40 Insane Screenshots Of Parents Taking It Upon Themselves To Make Their Kids’ Lives Hell

Helicopter parenting is a term that was first coined by Dr. Haim Ginott back in 1969. He used it in his book ‘Between Parent and Teenager’ to describe parents who hover over their children like a helicopter, paying exceedingly close attention to their every move.

Expert in helicopter parenting and professor of psychological science at University of Mary Washington, Holly H. Schiffrin, PhD, described such parents to Bored Panda as those who are “excessively involved and engage in developmentally inappropriate levels of control.”

“This is especially problematic in emerging adulthood given that the ‘children’ are actually adults and the goal of adulthood is to be independent from parents, but it is likely that this pattern of parenting has its roots much earlier than emerging adulthood (there is definitely research evidence in adolescence),” she said.

“Engaging in developmentally inappropriate levels of control has the potential to create a cycle of dependence in which the child never learns to control their own behavior because their parent is always doing it for them,” Professor Schiffrin added.

“Eventually, they are going to need these skills, so it’s important to allow them to practice and develop them. Initially, it will likely be harder on the parent (as is anything when we start letting our children do things for themselves like getting themselves dressed), but in the end it will reduce parental workload to have their children be more self-sufficient.”

Dr. Holly H. Schiffrin told Bored Panda that her research shows that one of the primary things helicopter parenting is associated with is a decreased sense of the child feeling competent, which is often associated with increased anxiety and depressive symptoms. “I think this likely comes from not being able to practice and develop the skill in question because parents are doing it for them, but also the likely unintentional message it sends when a parent does something for a child that they should be able to do for themselves, which implies the parent doesn’t think they’re capable,” she explained.

Professor of psychology at the University of Mary Washington, Miriam Liss also emphasized the importance of allowing children to do some things on their own, even if that means struggling at times. “Parents do not like to see their children suffer or struggle,” she told Bored Panda. “It hurts to see our children suffering or in pain so parents want to do what they can to help. However, children learn from picking themselves up from struggles and failures so it is good to let children try and fail and to communicate to them that trying something hard and failing is a great way to learn. As children age, parents need to learn to back off and it is hard to do that if parents have been helping throughout.” 

Dr. Holly H. Schiffrin pointed out there might be numerous reasons why some parents find it difficult to stop overprotecting their offspring. “I think some of the reasons that parents are having a more difficult time backing off are related to wealth in our society,” the professor said. “People are waiting until they’re older to have children and having fewer of them, which means they are able to invest more time and money into the one or two children they have to ensure their ‘optimal outcomes.’”

“Another factor is technology that allows two things. First, parents have the ability to be in constant contact with their children in a way that just couldn’t happen in the past. (My mother called me once a week on the hall payphone while I was in college. She couldn’t help me solve my day-to-day problems or proofread my papers for me, I had to do that myself.) Second, technology has allowed us to hear news that we never would have heard before, which makes us think the world is less safe than it used to be and makes us want to protect our children more (despite the fact that it’s actually safer),” she explained.

“Finally, I also think that the downturn in the economy a while back contributed to the problem. It made resources seem more scarce, which put the pressure on parents to help their children more to make sure they were one of the successful people who were able to get a job in a poor economy.”

Parenting expert Dr. Miriam Liss expanded on the influence of the rapidly developing technology: “Parents are also used to increased surveillance and monitoring of their children that wasn’t available a generation ago. They can check grades, track their phones, etc. Once children leave the home and go to college, parents need to be able to give them more freedom, trust, and independence. For example, in college, they are no longer legally able to see grades unless students explicitly give permission.”

“There are a number of negative effects that have been associated with helicopter parenting. For example, helicopter parenting is associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety, greater extrinsic motivation for learning (e.g., focusing on grades as opposed to learning for the sake of learning), and academic burnout. The mechanism for these effects has to do with students feeling as though they have less competence or self-efficacy to meet their goals. In other words, when parents overly intervene, it sends the message that their children cannot accomplish tasks or cannot persevere when things get difficult. This can decrease self-confidence and motivation,” Dr. Miriam Liss told Bored Panda.

“However, there are many caveats to this research,” Professor Liss added. “First, the research is generally correlational, which means that we cannot assume that helicopter parenting causes the negative outcomes. It could be that emerging adults who are already struggling are more likely to have parents that feel that they have to intervene.” 

“Second, the effects of helicopter parenting vary based on other variables. For example, one study found that for students from lower economic classes, helicopter parenting was related to less drinking, but for students from high economic classes, it was related to more drinking; in other words, in some social groups helicopter parenting may protect children from engaging in maladaptive behavior.“

“Third, the effects of helicopter parenting appear to vary based on parent gender. One tends to see more negative effects when fathers engage in helicopter parenting than when mothers do it. This may be because fathers likely only intervene in this way if children are significantly struggling—it is more normative for mothers to do this so may not have as many negative effects,” Dr. Liss explained.

“It is also important to note that studies define helicopter parenting in different ways. Sometimes they assess specific behaviors and sometimes they assess the general sense that parents are too intensely involved.”

Expert in helicopter parenting, Holly H. Schiffrin revealed that research consistently shows that supporting children’s autonomy in a warm and loving relationship is associated with the best outcomes for the child. “Supporting autonomy doesn’t mean kicking the baby bird out of the nest whether they’re ready or not. Rather, it’s about giving them developmentally appropriate choices (that the parent approves of) and supporting them to enact their choice,” she said.

“For example, in college students, helicopter parenting might look like calling a child’s professor to discuss their grade, but autonomy supportive parenting would be working with the child to help them handle the situation (e.g., role playing what they might say to the professor, proof-reading the email they plan to send to the professor and giving feedback, etc.).”

“If children feel over-controlled by their parents, this can decrease the quality of their relationship. Interestingly, when helicopter parenting is combined with high levels of parental warmth (particularly with mothers), there are fewer negative effects to the relationship and fewer negative effects overall. In fact, when behaviors that could be considered ‘helicoptering’ are combined with a sense that the parents are warm and love them, they are not as likely to be perceived as overcontrolling,” Dr. Miriam Liss pointed out.

“Children of helicopter parents should realize that their hovering often comes from love and concern,” Prof. Miriam Liss told Bored Panda. “Most parents just want their kids to be OK. Children could acknowledge that it comes from a place of love and then assert that they can take care of it. In many cases, a parent would love to hear ‘Mom/dad, thanks so much for your concern and help—I love that you care so much, but I got this!’”