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As a student, you can show up to class with your homework done, notes organized, and your head straight, and still see something totally unexpected. Oftentimes, it's thanks to the person in front of the blackboard.
American art historian and lawyer Erin L. Thompson asked people online to share their teachers' most memorable phrases, and I think even she wasn't ready for the number of replies that poured in. These clever puns, savage roasts, and poetic observations are the reason you shouldn't skip school!
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#1
“An apology has three parts. “I’m sorry”, “It was my fault”, and “How can I fix it?” Anything less and they are full of bologna.”.
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#2
For me was: “Class, try your best to learn because your government wants you to be stupid”. It still keeps me awake at night sometimes, 20 years later….
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 months ago (edited)
I'm amazed that Americans are so afraid of their own government
#3
"You have to know where the box is in order to think outside of it". There was more to it but that was the essence.
#4
I have some errands to run while you do your quiz. If, for some reason, you feel the need to cheat on a 12th-grade drama class quiz, you probably have a personal problem I can't help you with.
#5
While in a computer graphics class the professor was explaining the math behind something and it was going over our heads a bit so we started zoning out. He noticed we lost our focus so he said “Come on guys it’s not rocket science.” And then he paused and thought for a second before continuing “Actually this is used in rocket science so pay attention!”.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
One of my students married a NASA engineer. I told him "You didn't actually need to be a rocket scientist to know how cool she is, but I'm sure it didn't hurt."
#6
A teacher once told me, “Nobody’s going to pay you to stare out a window.”
Well… I became an Air Traffic Controller and got paid very well to do just that.
#7
My math teacher once told me "Dont try to understand math, just use the formula and calculate." My math grades actually improved after this wisdom 😂.
#8
It wasn’t me, and I don’t even remember the question, but my HS Earth Science teacher asked a question to the kid in the back who clearly wasn’t paying attention and he responded: “uhh, 7”
And my teacher was like: “Hmmm a NUMERICAL response . Interesting— but the answer is Sedimentary”
Still cracks me up randomly.
#9
Biology teacher: 'Hey (classmate) put your phone away before I take it.'
Classmate: 'I don't have my phone miss'
Teacher: I observed chimpansees for 3 months in order to graduate, I know when you are using your phone'.
#10
My government teacher said, 'If you make the rules, then you will always win.' Oof.
#11
My friend's teacher once told her "The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.".
#12
I was failing calculus my senior year. My teacher came up to me and said "Fergee, I honestly don't think it's mathematically possible for you to pass this class."
I said "Are you sure?"
He sighed and said "Yes Fergee, I'm sure. I'm a calculus teacher.".
#13
I said “I could be wrong, but isn’t it xyz?” to a question the teacher asked and nobody knew the answer to. He was a hardass and would not move on until someone answered, so I threw a guess out.
He said “Well, you’re right. You *are* wrong.”.
#14
“That was a rather astute answer considering you didn’t read the book”.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
My first English class in college was an Honors literature class where the final was 100% of your grade. The final was on "Moby D**k" and six short stories. I hadn't read "Moby D**k". I balanced this out by not reading the six short stories either. But I remembered the professor's opinions about every one of them. Easy A+.
#16
Me and thirteen other of the "best and brightest" in my suburban high school were in "AP Calculus A", the most advanced math that you could study in that school. Our teacher, Mr Yingst, was going over some parts of projective geometry and, as we struggled, he remarked - "A 14 year old French kid living in the 17th century came up with this and you are having trouble figuring it out. You aren't that smart." It was exactly what kids in our position needed to hear.
#17
High school physics teacher like to scream: "This isn't Burger King math, you can't have it your way!!!".
#18
Me: "Sorry for being late."
Teacher: "No worries, sorry for starting on time."
#19
My sixth-grade teacher told me I have the attention span of a French fry.
#20
Our P.E. teacher said to a girl “Brooke, you’re supposed to put makeup on, not dip your face in it.” At the time was hilarious, but in retrospect I feel bad for Brooke getting called out like that.
Zig Zag Wanderer 2 months ago
Yes, teachers can be extremely cruel, especially given their position of responsibility.
#21
High school language arts teacher giving us a lecture on grammar: “there is a big difference between a man who is hung and a man who is hanged”.
#22
A journalism professor: You are obviously from a blue-collar background as you don’t know what words mean. Subscribe to the New York Times, circle words you don’t know and look them up.
I did. Worked as a journalist for 25 years.
#23
My 3rd grade teacher told me that my clay vase was terrible, so now I'm a professional artist. Never underestimate the power of spite.
UKGrandad 2 months ago (edited)
I have a collection of terrible pottery, most of it school projects, that I've picked up over the years for pennies from charity shops, car boot sales and suchlike. It's obviously schoolwork because each piece has the kid's name and a date, along with the class (eg. J. Smith 10-10-80 Class 5W) scratched underneath. A lot of it is wrong in every possible way that a piece of pottery can be wrong but for me the glaring imperfections make them perfect. I have been toying with the idea of curating them into an exhibition based on the idea of the beauty of imperfection.
#24
My Calculus professor was writing on the board when a student sneezed.
Without missing a beat, he said,
“Are you allergic to my class?”
I couldn’t stop laughing.
Sam Trudeau 2 months ago
I recall my Confirmation (like baptism but for slightly older kids) where the bishop couldn't make it (forget why). Someone's phone rang, and without missing a beat, the priest asked "Is that the bishop?"
#25
"You'll never make your true fortune working for someone else" -economics professor.
#26
My AP English teacher told me "you grow flowers on your bulls**t" after reading one of my essays. I think it was the first time a teacher used the "s-word" in front of me.
It's still one of my favorite compliments.
#27
'Write what you're thinking. Don't think about what to write.' —English teacher from 20 years ago.
#28
"Does anyone know the answer? Anyone? Anyone, but Important Tomato? Anyone? No?... Sigh. Ok. Important Tomato?.... Ya, that's right."
I was *that* student.
Howl's sleeping castle 2 months ago
I didn't notice that important tomato is the username and was confused about which tomato is deemed important
#29
“Clear as mud, but it covers the ground”. I say that in my head whenever someone explains something that I don’t quite get, but I have a general idea of.
#30
First grade spelling bee. The word was star and I said, “S T A R” and my teacher kept looking at me like she was waiting for me to finish. So I looked at her and said “E?”. She then said “that’s incorrect. It’s S T A R.” And I
Don’t think I will ever forget that.
Next would have to be my senior year English teacher when she found out who I was bringing to prom. “[my name], that is so stupid and you are smarter than that”. To give her credit she was definitely correct. Last time I saw her was at the grocery store and we laughed till we cried. Two weeks later she was in the hospital due to complications from Covid and passed shortly after that.
Jonas Fisher 2 months ago
I imagine your teacher was waiting for you to repeat the word. That's how a person in a spelling bee signals that the spelling is finished: "Star. S - T - A - R. Star."
#31
When talking about cultures and psychology: “There is no such thing as weird, only different”.
#32
“Think about being 40. All of the things you would be at this age. The jobs you’d have. The places you’d been. The sights you’ve seen. The accomplishments you made.
Now, understand the difference between you and me in this situation. You have to imagine it. I remember it.”
- My 8th grade Literature teacher, for some reason.
nottheactualphoto 2 months ago
That's kind of how it works when one person is older. My dad remembered the Great Depression; I had to imagine it.
#33
In response to me cursing, he said try to find words that equally express your frustration.
#34
I had a teacher in high school named Mr Pregenzer that also played for the SF Giants in the 60’s. He once said to me with his loud booming voice, “Moore, if you were as smart as you are loud you’d be the biggest genius in the room!”.
#35
I told him my dream was to be a singer. He said “with that voice?” Then he studied my face and said “not with that face either!”.
#36
'Don't be sorry. Be different.'
Cydney Golden 2 months ago
I always told kids, the apology is nothing if you don't change your behavior.
#37
'Sarcasm doesn't suit you.' That shut me up for the rest of the class and I still remember it to this day.
#38
Me: *raises my hand at a question*
Physics teacher: "Oh, I know you know it, , give a chance to the rest too.".
#39
Third grade, my teacher was over the school yearbook. She was putting it together one day in class and she let us all stand around her desk to watch. I saw a picture of myself and said “there I go!” excitedly. She rudely said “where are you going?”. I get that she was trying to correct my grammar but the way she said it, embarrassed me in front of the class. I was no longer excited and stayed quiet the rest of the day. This was like 1980 and I still think about that day.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
I think he meant that doubling your chances doesn't help if your chances are zero.
#40
"everything is either Gas, Liquid, or Solid . . ."
*Puts hand up* "but Miss, what's fire?"
"Shut up and don't ask stupid questions"
That put an end to me engaging in science lessons for 2 years, and honestly, now I look back I think she responded like that because she didn't actually know because the textbook for year 7 didn't tell her . . .
#41
'Put it in your brain and remember it.'
#42
Math teacher at start of class: Okay quick question. True or false? If a function approaches infinity when approaching zero from the positive side and negative infinity when approaching zero from the negative side, then the limit is zero.
Me: True!
Math teacher: No, but good guess.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
Calculus teacher here. Correct answer: The limit at zero fails to exist.
#43
"if anyone of you have any comments, write it on a price of paper and put it in the suggestion box" while pointing at the recycling bin
#44
"Never pray for patience" is seared into my brain for some unknown reason. I didn't fully understand that as a kid, but now I am a very patient person, and I agree 100%. There is only 1 way to develop patience - long-suffering. What is long-suffering? It's exactly what it says on the tin.
#45
My old physics teacher took me into an empty room once, held up two blank sheets of paper and said: “this one on the left is the girlfriend you’ll get if you put more effort in, and on the right is the girlfriend you’ll get if you don’t. You get what I’m saying?” No sir, I still don’t to this day.
#46
'Nothing gets by me. I can hear the grass grow.' —Random substitute teacher.
#47
My french teacher asking me to see her after class just to ask “are you dyslexic?”… I’m not, french is just a difficult language.
Also had a substitute teacher say “it’s not illegal if you don’t get caught”, which is just beautiful advice to live by.
What do you think ?
BookFanatic 2 months ago
Had a 9th grade (13-14 yr olds) science teacher who'd scream "You're stupid! This class is stupid! How are you all this stupid?!" on a daily basis. Somebody finally told the principal and the teacher was "encouraged" to retire early.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
There are a LOT of narcissists in the teaching profession.
Load More Replies...
Powerful Katrinka 2 months ago
My 10th grade chemistry teacher told the class that she’d like to dissect my brain.
UKGrandad 2 months ago
Because it's rare to be able to examine one in unused condition? *ATTENTION: THAT WAS A JOKE. STEP AWAY FROM THE DOWNVOTE BUTTON*
Load More Replies...
Lost Panda 2 months ago
Not a school instructer, but basic instructor would always respond to "sorry" with "I know you are. I didn't ask for a character reference." To this day, I don't say "sorry." Instead, I "apologize." Thing is... that looks a lot better in work settings, so she was actually not just being an a$s. XD
BookFanatic 2 months ago
Had a 9th grade (13-14 yr olds) science teacher who'd scream "You're stupid! This class is stupid! How are you all this stupid?!" on a daily basis. Somebody finally told the principal and the teacher was "encouraged" to retire early.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
There are a LOT of narcissists in the teaching profession.
Load More Replies... Powerful Katrinka 2 months ago
My 10th grade chemistry teacher told the class that she’d like to dissect my brain.
UKGrandad 2 months ago
Because it's rare to be able to examine one in unused condition? *ATTENTION: THAT WAS A JOKE. STEP AWAY FROM THE DOWNVOTE BUTTON*
Load More Replies... Lost Panda 2 months ago
Not a school instructer, but basic instructor would always respond to "sorry" with "I know you are. I didn't ask for a character reference." To this day, I don't say "sorry." Instead, I "apologize." Thing is... that looks a lot better in work settings, so she was actually not just being an a$s. XD
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