Husband’s Definition Of A Mom Is Someone Who Gave Birth, Refuses To Get Wife A Mother’s Day Gift

Expectations can shift quickly during pregnancy, not just about parenting, but also about partnership, appreciation, and all the little ways people support each other.

Reddit user UTVols1557 found himself in hot water after telling his pregnant wife she didn’t “qualify” for a Mother’s Day gift because their baby hadn’t been born yet.

After an argument that led nowhere, he asked the internet what they thought about his firm stance and the reasoning behind it, and oh boy, did it provoke a wide array of opinions.

For many couples, milestones like Mother’s Day take on new meaning when a baby is on the way

Pregnant woman in green shirt sitting on bed, highlighting issue of recognition as mom and Mother's Day gift refusal.

Image credits: Courtney Walker / flickr (not the actual photo)

But not everyone agrees on when those celebrations should begin

Text post about a man refusing to get his pregnant wife a Mother’s Day gift, not considering her a mom yet.

Husband refusing to get a Mother's Day gift for his pregnant wife, not considering her a mom yet.

Text discussing a man who doesn’t consider his pregnant wife a mom yet and refuses to get her a Mother’s Day gift.

Image credits: UTVols1557

Man handing a gift to his surprised pregnant wife who he does not yet consider a mom for Mother’s Day.

Image credits: Getty Images / pexels (not the actual photo)

Parents need each other — otherwise, they’re lonely

When a couple starts expecting their first child, they get to know each other in a way they never have before, and depending on what happens next, their bond can become even stronger or deteriorate.

The man behind the post may not have had any bad intentions. “Because pregnancy, labor and birth are such intense physical processes I think it can feel a bit abstract for partners, and it can be harder to feel as engaged,” says Meema Spadola, PCD, CLC, a certified postpartum doula and lactation counselor in New York City.

“If couples haven’t been thinking and talking about how they want to navigate this period, it can be easy to default to roles that can leave partners feeling a bit less connected.”

That being said, he really needs to listen and create a space for his wife to open up and be able to share her needs in a vulnerable way. Otherwise, they might drift apart.

A 2024 national survey conducted by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that a broad majority of American parents experience isolation, loneliness, and burnout.

Image credits: Riccardo Battist / flickr (not the actual photo)

The survey demonstrated that:

• About two-thirds (66%) feel the demands of parenthood sometimes or frequently felt isolating and lonely;
• About 62% feel burned out by their responsibilities as a parent;
• Nearly 2 in 5 (38%) feel they have no one to support them in their parenting role;
• Nearly 4 in 5 (79%) would value a way to connect with other parents outside of work and home.

Parents need each other to survive and thrive.

As people shared their take on the conflict, the man initially tried to defend his stance

Screenshot of a discussion where a man refuses to consider his pregnant wife a mom and denies a Mother’s Day gift.

Reddit comment discussing a man refusing to acknowledge his pregnant wife as a mom or get a Mother’s Day gift.

Online forum discussion about a man refusing to acknowledge his pregnant wife as a mom or buy a Mother’s Day gift.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a man not considering his pregnant wife a mom or getting a Mother's Day gift.

Alt text: Reddit comment criticizing man for not considering his pregnant wife a mom or getting her a Mother's Day gift.

Comment emphasizing the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy and urging a man to recognize his pregnant wife as a mom with a Mother’s Day gift.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man who doesn’t consider his pregnant wife a mom and refuses a Mother’s Day gift.

Comment expressing frustration at a husband who doesn't consider his pregnant wife a mom and refuses a Mother’s Day gift.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man refusing to acknowledge his pregnant wife as a mom on Mother's Day.

Comment criticizing man who doesn’t consider pregnant wife a mom and refuses to get her a Mother’s Day gift.

Comment discussing a man refusing a Mother's Day gift, not considering his pregnant wife a mom yet.

Comment on a forum post expressing an opinion about proving a point, with some words censored for offense.

Screenshot of an online comment arguing that a pregnant wife is already a mother and should be recognized as such.

Man refuses to consider pregnant wife a mom and denies her a Mother’s Day gift despite expecting a baby.

Screenshot of online comment criticizing a man who doesn’t consider his pregnant wife a mom or give a Mother’s Day gift.

Comment discussing a man not considering his pregnant wife a mom and refusing to get a Mother’s Day gift.

Some people thought he did nothing wrong

Text excerpt discussing a man refusing to consider his pregnant wife a mom or give her a Mother’s Day gift.

Commenter disagrees with pregnant wife demanding a Mother’s Day gift from husband who doesn’t see her as a mom yet.

Comment about husband refusing a Mother’s Day gift for his pregnant wife who isn’t considered a mom yet.

Comment discussing a man who doesn’t consider his pregnant wife a mom and refuses to get her a Mother’s Day gift.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a man who doesn’t consider his pregnant wife a mom yet and won’t get a Mother’s Day gift.

Screenshot of a forum comment debating whether a pregnant wife should be considered a mom or get a Mother’s Day gift.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man who doesn’t consider his pregnant wife a mom yet.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment from a pregnant woman discussing her husband's refusal to celebrate Mother's Day.

Comment discussing a man who doesn’t consider his pregnant wife a mom yet or get her a Mother's Day gift.

Screenshot of a forum comment about a man refusing to get a Mother’s Day gift for his pregnant wife.

But in the end, the husband changed his mind

Text post explaining a man refusing to consider his pregnant wife a mom and not getting her a Mother’s Day gift.

Text discussing a man refusing to consider his pregnant wife a mom and debating a Mother’s Day gift purchase.

Text post showing a man refusing to consider his pregnant wife a mom and debating Mother's Day gifts.

Image credits: UTVols1557

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