No one wants to think about their fairy tale going sour when they are in a committed relationship. People might be reluctant to think about such a scenario even on “what if” terms, which often means that they might not want to discuss a prenup, either.
This redditor didn’t oppose discussing a prenuptial agreement when his girlfriend got pregnant and they started talking about the prospect of marriage. However, the discussions weren’t as smooth sailing as the OP likely hoped they would be.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on signing a prenup.
The prospect of signing a prenuptial agreement before marriage tends to evoke varying reactions
Image credits: Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo)
This couple didn’t see eye to eye in regards to the prenup, which led to some very hard decisions
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Leah Newhouse / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prethrowaway9
Money-related matters are a common cause for arguments among partners
Signing a prenup seems to be a somewhat controversial matter; while some see it as a rational step to take, others deem it a sign of distrust or lack of commitment in a relationship. The mixed feelings said document entails are often accompanied by certain fears, too.
“A lot of the fears and struggles involve getting over the idea that their marriage or relationship might end someday. So that can be a bit of a barrier and something that most people don’t want to think about,” Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“In general, even talking about mundane money issues is something people avoid. One issue is that how people spend and save money can be seen as an indictment on them as a person or what they think about a relationship. If your partner spends a lot of money, are they seen as irresponsible? If they save too much, are they seen as stuck-up and too conservative or controlled?
“There’s even some work on couples merging finances and bank accounts, which is often seen as an indicator that a relationship is going well. So, talking about money can be aversive, even among couples who are doing well,” he added.
The expert in psychology continued to point out that there seems to be additional stress coming from acknowledging that a relationship might not last forever, and signing a prenup in a way means actively planning for that in the present.
“Of course, having discussions about who is owed what in a future hypothetical scenario might bring into mind issues about trust—or lack thereof—or whether people view the relationship as more transactional or freely giving,” Chopik pointed out.
Nowadays, more engaged individuals—millennials in particular—seek to protect their assets before getting married by signing prenups. A 2023 survey conducted for Axios found that roughly half of US adults said that they at least somewhat supported the use of prenups (marking an increase from 42% the year before); however, only roughly one-in-five married couples had a prenuptial agreement.
Some important questions ought to be discussed before tying the knot, despite it being difficult or uncomfortable to do
Chopik pointed out that money is one of the most common and consequential things that people fight about. “Couples tend to fight about how money is spent—specifically who has control and if it’s perceived as ‘fair’ for each person,” he said.
“Naturally, conflicts can arise if there’s a disagreement over what is considered fair and discussions about money can create a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s one of the reasons why people avoid talking about money at all.”
But discussing certain difficult matters before tying the knot is crucial, despite it often being difficult to do. “The hope is that the relationship is built on a foundation where communicating about sensitive topics can be done in a healthy and open way that’s built on trust and understanding,” Chopik said.
According to the expert, in general, money—how to spend it, how to save it, how to share it, and eventually how to split it—does speak a bit to who we are, who our partners are, and a little about our relationship, too.
He believes that settling issues of compatibility early on, before people are formally married, is important and couples shouldn’t encounter these problems for the first time when they sit down to discuss a prenup. “The hope is that couples can talk about their financial future together in a non-threatening way that seems fair to all parties,” he told Bored Panda.
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, their views on the matter differed
After a little bit of time and consideration, the author came back with an update to the situation
Image credits: Trung Nguyen / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prethrowaway9
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It's a long post, but keeps coming back to he's not excited about being married to this woman, so don't do it. Getting married for the sake of a baby does not a happy family make. Quite suspicious about urgency not to have a baby out of wedlock? Most couples these days get engaged if marriage is important and have the wedding after the baby is a little older. The way she's fighting all his decisions, it does sound like she's trying to rush him. If it's for money or for whatever, just so one big life change at a time and focus on the baby.
I agree. Baby comes first, and I'm glad that OP and his GF decided on that putting the pre-nup and wedding aside for the time being. I think emotions are on overdrive due to said baby (on both sides). When thing settle down, I hope that they will come to an agreement.
Load More Replies...For both of their sakes I'm glad the wedding has been halted.
I dont necessarily think hes an a*****e, but he seems very fixated on the idea that hes the one taking a big risk. My dude, marriage is a risk. Birthing and mothering a baby is a risk. Being a SAHM is a risk. Its an equally risky plan here.
Equally risky, but also, if you aren't up for that risk, dont take the plunge as the elders say. Edit for spelling
Load More Replies...Entering a serious relationship while preparing to leave it. I truly wonder sometimes....
That's like saying don't get car insurance because it's just buying a car while preparing to wreck it. Prenups are designed to save time, money and heartache by hashing out what happens in a split while each partner still wants good things for the other. They can avoid very expensive divorce suits with the accompanying attorney fees, etc. Real life is not a fairy tale. Sometimes "happily ever after" doesn't last forever, and responsible adults try to mitigate potential negative outcomes even when they seem unlikely. I have fire insurance even though statistically there's a 0.2% chance my house will ever catch fire. Prenups are the same: we don't think we'll divorce, but just in case we've planned the strategy in advance.
Load More Replies...We're talking about California divorce laws. California will absolutely take this man to the cleaners in a divorce. Emergency spousal support will be 40% of his net income less 50% of her net income. If he's netting 200K a year and she's not earning anything that's 80K a year. The length of support is 1/2 the length of the marriage until they hit 10 years and then it's until she doesn't need support any more, i.e. remarriage or death. That doesn't even get into division of assets. Child support is going to be around $2000 month @20% custody at the 200K salary. If she decides to walk away, because most divorces are filed by women, he is going to be out slightly more than half of his net income. California divorce laws encourage earning persons to stay in terrible relationships and give non or less- earning persons a reason to leave.
All divorce settlements really depend on the two individuals involved. Reasonable people can have relatively amicable divorces. Sometimes it’s best to mediate the divorce rather than settle it in court. In mediation, both parties actually have their say, and can clear the air much better, and often way more amicably, than if their lawyers do all the talking in court. So saying all divorces in a particular state always “take [the] man to the cleaners” is very reductionist, and patently false in most cases. Remember, there are two sides to every divorce, and two people who share fault, as it is exceedingly rare for one spouse to be 100% innocent and the other 100% guilty. Even if the split isn’t 50-50, both share fault. So don’t just listen to your buddy’s side of the divorce, take his ex-wife’s side into consideration as well. Somewhere in the middle is the truth.
Load More Replies...Man, how sad. Yall should just break up now, save some time because all you care about is yourself
I may be naive but for me a prenup (in case it's not already default law in that country) is to ensure that whatever is being brought into the marriage remains the property of the person bringing it in. Like if my parents die and I inherit a house, that house stays mine in case of a divorce. And everything me and my SO work for will be split up in case of seperation.
That’s the intention. However, if the spouse does anything to increase the value of that property, I believe they’re entitled to a fair portion of that increase, but not the entire property. In other words, if the pre-nut covered a house just purchased for let’s say $50,000 in run-down condition, and the new spouse works to fix it up with their own money, and vastly increases its value to $300,000, then they’re entitled to that $250,000 increase in value, as it would be proportionate to their contribution to that increase. If their spouse bought it and didn’t lift a finger or contribute a penny to improve it, then none of that increase should belong to the spouse who bought it, though they may be able to keep the property after reimbursing the ex who did all the work.
Load More Replies...NTA, but I wouldn't say the woman is AH either. If he's been repeatedly exposed to bad marriages, then it's not unreasonable for him to want take steps to protect himself in case things go south. He didn't say he wouldn't be part of raising the kid or ditching his wife, he just seems to want things clearly set in stone from the outset, rather than leave it up to an outside party. That's a practical approach. The gf isn't the AH either, wanting security for their kid in the event of a breakup. What that takes the form of can differ if you're married or not. Regardless, if one party is having doubts about marriage and they're happy now as a couple, then I'd say it's a wise move putting marriage and prenup on hold. It's a recipe for disaster getting married with that bubbling under the surface. They'll have a better idea of what kind of parenting couple they are when the kid's been there for 2 or 3 years, and they can take time to understand the other's viewpoint.
He's willing to protect himself with a prenup, but all he's giving her is his word that he'll help her. She has no actual guarantee. Id be pissed off jf i were her too
Load More Replies...Hopefully she'll find someone who is more enthusiastic about marrying her. It sounds like he thinks divorce is likely to happen to most people... not a great start for a marriage.
Statistically, atleast HALF of all marriages end in divorce, so it's a fact that it happens more than people want to believe. And he says in his post that both his brothers and his parents divorced, so that's also probably a huge influence on his stance.
Load More Replies...Legal marriage is a lot of admin. How you split finances and assets is most of that process. This prenup seems like it has done it's job and forced conversations, revealed priorities and probably shown they aren't compatible. Do people really not discuss these things? Seems really unhealthy. Why let these problems fester? Better to iron out boundaries/plans before signing on, right?
It's a long post, but keeps coming back to he's not excited about being married to this woman, so don't do it. Getting married for the sake of a baby does not a happy family make. Quite suspicious about urgency not to have a baby out of wedlock? Most couples these days get engaged if marriage is important and have the wedding after the baby is a little older. The way she's fighting all his decisions, it does sound like she's trying to rush him. If it's for money or for whatever, just so one big life change at a time and focus on the baby.
I agree. Baby comes first, and I'm glad that OP and his GF decided on that putting the pre-nup and wedding aside for the time being. I think emotions are on overdrive due to said baby (on both sides). When thing settle down, I hope that they will come to an agreement.
Load More Replies...For both of their sakes I'm glad the wedding has been halted.
I dont necessarily think hes an a*****e, but he seems very fixated on the idea that hes the one taking a big risk. My dude, marriage is a risk. Birthing and mothering a baby is a risk. Being a SAHM is a risk. Its an equally risky plan here.
Equally risky, but also, if you aren't up for that risk, dont take the plunge as the elders say. Edit for spelling
Load More Replies...Entering a serious relationship while preparing to leave it. I truly wonder sometimes....
That's like saying don't get car insurance because it's just buying a car while preparing to wreck it. Prenups are designed to save time, money and heartache by hashing out what happens in a split while each partner still wants good things for the other. They can avoid very expensive divorce suits with the accompanying attorney fees, etc. Real life is not a fairy tale. Sometimes "happily ever after" doesn't last forever, and responsible adults try to mitigate potential negative outcomes even when they seem unlikely. I have fire insurance even though statistically there's a 0.2% chance my house will ever catch fire. Prenups are the same: we don't think we'll divorce, but just in case we've planned the strategy in advance.
Load More Replies...We're talking about California divorce laws. California will absolutely take this man to the cleaners in a divorce. Emergency spousal support will be 40% of his net income less 50% of her net income. If he's netting 200K a year and she's not earning anything that's 80K a year. The length of support is 1/2 the length of the marriage until they hit 10 years and then it's until she doesn't need support any more, i.e. remarriage or death. That doesn't even get into division of assets. Child support is going to be around $2000 month @20% custody at the 200K salary. If she decides to walk away, because most divorces are filed by women, he is going to be out slightly more than half of his net income. California divorce laws encourage earning persons to stay in terrible relationships and give non or less- earning persons a reason to leave.
All divorce settlements really depend on the two individuals involved. Reasonable people can have relatively amicable divorces. Sometimes it’s best to mediate the divorce rather than settle it in court. In mediation, both parties actually have their say, and can clear the air much better, and often way more amicably, than if their lawyers do all the talking in court. So saying all divorces in a particular state always “take [the] man to the cleaners” is very reductionist, and patently false in most cases. Remember, there are two sides to every divorce, and two people who share fault, as it is exceedingly rare for one spouse to be 100% innocent and the other 100% guilty. Even if the split isn’t 50-50, both share fault. So don’t just listen to your buddy’s side of the divorce, take his ex-wife’s side into consideration as well. Somewhere in the middle is the truth.
Load More Replies...Man, how sad. Yall should just break up now, save some time because all you care about is yourself
I may be naive but for me a prenup (in case it's not already default law in that country) is to ensure that whatever is being brought into the marriage remains the property of the person bringing it in. Like if my parents die and I inherit a house, that house stays mine in case of a divorce. And everything me and my SO work for will be split up in case of seperation.
That’s the intention. However, if the spouse does anything to increase the value of that property, I believe they’re entitled to a fair portion of that increase, but not the entire property. In other words, if the pre-nut covered a house just purchased for let’s say $50,000 in run-down condition, and the new spouse works to fix it up with their own money, and vastly increases its value to $300,000, then they’re entitled to that $250,000 increase in value, as it would be proportionate to their contribution to that increase. If their spouse bought it and didn’t lift a finger or contribute a penny to improve it, then none of that increase should belong to the spouse who bought it, though they may be able to keep the property after reimbursing the ex who did all the work.
Load More Replies...NTA, but I wouldn't say the woman is AH either. If he's been repeatedly exposed to bad marriages, then it's not unreasonable for him to want take steps to protect himself in case things go south. He didn't say he wouldn't be part of raising the kid or ditching his wife, he just seems to want things clearly set in stone from the outset, rather than leave it up to an outside party. That's a practical approach. The gf isn't the AH either, wanting security for their kid in the event of a breakup. What that takes the form of can differ if you're married or not. Regardless, if one party is having doubts about marriage and they're happy now as a couple, then I'd say it's a wise move putting marriage and prenup on hold. It's a recipe for disaster getting married with that bubbling under the surface. They'll have a better idea of what kind of parenting couple they are when the kid's been there for 2 or 3 years, and they can take time to understand the other's viewpoint.
He's willing to protect himself with a prenup, but all he's giving her is his word that he'll help her. She has no actual guarantee. Id be pissed off jf i were her too
Load More Replies...Hopefully she'll find someone who is more enthusiastic about marrying her. It sounds like he thinks divorce is likely to happen to most people... not a great start for a marriage.
Statistically, atleast HALF of all marriages end in divorce, so it's a fact that it happens more than people want to believe. And he says in his post that both his brothers and his parents divorced, so that's also probably a huge influence on his stance.
Load More Replies...Legal marriage is a lot of admin. How you split finances and assets is most of that process. This prenup seems like it has done it's job and forced conversations, revealed priorities and probably shown they aren't compatible. Do people really not discuss these things? Seems really unhealthy. Why let these problems fester? Better to iron out boundaries/plans before signing on, right?
















































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