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Husband’s Definition Of A Mom Is Someone Who Gave Birth, Refuses To Get Wife A Mother’s Day Gift
Expectations can shift quickly during pregnancy, not just about parenting, but also about partnership, appreciation, and all the little ways people support each other.
Reddit user UTVols1557 found himself in hot water after telling his pregnant wife she didn’t “qualify” for a Mother’s Day gift because their baby hadn’t been born yet.
After an argument that led nowhere, he asked the internet what they thought about his firm stance and the reasoning behind it, and oh boy, did it provoke a wide array of opinions.
RELATED:
For many couples, milestones like Mother’s Day take on new meaning when a baby is on the way
Image credits: Courtney Walker / flickr (not the actual photo)
But not everyone agrees on when those celebrations should begin
Image credits: UTVols1557
Image credits: Getty Images / pexels (not the actual photo)
Parents need each other — otherwise, they’re lonely
When a couple starts expecting their first child, they get to know each other in a way they never have before, and depending on what happens next, their bond can become even stronger or deteriorate.
The man behind the post may not have had any bad intentions. “Because pregnancy, labor and birth are such intense physical processes I think it can feel a bit abstract for partners, and it can be harder to feel as engaged,” says Meema Spadola, PCD, CLC, a certified postpartum doula and lactation counselor in New York City.
“If couples haven’t been thinking and talking about how they want to navigate this period, it can be easy to default to roles that can leave partners feeling a bit less connected.”
That being said, he really needs to listen and create a space for his wife to open up and be able to share her needs in a vulnerable way. Otherwise, they might drift apart.
A 2024 national survey conducted by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that a broad majority of American parents experience isolation, loneliness, and burnout.
Image credits: Riccardo Battist / flickr (not the actual photo)
The survey demonstrated that:
- About two-thirds (66%) feel the demands of parenthood sometimes or frequently felt isolating and lonely;
- About 62% feel burned out by their responsibilities as a parent;
- Nearly 2 in 5 (38%) feel they have no one to support them in their parenting role;
- Nearly 4 in 5 (79%) would value a way to connect with other parents outside of work and home.
Parents need each other to survive and thrive.
As people shared their take on the conflict, the man initially tried to defend his stance
Some people thought he did nothing wrong
But in the end, the husband changed his mind
Image credits: UTVols1557
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What do you think ?
Marianne 10 months ago
Just a comment: Here in Germany, it is considered bad luck to celebreate an event before it has actually happened, because you are basically challenging your odds of the event never happening in the end. That means, we don't wish an early happy birthday, because it suggests that the person will die before their actual birthday. When I was pregnant on mother's day, I made it clear that I didn't want a present, because it gave me the bad feeling that I might not give birth to a healthy child in the end.
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
What awful entitled people. I hope having a kid shakes the sense into them, but more likely they'll just produce awful spawn. People who "stick to their principles" about getting or giving gifts, are insufferable. This poor kid.
Niki 10 months ago
When I was 19, I had a miscarriage on Mother's Day. I was still celebrated because I had been a mother for 14 weeks. I felt supported and seen. Imagine being ready to pop and told you're not a mother yet....with an active, alive human inside of you.....
Wild Cream 10 months ago
OP is like “you have to draw the line somewhere don’t you?” Um, no you don’t? Why? What’s the point besides upsetting your wife and feeling like you “won” the argument? Seriously, why is this a hill to die on? Just get her a d**n gift 😂 ffs some people are just awful
JayWantsACat 10 months ago
Like, she's a month away from giving birth and just wanted to take part in Mother's Day? In what way is this remotely a "need to draw the line" situation? It's not like she's planning on being a mom at some point and then is still asking for a gift. JFC, this guy is an a*****e. Especially one that reacts to a very reasonable request with that s**t. I feel bad for this lady.
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Dave In MD 10 months ago
This is the hill the OP wants to die on? Get her a card and a gift and make her happy. This just shows how much he actually cares for his wife.
Aline 10 months ago
How can neither of them have better things to think and care about than who deserves presents when? Maybe they could spend time working on their conflict resolution and communication skills because obviously they are lacking, despite how necessary they are for parenting. She's going to withhold a gift if she doesn't get one? You'd be hard pressed to get more petty, and he's no better. If gifts are compulsory they are just tax.
mria alternativa 10 months ago
Thiiis. These people apparently couldn't agree on the color of p*o and they're about to have a child. Urgh.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago (edited)
I used to buy Father's Day cards that were made to look like they were from your cats/dogs, and I would use those pet-safe ink pads to "pawprint" the cards as if they were "signed" by our pets and I'd give those cards to my ex when we were still together. No human children, but we had two dogs and two cats together, and it was just a cute thing that I wanted to do for him. That being said, while it may be true that OP's wife is technically not yet a mother in the literal physical sense as she has not given birth yet, it may behoove him to just get her the card/present she wants, for the sanity of everyone involved XD
Tabitha 10 months ago
Yes. Why not call it a practice run for the real thing next year? She’s almost ready to pop, so you know she’s incredibly uncomfortable and hormonal, and so if coming up with a little something for her would make her happy, why the hell not just do it, ffs? It’s no skin off his a*s to make her happy. Besides, it looks like she’s already got something for him for Father’s Day this year. He better straighten up and fly right, or the only part of him that will say Father are the child support payments made after they garnish his wages.
Load More Replies... Alewa 10 months ago
I'm not sure why the partner is expected to give a present on Mother's Day, unless his wife is also his mother.
Tabitha 10 months ago
Because until the kid is old enough to earn their own money he, and she, will be the ones actually buying Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gifts for each other and saying they’re from the kid. Besides, she’s so close to delivery as of the writing of this entry, whenever that was, that the baby could’ve come early and been here by Mother’s Day.
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Caitlin Davenport 10 months ago
A gift isn't something you give because someone "earned" it. You give it to make them happy.
Michael Largey 10 months ago
A basic question in any marriage is "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"
Damned_Cat 10 months ago
For the record, my ex used to buy me a small Mother's Day gift for being a good mommy to our cats and pretend it was from them. It was always something in line with what a cat could "afford", like a small bouquet of daisies or a candy bar. He is the one that started the tradition.
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago (edited)
As I've said, I'm very newly pregnant. (I also have a 21 year old daughter) We didn't do anything for me for mother's day yesterday, I only did stuff for my partner's mom yesterday. Finally at like ten pm, I think it dawned on my partner that I'm growing our baby and he gave me a hug and wished me happy mother's day. Nothing extravagant, but whatever, hopefully baby sticks and I can actually share the news with people IRL!
Falafal salad 10 months ago
Don’t buy electronic items for Alibaba. A consumer company did a test and bought a number of electrical goods from online store such as Alibaba and wish and nearly all failed the safety tests. The hairdryer they bought actually went of fire. For the OP’s POV, I guess at least he won’t have to buy anything more gifts next year or beyond.
mria alternativa 10 months ago
The "she won't get me a father's day gift until next year" makes me feel like she wanted them to do gifts this year, like she was planning on it. It's wrong of her to DEMAND a gift, which he said she did, but choosing this as your hill to die on when a baby is on the way is hinting at a LOT of petty arguments and problems in their collective future...
Monsen 10 months ago
This plus if I read it right a DYSON? 500€? That is bonkers!
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RamiRudolph 10 months ago
Honestly, I'm with the guy here. Men shouldn't give their girlfriends or wives any gifts on Mother's Day. Same goes for Father's Day. That's what children are for. Funny side note: For the longest time, my parents didn't understand why I wouldn't give my mom any gifts on Valentine's Day. Somehow they didn't get what that holidays is for.
Tyranamar Seuss 9 months ago
Yup. You"re right Rami. Any occasion you can spend proving to your partner just how little you appreciate them should be taken full advantage of. After all, why celebrate someone on a holiday when you can spend all that time and effort showing them they're completely taken for granted and not worth the effort? S/
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Katarzyna Drozd 10 months ago
Well, since he has a maturity of a child, he should give this woman a gift for being his mommy
JayWantsACat 10 months ago
JFC, people are being pedantic about this. If this was my wife and she were only just pregnant I'd probably still get her a gift if she asked because it's not a f*****g big deal, FFS, if she's literally not a mom yet. This woman is like a month away. It's arguable that it's entitled for her to ask, I guess, but jesus she's essentially a mom. It's not like she'll be a mom at some point in life and is still asking for a Mother's Day gift. "if we grant this, when will it stop?" is such an asinine things to say about this situation.
BoredPangolin 10 months ago
This! If asking for an "early" Mother's Day gift is the worst she does, how bad is it seriously. I don't understand the debate about her being a mother already or not. It's not about that, it's about making your partner happy or not with a small, kind gesture.
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Sue Ellen Bowen 10 months ago
I guess OP would be surprised that my dogs got me a mother's day gift. He really didn't need to turn it into such a big deal. I'm sure he could have found a bunch of mom-to-be type gifts.
Becky Samuel 10 months ago
Pedantic people who care more about being "technically correct" than the peoplebeing affected by their petty behaviour tend to end up bitter and lonely in my experience.
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Robyn Hill 10 months ago
I can't even. This guy is a misogynistic incel. When he figures out how to grow a human inside himself and expel it through a straw, he can have an opinion about when motherhood starts. Until then, he needs to really figure out one simple concept: happy wife, happy life.
Justme 10 months ago
So .. if raising a child makes you a mother (not just carrying a child) .. am I “not a mother” because my newborn died in the NICU when he was a week old? I mean.. by that logic, I didn’t get to raise him so .. 🤷🏼♀️
lenka 10 months ago
Wow. I became a mother as soon as I found out I was pregnant. My first thought every morning and my last thought every night was of my baby. I took my vitamins, was careful about my diet, avoided certain foods, made sure I was extra healthy, and did light exercise every day. I took less risks and did everything with more care and caution. All these steps I took because as as far as I was concerned, it's a mum's job to protect her baby. Born or not. When you miscarry, you grieve that life, the lost firsts... first walk, first word, first day of school...... You grieve the babe you never held in your arms and your body grieves with you. You bleed, you may lactate. It takes months for your body to stabalise and even longer for your heart.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 10 months ago
So if she miscarried, you'd tell her to just suck it up because she 'wasn't a mother yet anyway'? JFC
roddy 10 months ago
Never mind technicalities, do what works for you. And what works is usually being generous. Some people won't expect a gift at this stage (or ever, many men don't give their wives mother's day gifts, also "on principle") but a gift is always nice and it oils the wheels of a relationship, even if it's just a bouquet of wildflowers that costs nothing.
Agat 10 months ago
I'm shocked by the idea that the husband is expected to be getting a mother's day gift for the wife. In my culture, mother's and father's days are celebrated only by their offspring - because only for them these people are *parents*. So you would never hear about a mother-to-be demanding a gift from her husband 🤣 Because of this, this whole post sounds completely ridiculous to me.
Bi.Felicia 10 months ago
I don't think that OP is an AH because he didn't want to buy his pregnant wife a Mother's day gift, before said child is born. Now I think both OP and his wife could have addressed it better. First off the wife expected to get a gift and not just flowers/candy, but a very expensive hair dryer, depending on finances that might not be in the budget right then. What if for whatever reason, baby doesn't make it home? They will be reminded of their tragic loss every time they see said gift. I know that it's common, up until the kid is of a certain age, for the other parent to help them with a gift, which doesn't always require spending more money. Imho, they should both wait until next year before celebrating.
Tabitha 10 months ago
Not really, when he mentioned buying a cheap knockoff from Temu instead of the real thing. So he’s not only an a*****e, he’s a cheapskate too. Real piece of work, ain’t he?
Load More Replies... kkrq2vk4tm 10 months ago
It's Mother's Day, a time when children buy a small gift to show they appreciate the things that are done for them by their mothers, she is not a mother, she is just pregnant you don't get brownie points for that. The joy of Mother's Day is that you get something made for you by your kids when they are small and maybe flowers when they are grown don't buy into the commercialisation demanding a gift just because you are pregnant is very needy
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
You sure as fùck get brownie points for being pregnant.
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Tamara Kroonen 6 months ago
You are a mother as soon as you are fertilized. Your body feeds the fetus, you are protecting the fetus with your body, you are housing the fetus with your womb. You are a mother. No discussion about it. But how mothers day is spent depends on the traditions of the country.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 9 months ago
considering that if someone is unexpectedly pregnant, people wonder who the father is, then yes.
MelFunction 9 months ago
If my SO was hoping for a present, I would make every effort to buy it for him. I like making him happy. This guy is just weird.
Kate Johnson 10 months ago
I'm always amazed at the low intelligence, low class trash some women debase themselves to procreate with.
Laura A Ivett 10 months ago
Buckle up dude, she's demanding a Mother's Day present and she's not quite a mother yet just wait till that kid is born then she's going to want to push present and it's all over after that
StrangeOne 10 months ago
Sounds like they need to work better on their communication and tact. He states his problem is that she ordered him to give her a gift. Okay. "Honey, I love you and appreciate everything you're going through to have our baby. I would equally appreciate it if you don't tell me to give you a gift when I haven't been prepared to do so. Can we try this again with a different approach? Perhaps I can draw you a bath and give you a back and foot massage." And then she could say something like "I apologize. I wasn't meaning to come across demanding. This pregnancy has been hard. I've been feeling our baby moving and bonding with it. I can't wait to meet our baby. But I feel like my mental and emotional needs are put on the back burner. Yes, I would love some quiet, intimate time with you. It may be our last chance for a while."
Squirrelly Panda 10 months ago
It's fine that OP felt she wasn't yet a mother, so no mother's day gift. But he should have seen that this request probably came in part from her being over the pregnancy, partly from feeling fat, unattractive, and unlovable, and part from fear of the future. So he should have said that he would do a special "you are absolutely amazing and beautiful and I'm in awe" gift/celebration. Or, if he were my hubby, he would do a "not the momma" gift, complete with baby dinosaur, frying pan, etc.
Anna Drever 10 months ago
If folks think life begins at conception then get her a freaking present. If you think life begins at birth or even maybe the third trimester still get her the freaking present. She’s going through a lot. Being pregnant is a LOT.
Daniel Matz 10 months ago
I agree with the original poster in principle, but on the other hand, "Happy wife, happy life!"
Damned_Cat 10 months ago
For people who say that spouses should not be buying gifts for the mothers or fathers of their children: What is so inappropriate about showing appreciation for everything they do for the kids and family? Imagine if you have to do it all alone like some people do, and then decide whether a little extra recognition is deserved.
sweet emotion 10 months ago
"Mother's Day" is supposed to be about celebrating your own relationship with your own mother, not every woman you know who has a kid. Tell your wife that when her child is old enough to start making crayon scribbles in play group, that is when she will start getting gifts for Mother's Day. And for heaven's sake, don't fall for the influencer created bulloney of push presents and babymoons and all that rot.
BoredPangolin 10 months ago
That's not the view everywhere. I grew up in France where it's exclusively about the mother and child. The child does the gift. Now I live in Canada and I was surprised to learn that it's about celebrating ALL mothers. Your friends start wishing you a happy mother's day! If you find it odd, wait till I tell you that Valentine days is about friendship and that kids make valentine cards for ALL their classmates in school!
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Tonyah Mcanelly 10 months ago
It doesn't have to be a huge and extravagent.. but a small simple gesture might be nice. I didn't get gifts while I was pregngant. It didnt bother me too much but . However, Our hormones are going crazy and we tend to get triggered and we tend to cry if we accidentally step on a bug and k**l it . It might not mean much to you but a small gesture can mean the world to an overly emotional and hormonal preganant woman.
BoredPangolin 10 months ago
Seriously, it's not about about when you technically become a parent. It's your partner expressing a wish, and how you deal with it. I mean, some people would say it's quite helpful your partner is open about what would make her happy. Enjoy it! Maybe she makes extravagant demands all the time, and in that case maybe it would be different, but let's put it that way: I had two difficult childbirth and almost died for the second. If your partner dies during childbirth, how would you feel about refusing this mother's day gift? Also, what's about sharing the excitement about becoming parents? A bunch of flowers isn't too hard, is it? Or a little cute outfit for the baby... I don't know, I keep finding it hard to understand people who won't jump on an EASY way to make their loved one happier. Why is it you're together then?
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
Good points! Everyone here is talking about how bad she'd feel if she lost the baby (honestly a gift or not isn't going to affect that heartache), but how would this jerk feel if he lost his wife and didn't get her a hair dryer. Would he actually feel anything?
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ghost gurl 10 months ago
Okay so you cant terminate a pregnancy because it's your unborn child but because it's your unborn child youre not a mother??? You cant have it both ways. A pregnant woman IS a mother.
Betsy S 10 months ago
Well, if you ditch the whole idea that Mother's and Father's days require GIFTS, that would be a start. Those days require acknowledgment. A card is great. Some flowers are lovely but not necessary. Doing a task to lighten her load is the BEST gift. It's only Hallmark and the like who insists that parent's days resemble Christmas and birthdays. An acknowledgment of all the hard work that goes into being a good parent is the point of parent's days. Not money-grubbing for gifts.
Snow_White 10 months ago
So the guy still didn't accept or understood anything and just got her a gift to shut her up.
michael Chock 10 months ago
If you only care out of obligation, your relationship is doomed. Ask her if she wants mothers day brunch, then cook something. Even if it's boxed coffee cake and some eggs. Being a mother is hard, even before the baby is born.
michael Chock 10 months ago
Benedict is easier than you think, you can use 6 minute eggs if your not brave enough to poach.
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Bookworm 10 months ago (edited)
Guys it gets worse. In comments he says they got together when she was 16 and he was 18. Not that they were dating and then he turned 18. He was a legal adult when he met and started dating her. Blech. He also claims to be "suffering" because she snores "like she's sawing logs". Oh and he has to tie her shoelaces for her. This is the type of a$$hole to call watching his own kid "babysitting". This was 3 years ago and I can only hope she's come to her senses and left him.
Deborah B 10 months ago
She's sacrificing a lot for that baby right now, and she's not only hormonal, she's probrably feeling the unfairness of the situation - right now you are "free-riding" your way to parenthood. You got an orgasm, she got 9 months of discomfort and inconvenience, permanent changes to her body, and significant health risks. This is not the time to argue semantics about when she becomes a mother. It's not about whether you're an a*****e, or whether or not she "deserves" a gift, it's about whether you really want to make her feel unloved and unappreciated when she's hormonal and 8 months pregnant with your baby. Arguing that semantics are a point of principle is an act of stupidity. Just get her a present - if you genuinely can't afford the hairdryer, give her something else, don't make this the hill your relationship dies on.
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
❤️ yes. This article is REALLY pissing me off and yes, I'm hormonal. I asked my partner today if he's going to get me a mother's day present next year once I have our baby, and he said of course (probably could see my crazy eyes). I confirmed that even though I'm not HIS mother he'd do something for me, and again he said they would.
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Vinnie 10 months ago
I'm glad that ended well. He finally took his lumps and compromised on something less expensive. It is a silly hill for him to die on - for eff's sakes, it's not a slippery slope where every female relative and in-law with a pet fish will insist "You got her a hair dryer, but you won't get me a set of curling irons???"
Shaggy 10 months ago
(55M) I did the same thing. Kiddo was born on the 14th, so no I did not get her one. We did go out to a Mexican joint, then went to a burger joint and ended up at a Chinese place. It was to the point that when we sat down, if the smells were uncomfortable for her, well, we left.. LOL, so we did end up getting what she wanted so I count that as a win...
Janelle Collard 10 months ago (edited)
If AH wants to die on that hill, hope he doesn't mind paying *child support* cuz wifey may divorce him + take his a** to the cleaners. However, it sounds like he *did* pull his head out of his a** + will get his wife an "almost a mother" mother's day gift. Apparently, he never learned to NOT aggravate a pregnant woman. Hope he gets it now.
Marianne 10 months ago
Just a comment: Here in Germany, it is considered bad luck to celebreate an event before it has actually happened, because you are basically challenging your odds of the event never happening in the end. That means, we don't wish an early happy birthday, because it suggests that the person will die before their actual birthday. When I was pregnant on mother's day, I made it clear that I didn't want a present, because it gave me the bad feeling that I might not give birth to a healthy child in the end.
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
What awful entitled people. I hope having a kid shakes the sense into them, but more likely they'll just produce awful spawn. People who "stick to their principles" about getting or giving gifts, are insufferable. This poor kid.
Niki 10 months ago
When I was 19, I had a miscarriage on Mother's Day. I was still celebrated because I had been a mother for 14 weeks. I felt supported and seen. Imagine being ready to pop and told you're not a mother yet....with an active, alive human inside of you.....
Wild Cream 10 months ago
OP is like “you have to draw the line somewhere don’t you?” Um, no you don’t? Why? What’s the point besides upsetting your wife and feeling like you “won” the argument? Seriously, why is this a hill to die on? Just get her a d**n gift 😂 ffs some people are just awful
JayWantsACat 10 months ago
Like, she's a month away from giving birth and just wanted to take part in Mother's Day? In what way is this remotely a "need to draw the line" situation? It's not like she's planning on being a mom at some point and then is still asking for a gift. JFC, this guy is an a*****e. Especially one that reacts to a very reasonable request with that s**t. I feel bad for this lady.
Load More Replies... Dave In MD 10 months ago
This is the hill the OP wants to die on? Get her a card and a gift and make her happy. This just shows how much he actually cares for his wife.
Aline 10 months ago
How can neither of them have better things to think and care about than who deserves presents when? Maybe they could spend time working on their conflict resolution and communication skills because obviously they are lacking, despite how necessary they are for parenting. She's going to withhold a gift if she doesn't get one? You'd be hard pressed to get more petty, and he's no better. If gifts are compulsory they are just tax.
mria alternativa 10 months ago
Thiiis. These people apparently couldn't agree on the color of p*o and they're about to have a child. Urgh.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago (edited)
I used to buy Father's Day cards that were made to look like they were from your cats/dogs, and I would use those pet-safe ink pads to "pawprint" the cards as if they were "signed" by our pets and I'd give those cards to my ex when we were still together. No human children, but we had two dogs and two cats together, and it was just a cute thing that I wanted to do for him. That being said, while it may be true that OP's wife is technically not yet a mother in the literal physical sense as she has not given birth yet, it may behoove him to just get her the card/present she wants, for the sanity of everyone involved XD
Tabitha 10 months ago
Yes. Why not call it a practice run for the real thing next year? She’s almost ready to pop, so you know she’s incredibly uncomfortable and hormonal, and so if coming up with a little something for her would make her happy, why the hell not just do it, ffs? It’s no skin off his a*s to make her happy. Besides, it looks like she’s already got something for him for Father’s Day this year. He better straighten up and fly right, or the only part of him that will say Father are the child support payments made after they garnish his wages.
Load More Replies... Alewa 10 months ago
I'm not sure why the partner is expected to give a present on Mother's Day, unless his wife is also his mother.
Tabitha 10 months ago
Because until the kid is old enough to earn their own money he, and she, will be the ones actually buying Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gifts for each other and saying they’re from the kid. Besides, she’s so close to delivery as of the writing of this entry, whenever that was, that the baby could’ve come early and been here by Mother’s Day.
Load More Replies... Caitlin Davenport 10 months ago
A gift isn't something you give because someone "earned" it. You give it to make them happy.
Michael Largey 10 months ago
A basic question in any marriage is "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"
Damned_Cat 10 months ago
For the record, my ex used to buy me a small Mother's Day gift for being a good mommy to our cats and pretend it was from them. It was always something in line with what a cat could "afford", like a small bouquet of daisies or a candy bar. He is the one that started the tradition.
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago (edited)
As I've said, I'm very newly pregnant. (I also have a 21 year old daughter) We didn't do anything for me for mother's day yesterday, I only did stuff for my partner's mom yesterday. Finally at like ten pm, I think it dawned on my partner that I'm growing our baby and he gave me a hug and wished me happy mother's day. Nothing extravagant, but whatever, hopefully baby sticks and I can actually share the news with people IRL!
Falafal salad 10 months ago
Don’t buy electronic items for Alibaba. A consumer company did a test and bought a number of electrical goods from online store such as Alibaba and wish and nearly all failed the safety tests. The hairdryer they bought actually went of fire. For the OP’s POV, I guess at least he won’t have to buy anything more gifts next year or beyond.
mria alternativa 10 months ago
The "she won't get me a father's day gift until next year" makes me feel like she wanted them to do gifts this year, like she was planning on it. It's wrong of her to DEMAND a gift, which he said she did, but choosing this as your hill to die on when a baby is on the way is hinting at a LOT of petty arguments and problems in their collective future...
Monsen 10 months ago
This plus if I read it right a DYSON? 500€? That is bonkers!
Load More Replies... RamiRudolph 10 months ago
Honestly, I'm with the guy here. Men shouldn't give their girlfriends or wives any gifts on Mother's Day. Same goes for Father's Day. That's what children are for. Funny side note: For the longest time, my parents didn't understand why I wouldn't give my mom any gifts on Valentine's Day. Somehow they didn't get what that holidays is for.
Tyranamar Seuss 9 months ago
Yup. You"re right Rami. Any occasion you can spend proving to your partner just how little you appreciate them should be taken full advantage of. After all, why celebrate someone on a holiday when you can spend all that time and effort showing them they're completely taken for granted and not worth the effort? S/
Load More Replies... Katarzyna Drozd 10 months ago
Well, since he has a maturity of a child, he should give this woman a gift for being his mommy
JayWantsACat 10 months ago
JFC, people are being pedantic about this. If this was my wife and she were only just pregnant I'd probably still get her a gift if she asked because it's not a f*****g big deal, FFS, if she's literally not a mom yet. This woman is like a month away. It's arguable that it's entitled for her to ask, I guess, but jesus she's essentially a mom. It's not like she'll be a mom at some point in life and is still asking for a Mother's Day gift. "if we grant this, when will it stop?" is such an asinine things to say about this situation.
BoredPangolin 10 months ago
This! If asking for an "early" Mother's Day gift is the worst she does, how bad is it seriously. I don't understand the debate about her being a mother already or not. It's not about that, it's about making your partner happy or not with a small, kind gesture.
Load More Replies... Sue Ellen Bowen 10 months ago
I guess OP would be surprised that my dogs got me a mother's day gift. He really didn't need to turn it into such a big deal. I'm sure he could have found a bunch of mom-to-be type gifts.
Becky Samuel 10 months ago
Pedantic people who care more about being "technically correct" than the peoplebeing affected by their petty behaviour tend to end up bitter and lonely in my experience.
Load More Replies... Robyn Hill 10 months ago
I can't even. This guy is a misogynistic incel. When he figures out how to grow a human inside himself and expel it through a straw, he can have an opinion about when motherhood starts. Until then, he needs to really figure out one simple concept: happy wife, happy life.
Justme 10 months ago
So .. if raising a child makes you a mother (not just carrying a child) .. am I “not a mother” because my newborn died in the NICU when he was a week old? I mean.. by that logic, I didn’t get to raise him so .. 🤷🏼♀️
lenka 10 months ago
Wow. I became a mother as soon as I found out I was pregnant. My first thought every morning and my last thought every night was of my baby. I took my vitamins, was careful about my diet, avoided certain foods, made sure I was extra healthy, and did light exercise every day. I took less risks and did everything with more care and caution. All these steps I took because as as far as I was concerned, it's a mum's job to protect her baby. Born or not. When you miscarry, you grieve that life, the lost firsts... first walk, first word, first day of school...... You grieve the babe you never held in your arms and your body grieves with you. You bleed, you may lactate. It takes months for your body to stabalise and even longer for your heart.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 10 months ago
So if she miscarried, you'd tell her to just suck it up because she 'wasn't a mother yet anyway'? JFC
roddy 10 months ago
Never mind technicalities, do what works for you. And what works is usually being generous. Some people won't expect a gift at this stage (or ever, many men don't give their wives mother's day gifts, also "on principle") but a gift is always nice and it oils the wheels of a relationship, even if it's just a bouquet of wildflowers that costs nothing.
Agat 10 months ago
I'm shocked by the idea that the husband is expected to be getting a mother's day gift for the wife. In my culture, mother's and father's days are celebrated only by their offspring - because only for them these people are *parents*. So you would never hear about a mother-to-be demanding a gift from her husband 🤣 Because of this, this whole post sounds completely ridiculous to me.
Bi.Felicia 10 months ago
I don't think that OP is an AH because he didn't want to buy his pregnant wife a Mother's day gift, before said child is born. Now I think both OP and his wife could have addressed it better. First off the wife expected to get a gift and not just flowers/candy, but a very expensive hair dryer, depending on finances that might not be in the budget right then. What if for whatever reason, baby doesn't make it home? They will be reminded of their tragic loss every time they see said gift. I know that it's common, up until the kid is of a certain age, for the other parent to help them with a gift, which doesn't always require spending more money. Imho, they should both wait until next year before celebrating.
Tabitha 10 months ago
Not really, when he mentioned buying a cheap knockoff from Temu instead of the real thing. So he’s not only an a*****e, he’s a cheapskate too. Real piece of work, ain’t he?
Load More Replies... kkrq2vk4tm 10 months ago
It's Mother's Day, a time when children buy a small gift to show they appreciate the things that are done for them by their mothers, she is not a mother, she is just pregnant you don't get brownie points for that. The joy of Mother's Day is that you get something made for you by your kids when they are small and maybe flowers when they are grown don't buy into the commercialisation demanding a gift just because you are pregnant is very needy
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
You sure as fùck get brownie points for being pregnant.
Load More Replies... Tamara Kroonen 6 months ago
You are a mother as soon as you are fertilized. Your body feeds the fetus, you are protecting the fetus with your body, you are housing the fetus with your womb. You are a mother. No discussion about it. But how mothers day is spent depends on the traditions of the country.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 9 months ago
considering that if someone is unexpectedly pregnant, people wonder who the father is, then yes.
MelFunction 9 months ago
If my SO was hoping for a present, I would make every effort to buy it for him. I like making him happy. This guy is just weird.
Kate Johnson 10 months ago
I'm always amazed at the low intelligence, low class trash some women debase themselves to procreate with.
Laura A Ivett 10 months ago
Buckle up dude, she's demanding a Mother's Day present and she's not quite a mother yet just wait till that kid is born then she's going to want to push present and it's all over after that
StrangeOne 10 months ago
Sounds like they need to work better on their communication and tact. He states his problem is that she ordered him to give her a gift. Okay. "Honey, I love you and appreciate everything you're going through to have our baby. I would equally appreciate it if you don't tell me to give you a gift when I haven't been prepared to do so. Can we try this again with a different approach? Perhaps I can draw you a bath and give you a back and foot massage." And then she could say something like "I apologize. I wasn't meaning to come across demanding. This pregnancy has been hard. I've been feeling our baby moving and bonding with it. I can't wait to meet our baby. But I feel like my mental and emotional needs are put on the back burner. Yes, I would love some quiet, intimate time with you. It may be our last chance for a while."
Squirrelly Panda 10 months ago
It's fine that OP felt she wasn't yet a mother, so no mother's day gift. But he should have seen that this request probably came in part from her being over the pregnancy, partly from feeling fat, unattractive, and unlovable, and part from fear of the future. So he should have said that he would do a special "you are absolutely amazing and beautiful and I'm in awe" gift/celebration. Or, if he were my hubby, he would do a "not the momma" gift, complete with baby dinosaur, frying pan, etc.
Anna Drever 10 months ago
If folks think life begins at conception then get her a freaking present. If you think life begins at birth or even maybe the third trimester still get her the freaking present. She’s going through a lot. Being pregnant is a LOT.
Daniel Matz 10 months ago
I agree with the original poster in principle, but on the other hand, "Happy wife, happy life!"
Damned_Cat 10 months ago
For people who say that spouses should not be buying gifts for the mothers or fathers of their children: What is so inappropriate about showing appreciation for everything they do for the kids and family? Imagine if you have to do it all alone like some people do, and then decide whether a little extra recognition is deserved.
sweet emotion 10 months ago
"Mother's Day" is supposed to be about celebrating your own relationship with your own mother, not every woman you know who has a kid. Tell your wife that when her child is old enough to start making crayon scribbles in play group, that is when she will start getting gifts for Mother's Day. And for heaven's sake, don't fall for the influencer created bulloney of push presents and babymoons and all that rot.
BoredPangolin 10 months ago
That's not the view everywhere. I grew up in France where it's exclusively about the mother and child. The child does the gift. Now I live in Canada and I was surprised to learn that it's about celebrating ALL mothers. Your friends start wishing you a happy mother's day! If you find it odd, wait till I tell you that Valentine days is about friendship and that kids make valentine cards for ALL their classmates in school!
Load More Replies... Tonyah Mcanelly 10 months ago
It doesn't have to be a huge and extravagent.. but a small simple gesture might be nice. I didn't get gifts while I was pregngant. It didnt bother me too much but . However, Our hormones are going crazy and we tend to get triggered and we tend to cry if we accidentally step on a bug and k**l it . It might not mean much to you but a small gesture can mean the world to an overly emotional and hormonal preganant woman.
BoredPangolin 10 months ago
Seriously, it's not about about when you technically become a parent. It's your partner expressing a wish, and how you deal with it. I mean, some people would say it's quite helpful your partner is open about what would make her happy. Enjoy it! Maybe she makes extravagant demands all the time, and in that case maybe it would be different, but let's put it that way: I had two difficult childbirth and almost died for the second. If your partner dies during childbirth, how would you feel about refusing this mother's day gift? Also, what's about sharing the excitement about becoming parents? A bunch of flowers isn't too hard, is it? Or a little cute outfit for the baby... I don't know, I keep finding it hard to understand people who won't jump on an EASY way to make their loved one happier. Why is it you're together then?
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
Good points! Everyone here is talking about how bad she'd feel if she lost the baby (honestly a gift or not isn't going to affect that heartache), but how would this jerk feel if he lost his wife and didn't get her a hair dryer. Would he actually feel anything?
Load More Replies... ghost gurl 10 months ago
Okay so you cant terminate a pregnancy because it's your unborn child but because it's your unborn child youre not a mother??? You cant have it both ways. A pregnant woman IS a mother.
Betsy S 10 months ago
Well, if you ditch the whole idea that Mother's and Father's days require GIFTS, that would be a start. Those days require acknowledgment. A card is great. Some flowers are lovely but not necessary. Doing a task to lighten her load is the BEST gift. It's only Hallmark and the like who insists that parent's days resemble Christmas and birthdays. An acknowledgment of all the hard work that goes into being a good parent is the point of parent's days. Not money-grubbing for gifts.
Snow_White 10 months ago
So the guy still didn't accept or understood anything and just got her a gift to shut her up.
michael Chock 10 months ago
If you only care out of obligation, your relationship is doomed. Ask her if she wants mothers day brunch, then cook something. Even if it's boxed coffee cake and some eggs. Being a mother is hard, even before the baby is born.
michael Chock 10 months ago
Benedict is easier than you think, you can use 6 minute eggs if your not brave enough to poach.
Load More Replies... Bookworm 10 months ago (edited)
Guys it gets worse. In comments he says they got together when she was 16 and he was 18. Not that they were dating and then he turned 18. He was a legal adult when he met and started dating her. Blech. He also claims to be "suffering" because she snores "like she's sawing logs". Oh and he has to tie her shoelaces for her. This is the type of a$$hole to call watching his own kid "babysitting". This was 3 years ago and I can only hope she's come to her senses and left him.
Deborah B 10 months ago
She's sacrificing a lot for that baby right now, and she's not only hormonal, she's probrably feeling the unfairness of the situation - right now you are "free-riding" your way to parenthood. You got an orgasm, she got 9 months of discomfort and inconvenience, permanent changes to her body, and significant health risks. This is not the time to argue semantics about when she becomes a mother. It's not about whether you're an a*****e, or whether or not she "deserves" a gift, it's about whether you really want to make her feel unloved and unappreciated when she's hormonal and 8 months pregnant with your baby. Arguing that semantics are a point of principle is an act of stupidity. Just get her a present - if you genuinely can't afford the hairdryer, give her something else, don't make this the hill your relationship dies on.
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
❤️ yes. This article is REALLY pissing me off and yes, I'm hormonal. I asked my partner today if he's going to get me a mother's day present next year once I have our baby, and he said of course (probably could see my crazy eyes). I confirmed that even though I'm not HIS mother he'd do something for me, and again he said they would.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 10 months ago
I'm glad that ended well. He finally took his lumps and compromised on something less expensive. It is a silly hill for him to die on - for eff's sakes, it's not a slippery slope where every female relative and in-law with a pet fish will insist "You got her a hair dryer, but you won't get me a set of curling irons???"
Shaggy 10 months ago
(55M) I did the same thing. Kiddo was born on the 14th, so no I did not get her one. We did go out to a Mexican joint, then went to a burger joint and ended up at a Chinese place. It was to the point that when we sat down, if the smells were uncomfortable for her, well, we left.. LOL, so we did end up getting what she wanted so I count that as a win...
Janelle Collard 10 months ago (edited)
If AH wants to die on that hill, hope he doesn't mind paying *child support* cuz wifey may divorce him + take his a** to the cleaners. However, it sounds like he *did* pull his head out of his a** + will get his wife an "almost a mother" mother's day gift. Apparently, he never learned to NOT aggravate a pregnant woman. Hope he gets it now.
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