizing and such. Their love for you was contingent, don't let them drag you down after doing so well.
Send em one of those tracks that look like money, with a note saying "Thoughts and Prayers".
You have the chance to show them that you are the better person, so help them. Bonus: you'll make sure they won't make it into heaven, so win/win 😂
Just make the parents dance naked for the money. But be fair about it, they get to choose the restaurant or venue where they perform.
Forgiveness and reconciliation can be a treacherous path. It only works when all parties have healthy and rational minds and are authentic people. It sounds like one of the parents, or both of them have a personality disorder. If that is the case, reconciliation and forgiveness will not work and will you'll only be letdown yet again. What I find revelatory is that the parents are prepared to jettison their absolute and infallible beliefs to accept cash that was earned by 'sinful' means to get themselves out of their financial hole. My advise would be to steer clear and don't let them back in your life, otherwise you will get hurt again.
It's says a lot about the state and astronomical cost of education in the United States when it's more lucrative to strip than attend Uni which leaves you in massive piles of debt.
I'm sure their church can help them. You're making great money and a life for yourself, they didn't want any part of it. So they shouldn't have any part. Life lessons are hard learned.
Oh just wait until a woman that is disowned is the only source of grandkids since the golden son came out of the closet
Load More Replies... I don't see anything about the parents trying to apologize or reconcile with her; they only want her money, full stop. So all the people saying she should give them a one-time gift and demand they never contact her again - that's *exactly what the parents want*.
And as Marina Rocha pointed out, at $11,000 a week that's potentially $44,000 -- waay too much for those a-holes.
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NTA but go ahead and help them anyway. Just to teach them and all the rest of that overly superstitious fundy family an important lesson. Then sthu about it and let them deal with their own thoughts and feelings about it. That'd be more of a comeuppance to them than saying no. For you, doing some good with your money is always an appropriate action. So is compassion, even to the undeserving.
If and I mean IF I were feeling guilty I might send the one month of money just to ease my conscious but I would make it painful by enclosing a card saying this is a one-time gift of Satan's money, may your soul survive your affront to God. P.S. Do NOT ever contact me again.
Instead of the Money to them as they have shown they do not mange finances well, what about getting Social Services involved and if they have illness/disease process they might be able to get a Medical Card/Assistance to help If they really want that ? which are both real help in the long run.
If i were her i would send them money once, with some message that even tho they disowned me I'm still a good person supporting people in need, even if they wouldn't help me if i needed that. But also would ask them to stop contacting me as it was their decision to disown, and they have to live with the consequences of their choices. With super religious people it's better to kill'em with kindness but also cut ties, they aren't usually good at learning
Tell the parents you made a donation to their church and were praying for them, then block them. They chose religion, they can reap what they sow.
Not the a*****e but not the better person either. The parents are hypocrites, but they are dying hypocrites and I do think, blood is thicker than water. Unless I was worried, that I would be pestered for money, again and again, I would just pay my mom's meds and sleep better at night.
She should say of course I will help you Mummy and Daddy as long as you tell people that the money came from your daughter who works as a stripper and you don't pretend you got left it or won it or something.
NTA. They threw you away. What kind of truly religious parent does that? Yet it seems like you are conflicted, which I think is a normal response in such a situation. In my opinion, look at both choices (ignore them or help them out) and determine which will give YOU the greatest peace of mind.
They disowned their daughter because they were more concerned with what other people would think about her stripping. Now they're asking her for money because they're concerned about people gossiping about them sleeping in a van. Jesus was poor, Jesus was talked about. Don't deny them the opportunity to be more Christ like. Jesus also hung out with prostitutes and sinners maybe they'll befriend some of them on the street.
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Freel%2FCagIH0ngs2N%2F&h=AT1FV84GTZ8AmqmtFIxcDnE3vgmpnGwFE4aVdDqxLlnlELCyNgKX3CSGVuvYcnkysbSFzHYONb4cpduUsZea_wLpB7spLvD2WvDpdogvru-LedSsypF6Y3chYd1iuzqqAcvzbckoz9Y_XTofaxb7SfNfXf2bxX6kug5m_2E&s=1
THEY made the decision years ago. Now THEY are reaping the consequences of their decision.
I'm 61, and a christian. My parents died few years back when they were both in their '90s. They were both very strong christians, going to church every Sunday morning and night, and on Wednesday nights when I was young. My parents never did and would never have disown any of us children, no matter how much they may have disapprove of our decisions. And I would never disown my children either.
I've always thought that "Family" is meaningless if the relatives don't actually value it. If the parents in this case were willing to disown her, then they proved that they did not value the bond. They did not love her unconditionally. Good riddance to them, they have no claim or stake in the woman's life. Also, parents aren't entitled to the children's wealth automatically just because the parents raised the child. Parents choose to have kids and they are obligated to pay for the kids until they turn 18.
Sending a one time payment could backfire however and give the parents the proof they want to show they did a great job raising OP after all, when really OP did a great job raising herself.
It is what it is. These people expected you rush to them with money in hand. If you decide to help them, just know as soon as they pay their way out of the ditch that they put themselves in, they will disown you once again. There is an old saying " screw me once ,its their fault. Screw me twice its your fault." Your choice .
They didn't need you or want to help you when they could have as good parents. You don't owe them anything for their mistakes. It's water under the bridge. Tell them that you're happy to move on and forgive them, but that doesn't mean that you have to pay anything for that right. If they can accept you on your terms it doesn't come with money, just family love. I'm sure that being the "good" people they are, they will understand that. And just so the record will be straight tell them that you forgive them and you don't hold grudges nor borrow money.
Man, I wish I had cultivated the body of a stripper. I don't know if I would have wisely invested my income or not, but it sounds nice. As it is, I don't know how many people would want to see a sweaty, early-30s smoker get winded halfway through "Stayin' Alive". Unless it's for charity, I would strip for charity.
I cannot understand that parents reject their children, for whatever reason. But in this particular case, I would propably suggest that the parents may work for her, and that she will be paying them a fair wage. That will avoid that they abuse her, while at the same time you offer a way out of the misery.
It's absolutely her right not to help her parents. Ironically, if she had chosen to help, she would have shown them how religious people are *supposed* to act.
No not the a*****e. They rejected you because you didn't confirm to their rules and probably embarrassed them in front of their church going friend,,, what happened to turning the other cheek?? Well I'm afraid I would turn both cheeks ,, butt,, and tell them to kiss it as they didn't want to know you when they were solvent. Don't feel bad either. You could have been living hand to mouth or in shop doorways. They DIDNT CARE. Enjoy your money and all your assets with a clear conscience. You didn't hide what you were doing nor did you sneak about. Life your life to the full and let the other family members sort them out!!!
NTA, they cut off the ties to OP themselves. Let them pray for some money, that’s their usual method of getting help
NTA. She has no moral obligation to help. Let alone with a month's worth of stripping at $11k a week. Buuut she can do that for herself. To feel her true power, her character and her right choices for herself. Treat it like charity and sleep better at night. It's never about money in the end
I don't know why people are downvoting you. And you're the first one to point out that we're talking about potentially $40,000 here -- way too much in my opinion. Maybe give them $5000 if she feels like she needs to.
Load More Replies... It's up to you and know one should tell you! I have anxiety and would probably would
I don't think the OP is the a*****e, but if it were me, I'd give them a one time gift with the proviso that it's one time ONLY and not to ask again. I mean, it wouldn't hurt them to be the bigger person. We do things like this to help people we don't even know, and kindness clearly wouldn't cost the OP that much.
Strongly believe that 'good will hunting'. Help your parent for your own good karma in future..
She's not the one who abandoned them...they abandoned her. They disowned her - completely cut their own child out of their lives. Their need to feel morally superior was more important to them than loving and supporting their own child. Abandoning a child is a far worse sin, in my mind. Let their morals comfort them, since that's what they deemed more important.
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Why? Her parents weren't paying for it. I love you except of you don't go to college is a really weird stance to take.
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I am getting so sick and tired of people using religion as a justification to mistreat other people, especially their family members. These same people that spout all of their hateful bigotry don't seem to understand that Jesus was Jewish, dark skinned, and from the Middle East. He was also friends with tax collectors and a prostitute. He didn't judge their lifestyle or mistreat them. This young woman does not owe her parents anything. To the Christian community:STOP USING RELIGION TO JUSTIFY BEING AN A-HOLE!!! You are making the rest of us look bad.
@deanna woods : This comment can rigorously apply to all religions without exception and not only the Christian religion.
Load More Replies... When my children and I were in a desperate situation my sister forbade my parents to offer any help because I had "consorted with the enemy" by marrying rather than staying at home to "serve" them as she had. Many years later after my parents died my sister, who had inherited the house for her "service", was deeply in debt and expected me and my second husband to pay her debts and support her gambling and drinking habits. It is now over 20 years ago and i don't know or care what became of her. .
That is good. I'm sure she learned, hopefully, that she should be careful how she treats people. I would do the same things if one of my sisters did that. I mean, gambling, really?
Load More Replies... I really appreciated the idea of sending them a one time gift and walking away guilt free. Particularly if their health and/or lives are endangered (ie, if they are American without health insurance). Them OP can give them the boost they need to help themselves (or not) and not feel awful if/when something happens.
Absolutely. She is not the AH but a lot can be said for a clear conscience. She already is feeling guilty and a month's pay that wouldn't hurt her would be worth sending just to assuage the guilt. As long as it has the caveat to never contact her again.
Load More Replies... She has no obligation, but she'll regret not helping them. I dunno.
I feel the same. If she is going to help it should be with the diabetes meds health comes first and risking her mum dying is a bridge too far regardless whether she would have received the same consideration if it was reversed. I know, they would blame her life choices if she were unwell but two wrongs do not make a right.
Load More Replies... NTA. Let their god help them out, after all he/she must be so proud of the choices they've made as "Christians". Maybe the real God is trying to teach them a lesson, obviously one they need to learn the hard way since it wasn't abundantly apparent to them as it is to others that you should love your children even if they aren't miniature versions of yourself.
Pretty sure there's a relevant story in the Book of Job.
Load More Replies... I feel this. Totally not the AH. In my case, I bought groceries for them for a few months. Everyone called me a moron for helping them after all the abuse but I couldn't let their kids go hungry. Even though they were also horrible to me. I just couldn't. In the end, my aunt and uncle divorced. I still feel dumb for helping them because they never changed but what can ya do? This lady decided to do the opposite and I respect that. At the end of the day you'll be the one to live with your decisions.
nta,those parents are scummy people and are real cowards crawling back to the daughter THEY disowned.
NTA.They literally disowned them! When they needed help is when they came running back.
I personally believe that while your argument to not help your parents may have pretty strong legs to stand on, in the end it all boils down to who you are and the fact that you arent doing anything because of who THEY are, but truly and simply because if who YOU are. Okay, youre still hurt by thier small minded rejection of the path for your life that was right for YOU when they had to recognize that you had come of age and sink or swim, this is how you want to try to become your own, competent and autonomous. The question now becomes this: as competent and confident as you have become, as an adult who has struggled to find yourself and walk your road without shame, would you be able to be as petty as you felt they were then AND still be able to look yourself in the eye in the bathroom and find no fault in YOUR actions? Don't ever think you need to do anything for anyone based on who THEY are. ALWAYS do everything because of who YOU became. Yours is the ONLY opinion that matters.
I personally wouldn't give them money and make it known as to why. However, I would tell them I will pay for any and all medication so they can focus on getting their money together and getting back on track.
Load More Replies... the fact that she used their own convictions as a basis to refuse is not only correct with some fundamentalist views but brilliant. if they ignored her for 9 years and have only attempted to reconnect now due to financial issues then she is NTA. exotic dancers/sex workers get a horrible rap from family/society. i have a family member who worked as an escort where she met her hubby. when her abusive hubby attempted to blackmail her w/"i'll tell your mom", she told her mom herself. when i found out about it i didn't think anything negative with the exception that i wanted to pound the crap out of the then hubby. she did what she needed to do to survive/make a decent living. only thing she has shared with me is that it was a decision and not driven by addiction or a pimp as a way to get on her feet.
NTA for sure but the question the poster should be asking is "how will this make me feel"? If I am going to feel bad about my decision personally and NOT how I might be perceived then I should do something different. There is no lesson to be taught to these parents. All the poster can do is make a decision based on how they will feel about the decision.
NTA. Though I would have handled it differently. I'd have helped them out financially, then given them a shot at being back in my life. WHEN they started spouting the religious junk and how being a striper was against gods will, that's when I'd nail them with their hypocrisy. You didn't have a problem with striper money when you needed it.
"When my parents found out, they disowned me." To disown her means she is no longer their daughter. She could have died in the gutter, and they would have seen that as God's judgment on her, a non-relative. They are no longer her parents, and she is not their daughter. For nine years, nothing has changed that. Period. NTA.
I'd send some money with a note saying "every dollar you spend is a dollar I earnt by someone admiring my nearly naked or naked body (I'm not sure tbh) better not put any of this in the church's donation box!" But I understand the moral obligation we as children feel towards our parents and how the parent sometimes feels entitled to assistance which blows my mind how someone can feel so entitled to help when they've been an aggressive, narcissistic wanker 🤷🏻♀️
NTA buuuttt, I believe in trying to truly reconcile. Maybe it’s the parent’s lesson that they were wrong - if they can admit it it could be the start of a new beginning. But then, I’m a softy
Reconciliation is usually good, if only for peace of mind, but I would suspect that if the parents got back on their feet it would just revert back to the disowning, or she would be expected to fully support them. They turfed her when she was young and needed them. Let the rest of the family and the church support them. I'm the sort who gives people trust at the start but if they mess it up there is only a wee chance of getting it back. Trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me.
Load More Replies... You are definitely NTA, but only you know in your heart what you should do. If you can't sleep at night wondering whether you should help them, then help them. If, OTOH, you feel they really are strangers to you, don't feel bad about ignoring them. After all, they had no problem ignoring you.
If she's asking, she's obviously going to have regrets down the road. They disowned her and I think we'd all understand if she walked away, but not everyone is easily hardwired like that especially when it comes to your parents. I would want to visit with them again, maybe give them some money, but also have them understand that it is a one time thing until they are ready to open up a dialogue about how hurtful they were. If family helps family, why didn't they want to help her when she wanted to go to school and had trouble paying for it? What about everything she went through in those 9 years. She will be more satisfied if she tries to have a talk going forward instead of shutting down for good. Will it work? No, probably not, but when they die she will at least say she was the better person for trying.
Well, how about this-- offer to pay for one year's premiums and deductible of health insurance for them. That way, they can get their meds and get their health looked after, you don't feel guilty, and they have no leg to stand on when complaining. Either way, NTA.
If OP has the money to spare, a one time gift (especially if she can get them to sign an agreement not to contact her for money ever again)might be an idea. Not because she 'owes' them, but for her own peace of mind/closure. Sometimes doing a kindness can be a way to let go of a relationship and stopping holding on to animosity or resentment. Not letting them back in her life, just saying 'Go in peace'.
What did they think disowning meant? That they could come back to use you whenever it was convenient? Disowning you was where they “went wrong with you”, and the consequences of that choice are theirs to live with.
I think you are right. Do the right thing, help them out with a one-time payment. It will make you feel better and (if it's any satisfaction) probably make them feel even worse - embarrassed and possibly ashamed for how they treated you. That could really close that chapter for you all - you would definitely be the bigger person, religious or not. It's about human compassion in the end isn't it? Your family could learn a thing or two!!!
The parents are utter hypocrites. If their daughter is going to hell because she earned money "sinning" and using it will damn her soul, the same applies to them. They'll be using money that was earned "sinning" so their souls will also be damned to hell. Not that I'm religious in the slightest. They disowned her, do her parents understand what that means? They've come grovelling back purely because they want money, no other reason. It's vile. If the amount of money they want will help them and you wont even notice it's gone, give it to them and tell them to never contact you again. What awful parents. Yet another reason why I think organised religion is sickening.
Your not the AH, but I’d still help them just cause I can and maybe that will help them change and be better people?
Whelp there's 2 ways to handle it: 1. They thought your money was dirty then so it's dirty now, ask the Lord; or 2. You can try to be the better person and not totally save them but give them a one time hand....I understand what they did was wrong but they are her parents. She doesn't owe them anything but you wouldn't be who you are without them.
"She doesn't owe them anything but you wouldn't be who you are without them". That's not true. She is who she is because they first cut her off for choosing the wrong college. That forced her to try and find a way, which ended up in a strip club. Then they disowned her. And that made her who she is, and gave her everything that could help her. She only am who she is because they abandoned her, not because of what they did for her. If she'd gotten help with her college she probably would have had a regular job, with a regular income. Instead she did well for herself because they wasn't there for her. She owes them nothing, and they disowning her made her who she is.
Load More Replies... Is the author an only child? If not, where are those kids to pitch in? No apology to her for the heartache she must have gone through when this first happened. The parents probably felt pretty smug and pleased with the outcome until things went sour for them. Then, they sought her out to ask for money. Wow. I couldn’t treat my kids like that, and anyone who does, you didn’t deserve them.
I agree with one commenter there: would they be speaking to you if they didn't need help? After almost a decade of silence suddenly they need something. And it would keep going. They wouldn't speak to you again except to ask for money. I have nothing against stripping, if I had the body I would have chosen it too, it's good money. It's your money. You were comfortable enough to earn it that way, you get to use it how you see fit. And you made great choices with it. They wouldn't have come to you at all if they didn't need anything. They probably would keep asking for money, all while criticizing and such. Their love for you was contingent, don't let them drag you down after doing so well.
Send em one of those tracks that look like money, with a note saying "Thoughts and Prayers".
You have the chance to show them that you are the better person, so help them. Bonus: you'll make sure they won't make it into heaven, so win/win 😂
Just make the parents dance naked for the money. But be fair about it, they get to choose the restaurant or venue where they perform.
Forgiveness and reconciliation can be a treacherous path. It only works when all parties have healthy and rational minds and are authentic people. It sounds like one of the parents, or both of them have a personality disorder. If that is the case, reconciliation and forgiveness will not work and will you'll only be letdown yet again. What I find revelatory is that the parents are prepared to jettison their absolute and infallible beliefs to accept cash that was earned by 'sinful' means to get themselves out of their financial hole. My advise would be to steer clear and don't let them back in your life, otherwise you will get hurt again.
It's says a lot about the state and astronomical cost of education in the United States when it's more lucrative to strip than attend Uni which leaves you in massive piles of debt.
I'm sure their church can help them. You're making great money and a life for yourself, they didn't want any part of it. So they shouldn't have any part. Life lessons are hard learned.
Oh just wait until a woman that is disowned is the only source of grandkids since the golden son came out of the closet
Load More Replies... I don't see anything about the parents trying to apologize or reconcile with her; they only want her money, full stop. So all the people saying she should give them a one-time gift and demand they never contact her again - that's *exactly what the parents want*.
And as Marina Rocha pointed out, at $11,000 a week that's potentially $44,000 -- waay too much for those a-holes.
Load More Replies... NTA but go ahead and help them anyway. Just to teach them and all the rest of that overly superstitious fundy family an important lesson. Then sthu about it and let them deal with their own thoughts and feelings about it. That'd be more of a comeuppance to them than saying no. For you, doing some good with your money is always an appropriate action. So is compassion, even to the undeserving.
If and I mean IF I were feeling guilty I might send the one month of money just to ease my conscious but I would make it painful by enclosing a card saying this is a one-time gift of Satan's money, may your soul survive your affront to God. P.S. Do NOT ever contact me again.
Instead of the Money to them as they have shown they do not mange finances well, what about getting Social Services involved and if they have illness/disease process they might be able to get a Medical Card/Assistance to help If they really want that ? which are both real help in the long run.
If i were her i would send them money once, with some message that even tho they disowned me I'm still a good person supporting people in need, even if they wouldn't help me if i needed that. But also would ask them to stop contacting me as it was their decision to disown, and they have to live with the consequences of their choices. With super religious people it's better to kill'em with kindness but also cut ties, they aren't usually good at learning
Tell the parents you made a donation to their church and were praying for them, then block them. They chose religion, they can reap what they sow.
Not the a*****e but not the better person either. The parents are hypocrites, but they are dying hypocrites and I do think, blood is thicker than water. Unless I was worried, that I would be pestered for money, again and again, I would just pay my mom's meds and sleep better at night.
She should say of course I will help you Mummy and Daddy as long as you tell people that the money came from your daughter who works as a stripper and you don't pretend you got left it or won it or something.
NTA. They threw you away. What kind of truly religious parent does that? Yet it seems like you are conflicted, which I think is a normal response in such a situation. In my opinion, look at both choices (ignore them or help them out) and determine which will give YOU the greatest peace of mind.
They disowned their daughter because they were more concerned with what other people would think about her stripping. Now they're asking her for money because they're concerned about people gossiping about them sleeping in a van. Jesus was poor, Jesus was talked about. Don't deny them the opportunity to be more Christ like. Jesus also hung out with prostitutes and sinners maybe they'll befriend some of them on the street.
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Freel%2FCagIH0ngs2N%2F&h=AT1FV84GTZ8AmqmtFIxcDnE3vgmpnGwFE4aVdDqxLlnlELCyNgKX3CSGVuvYcnkysbSFzHYONb4cpduUsZea_wLpB7spLvD2WvDpdogvru-LedSsypF6Y3chYd1iuzqqAcvzbckoz9Y_XTofaxb7SfNfXf2bxX6kug5m_2E&s=1
THEY made the decision years ago. Now THEY are reaping the consequences of their decision.
I'm 61, and a christian. My parents died few years back when they were both in their '90s. They were both very strong christians, going to church every Sunday morning and night, and on Wednesday nights when I was young. My parents never did and would never have disown any of us children, no matter how much they may have disapprove of our decisions. And I would never disown my children either.
I've always thought that "Family" is meaningless if the relatives don't actually value it. If the parents in this case were willing to disown her, then they proved that they did not value the bond. They did not love her unconditionally. Good riddance to them, they have no claim or stake in the woman's life. Also, parents aren't entitled to the children's wealth automatically just because the parents raised the child. Parents choose to have kids and they are obligated to pay for the kids until they turn 18.
Sending a one time payment could backfire however and give the parents the proof they want to show they did a great job raising OP after all, when really OP did a great job raising herself.
It is what it is. These people expected you rush to them with money in hand. If you decide to help them, just know as soon as they pay their way out of the ditch that they put themselves in, they will disown you once again. There is an old saying " screw me once ,its their fault. Screw me twice its your fault." Your choice .
They didn't need you or want to help you when they could have as good parents. You don't owe them anything for their mistakes. It's water under the bridge. Tell them that you're happy to move on and forgive them, but that doesn't mean that you have to pay anything for that right. If they can accept you on your terms it doesn't come with money, just family love. I'm sure that being the "good" people they are, they will understand that. And just so the record will be straight tell them that you forgive them and you don't hold grudges nor borrow money.
Man, I wish I had cultivated the body of a stripper. I don't know if I would have wisely invested my income or not, but it sounds nice. As it is, I don't know how many people would want to see a sweaty, early-30s smoker get winded halfway through "Stayin' Alive". Unless it's for charity, I would strip for charity.
I cannot understand that parents reject their children, for whatever reason. But in this particular case, I would propably suggest that the parents may work for her, and that she will be paying them a fair wage. That will avoid that they abuse her, while at the same time you offer a way out of the misery.
It's absolutely her right not to help her parents. Ironically, if she had chosen to help, she would have shown them how religious people are *supposed* to act.
No not the a*****e. They rejected you because you didn't confirm to their rules and probably embarrassed them in front of their church going friend,,, what happened to turning the other cheek?? Well I'm afraid I would turn both cheeks ,, butt,, and tell them to kiss it as they didn't want to know you when they were solvent. Don't feel bad either. You could have been living hand to mouth or in shop doorways. They DIDNT CARE. Enjoy your money and all your assets with a clear conscience. You didn't hide what you were doing nor did you sneak about. Life your life to the full and let the other family members sort them out!!!
NTA, they cut off the ties to OP themselves. Let them pray for some money, that’s their usual method of getting help
NTA. She has no moral obligation to help. Let alone with a month's worth of stripping at $11k a week. Buuut she can do that for herself. To feel her true power, her character and her right choices for herself. Treat it like charity and sleep better at night. It's never about money in the end
I don't know why people are downvoting you. And you're the first one to point out that we're talking about potentially $40,000 here -- way too much in my opinion. Maybe give them $5000 if she feels like she needs to.
Load More Replies... It's up to you and know one should tell you! I have anxiety and would probably would
I don't think the OP is the a*****e, but if it were me, I'd give them a one time gift with the proviso that it's one time ONLY and not to ask again. I mean, it wouldn't hurt them to be the bigger person. We do things like this to help people we don't even know, and kindness clearly wouldn't cost the OP that much.
Strongly believe that 'good will hunting'. Help your parent for your own good karma in future..
She's not the one who abandoned them...they abandoned her. They disowned her - completely cut their own child out of their lives. Their need to feel morally superior was more important to them than loving and supporting their own child. Abandoning a child is a far worse sin, in my mind. Let their morals comfort them, since that's what they deemed more important.
Load More Replies... Why? Her parents weren't paying for it. I love you except of you don't go to college is a really weird stance to take.
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