Husband Decides He’s “Not A Maid” And Refuses To Help Postpartum Wife

Every married couple knows the drastic changes their lives undergo once a child enters the picture. Suddenly, they must juggle childcare with household responsibilities, work, rest, and keeping the spark alive in their relationship. 

Some people may crumble under the pressure, and this man seems to have. He offered to take on some chores but hadn’t done any. Fed up with the mounting mess, his wife nudged him, reminding him of the obligations he’d volunteered for. 

His response, however, was so out of line that it made his spouse turn to the internet for some answers. 

It can be challenging for married couples to juggle household chores with childcare responsibilities

cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

This man appeared to have crumbled under all that pressure, pushing him to offer a scathing response to his wife’s simple request

Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)

Desperate for a solution, the woman turned to the internet for some enlightenment 

spacebat909

The disparity of household labor division between men and women is striking and has a societal impact

The author’s situation is just one of the many examples of how women are more burdened by household labor than men. 

A 2024 survey by the University of Southern California (USC Dornsife) found that mothers reported to shoulder 73% of cognitive household labor and 67% of household labor. This contrasts sharply with their male counterparts, who take care of only 27% and 36%, respectively. 

The USC Dornsife researchers also found that this unequal distribution of labor has unfortunately been a driving force of global gender inequity, which ultimately affects women’s health and well-being. 

More studies have revealed that women tend to have a more negative experience with childcare and housework, which often leads to higher rates of depression. 

Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

It is important for couples to discuss the burden of each task and which ones they are willing to take on

The husband’s response may have likely been due to the stress he’d been feeling. But ultimately, they are hurtful and potentially damaging words. 

It’s also possible the couple hasn’t properly sat down to talk about how to divide their obligations, which licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Shy Porter says should be a top priority. Speaking with KPBS, Dr. Porter advises getting granular with these discussions.  

“Do we both go to the pediatric appointments? What happens if the baby is sick at day care, who leaves work?”

But Dr. Porter’s other important piece of advice is not to try to split chores 50-50. According to her, some situations may inevitably create imbalances, such as when the mother is on breastfeeding duties. She says it then falls to her partner to see how they can offset that burden, like offering to take on diaper duties. 

It may help the couple talk about their household duties when they are no longer overwhelmed. The last thing they want is resentment to build from remarks they may not even mean.

One reader brought up one of the author’s previous posts

But most of them were critical toward the husband

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