Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
384
“His Anger Was Out Of Line”: Dad Wants Daughter To Deposit Christmas Check, Loses It As She Doesn’t
As we have written many times, the percentage of adults in the United States today living under the same roof with their parents is the highest since the mid-20th century. And where there are representatives of different generations in the same house, various conflicts will inevitably occur.
The story we’re going to tell you today happened this Christmas, and the author of the original post, the user u/Destama, can’t figure out whether the family drama was caused by her own forgetfulness, her parents’ overreaction, or both. Maybe we can figure it out together…
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
The author of the post received a hefty check for Christmas from her parents as a gift
Image credits: Money Knack (not the actual photo)
The very next day the woman’s dad started asking her to deposit this check as soon as possible
Image credits: Destama
The author promised to deposit it – but forgot it completely, and it all repeated the next day as well
Image credits: Sơn Ngọc (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Destama
Finally the dad snapped at the daughter and berated her in a wrathful text
Image credits: JESHOOTS.com (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Destama
The woman ended up depositing the check but got very confused and couldn’t figure out who was right or wrong here
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 29 years old, and this Christmas she was incredibly happy to receive a very generous check from her parents. The author does not specify exactly how much money she was given, but says that it was a four-digit sum. Well, the woman was grateful – especially since she did not expect such generosity from her parents at all.
The strange things began the day after Christmas. The dad approached the author several times that day, reminding her not to forget to deposit the check. The daughter promised to do this as quickly as possible through her banking app, but in the bustle of various things, she forgot about it. The situation repeated itself the next day, when the OP returned from work, and the father demanded that she deposit it.
Another oath followed – and, of course, the author of the post forgot about everything again. The next day, her mom texted her an angry message that she had upset and let down her father, who was counting on her to deposit her check. The original poster was in shock to read this at her work, and decided to write to her dad herself.
It’s not that her father is usually a bad or aggressive person, the OP notes, but he sometimes has bouts of bad mood – and then nothing good can be expected. The daughter tried to explain to her dad that she did not want to upset or offend him, and that she believed it was no longer appropriate for her to accept this check.
The result was another aggressive response from dad – he wrote that if he asks his daughter to do something, then he has the right to expect her to do it. And that in any case, he wants her to deposit this hapless check today – or he will turn off her internet. The father said he had his own reasons for wanting the check to be cashed and his wishes should be respected. After all, as the man argued, this is not such a difficult request.
Well, the original poster deposited her check that same day, but admits that she was really confused, and that this incident will definitely affect her future relationship with her father. In addition, the woman does not understand who was more to blame for this particular situation.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Well, the opinions of people in the comments were, as is often the case, divided, though most of the commenters admit that the OP’s father probably did have financial reasons to expect her to deposit her check before the end of the year, and he just wanted to avoid any problems or financial losses in his bank.
In the end, as some commenters are pretty sure, this is indeed a very simple matter – especially if you use the bank’s mobile application. Some of the commenters even confessed that they have ADHD and could understand such forgetfulness, but the author’s father specifically reminded her several times to do this.
Of course, as some people say in the comments, the man is definitely overreacting here, but his daughter should have just taken a couple of minutes to fulfill her father’s quite simple request, which he reminded her so many times. “It’s just good manners to deposit or cash it as soon as possible, unless told otherwise,” some of the folks in the comments wrote.
Well, today, banking applications allow you to deposit literally any check in almost a few finger movements, so you can understand the OP’s dad’s indignation. On the other hand, you shouldn’t go too far in any outrage, right? So what do you, our dear readers, think about all this?
Most people in the comments, admitting that the dad overreacted, nevertheless criticized the woman for being overly forgetful
What do you think ?
The Other Guest 1 year ago
I'm expecting a million downvotes for this, but NTA. It's only been a couple days since Christmas, and Dad's reaction is way over the top. He literally started hounding her over it on Dec 26. Once a gift is given, what the recipient does with it is strictly up to them, and that includes waiting a few days before depositing a check (or never depositing it at all). Telling a 29-year-old "When I tell you to do something I expect you to do it" and that her failure to do so "has damaged our relationship"? Seriously?? This isn't about respect, or year end taxes, or whatever. It's a power trip, nothing more.
Ash 1 year ago
Yeah, it's unfortunate they live in the same house, because after an unreasonable blowup like this, I'd be suggesting low-contact. Ouch. I don't know which is worse, the dad's over-the-top emotional response or all the people on reddit voting yta....
Load More Replies...
Adrian Valdez 1 year ago
NTA, crazy how so many think attacking your relationship with your child over money is appropriate. She straight up said my relationship with you is more important to me than money, dad. And he was like, well money is more important to me, daughter.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
I think most people don't think a whole relationship will be blown over one angry conversation. Holy cow. I went no contact after my mother told me being sexually assaulted was fun and she knows because she talked to my rapist and he told her exactly what happened and it was fun. People on here suggest no contact, low contact for every disagreement. He's not attacking his relationship with his daughter. He's telling her to deposit the damned check.
Load More Replies...
BarkingSpider 1 year ago
Everyone in this story sucks, but it all could have been avoided if she just did the mobile deposit the first time he asked. He overreacted big time and maybe should have explained whatever the situation was so she would understand why it was important. If this is how he behaves every time he tells her to do something, it makes sense she wouldn't understand why. "Do what I say because I said it," is not a way to teach kids to be responsible. I'm sure a lot of things are being left out since this is only one side of the story though.
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
She's not a kid - she's 29 yo and doesn't need to do whatever he tells her to do just because he said so. If this is a condition of the living arrangement, then it is best she move on. If Dad has a legitimate reason for wanting the check deposited immediately (sorry, but a number of illegal reasons come to mind), he could speak to her in the same manner she spoke to him - with respect. She should run to the bank with that check and use the funds to find another place to live.
Load More Replies...
Maisey Myles 1 year ago
I’m on the fence with this one. Why was it so important for that check to be cashed immediately? I know parents can gift their children x amount of money per year without tax consequences. Was this the reason? Or, does he suffer from OCD and can’t stand having a loose end? Was he trying to hide money or something? His reaction is a bit suspect to me. Why couldn’t he just explain to her his reasons other than to tell he ‘she will do as she’s told” or he’ll cut off her internet like she’s a wayward teenager. But, OP is 29 and living with her parents. I believe there’s more to this story than OP is letting on. I’d take that check and find my own place as fast as I could.
Meeqc 1 year ago
The money has to get out of the account...either the money is illegal or it has to come out to be able to perform an illegal act. It's all very fishy and i wouldn't casb that check untill dad answers some questions
Load More Replies... Carney 1 year ago
I suspect many who consider this woman to be in the wrong have never experienced parental emotional abuse and have no understanding of its impact. Money is often a tool of control for parents. A gift - whether it is actual money or something purchased - should be given with no strings attached. In this case, the father attached strings of control and judgment. His anger is so far over the top that I suspect he has anger issues that erupt under other circumstances. I also suspect he sees money as a tool for maintaining control. The author states that he has a history of exploding over small issues and has, in the past, exploded over nothing. This points to someone with little or no self-control over anger. The gift should have represented love and kindness but instead represents the need to control and then belittle. Had she deposited the check immediately there would most likely be something else that made the father angry. Perhaps how she uses the gift.
Eleventy 1 year ago
This. Also, if he needed the money out of his account, why didn't he just give her cash? Something is up with him. This is not right.
Load More Replies...
Landithy 1 year ago
I'd go with ESH (everyone sucks here). OP should have deposited the check when asked given that it was such a simple task, but I think the dad's reaction is overly dramatic and personal. Especially given that it was only a matter of days and he didn't specify why depositing the check promptly was so important. That said, I think the dad's behavior is worse.
Kathy 1 year ago
After reading this, the first thing that came to mind was, "Something smells fishy here!" As much as I agree with "my reasons are my own", but pestering my adult child and getting angry and saying something along the lines of "the relationship is damaged because of this" is just weird. We lack some background information, e.g., family dynamics, to determine what's happening. The reactions on both ends are just odd.
MR 1 year ago
NTA. If it was that important to clear the account, give her cash or a pre-paid debit card. Otherwise let the person you gave a gift to handle their lives in their own time. His controlling nature and threats are completely uncalled for and his "do as I say' attitude is unacceptable for a minor let alone a 29 year old. Dude needs to get a grip.
Michele Burdette Elmore 1 year ago
NTA. It's a gift to do with as you wish. I'd take the money from that check and move out. Daddy and Mommy are trying to control you and you're what, 29? Time to leave.
Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
The only way I can understand dad's response, that the relationship is damaged, is if this is the last straw in a pattern of ridiculously (it is ridic - use the app in stead of taking lunch break to craft a pity-me text) inconsiderate behavior.
Ash 1 year ago
Unfortunately, the other possibility is that the father has really serious anger problems / is emotionally abusive.
Load More Replies...
The Other Guest 1 year ago
I'm expecting a million downvotes for this, but NTA. It's only been a couple days since Christmas, and Dad's reaction is way over the top. He literally started hounding her over it on Dec 26. Once a gift is given, what the recipient does with it is strictly up to them, and that includes waiting a few days before depositing a check (or never depositing it at all). Telling a 29-year-old "When I tell you to do something I expect you to do it" and that her failure to do so "has damaged our relationship"? Seriously?? This isn't about respect, or year end taxes, or whatever. It's a power trip, nothing more.
Ash 1 year ago
Yeah, it's unfortunate they live in the same house, because after an unreasonable blowup like this, I'd be suggesting low-contact. Ouch. I don't know which is worse, the dad's over-the-top emotional response or all the people on reddit voting yta....
Load More Replies... Adrian Valdez 1 year ago
NTA, crazy how so many think attacking your relationship with your child over money is appropriate. She straight up said my relationship with you is more important to me than money, dad. And he was like, well money is more important to me, daughter.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
I think most people don't think a whole relationship will be blown over one angry conversation. Holy cow. I went no contact after my mother told me being sexually assaulted was fun and she knows because she talked to my rapist and he told her exactly what happened and it was fun. People on here suggest no contact, low contact for every disagreement. He's not attacking his relationship with his daughter. He's telling her to deposit the damned check.
Load More Replies... BarkingSpider 1 year ago
Everyone in this story sucks, but it all could have been avoided if she just did the mobile deposit the first time he asked. He overreacted big time and maybe should have explained whatever the situation was so she would understand why it was important. If this is how he behaves every time he tells her to do something, it makes sense she wouldn't understand why. "Do what I say because I said it," is not a way to teach kids to be responsible. I'm sure a lot of things are being left out since this is only one side of the story though.
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
She's not a kid - she's 29 yo and doesn't need to do whatever he tells her to do just because he said so. If this is a condition of the living arrangement, then it is best she move on. If Dad has a legitimate reason for wanting the check deposited immediately (sorry, but a number of illegal reasons come to mind), he could speak to her in the same manner she spoke to him - with respect. She should run to the bank with that check and use the funds to find another place to live.
Load More Replies... Maisey Myles 1 year ago
I’m on the fence with this one. Why was it so important for that check to be cashed immediately? I know parents can gift their children x amount of money per year without tax consequences. Was this the reason? Or, does he suffer from OCD and can’t stand having a loose end? Was he trying to hide money or something? His reaction is a bit suspect to me. Why couldn’t he just explain to her his reasons other than to tell he ‘she will do as she’s told” or he’ll cut off her internet like she’s a wayward teenager. But, OP is 29 and living with her parents. I believe there’s more to this story than OP is letting on. I’d take that check and find my own place as fast as I could.
Meeqc 1 year ago
The money has to get out of the account...either the money is illegal or it has to come out to be able to perform an illegal act. It's all very fishy and i wouldn't casb that check untill dad answers some questions
Load More Replies... Carney 1 year ago
I suspect many who consider this woman to be in the wrong have never experienced parental emotional abuse and have no understanding of its impact. Money is often a tool of control for parents. A gift - whether it is actual money or something purchased - should be given with no strings attached. In this case, the father attached strings of control and judgment. His anger is so far over the top that I suspect he has anger issues that erupt under other circumstances. I also suspect he sees money as a tool for maintaining control. The author states that he has a history of exploding over small issues and has, in the past, exploded over nothing. This points to someone with little or no self-control over anger. The gift should have represented love and kindness but instead represents the need to control and then belittle. Had she deposited the check immediately there would most likely be something else that made the father angry. Perhaps how she uses the gift.
Eleventy 1 year ago
This. Also, if he needed the money out of his account, why didn't he just give her cash? Something is up with him. This is not right.
Load More Replies... Landithy 1 year ago
I'd go with ESH (everyone sucks here). OP should have deposited the check when asked given that it was such a simple task, but I think the dad's reaction is overly dramatic and personal. Especially given that it was only a matter of days and he didn't specify why depositing the check promptly was so important. That said, I think the dad's behavior is worse.
Kathy 1 year ago
After reading this, the first thing that came to mind was, "Something smells fishy here!" As much as I agree with "my reasons are my own", but pestering my adult child and getting angry and saying something along the lines of "the relationship is damaged because of this" is just weird. We lack some background information, e.g., family dynamics, to determine what's happening. The reactions on both ends are just odd.
MR 1 year ago
NTA. If it was that important to clear the account, give her cash or a pre-paid debit card. Otherwise let the person you gave a gift to handle their lives in their own time. His controlling nature and threats are completely uncalled for and his "do as I say' attitude is unacceptable for a minor let alone a 29 year old. Dude needs to get a grip.
Michele Burdette Elmore 1 year ago
NTA. It's a gift to do with as you wish. I'd take the money from that check and move out. Daddy and Mommy are trying to control you and you're what, 29? Time to leave.
Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
The only way I can understand dad's response, that the relationship is damaged, is if this is the last straw in a pattern of ridiculously (it is ridic - use the app in stead of taking lunch break to craft a pity-me text) inconsiderate behavior.
Ash 1 year ago
Unfortunately, the other possibility is that the father has really serious anger problems / is emotionally abusive.
Load More Replies...
Related on Bored Panda
18
103