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40 People Who Experienced Psychosis Share The Most Terrifying Things They Saw And Felt
Interview With Author
The word "psychosis" comes with a lot of stigma. Most people imagine that it involves a mental breakdown and happens only to people with mental illnesses. But, according to experts, psychosis can happen to anyone.
In fact, three out of 100 young people in the U.S. will likely experience a psychotic episode. Other studies show that between 15 and 100 people in 100,000 might develop psychosis each year.
To raise awareness about what psychosis is and what happens during an episode, one Redditor recently asked people to share their experiences. "Let's try to eliminate stigma," they wrote. "Redditors who experienced psychosis, what were your worst delusions/hallucinations?"
In the name of solidarity and education, some brave folks went on to share their strangest, most terrifying, and interesting psychosis experiences.
Bored Panda reached out to the Redditor who opened up this discussion, u/Long-Description1797. She kindly agreed to share her own experiences and why it's important that we talk about mental health more openly. Read our conversation down below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Funny story: my bf at the time had psychosis (still does) and a common visual+tactile hallucination that came on from stress was “there are bugs crawling on me”, and needed a camera, a second set of eyes, or a good few minutes to discern the truth. Poor thing stayed over my place in a farmhouses apartment in the spring, and wakes up from a dead sleep “b0rb there’s bugs on me”. I assure it’s a hallucination, everything is fine, “no b0rb i need you to turn on the light and check”
reader. it was ladybug season and apparently my room was the Love Bug Hotel that night. i felt SO bad and never doubted double checking a bug hallucination again.
The author of this thread opened up to Bored Panda that she has experienced psychosis, too. "I'm a young professional who has had three episodes of serious psychosis throughout her adult life, each episode worse than the last."
"I was inspired to post the thread because my third episode came out of nowhere, and afterwards I felt incredibly lost and didn't feel like I could talk about my experiences with those I cared about without making myself and them feel alienated due to the unnecessary stigma of the condition. It was so isolating," u/Long-Description1797 tells us.
RELATED:
#2
I had a mental break years ago from family stress and trauma combined with insomnia.
I had become convinced that I was infact Dead.
I couldn't process peoples faces, they looked blurry and out of focus. In that state I was in I believed that at any moment the grim reaper would appear to collect me and I had somehow been forgotten. I stopped eating entirely and only drank small amounts of water.
A week of believing i was dead passed and a thought occurred "I look sick but, I'm not rotting."
I went to a hospital and started treatment after that. I'll never forget how real it all felt to me.
Barbara Wilcock 3 weeks ago
Im so sorry you went through this. Hopefully you are getting help and support
#3
I've had two breaks in my life. The first came a year after my daughter died. I feel like the guilt and grief took hold of me, and it was inevitable that, at some point, I would break. It started with hearing her. She was very ill so it didn't sound like a normal baby's cry. Then, I kept feeling like I was pregnant again. It even felt like my milk was coming back in. I'd start to see her in every baby I saw. Then the paranoid thoughts began, and I would panic that she was buried but not dead. I'd sleep at her grave. I ended up spending 3 days in a mental health facility. I didn't follow up with any aftercare and was never offered any counselling or bereavement therapy. This was 22 years ago.
The second break came when I was pregnant 7 years after my daughter died. I can remember hearing whispers that she wasn't going to survive and that I was never meant to be a mum. Then, I would see shadows moving towards me. I would run to work to stop them from getting me. Eventually, I couldn't leave my room at all. I locked myself in my room for 5 days before my family got doctors and police to remove me. I was hospitalised in a mental health ward for 9 weeks. I can remember not even knowing how to speak or eat. It was like my mind had shattered entirely under the weight of my grief and guilt. I was too frightened to accept I was pregnant in case she would die, too. It took years of intense therapy to recover. I was given bereavement counselling as well. This was life-changing. It helped me realise I was a good mum and never left her side. I wasn't to blame for her death.
I carried so much shame, guilt and grief. Never talk to anyone about it. It crushes a person in unimaginable ways. It's changed my perception of grief and mental health.
Indeed, a psychotic episode can really happen to anyone, no matter their age, social status, or other circumstances. According to the Yale School of Medicine, only 25% of people who experience an episode will never have one again. 50% may have more than one episode, but, as experts stress, they will be able to live normal lives. So, it's not surprising that u/Long-Description1797 had such an experience.
"I realised that a hub for anyone going through psychosis didn't really exist, so I wanted to create one instead on Reddit to eliminate stigma, encourage others to talk openly about their experiences, educate the public about psychosis and its warning signs, and share my own personal experiences with the illness," the Redditor tells us.
#4
I still suffer from this I just live it wit but I always see this person standing in the corner of the room at times just watching me. Was a guy we lost when I was deployed VA thinks I'm making it up no brain tumors no rhyme or reason why just stands there staring at me doesn't talk though life is otherwise normal.
Peeka_Mimi 3 weeks ago
Of course the VA gaslighted you. They do it to me all the time. Under the Orange Putrescence it's worse.
#5
Post partum psychosis and sleep deprivation. I saw spiders crawling all over the ceiling and was terrified they would fall on the baby.
Rika 3 weeks ago
My late grandfather who had a phobia of spiders went through this pretty much 24/7 during his last weeks. He had terminal cancer and was on high doses of morphine, it made him hallucinate thousands of spiders crawling over the walls and his bed while he couldn't even move. It's terrifying to imagine what kind of intense terror he felt in those moments.
#6
Didn't happen to me personally but an old friend went down deep to the point that he was convinced his neighbors had Obama tied up in their basement. So, naturally, he realized he had to go and save the president. Literally broke into the neighbor's place, cops came and he went to jail. AND he got a lot of help and is waaaay better now.
Mel in Georgia 3 weeks ago
At least he wasn't violent and was trying to save someone worth saving. Terrifying nonetheless.
As a person who experienced several psychotic episodes, u/Long-Description1797 agreed to share with us the most harmful misconceptions of psychosis she has observed.
That people with psychosis are strange, fundamentally defective and/or different from others. "People with psychosis are just people, often with amazingly perceptive or creative sensitivities I might add," the Redditor points out.
"[They] have usually gone through an incredibly stressful or otherwise difficult time in life, and their brain has reasonably reacted to this by creating a different reality to escape and make sense of the suffering of their current one. It's actually a very clever adaptive response to trauma and stress. It should really be seen that way."
#7
I almost jumped off a fourth floor window saying I wanted to "experience true free fall". I had 3 classmates trying to talk me down and I just couldn't understand the concept of being dead or hurt. It was like I had no idea what pain feels like, and I couldn't comprehend the mere idea that it could happen to me.
Then a fourth classmate saw, went to the school cafeteria, got my favorite candy and lured me off the windowsill with it. She told me if I got off the window, she would give me one, and of I waited until tomorrow to jump, she would give me a second one at the end of the day. I agreed. Somehow the promise of a kitkat was more compelling than the risk of death or lifelong disability or broken bones.
That day 3 of my classmates walked with me all the way home, making sure to not let me walk straight into traffic, and told my parents what happened. Nobody told any of the teachers or school admin, and I'm not sure why.
This was 12th grade and we were 16-18yo so we were left unsupervised at school frequently, which is why no staff noticed this going on. I don't remember most of this, btw. My classmates told me later, once I was back to class.
Pink kitty 3 weeks ago
The power of a KitKat and bribery. Fortunately! I'm glad op has such supportive classmates
#8
I've had psychotic depression a few times where I have been convinced that my brain is rotting and full of maggots. I can smell an overwhelming disgusting stench of rotting flesh, and I can feel maggots wriggling around in my brain. The cognitive effects of the psychosis make it feel like my brain is shutting down because it's being consumed. Freaky stuff.
#9
When I gave up alcohol, there was a period where reality felt like overcooked noodles.
I swear I hear a violin playing in the background that fades off when I try to listen for it
And time flows weird. Like I felt like I have lived for months, not it's only a literal couple of hours. Or I think, wow I did that in 2 minutes, and the clock actually said it's 2+hours.
Billo66 3 weeks ago
Lets see, the top few. Germans burying bombs in my front yard so I took off driving around with my very young daughter at the time to get away I guess. Took a long time to find my way back home once I realized what was happening. Giant snakes as big as trucks coming out of the ground to eat me. A family of scottish royalty that were in exile hiding in caves under my basement. thats a few, there are a lot more. All courtesy of Oxycodone prescribed by my Doctor when I was diagnosed with Cancer. Told Doc and haven't had a pill in years. Withdrawals were hard but worth it.
People with psychosis can be dangerous or violent towards other people. This one, according to u/Long-Description1797, was probably born out of people's fear of the unknown. She says it's quite the opposite. "People who have or are experiencing psychosis are in a very vulnerable position and are much, much more likely to sadly be victims of horrific violence, discrimination, [mistreatment] and hate crimes," the Redditor explains.
"This is unfortunately endemic in our culture from schools to hospitals to workplaces and needs to be changed. We dehumanise people the instant they develop signs of serious mental illness, and this needs to stop."
#10
Here's my story - I remember everything. Every terrifying, confusing moment. Here goes. Have a history of complex trauma. My illness created something long and elaborate, so naturally this comment will be long and elaborate. This is difficult for me to share. I thought I could reduce my meds and was under extreme levels of several stressful life events, good and bad, lined up in quick succession. That's the kicker. That's what did it.
I truly believed I was on a special mission from God. I thought I was chosen and that my friends and family were possessed and persecuting me. Animals seemed kind because they sensed something holy in me. Colors around me exploded like bright mosaics. I believed movies were a prophecy about me, that I was destined for something extraordinary.
One day, while on a walk, I tripped and fell in front of a church. To me, it was a sign that I had to be baptized, or my life would be doomed.
When my dog was pregnant with a litter of puppies, I was convinced it was part of God’s plan — that I had to keep one of the litter to fulfill a divine purpose. But when I asked a lady to help rehome the puppies, I became terrified, thinking she was possessed by demons trying to ruin God’s plan. I believed I was the reincarnation of Jesus, carrying His spirit.
When my dog was spayed, I was terrified. My head said it was the right thing, but my illness screamed no. Afterward, I believed that procedure had “spayed” my own potential - that my spiritual and feminine energy had been corrupted beyond repair. I thought death and resurrection were the only ways to save me. At this point I should have gone to my doctor and told him everything but I was living solo and didn't think I was ill, just spiritually attuned.
So I wandered into freezing wilderness, thinking I might die but also simultaneously that God would somehow protect me. I became dangerously cold and exhausted, then returned home and drank warm tea to survive.
I went weeks without food or water, convinced my salvation depended on following strict “holy rules” like a video game - where good and bad actions affected my spiritual health, taking or adding points. Objects, clothes, even people had sacred or dark energies. I believed my left hand was “bad,” my right hand “good.” I was severely starving and dehydrated which worsened my experience.
A demon spoke through me, promising salvation if I obeyed his strict commands. I tried to purge the demon with a very hot shower, but it didn’t work.
Eventually, I believed I had died and was trapped alone with no other living thing in this purgatory realm, punished for trying to end my life. I thought God and heaven no longer existed, and that Satan ruled everything.
I saw Satan watching me in my house. He had sharp teeth and the eyes of a predatory snake. He was salivating. He could read my thoughts. Satan told me my family had died because I hadn't converted them to Christianity. He possessed my "dead" body in another timeline/plane of existence in the hospital I had "died" in. I believed paramedics had implanted a chip in my brain after I had died, condemning me to eternal, virtual, solitary suffering. There was the virtual world created by the chip, and the outside real world I could not access or sense. In a way, this elaborate delusion wasn't wrong in the existential sense. My mind was indeed creating a world of its own, separate from real reality.
A friend helped get me to safety, but I thought the world was an artificial holographic prison created by Satan and others. I wouldn’t eat or drink, fearing poison or spiritual corruption, often both.
When my [got] to the hospital, I thought it was Satan’s headquarters. I saw staff as demons. The hospital was a labyrinth of hell. I believed my cross necklace was the only protection.
I refused most food and water, terrified it was made from human remains or “demonic” ingredients. I felt putrefying disgust and horror every time I ate, convinced demons were forcing me into sins I couldn’t undo.
After months of aggressive treatment, the delusions faded. I began eating again and was eventually discharged.
I can’t fully explain the terror I experienced. It was beyond anything I imagined. This happened as I was making progress in my life and career, and it nearly destroyed me. A really s****y experience all round. I have to start all over again. This is the third time in my twenties I have had to start again and rebuild.
But I'm still here, somehow. Sharing this helps me feel a bit less alone and maybe it can help others feel this way too. It was pure hell; the horrors of a highly creative imagination brought to terrifying life. I don't ever want to experience anything like that ever again.
Pink kitty 3 weeks ago
Wow. What a nightmare of epic proportions! Glad that you are still here though and thank you for sharing your experience
#11
When I get sick sometimes (flu/cold) I do experience psychosis, and its to the point that I tie myself to the bed when I feel it coming, just so I don't get myself in trouble.
Its kinda hard to explain the experience. Its always the same. Its a hallucination where something mundane suddenly feels huge, and that its multiplying itself. It feels as if this thing will in an instant multiply so much that it will fill the whole universe, and everyone will die. And its somehow my fault.
When its hits, I feel like I'm having a panic attack, because of how dire this crisis is. I cannot think straight. There's only fear. One time, it felt like toilet paper rolls were filling up the space in my room, So I ran to my balcony and began throwing out the rolls, but they never lessened.
I feel so afraid when it happens that I am willing to do anything to make the fear go away.
Barbara Wilcock 3 weeks ago
God. Can you get an appointment with your doctor? There are new medicines and help you can ask for. Wish you the best and please seek help
#12
I saw people standing in my room just watching me while I slept. I asked them who they were & why they were there but they would only smile & not answer me. I also saw little birds coming out of my bathtub drain one at a time. I called my mother to show her & ask her how that was even possible. Yea, I ended up 5150'd. I'm glad I didn't see anything horrifying!
Pink kitty 3 weeks ago
5150'd means involuntary admission to a hospital. I think in my country we say admitted under the mental health act
That there's no recovery from psychosis. Some people hold the belief that someone who experiences psychosis is "a lost cause" and can't ever recover the way they were before. "This is also very untrue," the Redditor tells Bored Panda. "I survived a psychotic episode at university and still managed to get my Bachelor's degree."
#13
I have bipolar and was diagnosed but not on a strong enough dose of meds. My most severe delusions were related to the devil, who I thought was stalking and following me. I was on a holiday visiting my mom. I wasn’t in full blown psychosis so I knew to hide it. I thought the devil was hiding in the furnace room. She took me out on a kayak and I saw the sky reveal itself to be another sky that was red and hellfire and the devil was enormous. We saw some bald eagles in their nest and I thought they were the devil’s minions. My family kept asking me why I was so agitated. That was fun. A few days later and a med increase, the delusions calmed down but I got really obsessed with the Bible for a bit. I’m not religious at all.
Foxglove🇮🇪 3 weeks ago
My dad was bipolar and a lifelong churchgoer, but whenever he had an "episode" he went full hellfire and damnation, it was terrifying to witness as an 8 year old...
#14
Worst: a premonition that took over every aspect of my life and I thought would result in my death, leading me to an intensive outpatient program (one of a few reasons). I've crafted some of the way it "came true" and found ways to grow from it.
Funniest: when I was younger I was entirely convinced one night that all my socks were puppies that I had to take care of. I don't remember how amused my mom was, ha.
#15
The worst episodes for me tend to happen when I'm walking somewhere alone, I'll see people peaking out from behind cars, bins, corners, whatever, watching me, and if I look away, they get closer, often times they're horribly malformed, bordering inhuman, if I look away long enough, I can hear and feel them running towards me at full speed, I can almost see it from their perspective, it's like I'm being hunted for sport, only, the hunter can teleport and enjoys scaring me.
"I survived another one and managed to land a great job. And, hopefully, I'll be able to overcome my most recent period of severe illness. It's highly possible for a person to fully recover and emerge stronger and more grounded than before. Having supportive family, found-family, friends or neighbours is really important and greatly influences the course of the illness and recovery."
#16
I would say the most delusional I got certainly wasn’t the “worst” experience. It was magical, mystical even, and I suppose that was the issue. I woke up one day and thought the trees were people. It wasn’t a hallucination - I didn’t see a human person when looking at a tree. I saw a tree. But I could also sense its body, clothes, and personality. I liked elms the best, they were like regal ladies dressed in flowing leaf ball gowns. Whatever in your brain classifies things in the world as “people” vs “objects” had shifted to include trees as people. It felt like an ancient earthly secret and tbh even though I am not in active psychosis anymore I don’t quite look at trees the same some days. There will always be something more within them.
michael reid 3 weeks ago
I had a similar experience, but with LSD. I saw one particular tree as the individual organism it is, with it's own personality. Like if you look at a stadium full of people, they're all the same species, but each one is it's own individual organism with it's own thoughts and feelings. Same with the billions of blades if grass in a field, or the thousands of trees in a forest. They're all individuals
#17
Sitting alone in my apartment with my dog of 14 (at the time) years. To me he looked like he was going to lunge and k**l me. It was a battle of who was going to k**l who first. The psychosis was so strong I literally almost k****d my dog. Thankfully I am now medicated and my pupper is still with me, turning 16 this month.
Lil be lil 2 weeks ago (edited)
I think there are people who do this with other people, they being paranoid and some of these people have guns that is why police and hospital workers take such an extreme reaction to them. And if you are suspected of being schizophrenic you could end up on a police watch list if you in anyway come to their attention. Even if you are wrongly portrayed by psychopathic neighbor! Wrongly accused person and very traumatized by this.
#18
Whoever’s reading this, you have permission to laugh:
When I was in high school, I often had rapid cycling with mania, depression, and a s**t ton of mixed episodes. One thing I’ve noticed is that when my manic episodes start, the *”theme”* of my episode would be the last thing I was interested in.
So in summer 2023, I gained a huge interest in the song “Teir Abhaile Riu” by Celtic Woman. It’s catchy, mesmerizing, and I played that song on repeat like it was no tomorrow. Cue the manic episode, I started increasingly obsessing over Irish culture and researching everything about Ireland for days and nights on end which soon turned into an obsession over if I’m Irish myself.
Now mind you, my mother is African American and my dad is Trinidadian. Any reasonable person would understand that there’s not a single drop of Irish in my blood (that I know of at least). But wait- it gets worse! So I started using ancestry.com and tried my HARDEST to find a spec of Irish somewhere in my family. Why? Because in my mind, I thought that if I were to find someone who’s Irish in my family, I would be able to live with them in Ireland, leaving my entire life behind me. I remember telling my mother a lot, “I’m going to move to Ireland and never come back”.
Long story short, I didn’t find anything- but that was when I had another idea to try and convince my mother to buy an AncestryDNA test to find out that way instead. My mom said no because it’s too expensive, so in return, I went on the internet and tried to sell myself for money for the DNA test. And well… I made the money! But I think this is when the spiral started happening and the depressive episode started to kick in because I genuinely don’t remember anything after this point.
Shoot, I didn’t even mention the parts of how many times I embarrassed myself publicly on my instagram story with spamming a s**t ton of different things about Ireland. I made a *lot* of people uncomfortable, and it sucks because not only did I not have a good support system to get me treatment—but also I didn’t understand the gravity of my actions *until* it was all over.
By the way, the money I got didn’t end up going to the DNA test, I spent it all on a huge platter of sushi.
u/Long-Description1797 feels very passionate about eliminating the stigma of psychosis and mental illness in general. "Stigma makes us isolate, and others isolate from us. Isolation is a very strong catalyst for developing the illness," the Redditor points out.
"And even if you don't have a strong support network, having hope you will get better – and fully choosing to believe it every single day, choosing to fight with hope in your deepest core despite the suffering and pain of it all – that's even more crucial to getting better.
"People who've endured such a thing are astoundingly brave, and we need to recognise that. We are survivors. Warriors of the psyche."
#19
I suffered from delusional disorder and psychosis. I had an imaginary relationship with a woman named Lvy. I thought she was sending me messages and emails. Unfortunately, the replies I sent to these imaginary emails and messages did exist. I was sending these replies to colleagues, friends, and even some of my students. One of my students responded pretending to be Lvy and we ended up having a year long relationship during which I alternated between thinking she was Lvy and understanding who she was.
Ultimately, someone complained about getting weird messages from me and the university did an investigation into my messages. I didn't know Lvy wasn't real until I was put on antipsychotics.
I lost my career and marriage.
#20
I was walking home from work in 2021 and smelled smoke. I was convinced, sure, positive than my house had burned down while I was at work. I rushed home and stood on the sidewalk crying, because I swear my house was charred.
I was able to snap out of it relatively quickly by going up to my porch and touching my house, but I'll never forget the feeling of horror and the certainly that my house had completely burned.
#21
I started thinking this guy -- who was someone I knew from a professional context through a coworker slash friend -- was a crowned prince of France. I thought, of course he has his own security detail, which has set up a stake out operation in my apartment. I was madly in love with him, and, one day he just ghosted me. To my added brain, he was protecting my by separating himself from me, and we could communicate through the police, anyway. This meant photographers in the bushes, cameras in and all around the apartment, and my every move being watched. Even through two hospitalizations, I still believe this because it was part of my job, as a princess, to say nothing about my secret mission. I have a lot more to tell, if people are interested.
In many ways, Reddit can be a great place for survivors to come and tell their stories. "I think Reddit is great for reducing stigma surrounding psychosis for several reasons," u/Long-Description1797 agrees.
- "It's accessed by a massive amount of knowledge-hungry people eager to have their existing views and biases challenged;
- "It's anonymous, which allows people to not be so worried about their real-life identities being known;
- "And it's really rather good at fostering a very strong sense of community spirit."
#22
I was actively dying from a heart virus, was in so much pain i was on tramadol so i could get out of bed. The pain was so bad i accepted death and was waitingfor it to take me out, but i survived, and physically healthy today. The tramadol + stress + pain made me see shadow people when it was dark, i heard voices when it was quite but they were either whispers or when load it was not human. Its been a decade since i recovered but i still cant be left alone without audio stimuli or i fear the voices will return. I need complete darkness or im afraid i will see the shadows again. Still have some anxiety issues but funny enough, i have no problem sleeping in the woods by myself, its loud and completely dark so i dont get triggered. Haven’t seen or heard the shadows or voices in a decade but when your mind cracks like that, it doesnt really heal, it scars.
Also my bodies sense went out of wack, i do not feel my heartbeat anymore, like no matter how much cardio i do, i dont feel it. I have to use a tracker to make sure i dont get hurt. The only time i feel my heart is when i get stressed, then i have ptsd and feel the same chest pains i felt when i was dying. So thats not much fun
Overall 3/10 do not recommend, literally mentally scaring.
#23
Adderall-induced psychosis. I had a psychotic break in middle school. I have religious trauma. I was having an episode where I literally climbing up the wall. My mom held me down and tried to perform an exorcism on me lol. I saw her face as a demon on a doorknob. I was like her face but every small wrinkle was deeper and black and her skin was white and c*****d kinda. I was convinced that the rapture was gonna happen at any moment so I would store food under my bed so that if my family didn’t go to heaven and we were stuck in my room, we would have food. I have struggled with thoughts like this a lot. I have OCD so it’s hard to decipher if some thoughts are intrusive or psychotic. An example was that on 4/20/Easter, I smoked pot and I didn’t pray that day. The Pope died and I was convinced that he died because of the “sinful” acts that I and the world committed that day. .
#24
Every single night, auditory hallucinations keep waking me.
Just various voices constantly saying “hello? Hello, is anyone there? Hello? >my name< can you hear me? I need your help. Hello? Could you please help me? Come outside and help me! Hello? Are you there, >my name
Billo66 3 weeks ago
Mine are more of a murmuring sound from a different room. Like a group of people quietly discussing something, not a full blown party. Oh, I do see wisps of smoke at the corner of my vision sometimes but I ignore it all. I woke myself up one night shouting for them to be quiet I'm trying to sleep. :)
The author also wished to express her gratitude to everyone who showed interest in her thread. "I'm so thankful to Reddit as a platform, and to the hundreds of people who bravely shared their stories with me, and to the over half a million people curious enough to click on my post," she tells us. "From the bottom of my heart, thank you."
#25
I took adderall for a long time. That should explain enough.
I started ‘astral projecting’ into my own imagination and experiencing everything that happened as if I was actually there. That combined with the side effect of paranoia from the adderall basically made it so I would be literally living in my own nightmares sometimes.
Dont get me wrong, there was a LOT of cool s**t that I got to do and experience and feel, but the nightmares were BAD BAD BAD.
Imagine your imaginary friend calling you worthless, having giant maggots live inside of you while youre still alive, having rats burst out of you from inside, demons watching you staring into your eyes from an inch away just waiting.
S**t got hardcore.
#26
My worst was my kids would be better off dead than alive. Through the power of the internet I managed to talk to some woman on the opposite side of the world . She told me to take the kids to a grandparent that was safe and leave them there. So I did. I told her if I kept them nobody would be alive because my brain was telling me lies.. after that I'm not 100% sure. Prior to this I had begged for help from literally every person I knew. Including the grandmother. Nobody could help. I quote " it was too inconvenient" . It's been 6 years. Everyone is safe now. But I don't speak to anyone who was too involved in their own lives, to even bother handing out a helping hand when I was drowning. F**k them . I had lost half my weight in 6 months. I was obviously sick sick. And nobody gave a d**n.
Lady Eowyn 3 weeks ago
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I went through a lot of physical pain I didn't have to when I was young because my dad thought everything was in my mind. It wasn't. It was in my gallbladder. Yes I have mental health issues, but too many actual physical issues were dismissed because of that.
#27
It went on for a solid year straight and was a gradual descent into full blown psychosis.
I was heavily abusing stimulants for a long time… well, any d**g really, but being who I am and how my brain is wired, stimulants gave me the best feeling comparatively.
I remember the first spark of the paranoia like it was yesterday. I was cleaning out my old apartment, having moved most of everything into the other one. By then I had graduated to smoking c*ke off of foil, then quickly went to cr*ck. Took a big hit like I had done so many times before, and suddenly something clicked in my head.
I stared out the window and thought, “Does that look like a cop?”
It was like someone else’s voice screamed it across some other dimension. Like an echo already bounced back a few times. Then it got louder and louder. Every time I took I hit I swore I could hear them. See them.
I started reading novels in my stucco-covered walls. I could see all of the awful things I’d done in my life written out in the patterns. Everything was critical, every word was harsh and packed with vitriol and disgust at my current state.
I could hear them tunneling through the walls. They were coming for me at all times. I would watch Apple Maps and truly SEE that it was a live feed of the police raid on my house. All of my neighbors were in on it. If they were outside, they had weapons and were ready to strike.
The trees spelled messages to me. All from the police. I would see helicopters flying above my apartment, ready to unleash hell. They were outside my studio’s door. They were waiting.
They had planted trackers in everything. I destroyed every book I owned, tore apart most of my clothes. Destroyed every electronic except my phone.
This isn’t even anywhere near all of it. And I remember it all.
I’d smoke a couple grams and be on the floor bawling, begging for my life from the nonexistent police that were about to break my door down.
All of this was about a year and a half before I even tried m**h. It got worse once I started shooting that s**t up. There’s so much more I can tell yall.
Peeka_Mimi 3 weeks ago
I hope you're better now. M3th is a helluva d**g. I know addicts and it's just sad.
#28
It's been a while since I had a manic episode, and I'm not sure it's exactly psychosis, but when I was an unmedicated teen I had more prolonged and consistent hallucinations.
I think the worst depends on how you interpret worst, I don't remember ever being scared of what was in my head, it was the lack of control, lack of ability to articulate my thoughts or communicate clearly, the unpredictability of other people and the situation, all of the external things were what was scary, and even then it was more frustrating and disorienting than scary.
The vast majority my hallucinations were audio so that might also be a factor, but if I was ever freaking out or panicking it was usually because I couldn't process information normally and was aware of that, like imagine your legs stopped working, whenever you moved the muscles or did the motions to move your legs they just floo around unexpectedly, but while you're in the middle of running for your life, it feels like that but for your mind.
#29
Only experienced it once after withdrawing from DNRIs (buproprion).
I kept begging to be hospitalized because I was afraid I'd hurt somebody, and I even bolted out of the car at one point. I do not remember this incident. It was relayed to me after the fact.
I only remember the emotions I felt. I don't think I hallucinated but I was definitely out of it/delusional. I kept thinking I was gonna get better if I detransitioned and I remember considering myself filthy at the time. That's about it.
Ironically after quitting psych meds altogether I've not experienced anything remotely similar since. I feel normal-ish, despite the severe depression. I can at least accurately tell which of my thoughts are legitimate and which are hogwash, and my impulse control is a million times better.
#30
I had a d**g induced psychosis around 10 years ago ( recovered since then, yay)
I think the worst ones for me were the sometimes very dark and violent thoughts. I had "visions" of brutally torturing my pets for example, and felt absolutely horrified and disgusted by even thinking anything like that.
The worst delusions were somewhat tame. For around a week I was convinced everyone around me could read my mind, so I got very paranoid about anyone noticing what I was going through.
Luckily it only lasted 2 weeks ish total. Left me with a nice panic disorder afterwards ( fully worked that one out too, yay).
#31
Well as someone who is quite reasonable, and is put into unreasonable situations quite a lot.
I thought I was Hades, the god of the dead. I kinda just remember dressing in all black, and being super amped up. I came too in a psych ward with a busted up leg.
#32
When my mental health is really bad i hallucinate corpses and detached limbs in my peripheral vision. like ill think i see a hand on the floor in the subway and have to do a double take and then i see that nothings there. sometimes when im walking down the sidewalk ill see bodies up in the trees. it’s really f*****g horrible because even though i can usually double take and realize im hallucinating, it still elicits the same primal immediate panic and can take some time for me to calm down.
Lil be lil 2 weeks ago
Do you have an eye condition? There is something called Charles Bonnet Syndrome. It is a cause of visual hallucinations. I have an eye disease mCNV I can see but have a hazy spot in my central vision and wavy lines. It also affects my depth perception. Some people with vision loss can experience visual hallucinations. I am afraid to experience that and then someone mistaking it for psychosis. As yet I have not experienced anything like that thankfully.
#33
When I was around 12 I started dealing with a lot of mental health issues. I dealt with psychosis for about a year. I would see what appeared to be a mostly faceless man in the shadows across the room when I went to bed many nights, it wasn’t sleep paralysis, I could still move, but I often would be petrified and cry myself to sleep. This was over a decade ago but definitely is a core part of my current sleep issues. There was other stuff, but nothing as interesting. I also no longer trust my own perception 100% on anything even though I’m much healthier now.
Maggie Fulton 3 weeks ago
Look up hypnogogia. That sounds very much like what you experienced.
#34
My worst one was that I was a prophet from God. I wrote “prophesies” and tried to spread them. All ends of the earth type stuff. I got out of it on my own though, thankfully. Didn’t really need help, just time to get over it.
#35
It started when i was home playing some minecraft, just chilling, when i saw a spider on my hand. naturally i swiped it off as quickly as i could, but realized i didn't even feel it on my skin, though it was gone already. i went to the bathroom to wash my face and sat on the bed to calm down. i noticed in my peripheral vision a humanoid just staring at me, but when i focused on it it disappeared. several have appeared in the same way, just going through the average day. it would happen when i'm walking, in school, at home, anywhere. when i'd go to sleep i'd hear some unintelligible whispering coming from behind me, which would come from just behind me.
after i started losing my mind over it, i told my mom, who said that i should talk to my psychologist about it, who later prescribed me some antidepressants (i forgot the name) and the hallucinations went away after a while, yippie! got off of the meds later (which i now realize was a big mistake) and they never came back.
#36
Parasites were by far my worst delusion. hallucinating worm shapes under my skin, “feeling” worms wriggling around in my brain, meticulously checking all my food. shook me up and made me feel violated + helpless medically in a way that makes other delusions pale by comparison. it’s what pushed me finally start taking antipsychotics.
#37
It's been a couple of years since I've really dealt with this but around like 2020 I saw something that really kinda f****d me up for a bit, this was also during a really low point in my life. Just seeing that and also already having a really stressful time in my life I just went into psychosis. Seeing what I saw every time I closed my eyes eventually turned into thinking that my head was going to suddenly explode or something was going to suddenly cause my head to be obliterated the same exact way I saw happen. I had moments where the fear was so real that I'd stop what I was doing, curl up, hold my head like it was somehow going to keep everything in if I did and I'd cry because I was so scared. Even when I was at a friends house I'd be perfectly fine and then out of nowhere I can't focus on them because everything in my mind is screaming at me that my head would explode and my friends would be absolutely traumatized by seeing that and I was scared because I didn't want them to see that too. I became really paranoid too. I started worrying that my family was purposefully trying to poison me and ruin my life and I became very distrustful of them during this time. I also stopped being able to recognize myself in the mirror, I was just looking at a complete stranger, so I would take a sheet and cover up the bathroom mirror. I stayed in the hospital as a result of this psychosis for a couple of weeks. The hospital stay didn't really help tbh and neither did the therapy afterwards, but since then I've put a lot of work into myself to break out of it.
#38
Alcohol induced psychosis: I was convinced a group of people were trying to break into my apartment and bedroom to m****r me.
Peeka_Mimi 3 weeks ago
My ex has alcohol/d**g induced psychosis. We broke up 7 years ago and he is still threatening me because I am the epitome of all evil, even though his a*******n and cheating was why I kicked him out. I gave him too many chances. Anyway he calls the cops telling them that I am on the porch spying and I have a knife. All kinds of craziness. The saddest part of it is he lives with his dad who gives him alcohol and d***s. They took away his license because alcohol induced epilepsy. He has liver issues. He's only 46yo and he's not long for this world. I would feel bad but I am always getting calls from cops saying they have to do their due diligence but they know I am in Colorado not California but they have to say they investigated. Also I have had to change my phone number 3x. Finally got a burner also for when I post my number publicly, because of community organizer work. His latest thing is getting on Colorado pages and saying the most slanderois things aboit me. My friends let me know
#39
I started thinking i was a clairvoyant and was able to hear thoughts. I was thinking people who were talking around only i was able to hear them because I had special powers.
I thought my computers were all hacked and someone is constantly watching me through hidden cameras even in my home.
I started thinking people were out to k**l me because I didn't mind or talk to a girl who i was deluded into thinking she liked me. And i started hearing voices some of which i still hear. I thought everyone in my family was betraying me and i cut my veins i couldn't cut vertically so i cut near wrists, lots of blood was gushing out, and was taken to hospital. Saw my mother crying. After a bit of talking i decided not to do something like this again. Even in the hospital i was feeling like there were people outside the hospital making noises and was there to k**l me.
After meds for some time , things subsided . After a year and half, in a new job i started feeling that they were plotting to kick me out of the job and i was a burden to the company, and started getting more and more anxious.
Six months or some later on corona lockdown i started thinking another girl working with me likes me. And i started having delusions about snakes like snakes were jumping at me trying to bite me, some dreams about snakes. I started overthinking, felt things like acid dropping down skin, one time my lungs were filled with smoke, i started feeling that the owner of my company was doing black magic to k**l me because I once c*****d a joke about them. Tried proposing to the girl, there was nothing from her side, started freezing during job hours literally would spend hours in thought s incapable of completing even smallest of tasks. Did few spiritual courses lost my sleep near completely after that
Started staying up to combat the voices, the voices started talking to me instead of two people talking. Some things changed after. Started feeling too sensitive to sexual content, after awhile felt too many sensations feelings like someone coming in me, whenever i think about something sexual it felt like people gathering around talking sexual innuendos all started feeling horrible, to this day I feel like some spiritual entity is harassing me, there were a lots of things happening in between I'm sorry I sped up at last so many things were going on in mind I can't even put them in right order or state all of the delusions or hallucinations.
Some good things too . One i was looking at my hands and I could see light on all sides with a rainbow coating. I would sometimes get the feeling some guru is showing me things, like the nervous system, healing techniques and other things. In a way i was lucky that I did not have full blown psychosis, that just by deciding or affirming most of what's happening is just delusions i was able to mow through it. Worst happened when I was alone at corona quarantine, but I'm now hopeful and I can manage most of the voices by calling cusswords. And doctor has confirmed that with 5 years of medication hallucinations will go away.
#40
I actually have a 'delusion' where I feel like people are making fun of me or lying to me. It has SOME basis in past relationships, but it's made me suspicious and afraid to open up to people. I guard my heart with everything I have, well, normally.
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Mel in Georgia 3 weeks ago
I have done acid and have seen things I knew weren't there. More recently, don't know why, without any medication I've heard or seen things that I knew were just manufactured in my brain but seemed outside of it in reality. Can't imagine how terrifying it must be to become ungrounded and believe what their unhinged brain is telling them. Thank you for sharing. Hope you all get support.
Mel in Georgia 3 weeks ago
I have done acid and have seen things I knew weren't there. More recently, don't know why, without any medication I've heard or seen things that I knew were just manufactured in my brain but seemed outside of it in reality. Can't imagine how terrifying it must be to become ungrounded and believe what their unhinged brain is telling them. Thank you for sharing. Hope you all get support.
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