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“Kate Was Absolutely Terrible In Her Teenager Years”: Dad Doesn’t Pay For His 23 Y.O. Daughter’s Plane Ticket But Covers The Younger Daughter’s Ticket
InterviewEvery family is different despite the concept that we all go through more or less the same things. Probably a lot of us had to go through some hard times, especially when we were kids and teenagers, and we thought that our parents didn’t understand us or that we were adult enough to make our own decisions. The parent-kid relationship tends to change when we grow up, as, in a lot of cases, people realize that their parents only wanted the best for them and parents reach a point where they understand that it’s best for them to let their children go, explore the world, make mistakes and learn from them. But sometimes even when people grow up, their relationship with their parents sometimes hits a rough spot. Having this in mind, Reddit user @u/Minute-Common-6625 decided to share a situation that he had to experience which involved his 23-year-old daughter Kate. The man shared that while planning their family vacation, he asked his older daughter if she would like to join them and if so, she would need to buy her own plane ticket. While at first Kate was okay with this request, family drama ensued after she found out that her dad had booked a trip without her since he never received the required sum from her. Not knowing if what he did was right, the Reddit user decided to ask for other people’s opinions online.
More Info: Reddit
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Sometimes maintaining a happy and healthy relationship with your kids can feel like a difficult challenge
Image credits: Ken Marshall (not the actual image)
The author of the post started his story by sharing that he has two daughters: 23-year-old Kate and 16-year-old Alexa. The man provided a little bit of background information about his family, revealing that his older daughter was a troubled kid, and so once she turned 18, her mom asked her to leave her house. This is why Kate then started living with her dad, Alexa, and OP’s girlfriend. He shared that now the 23-year-old works at a fast food restaurant and is saving up for her own apartment. For this reason, she lives rent-free at her dad’s house and doesn’t have to pay for any additional costs.
Reddit user revealed that his family’s peace was disrupted after his 23-year-old daughter didn’t agree to pay for her own plane ticket
Image credits: u/Minute-Commin-6625
The dad is also raising a 16-year-old, Alexa, who, as he presented, is the opposite of her half-sister Kate: she is a bright student who has a lot of extracurricular activities and is interested in many things, such as volunteering and sports. Knowing how hard she is working, the dad decided to plan a family vacation, this way honoring Alexa’s dedication. The man invited Kate too, asking her to pay for her plane ticket. The daughter agreed and so the dad then told her when he expected her to give him the money so he could book the trip. However, even after reminding her about the whole thing, OP never received the needed sum from his daughter.
The man lives with his girlfriend and two daughters, age 16 and 23
Image credits: u/Minute-Commin-6625
The man wanted to surprise his younger daughter by taking her and the whole family for a vacation
Image credits: u/Minute-Commin-6625
The man proceeded with his plan and booked the trip, sharing this news with the family over the dinner table. While Alexa was happy with the news, Kate told her dad that he would have to cancel the trip because she works on that date. The man told her that he won’t have to do that because she’s not going anyway, since she didn’t pay for her ticket. After hearing this, the argument started because the 23-year-old thought that her dad paid for her to go. However, the man didn’t see the need for this as his daughter works and could’ve paid for herself.
The man asked his older daughter if she would like to join, stating that she would have to pay for her own plane ticket
Image credits: Marco Verch Professional Photographer
The situation reached the point where OP found out that his daughter has been talking about this situation on her social media, making a TikTok video where she explained everything from her point of view that did not necessarily cover the truth. While the man’s girlfriend thinks he did the right thing by not paying, the man has now started doubting his decision, seeing how much negativity it has caused.
The man never received money from his 23-year-old daughter and proceeded to book the trip without including her
Image credits: u/Minute-Commin-6625
Bored Panda contacted the Reddit user to find out more information on the matter. The author of the post shared that he was surprised, revealing that he only posted this story as the situation didn’t allow him to sleep. Little did he know that people would get so interested in the whole story, sharing their points of view or even judgment. The man stated that he has an update on the situation; however, he did not yet want to share it, wanting things to fall back into place. He revealed that his daughter Kate has seen the post after seeing it on TikTok.
The daughter got so upset with the whole situation that she decided to share her side of the story on social media
Image credits: u/Minute-Commin-6625
The story that was shared on Reddit divided its users into two categories: those who thought that dad favored one daughter over the other and those who agreed with the dad and him wanting his adult daughter to pay for herself. Knowing that OP read these comments, we were curious to know what his thoughts on this were: “A lot of people were bringing their own personal family dramas and projecting that onto me. A lot of people assumed my daughter had autism or ADHD and said because they related to Kate and they have a mental health problem, Kate must have it too. I tend to ignore those opinions and focus on unbiased ones,” shared the Reddit user.
The man started doubting his decision and this is why he decided to ask others for help in seeing if he was right
Image credits: u/Minute-Commin-6625
To those who struggle to have a harmonious relationship with their kids, the dad explained: “In the beginning of your child’s life, you have to put in effort and give them love, support and encouragement. Once they are an adult, though, it now goes both ways. Once a child is now an adult, everything they do in their lives is their choice, you can only offer your opinion and support.”
What do you think about this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
Image credits: Sascha Kohlmann (not the actual image)
The story divided users online into two groups, those who supported the dad’s decision and those who thought that he was showing favoritism
Image credits: u/Minute-Commin-6625
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What do you think ?
Jihana 3 years ago
Sooo, Kate said she wanted to go on the trip, said she would pay. But she never paid, said she can't come since she has to work, and wanted that everyone cancels the trip. Of course she did not want to pay, it was her plan all along to cancel last minute, so there would be no refund. If it indeed had been a scheduling issue, then she would have called her dad the moment she realised she could not come. And now she's pissed that her plan backfired.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago
Well, not really. The favoritism in this family is so toxic, and from what I read, this father made it pretty much impossible for her to go on this trip. He is clearly using this to reward one daughter and punish the other. He didn't really ever invite her. When you read between the lines you can see a 23 year old who has never been treated like part of the family and desperately wants to be included. There are always 3 sides to a story, each person's side and the truth. We are hearing 1 side, and from just the way he described his daughter and Kate (he never called Kate his daughter, only Kate, yet only called Alexa his daughter, huge red flag) I think there is a lot more to all of this and his version is far from the truth.
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Angela Turrall 3 years ago (edited)
How can anyone call this man TA. He has one child who is 16 and at school and under age, and one who is a 23yr adult living with him rent and expenses free. He had the discussion well before booking the holiday with the adult, who agreed to pay. They were reminded, and still didn’t. They then tried to manipulate the situation further by setting the underage daughter to feel pressured and bullied, and even ran an essentially fake gofundme. This is entirely on the 23yr no matter how people try it spin it “because of language used” or whatever else. He has not created a “toxic situation” in the family either, she has, despite his efforts to help her by fully funding her life while she saves for a flat. It blows my mind that people turn to reddit for advice on these things, because no matter what a bunch of couch psychiatrists are going to chip in and overlay their own personal issues just to add to the drama, because that’s what they read AITA for, their daily dose of drama and to feel important by offering their “advice”.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago (edited)
I don't see how people can think he is NTA?! I can guarantee that "Kate's" behavior has a lot to do with the very obvious favoritism she has probably endured for a very long time, along with depression, and unresolved trauma, and being remjnded about all her failings constantly. 1st red flag, the OP always called Alexa his daughter, and Kate by just her name. 2nd red flag, the way he described them. So, Kate had a hard time in her teen years. It sounds like she needed love, stability, and therapy. Why the he did he not try and get her help? Behaviors like that don't manifest for no reason out of the blue. Also, he said she was better, so why are the times when she was having trouble, and the OP was not the primary caregiver even bringing it up. 3rd Red flag, Kate lived with her mom, but Alexa has always been with her dad, which means he is much more involved in her life. Alexa also lost her mom, which usually causes the other parent to go overboard in trying to make up for the pain the child has gone through. I mean, did you all read what I did? Just the whole way he even described them, not 1 good thjng about Kate, not 1 negative about Alexa. This is a Golden Child/Black Sheep scenerio and extremely dysfunctional. I screwed up royaly when I was 19 and had some mental health issues and didn't have the best behaviors. My sister was stable as could be and never gave them any trouble, and my brother rebelled a bit in high-school, but nothing more. yet, if they were doing a family vacation where they were paying for 1 kid, they would ALWAYS include the others. They always said they will never use family vacatios, time, or holidays as punishment. Hell, they never felt they had to punish me, the instead got me the help I needed and supported me and never made me feel less than my sister or brother, ever. I am now a successful and happy member of the worldand take them on vacation. It is amazing what fair treatment, support, and unconditional love can do instead of comparison, put downs, and favoritism. This guy is definitely TAH! And for all the "she is 23 and Alexa is 16" people, that was never really the point the OP was trying to make. He never said that "she is an adult and we expect her to pay, as we would Alexa once she was 18" this is all about rewarding one daughter with a family vacation and agreeing the other daughter could come, but only if she paid as a punishment. I mean, he didn't even really include her in the 1st place. This dad is a douche!
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Helena 3 years ago
Teenagers don't rebel that hard without a reason. So the oldest had a tumultuous time in her teen years, kicked out at 18, and if I read correctly somewhere between 18 and 23 the mom died. That is a giant recipe for serious issues. Add on top that her sister is seen as a golden child, and her brain may or may not be finished developing. She didn't handle the trip thing well, but with that recipe would you expect her to? You can pull the tough love card, only when the person actually feels loved. If they don't, it just feels like cruelty. Round of therapy for everybody.
TheReader19 3 years ago
Hi Helena, I got the vibe that the girls have different mums?
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JRequiem 3 years ago
WHY the...... Are we burning brain cells reading this? I never got to go on vacation in my 20a because MY parents werent taking me places as ADULT. Most young people are already spending their money on trips around the world, I know this because I Know a lot of spoiled ones and ones who work just to have travel money
GoGoPDX 3 years ago (edited)
Well, my parents take all of us on trips as adults every year, including our spouses and kids as they have come along. It is our Christmas gift every year. Growing up we traveled out of the country about once a year, and had other smaller trips in between. It is something special to our family and a great way to spend time together exploring the world. The experiences, education, family time, and memories are priceless. They also never left out one of us because we were being difficult, having some problems, or past issues. The only time we had individual trips were our senior trips when we graduated high-school and college, or in my sister's case when she finished her apprenticeship (she is a carpenter). Family trips are to spend time together as a family and enjoy life, not a reward system. I have also traveled a lot paying my own way, and have taken them on trips. My husband and I also do this with our son for his Birthday, and will continue to do so as long as we can. And no, my parents and all of us kids are not super wealthy. We are between lower to slightly upper middle class. But instead of buying fancy cars, huge houses, boats, designer clothes and other material things, we all choose to spend our money money on travle and experiences, and that includes my parents taking us on trips.
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Jody Whitmarsh 3 years ago
Ok, it sounds like the depression and trauma from the split or tension with her mom hasn't been resolved or even acknowledged. She acted out as a teenager but the younger is"perfect". I would bet that the younger had had a relatively calm and stable upbringing but the older is being tossed about and expected to just adult because she has a number attached to her. She's physically 23, but egotistical she's likely closer to 9, or whatever age dad left her with mom. There's more to parenting than room and board
Sheila Platt 3 years ago
True, there is more to parenting. But at 23 she is responsible for getting the help she needs to function. No one can make her see a therapist to deal with her mother's death. It isn't her father's responsibility to take care of her but he is allowing her to live for free and save money. I wish I had been given that luxury.
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Michelle C 3 years ago
I'm gonna say it...23 years old, she can pay her own damn ticket! It has nothing to do with favoritism, it has nothing to do with her past...she is an adult acting like a spoiled child. People say Kate had a hard time in her teen years, but nobody's addressing the fact that those hard times were due to her own actions! Her parents didn't make her cut class, steal, smoke, and barely become a high school dropout...she did. Looking at how believes that everything should be cancelled over her work schedule, shows a sense of entitlement. She cannot compare herself to a 16 y.o. child and anyone who believes that this man should pay for this ticket is about as delusional as Kate. My sister and I are 7 years apart, when I became an adult and we did family trips I paid my own way! I didn't expect my mother to pay for me because she paid my minor sisters way! I know parenting doesn't stop at 18, but it should be a clear start as to when their kid needs to take some self responsibility.
GMc 3 years ago
This. So many rich people problems here. "Well my family always pays for our annual vacation even though I'm 30." Well good for you. That's not how most families work. The older daughter is an adult, making money, living rent free and cost free (per op). She had to pay for her own way on a cheap deal. Owwww the humanity! Then she lied and swindled stupid people on the internet to give her money for a trip. Ya, that isn't manipulate at all. Should the op just have set a date. Yes. However I read it as he tried to give his oldest the opportunity to pay and after reminders had to pull the trigger and book the trip. I'm assuming nobody else has family or friends that push stuff off to maintain control of the situation knowing that others are affected by their actions. The oldest needs to face reality. She's not a rich privileged person. She has a sh*t life, but it's on her to make it better. She works, great, she's saving (even better), she has family who loves her and supports her.
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Amused panda 3 years ago
Yes, there's clear favouritism shown in the language of how OP refers to his kids. I don't think it is fair to say a golden child/black sheep situation is to blame for Kate's behaviour - given Kate was apparently acting out before Alexa was even 11. If anything, it sounds like Kate's behaviour might be feeding Alexa's hard-working attitude with school, voluntary work, sports and clubs which could potentially burn Alexa out before graduation if she doesn't relax. The kid needs a break. The expectation that the working adult who's living at home rent free (though saving to afford a place of their own) would pay for a holiday trip with their parents and younger sibling seems reasonable, but I'd question much the ticket might have been - if it was going to seriously knock Kate's savings then I'd say it wasn't fair for OP to ask Kate if she wanted to join them on the trip in the first place. If the cost wasn't going to impact Kate's savings too much, NTA.
Mike127 3 years ago
A major problem of being a parent is comparison, parent likes to compare their own child or other ppl children, and then tell their kid why can't you be more like so-so. Parents like that are all a-hole, i just goner turn around and talk back to them so if so-so jump off a building i should follow too. So a lesson for all you parents out there stop comparing your kids with anyone even sibling. The op here clearing see the younger daughter being better while the older one barely finish highschool. The op probably doesn't even realize himself but deep down he like his younger daughter more cause she more successful.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago (edited)
He is definitely TA! His favoritism is so palpable it is interesting so many people miss it. He did not mention 1 good thing about Kate, and not 1 negative thing about Alexa, and the only slight critisism he did have about her, was more of a compliment. Not to mention calling Alexa his daughter and Kate, just Kate. He also mentioned kate is doing good now, yet completely downplayed her accomplishments and kept bringing up her past behavior. It seems that he was not that involved with Kate and her upbringing, and was extremely involved in Alexa's, and that right there can cause a lot of pain for a child. He is using family time, love, and acceptance as a weapon. Kate didn't just develop her behaviors to be trouble for her parents. she has obviously been hurting for a long time and instead of getting g love, support, and help she gets put downs, comparison, and resentment. If you tell someone they are horrible enough, they start to believe it themselves. As far as the age thing, he never knew said that he felt Kate should pay because she is 23 and Alexa is 16. He did say many times it was about rewarding Alexa and Kate didn't deserve it, I mean, he didn't even really invite her in the 1st place. While I agree the way Kate handled this isn't the greatest, she isn't doing anything her own father isn't doing. He comes online and blasts hisnown daughter's behaivor to manipulate everyone into thinking Kate is a monster who doesn't deserve to be part of the family because it's pretty clear he doesn't want her part of the family. I hope Kate gets out and finds a wonderful therapist, learns to love herself and have a happy life with a healthy family of her own, be it a spouse and kids, or a group of friends that become family.
Evan Wood 3 years ago
As a family therapist I am going to say you hit the nail on the head with this one. The parent is 100% the a*****e! It is very odd that so many people do not see the toxic dynamics and emotional abuse going on with this parent and their child. And yes, constant criticism, put downs, and favoritism are considered types of emotional abuse. There is a reason the child behaves the way they do, and it is classic problem child vs golden child behavior.
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Judy Takács 3 years ago
YTA. Not only have you shown your older daughter that you love her less, you've created a situation where you've driven a wedge between your two daughters…who will be alive after you are gone and only have each other. Apologize to both and do a reboot. Cancel THIS vacation because its already been poisoned. Foster some good family time with lower stakes and lower cost, and rebuild the relationships in your family.
Jihana 3 years ago
Sooo, Kate said she wanted to go on the trip, said she would pay. But she never paid, said she can't come since she has to work, and wanted that everyone cancels the trip. Of course she did not want to pay, it was her plan all along to cancel last minute, so there would be no refund. If it indeed had been a scheduling issue, then she would have called her dad the moment she realised she could not come. And now she's pissed that her plan backfired.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago
Well, not really. The favoritism in this family is so toxic, and from what I read, this father made it pretty much impossible for her to go on this trip. He is clearly using this to reward one daughter and punish the other. He didn't really ever invite her. When you read between the lines you can see a 23 year old who has never been treated like part of the family and desperately wants to be included. There are always 3 sides to a story, each person's side and the truth. We are hearing 1 side, and from just the way he described his daughter and Kate (he never called Kate his daughter, only Kate, yet only called Alexa his daughter, huge red flag) I think there is a lot more to all of this and his version is far from the truth.
Load More Replies... Angela Turrall 3 years ago (edited)
How can anyone call this man TA. He has one child who is 16 and at school and under age, and one who is a 23yr adult living with him rent and expenses free. He had the discussion well before booking the holiday with the adult, who agreed to pay. They were reminded, and still didn’t. They then tried to manipulate the situation further by setting the underage daughter to feel pressured and bullied, and even ran an essentially fake gofundme. This is entirely on the 23yr no matter how people try it spin it “because of language used” or whatever else. He has not created a “toxic situation” in the family either, she has, despite his efforts to help her by fully funding her life while she saves for a flat. It blows my mind that people turn to reddit for advice on these things, because no matter what a bunch of couch psychiatrists are going to chip in and overlay their own personal issues just to add to the drama, because that’s what they read AITA for, their daily dose of drama and to feel important by offering their “advice”.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago (edited)
I don't see how people can think he is NTA?! I can guarantee that "Kate's" behavior has a lot to do with the very obvious favoritism she has probably endured for a very long time, along with depression, and unresolved trauma, and being remjnded about all her failings constantly. 1st red flag, the OP always called Alexa his daughter, and Kate by just her name. 2nd red flag, the way he described them. So, Kate had a hard time in her teen years. It sounds like she needed love, stability, and therapy. Why the he did he not try and get her help? Behaviors like that don't manifest for no reason out of the blue. Also, he said she was better, so why are the times when she was having trouble, and the OP was not the primary caregiver even bringing it up. 3rd Red flag, Kate lived with her mom, but Alexa has always been with her dad, which means he is much more involved in her life. Alexa also lost her mom, which usually causes the other parent to go overboard in trying to make up for the pain the child has gone through. I mean, did you all read what I did? Just the whole way he even described them, not 1 good thjng about Kate, not 1 negative about Alexa. This is a Golden Child/Black Sheep scenerio and extremely dysfunctional. I screwed up royaly when I was 19 and had some mental health issues and didn't have the best behaviors. My sister was stable as could be and never gave them any trouble, and my brother rebelled a bit in high-school, but nothing more. yet, if they were doing a family vacation where they were paying for 1 kid, they would ALWAYS include the others. They always said they will never use family vacatios, time, or holidays as punishment. Hell, they never felt they had to punish me, the instead got me the help I needed and supported me and never made me feel less than my sister or brother, ever. I am now a successful and happy member of the worldand take them on vacation. It is amazing what fair treatment, support, and unconditional love can do instead of comparison, put downs, and favoritism. This guy is definitely TAH! And for all the "she is 23 and Alexa is 16" people, that was never really the point the OP was trying to make. He never said that "she is an adult and we expect her to pay, as we would Alexa once she was 18" this is all about rewarding one daughter with a family vacation and agreeing the other daughter could come, but only if she paid as a punishment. I mean, he didn't even really include her in the 1st place. This dad is a douche!
Load More Replies... Helena 3 years ago
Teenagers don't rebel that hard without a reason. So the oldest had a tumultuous time in her teen years, kicked out at 18, and if I read correctly somewhere between 18 and 23 the mom died. That is a giant recipe for serious issues. Add on top that her sister is seen as a golden child, and her brain may or may not be finished developing. She didn't handle the trip thing well, but with that recipe would you expect her to? You can pull the tough love card, only when the person actually feels loved. If they don't, it just feels like cruelty. Round of therapy for everybody.
TheReader19 3 years ago
Hi Helena, I got the vibe that the girls have different mums?
Load More Replies... JRequiem 3 years ago
WHY the...... Are we burning brain cells reading this? I never got to go on vacation in my 20a because MY parents werent taking me places as ADULT. Most young people are already spending their money on trips around the world, I know this because I Know a lot of spoiled ones and ones who work just to have travel money
GoGoPDX 3 years ago (edited)
Well, my parents take all of us on trips as adults every year, including our spouses and kids as they have come along. It is our Christmas gift every year. Growing up we traveled out of the country about once a year, and had other smaller trips in between. It is something special to our family and a great way to spend time together exploring the world. The experiences, education, family time, and memories are priceless. They also never left out one of us because we were being difficult, having some problems, or past issues. The only time we had individual trips were our senior trips when we graduated high-school and college, or in my sister's case when she finished her apprenticeship (she is a carpenter). Family trips are to spend time together as a family and enjoy life, not a reward system. I have also traveled a lot paying my own way, and have taken them on trips. My husband and I also do this with our son for his Birthday, and will continue to do so as long as we can. And no, my parents and all of us kids are not super wealthy. We are between lower to slightly upper middle class. But instead of buying fancy cars, huge houses, boats, designer clothes and other material things, we all choose to spend our money money on travle and experiences, and that includes my parents taking us on trips.
Load More Replies... Jody Whitmarsh 3 years ago
Ok, it sounds like the depression and trauma from the split or tension with her mom hasn't been resolved or even acknowledged. She acted out as a teenager but the younger is"perfect". I would bet that the younger had had a relatively calm and stable upbringing but the older is being tossed about and expected to just adult because she has a number attached to her. She's physically 23, but egotistical she's likely closer to 9, or whatever age dad left her with mom. There's more to parenting than room and board
Sheila Platt 3 years ago
True, there is more to parenting. But at 23 she is responsible for getting the help she needs to function. No one can make her see a therapist to deal with her mother's death. It isn't her father's responsibility to take care of her but he is allowing her to live for free and save money. I wish I had been given that luxury.
Load More Replies... Michelle C 3 years ago
I'm gonna say it...23 years old, she can pay her own damn ticket! It has nothing to do with favoritism, it has nothing to do with her past...she is an adult acting like a spoiled child. People say Kate had a hard time in her teen years, but nobody's addressing the fact that those hard times were due to her own actions! Her parents didn't make her cut class, steal, smoke, and barely become a high school dropout...she did. Looking at how believes that everything should be cancelled over her work schedule, shows a sense of entitlement. She cannot compare herself to a 16 y.o. child and anyone who believes that this man should pay for this ticket is about as delusional as Kate. My sister and I are 7 years apart, when I became an adult and we did family trips I paid my own way! I didn't expect my mother to pay for me because she paid my minor sisters way! I know parenting doesn't stop at 18, but it should be a clear start as to when their kid needs to take some self responsibility.
GMc 3 years ago
This. So many rich people problems here. "Well my family always pays for our annual vacation even though I'm 30." Well good for you. That's not how most families work. The older daughter is an adult, making money, living rent free and cost free (per op). She had to pay for her own way on a cheap deal. Owwww the humanity! Then she lied and swindled stupid people on the internet to give her money for a trip. Ya, that isn't manipulate at all. Should the op just have set a date. Yes. However I read it as he tried to give his oldest the opportunity to pay and after reminders had to pull the trigger and book the trip. I'm assuming nobody else has family or friends that push stuff off to maintain control of the situation knowing that others are affected by their actions. The oldest needs to face reality. She's not a rich privileged person. She has a sh*t life, but it's on her to make it better. She works, great, she's saving (even better), she has family who loves her and supports her.
Load More Replies... Amused panda 3 years ago
Yes, there's clear favouritism shown in the language of how OP refers to his kids. I don't think it is fair to say a golden child/black sheep situation is to blame for Kate's behaviour - given Kate was apparently acting out before Alexa was even 11. If anything, it sounds like Kate's behaviour might be feeding Alexa's hard-working attitude with school, voluntary work, sports and clubs which could potentially burn Alexa out before graduation if she doesn't relax. The kid needs a break. The expectation that the working adult who's living at home rent free (though saving to afford a place of their own) would pay for a holiday trip with their parents and younger sibling seems reasonable, but I'd question much the ticket might have been - if it was going to seriously knock Kate's savings then I'd say it wasn't fair for OP to ask Kate if she wanted to join them on the trip in the first place. If the cost wasn't going to impact Kate's savings too much, NTA.
Mike127 3 years ago
A major problem of being a parent is comparison, parent likes to compare their own child or other ppl children, and then tell their kid why can't you be more like so-so. Parents like that are all a-hole, i just goner turn around and talk back to them so if so-so jump off a building i should follow too. So a lesson for all you parents out there stop comparing your kids with anyone even sibling. The op here clearing see the younger daughter being better while the older one barely finish highschool. The op probably doesn't even realize himself but deep down he like his younger daughter more cause she more successful.
GoGoPDX 3 years ago (edited)
He is definitely TA! His favoritism is so palpable it is interesting so many people miss it. He did not mention 1 good thing about Kate, and not 1 negative thing about Alexa, and the only slight critisism he did have about her, was more of a compliment. Not to mention calling Alexa his daughter and Kate, just Kate. He also mentioned kate is doing good now, yet completely downplayed her accomplishments and kept bringing up her past behavior. It seems that he was not that involved with Kate and her upbringing, and was extremely involved in Alexa's, and that right there can cause a lot of pain for a child. He is using family time, love, and acceptance as a weapon. Kate didn't just develop her behaviors to be trouble for her parents. she has obviously been hurting for a long time and instead of getting g love, support, and help she gets put downs, comparison, and resentment. If you tell someone they are horrible enough, they start to believe it themselves. As far as the age thing, he never knew said that he felt Kate should pay because she is 23 and Alexa is 16. He did say many times it was about rewarding Alexa and Kate didn't deserve it, I mean, he didn't even really invite her in the 1st place. While I agree the way Kate handled this isn't the greatest, she isn't doing anything her own father isn't doing. He comes online and blasts hisnown daughter's behaivor to manipulate everyone into thinking Kate is a monster who doesn't deserve to be part of the family because it's pretty clear he doesn't want her part of the family. I hope Kate gets out and finds a wonderful therapist, learns to love herself and have a happy life with a healthy family of her own, be it a spouse and kids, or a group of friends that become family.
Evan Wood 3 years ago
As a family therapist I am going to say you hit the nail on the head with this one. The parent is 100% the a*****e! It is very odd that so many people do not see the toxic dynamics and emotional abuse going on with this parent and their child. And yes, constant criticism, put downs, and favoritism are considered types of emotional abuse. There is a reason the child behaves the way they do, and it is classic problem child vs golden child behavior.
Load More Replies... Judy Takács 3 years ago
YTA. Not only have you shown your older daughter that you love her less, you've created a situation where you've driven a wedge between your two daughters…who will be alive after you are gone and only have each other. Apologize to both and do a reboot. Cancel THIS vacation because its already been poisoned. Foster some good family time with lower stakes and lower cost, and rebuild the relationships in your family.
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