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30 Of The Most Hilarious Ways People Subtly Offend Others, As Shared In This Online Group
The majority of us have encountered many bullies during our childhood – however, people like to hope that bullying stops as soon as we step foot into adulthood. Yet nothing really changes, apart from our newly found tendencies of brushing things off and perceiving them as minor inconveniences.
Regardless, it is true to some extent, as we don't normally assume that our controlling boss is a bully or that our patronizing family member is one as well. Though let's face it, our society is full of unpleasant people, and sometimes all you can do is let a person know that they're being an idiot.
Well, an online user decided to help all of us out and ask Redditors to list some of the best insults they like to use, and nearly 7K people got involved in this exceedingly handy thread. The question itself received almost 20K upvotes and delivered some imaginative answers that will probably allow you to humble a person or two.
More info: Reddit
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#1
“Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go”.
- Oscar Wilde
Francine Govan 3 years ago
I've heard it said that at a border crossing, when asked if he had anything to declare, he said "only my genius!".
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Eileen Baird 3 years ago
Wilde described fox-hunting as "the unspeakable in search of the inedible."
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
Pretty sure that’s flamboyant interior designer Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen.
RELATED:
#2
I kept having to go back to a hardware store because I kept buying the wrong part for my project. The old man at the register who’d previously checked me out said, your twin brother was in here earlier and he didn’t know what he was doing either.
InfectedVoice 3 years ago
That is an very "old man running a hardware store" thing to say, haha he's tired.
#3
You are not the dumbest person on the planet but you better hope that he doesn't die.
#4
I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong.
ShriSha Kamboj 3 years ago
so i disagree.....but then i'd just be wasting my energy engaging with u
Stephen Steve Stephenson III 3 years ago (edited)
I can see a not too distant future where my wife is angry at me for using this line.
#5
It is situational but: "I can only explain it to you, I can't understand it for you".
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago
My Dad used to say "I'm not always exactly right, but I'm never wrong." Took me a few years to figure out what he meant.
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third molar 3 years ago
Similar saying goes in many regions. Like "I can feed u banana but not chew it for you"
Connie Martin 3 years ago
I want to say this to my boss. I think she has adult ADD and really can't focus long enough to understand what I'm saying.
Karen Evans 3 years ago
made my husband cards with this saying on it so when he goes to do training at a new store he can distribute them!!
#6
My mom always taught me not to argue with an idiot. They'll bring you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
Mad Dragon 3 years ago
My mom said it was like wrestling with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.
Scott Rackley 3 years ago
it's like playing chess with a pigeon, it knocks the pieces over, shits on the board and struts like it won
TrixicBird(Any pronouns) 3 years ago
Almost as if people requote witty lines from history.
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Brian Bennett 3 years ago
I think I have met this person - don't argue just quietly walk away!
#7
You are the reason toothpaste needs instructions.
Mary Rose Kent 3 years ago
FUN FACT: Toothpaste was invented in a time when toothbrush materials were rough and it was created to allow the brush to glide over your teeth without abrading your gums. Now it’s mostly a fluoride conveyance system, so once you have all of your adult teeth you no longer need toothpaste. If you’re having breath issues, you either have food stuck in your teeth that is now rotting and some dental floss will take of it, or you have an illness/condition that needs to be attended to. I haven’t used toothpaste regularly since I read that in a book called “The Tooth Trip” when I was 13 years old, and now at 65 I still have them all except my wisdom teeth.
Maryanna Baldridge 3 years ago
Did you know that single American cheese slices now have arrows and instructions on how to take off the wrapper? Was someone eating the wrapper??
bob bruce 3 years ago
I made some Lipton Chicken Noodle soup the other day and the package had a warning that said the soup might be hot.
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Debrina Blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
Some need them to put on shoes-even without laces. And are confused by doors.
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
My son, the sink, the mirror ( both sides of room) the choked up toothpaste tube, should I go on I have more
#8
Paradigmza said:
You have delusions of adequacy.
Konisforce replied:
Had a Scottish friend who described someone as "multitalentless". Was excellent with the accent.
Debrina Blackmoon 3 years ago
Now I hear that in David Tennant's voice! :)
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GenXandEarnedItAll 3 years ago
Yup. I tried saying that out loud with a Scottish accent...I'm from the South of the USA. 🤭🤔
#9
I envy people who dont know you.
#10
You are the human equivalent of a pop-up ad.
François Carré 3 years ago
Ooh, I could use that one for several persons I see on a regular basis and against my will.
#11
Your grades say “marry rich”, but your looks say “keep studying.”
#12
You’re not even smart enough to realize how dumb you are.
NL Stuart 3 years ago
I've used this for ages. I never knew it had a name. Also have noticed that stupid people are happier because they don't know all the reasons they shouldn't be.
Terry Tobias 3 years ago
When I was a kid I used to wish that I was less intelligent so that I could stop thinking about things at night when I was in bed trying to sleep. (Please don't take offense; I was just a kid.)
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#13
You sure talk a lot for someone that doesn’t say much.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
Don't put ice on burns. That'll shock your system twice over.
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Lord Mysticlaw 3 years ago
At one point (when I was young and bitchy) this was my answer every time someone would say to me "You're so quiet!"
#14
You're hard to ignore, but well worth the effort.
Scagsy 3 years ago
Somebody is being loud and annoying (hard to ignore) thus, it is preferable to take steps to get away from the irritant (well worth the effort). I don't understand the irony?
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#15
You should carry around a potted plant to make up for the air you waste.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
#16
Please receive, sir, my most sincere indifference.
Hi, I'm Mars! 3 years ago
My psychotherapist told me, in the most professional of terms, that people who say that tend to be "deeply insecure, narcissistic assholes".
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#17
If you took an IQ test, it would come back negative.
#18
Nothing brightens my day more than your absence.
Earl Grey 3 years ago
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and erase all doubt.
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#19
My mother likes to say “it doesn’t matter what you think, you’ll be dead soon!” to old people - she’s in her 60’s. I enjoy it.
ShriSha Kamboj 3 years ago
if humor is a way to a longer life...she easily living for the next 40 yrs
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago (edited)
My father is a genuine master of one-line sarcasm. He'll live to be 100 if this is true.
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#20
It must be a relief to not have been overly burdened with the gift of intelligence.
Rita Shapiro 3 years ago
My favorite is from Time Bandits: "blissfully free from the ravages of intelligence."
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
You're lucky that breathing is a reflex and not something you need to think about.
#21
You're about as welcome as a warm seat in a public toilet.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Life is like toilet paper you're either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole!
PandaGoPanda 3 years ago
Had to read this twice to understand it ... clearly I've been living in Japan too long. It was around freezing today so was thankful out city has heated public toilet seats.
#22
If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.
Rose the Cook 3 years ago
This is as old as, If your brains were ink, you wouldn't have enough to write a full stop. I remember grandfather saying both.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
We always said “if brains were dynamite you couldn’t blow your nose”.
Tom Susala 3 years ago
The one I always liked was - "If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to drive a go-kart around a Cheerio!"
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago
If you had brains, they'd roll around inside your head like a BB in a boxcar.
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
'Someone once said if it was raining brains, Roxy Robinson wouldn't even get wet...'
#23
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
I’m a twin and call my brother “the afterbirth.”
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ShriSha Kamboj 3 years ago
wait until they get to know u....they'll shut the whole company down///
#24
You probably dip your Oreos in water, because your dad never came back with milk.
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
All I see... are Banana Split Oreos... and I am asking WHY DOES CANADA NOT GET BANANA SPLIT OREOS????????
Ozymandias73 3 years ago
An old "joke" that wives had affairs with milkmen, repairmen, pool boys, or other working men that came over to "fix" something
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#25
I was playing video games and had a teammate who wasn’t really playing together with me so I had tried to get him to re-group. Admittedly, I did not speak in the most polite way possible but he stopped and wrote “your voice does not inspire leadership”, and then he left the game.
The one and only time I was actually offended by someone’s words over a video game.
#26
You're like the end pieces of a loaf of bread, everyone touches you but nobody wants you.
Shadow_TheArtistDemon 3 years ago
I like the end pieces of bread! Don’t know why I felt the need to comment this, but…
Suzanne Clark 3 years ago
It's called the heel and warm out of the oven with butter is the best part of the loaf!
Nubis Knight 3 years ago
But the end of a fresh loaf is the best part of the bread! At least with German bread. I'm sure "your soft as an American loaf of bread" makes for a good insult.
XSpooky_Mint 3 years ago
I said this to a homophobic person once and they got all defensive lmao
#27
I bet you're the worst part of somebody's day.
Debrina Blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
The star of all nightmares & other terror dreams??? I really hope I am for many people.
#28
Everybody was right about you.
DC 3 years ago (edited)
I'm gad a lot were NOT right about me ... I'm neither a criminal, nor a junkie, so my elementary school teacher was not right about me ... she was pretty surprised when she met my Dad at the parking lot of a supermarket, asked about me and got to process I not even not had to attend special ed, but have an actual diploma in engineering. I'd loved to have seen the disappointment about my nonfailure in her face.
Florence likes women 3 years ago
upvote x1000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000
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#29
You're a murderer and a thief. You murdered a baboon and stole its face.
DC 3 years ago
Yeah. Actually, they're pretty cool, compared to humans, they win by miles in a game of inches.
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Javier Barg 3 years ago
If my dog had your face, I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards
Tobias the Tiger 3 years ago
This was apparently a common insult in the 1890s. I guess they really had to let all their hatred out at once.
#30
One time I watched this girl flirting with this guy at a bar in New York. He had been talking about his cool job and how great he was and she just fawned over him. At one point he took a break from talking and she asked him for a cigarette. Without missing a beat he said "ew, how middle class..."
She was mortified and he instantly stopped talking to her and moved on to her friend.
Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)
That's not middle class, that's a rude friggin twat who thinks the sun shines out of his a$$. So what if she was flirty and fawning over him. Maaan
M O'Connell 3 years ago
Obviously he only associates with pipe smokers. [read in snooty nasal voice]
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Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Everyone has the right to be stupid its just that some people abuse the privilege!
DC 3 years ago
Short smoker's life without prick is better than long nonsmoker life with nonsmoking, longlasting prick - even by more means as if they were equally long!
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Vicky De Raedemaeker 3 years ago
For being a ginger you're not that ugly he fought it was a compliment
Twodogsandapicnictable 3 years ago
Using "middle class" is only an insult to spoiled pricks who were born rich and never really had to work for what they have. His parents bought him his first car, paid for his education and probably gave him that awsome job he was bragging about. Any girl that would fall for him is probably the kind of gold digger he deserves.
What do you think ?
Ryan Deschanel 3 years ago
If ignorance is bliss, you must probably be the happiest person who ever lived on earth.
juice 3 years ago
i just heard one along the lines of "it would kill you to jump from your ego level to your IQ"
Jesus Ortiz 3 years ago
The most common one is: "if I wanted to commit suicide, I'd jump from your ego to your IQ.
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Chewie Baron 3 years ago
A favourite one of mine is "I have neither the patience, nor the crayons to explain it to you!"
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
I hate it when people interrupt when someone is speaking. I always say when it happens to me, "I'm sorry the beginning of your sentence interrupted the middle of mine."
Carole Reid 3 years ago
I hate this entire post. Why is it considered witty to be cruel? I have observed people saying some of these things to others and detecting no self awareness at all. Come back when you are perfect.
SykesDaMan 3 years ago
Dear B.P "authors", please revert to the old title : "People share the best insults" or something, because the new one shows that you don't know what the word "subtle" means!
royal_antelope 3 years ago
most of those comments aren't subtle and none of them are hilarious. the glorification of people being mean needs to stop.
Ryan Deschanel 3 years ago
If ignorance is bliss, you must probably be the happiest person who ever lived on earth.
juice 3 years ago
i just heard one along the lines of "it would kill you to jump from your ego level to your IQ"
Jesus Ortiz 3 years ago
The most common one is: "if I wanted to commit suicide, I'd jump from your ego to your IQ.
Load More Replies... Chewie Baron 3 years ago
A favourite one of mine is "I have neither the patience, nor the crayons to explain it to you!"
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
I hate it when people interrupt when someone is speaking. I always say when it happens to me, "I'm sorry the beginning of your sentence interrupted the middle of mine."
Carole Reid 3 years ago
I hate this entire post. Why is it considered witty to be cruel? I have observed people saying some of these things to others and detecting no self awareness at all. Come back when you are perfect.
SykesDaMan 3 years ago
Dear B.P "authors", please revert to the old title : "People share the best insults" or something, because the new one shows that you don't know what the word "subtle" means!
royal_antelope 3 years ago
most of those comments aren't subtle and none of them are hilarious. the glorification of people being mean needs to stop.
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