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Woman Just Can’t Figure Out Why Parents Hate Her BF, She Chooses Him When Given An Ultimatum
Interview With Expert
In your teen years, you may tend to fall for the wrong person and everyone can see it but you. In such times, parents can step in and advise about why it’s not the right thing to do. However, as an adult, when your parents refuse to accept your partner without reason, it sounds abnormal.
Just look at Reddit user Mdizzle19, whose parents didn’t even give a proper reason why they didn’t like her boyfriend. However, all hell broke loose when they gave her an ultimatum that it was either him or them!
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Your parents hating on your partner without any reason definitely does not sound normal
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster has been dating her boyfriend for 6 years, and when her parents first met him, there were no problems, but they didn’t like it when she visited his parents
Image credits: Mdizzle19
Image credits: Chris G / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The parents also didn’t like that she drove when they were invited to the cabin, and they also had a problem when her boyfriend wore his sweatshirt hood up as it was cold
Image credits: Mdizzle19
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Although her parents don’t like him, they never gave a specific reason for it. Instead, they kept finding “issues,” and even gave her an ultimatum
Image credits: Mdizzle19
When she decided to move in with him, her parents said that they found this heartbreaking and claimed that they were losing their daughter
In today’s story, the original poster (OP) tells us about how she just couldn’t figure out her parents’ strange dislike for her boyfriend she has been dating for 6 years. When they met him early on, there were no problems, but when the couple went to meet his parents for a weekend, her mom felt “betrayed.”
That was just the tip of the iceberg, as they started finding more problems with him. They didn’t like the fact that she drove when they went to their cabin as he was “the man,” and they also found it annoying that he put his hood up as it was cold over there. The list just went on with such nonsensical reasons and they claimed he was not a good “fit for the family.”
It kinda became an ultimatum of sorts where they asked her to choose them or him, and things only escalated when she informed them that she was going to live with him. They claimed that they were heartbroken and felt that they were losing their daughter. Well, poor OP tried to resolve the issue by trying to meet them with her boyfriend, but they wanted none of it.
They only wanted to meet her and even told her boyfriend that they never really liked him. Now that is where the poster was stuck in a dilemma, as she couldn’t find a sensible reason for their behavior. She also found it annoying how they conveniently put the blame on her boyfriend for almost everything, so she vented online, and even netizens were baffled by her parents.
To gain deeper insights into the matter, Bored Panda reached out to Muskan Sharma—who has previous experience working as a counselor—for an interview. She mentioned that the parents’ behavior could be rooted in attachment theory, where they may experience anxiety about losing their emotional bond with their child.
“Additionally, cognitive dissonance can play a role, where parents struggle to reconcile their perception of what is best for their child with the reality of the child’s choices. Their ultimatum becomes a way to reduce their discomfort by attempting to assert control over the situation,” she mentioned.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She stressed that pride and the need for control can be linked to narcissistic tendencies or a locus of control issue, where parents feel they must direct their child’s life to ensure what they believe is the “right” outcome. She believes that this perceived control helps them maintain a sense of superiority or authority, and rejecting the partner can be a way to reassert their influence.
Muskan implied that it reflects an authoritarian parenting style, which values obedience and conformity over independence. She also noted that this behavior and their rejection of her partner can trigger identity conflict, where the adult child feels torn between familial expectations and personal desires.
“This can lead to emotional distress and a diminished sense of autonomy, as the child may feel pressured to conform to their parents’ wishes at the expense of their own happiness. Over time, this can result in low self-esteem and anxiety, as the child struggles to assert independence while maintaining familial relationships,” she further explained.
She noted that this would also impact her boyfriend as social comparison theory suggests that ongoing criticism can create a negative feedback loop, leading the targeted partner to feel inferior or unwelcome. This can cause relationship strain as both partners may feel emotionally drained, constantly defending their relationship, as per Muskan.
Lastly, we asked Muskan for advice about how couples can navigate parental disapproval and ensure their relationship stays strong. She concluded with the following important points:
- Couples can utilize emotional resilience and boundary-setting techniques to manage parental disapproval.
- Assertiveness training can help them communicate their needs and establish healthy boundaries with their parents.
- Engaging in couples therapy can provide a supportive space to navigate the emotional challenges and strengthen their bond.
That definitely sounds helpful, doesn’t it? Also, what did you make of the story and the parents’ behavior? Let us know in the comments!
When the poster vented online, folks were equally baffled by the parents and many claimed that this was not normal behavior
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What do you think ?
Debbie 11 months ago
"Is he from another group?" "No we're both white, middle class". But her parents are right wing conservatives and he is not, so yes he is from another group.
Nina 10 months ago
My thoughts exactly. The boyfriend doesn't act like he should as a man according to her parents, they maybe would've like a neanderthal better.
Load More Replies...
Sand Ers 11 months ago (edited)
I had a feeling while reading through this that there was an obvious explanation, and she didn't want to mention it. It finally popped out at the end, after multiple proddings. Mom is a maggot politician. Dad is a raging misogynist dickbag [E: and also a maggot politician]. Both are authoritarian creeps. I'm baffled that she hasn't gone NC years ago.
Sand Ers 11 months ago
She posted an update. Moved in with the partner. Made the solo trip to her parents' to collect her legal documents, and endured a a three hour barrage of abuse in a last ditch attempt to bully her into obedience. Has gone LC. This is a year old, so I hope she's accepted the necessity and gone full NC.
Load More Replies...
Mighty Toastress 11 months ago
The parents want her to stop dating her boyfriend. Maybe she should do this. When she marries him, it's not longer dating. But i guess the next years are going to be very lonely for the parents.
Debbie 11 months ago
"Is he from another group?" "No we're both white, middle class". But her parents are right wing conservatives and he is not, so yes he is from another group.
Nina 10 months ago
My thoughts exactly. The boyfriend doesn't act like he should as a man according to her parents, they maybe would've like a neanderthal better.
Load More Replies... Sand Ers 11 months ago (edited)
I had a feeling while reading through this that there was an obvious explanation, and she didn't want to mention it. It finally popped out at the end, after multiple proddings. Mom is a maggot politician. Dad is a raging misogynist dickbag [E: and also a maggot politician]. Both are authoritarian creeps. I'm baffled that she hasn't gone NC years ago.
Sand Ers 11 months ago
She posted an update. Moved in with the partner. Made the solo trip to her parents' to collect her legal documents, and endured a a three hour barrage of abuse in a last ditch attempt to bully her into obedience. Has gone LC. This is a year old, so I hope she's accepted the necessity and gone full NC.
Load More Replies... Mighty Toastress 11 months ago
The parents want her to stop dating her boyfriend. Maybe she should do this. When she marries him, it's not longer dating. But i guess the next years are going to be very lonely for the parents.
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