Woman Makes Sister Cry When She Explains Why She Agrees To Watch Brother’s Kids And Not Hers

Brothers kids...self sufficient, quiet, and brother pays....Sisters kids...hellions, require a lot of supervision, and sister doesn't pay. It's OPs choice regarding what she can handle and is willing to tolerate. Sister made a choice to have 3 children it doesn't mean it's her families obligation to watch them. Nor should she keep hounding OP to watch them, take the "No" and find another solution.

When it comes down to it, the only person involved in this story that had the sister’s kids is the sister. I’m assuming nobody put a gun to her head and insisted she had three children. Admittedly I’m from the school of “you have it, you deal with it and any help you get is a bonus”, but to get help is a privilege, not a right. If OP’s sister was my sister, would I try and help out? Sure. Do I blame OP for not, though? Nope, not at all. Not her circus.

She said she doesn't like kids and can only tolerate watching her brother's kids because they're quiet and self-sufficient. I don't like kids and probably couldn't tolerate any kid. I don't know why parents would want anyone who doesn't like kids to babysit their kids. I have cats. If someone told me they don't like cats, I would never let them be around my cats. Same thing.

Raise a*s-hole children and you're going to have trouble roping anyone into spending time with them. It's not rocket science. If she doesn't get enough child support to afford a normal amount of babysitting for a single parent, then the dad needs to cough up enough to pay for before and after school care and enough to cover the odd sick day so mum can continue to work. The sister has NO responsibility here. The PARENTS need to get this handled.

Why doesn't your sister take her kids to her job? That is what she is asking you to do! As for all those people that call you "yta", why are they not pitching in and helping your sister? It's really sad how people feel that others that chose not to have their own children would or should be willing to watch someone else's kids? I also think it's funny how people think that you should help your sister pay for childcare. If you wanted those expenses, you would have your own kids to support. It is also weird how people can not accept the fact that their can be mature six year olds. Most likely because these people failed to excell in their parenting skills. One of my children was better behaved in church as a baby than most adults were. He paid full attention to the pastor during the entire church service including the preaching. The adults didn't even do that! The loud crying only happened when he couldn't see the pastor. Of course, he also let us know when he needed something.

Enough!! Quiet, well-behaved, literate kids are NOT usually on the spectrum. I know the modern, attention seeking, loudmouthed world wants us to think that, but they’re not. Stop making autism into a thing.

Honestly, the poor sister. OFC she throws a tantrum, she's at the end of the roll... She's all alone to look after 3 kids under 10. She's going to be UNEMPLOYED if no one steps up to help, FFS ! Family is not only for nice BBQs! And this is coming from a child free, WFH woman (me)! Ofc the sister can't possibly understand how OP is so selfish and playing favorites, no matter how OP explains it. She can't think clearly being sleep deprived, stressed with her job, her duties, her motherly duties, etc. She's but human and everyone in this story has dehumanized her... The sister is underwater, that's entirely understandable. She should sue the father tho, who doesn't see his kids, he's 50% at fault for having made these kids (and they didn't ask to be born you know... they're victims here, victim of their parents who can't and/or don't know how to raise them). Brother and OP should both pitch in to offer the sister a sitter. And so should the mom. If it were me, as I absolutely don't believe in 'gentle parenting' (on the contrary), I'd have said "ok, but if your kids misbehave I need a written paper authorizing me to discipline them according to their misdeeds" (usually, half an hour of forcing a kid to face a wall alone in a room calms them quite a bit, or confiscating/throwing away their favorite toy...), bc misbehaving can't be tolerated, and biting even less... But again, that's me. I'm short tempered and I'm child free by choice. I just am devastated for the sister, as she deserves better, imho. ESH.

I have a special needs sibling that I would drop everything for as a kid and as a young adult. When I was 19, I was willing to lose my job just so I could go on an indefinite s*****e-watch. Then I ended up adopting my special needs second cousin when he was 13-months-old. Over time I had to stop helping my brother because his and my son's needs competed with each other. At no point of my life did I react to either of their needs with the mindset of "Their needs will ruin my day, so therefore I won't sacrifice a moment of my time". OP is right that she can't take a week off work, and she should not be expected to. But I think the sister's outburst has more to do with the standard selfish behavior the OP has tried to defend. She's acting like sacrificing some comfort for the sake of love is inconceivable. Why can't she ever babysit when not working? She can't be a workaholic, because OP stated that her twin niece/nephew will entertain themselves while she works OR PLAYS.

Dies your brother know you dint actually WATCH his kids and that if one of them choked to death on a sandwich they had to make for themselves that you wouldn't even know for 2 hours? YTA times a million. Not because you won't watch sisters kids but because you're dangerous af

I'm on ESH here. The way OP is talking about her sister's kids is insane. Kids will be kids and OP doesn't understand that. That four year old may have behavioral problems so to treat his problems unfairly while pitying the kids you suspect are on the spectrum (I'm on the spectrum fyi) is strange. The 2 year old will obviously be needy either way. It's a child. However, I will say that even though the way OP writes about this makes me enraged and infuriated, working from home is tiring. I totally understand why maybe you don't want to take care of children who are not as "behaved" as your brother's but if you set up a routine and boundaries and a schedule, I do believe the issue can resolve. Also why are six year olds making their food and not you? They're six. Give your sister some empathy and grace but also make sure to set boundaries about her children. Make sure to make a CLEAR set of rules, and balance them between you and partner. It also isn't her fault on her kids behaviors.

Lllllll

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She’s not obligated by any stretch of the imagination but I think she should know kids can behave entirely different with others versus their parents. Watching her kids might not be as much trouble as it seems. She should maybe try it a few times on a weekend and see how it goes. She should also maybe try interacting with the kids or taking them to a park. Her husband could go as well. She might find that she does actually like kids once she sees their personalities. But the favoritism towards her brother cannot be overlooked in the family dynamic.

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What a complete despicable person. And then they will complain and cry when they get old, sour, alone and ditched from everyone. I hope this happens soon. Selfish persons should go extinct

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So to sum up one sister had a s****y husband who left her and doesn't bother with his kids who were clearly already reacting to the unhappy home environment and are now losing their s**t, the brother has 2 kids who have pretty much been neglected from birth and spend most of their time on a tablet and are so used to that that they make their own lunches at the age of 6, which makes them perfectly easy for 3rd sibling to babysit because she doesn't like children. And therefore these children are tolerable... because they don't impinge upon her existence? And the disabled Grandma can't help either. So just remember that this is the village that we keep telling people is supposed to help them, because we don't want to pay for free public child care, mental health intervention for young children, or any of the other programs that would help make sure the children grow up in safe happy healthy homes