Man’s Kitchen Boycott Forces Wife To Rethink Priorities After Her Health And Wallet Suffer

One of the most daunting aspects of moving in with a partner is having to agree on furniture and decorations for your new home. Even if the two of you have similar taste, there are probably a few posters, chairs or knick-knacks that one of you loves and the other loathes.

Designing your living space is a great exercise in compromise and can be a wonderful bonding experience. But if you’re both stubborn, it can also create huge issues in the relationship. One man recently reached out to Reddit to complain after his wife turned their kitchen into an aesthetic yet impractical space. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as a conversation with Dr. Kathy McMahon, President and Founder of Couples Therapy Inc.

Couples don’t always see eye to eye on how to decorate their home

Man and woman arguing in kitchen about cooking and decorating, surrounded by kitchenware and produce.

Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato (not the actual photo)

But when this man’s wife started filling their kitchen with impractical decor, he decided to go on a cooking strike

Text about a man refusing to cook proper meals due to his wife's kitchen decorations.

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Kitchen decor items including fake fruit and decorative plates.

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Woman decorates kitchen with vibrant materials, flowers.

Image credits: ilonadesperada / Envato (not the actual photo)

Text conversation about kitchen space and a butcher's block, emphasizing cooking needs.

Text describing a man's refusal to cook until his wife stops decorating the kitchen.

Man refuses to cook meals; opts for leftovers in protest against wife decorating kitchen.

Text discussing a dispute over kitchen decor and cooking disagreements.

Text about a man refusing to cook meals until his wife stops decorating their kitchen, citing cumbersome cooking conditions.

The man later clarified some details about the situation

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Woman in a green dress stands in a kitchen full of plants, looking distressed.

Image credits: varyapigu / Envato (not the actual photo)

Text expressing a man's view on assumptions about his cooking skills.

Text about flour usage and storage preferences in cooking disagreements, related to not needing large quantities.

Text discussing toaster oven use for daily tortillas and rolls.

Image credits: 1WARMBEER

“His criticism is dripping in contempt”

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

To find out more about this situation, we got in touch with Dr. Kathy McMahon, President and Founder of Couples Therapy Inc, who was kind enough to share her thoughts with Bored Panda.

“According to this man, he ‘lets’ his wife ‘get her way’ and ‘doesn’t speak up’ often,” the therapist pointed out. “When he disagrees with her, she cries and accuses him of basically bullying her and being passive-aggressive about not cooking.”

“Let’s break it down: Marriage in Western countries is a democracy, not a Kingdom, so notice the language. He doesn’t ‘let her’ do anything. He agrees to it implicitly or explicitly,” Dr. McMahon explained.

“But the way he phrases it might reveal the underbelly of his grievances: He has been a noble dictator, ‘allowing’ his wife the right to decorate the rest of his house, but she is ‘taking advantage’ of him when she tries to step on the one room he has an opinion about,” the expert continued.

Dr. McMahon noted that, while this man says his wife has great taste, he’s made it clear that she missed the mark when decorating his kitchen. “His criticism is dripping in contempt, describing her bringing home fake fruit, tiny cutting boards with ‘sweet’ sayings, and external trappings of a life they don’t live.”

While it seems like this argument is just about kitchen decor, the expert shared, “Premier couples researcher John Gottman says it’s ‘never about the remote control,’ meaning the fights have more significance. This one appears to be no exception,” she explained. “It’s about power, at least for him. She’s the bully. She wants to dictate everything, including how he works in his own space, and he’s finally put his foot down.”

The therapist also pointed out that the way this man has described his wife makes viewers perceive her as “demanding, entitled, and just unreasonable.”

“Why didn’t he just speak up when the first designer flourish appeared?”

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

“In response, he won’t use the kitchen for regular hot meals, but instead makes fabulous food that he freezes or leaves ready to eat. What a guy! Even then, the self-absorbed witch won’t eat them. She doesn’t deserve him,” Dr. McMahon continued. “But wait, does he know his wife doesn’t like leftovers? I’m guessing yes.”

“His actions allow him to seem like an exceptionally cooperative spouse dealing with a narcissistic villain,” the therapist says. “And bless her heart, he tells us, she’s ‘gaining weight’ (snicker snicker), all over the placement of a tea set they never use.”

“When I screened clinical calls years ago for my couples therapy practice, I listened to how a spouse discussed their partner not to learn about the partner, but to learn about the speaker,” Dr. McMahon shared. “Here’s my take-away from this man: He sees himself as an easy-going guy who tries to be cooperative. He believes he’s been pushed to his limits. He believes his wife is being unreasonable. He’s deeply resentful and passive aggressive. He doesn’t see his role in the situation he’s in in his marriage.”

“It might have been ideal for him to speak up from the start saying something like, ‘Honey, I love your decorating taste and I don’t have an opinion about any room but the kitchen. That I want veto power over. Deal?’ That would put his desires out front from the start,” she explained. “But this is something I have learned that men who talk like this simply won’t do.”

“He remains silent through the knick-knack invasion until he felt so resentful he just had to speak out,” the therapist continued. “But we ask ourselves, ‘Why?’ Why didn’t he just speak up when the first designer flourish appeared?”

Dr. McMahon says that how you push back against your partner really matters. “My hunch is that this guy builds stuff up until he can’t take it anymore and explodes. Quietly, maybe, but it still shows. That is problem number one.”

“This couple needs to learn how to fight”

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

So what should couples do instead? “Don’t let it build up. Learn how to complain early and often,” the expert shared. “According to John Gottman, a couple’s researcher, men aren’t usually skilled at complaining. Women make up 80% of the total complaints in a marriage. Men need to learn how to do it, and do it more.”

“Issue two concerns his response to his wife’s tears,” Dr. McMahon added. “He acts like they are Kryptonite, reducing his strength. Women can cry for all kinds of reasons. He implies that she is manipulating him with her tears. This might be the case, and it’s worth having a serious conversation about. Being manipulative is a serious charge. If he doesn’t think it’s manipulation or Kryptonite, maybe he plays a role?”

We still don’t know where the toaster oven and cutting board ended up, but the therapist says she’s curious. “Did he ‘let her have her way’ and only move them to do his periodic meal prep? Did he box up the knick-knacks and leave them in the hallway?”

“Based on his refusal to cook in the current kitchen, my guess is that his wife ‘got her way,’ and his refusal to cook is his protest,” Dr. McMahon continued. “I don’t know about her issues because they are all his view, but wow. He feels contempt toward this woman.”

“Forget about the decorative plates. This couple needs to learn how to fight,” she added. “And he needs to ask himself why he’s living with a woman he has so little respect and so much contempt for.”

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship drama right here!    

Later, the author provided even more background information

Reddit discussion about a man's refusal to cook meals due to his wife's kitchen decorating habits.

Many readers took the husband’s side

Text exchange about kitchen decoration and functionality disagreement.

Text arguing that kitchen should be functional for cooking, not just decorated.

Comment about a wife's manipulation in kitchen decor dispute, discussing cooking and agreement issues.

A comment about a husband unwilling to cook until his wife stops kitchen decorating, suggesting a mature discussion.

Reddit comment expressing dislike for someone's wife, related to kitchen decorating conflict.

Reddit comments discussing kitchen decor dispute between husband and wife.

Comment criticizing a wife for kitchen decorating decisions.

Text post about husband and wife discussing cooking and kitchen decorating agreement.

Comment criticizing kitchen decorating choices, emphasizing manipulation and crying as issues.

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Comment discussing a man refusing to cook until his wife stops decorating their kitchen, citing lack of compromise.

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Comment about kitchen decorating and leftovers disagreement.

Reddit comment discussing kitchen organization and a wife's redecorating habits.

Comment discussing the cost of an espresso machine in a kitchen.

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However, some pointed out that the relationship has bigger fish to fry

Text advising on kitchen decoration and cooking compromise for couples.

Comment criticizing a husband's complaint about kitchen decorating choices.

Comment criticizing a man's refusal to cook until wife stops decorating their kitchen.

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