Daughter Who Was Disowned By Her Parents For Being Gay Refuses To Support Them Financially, Wonders If She’s Being Cruel
Coming out can be an incredibly difficult and scary experience, especially when the people closest to you react negatively. For Reddit user MadeTheirBed_aita, it resulted in her being disowned by her entire family.
Despite the challenges she faced, however, the woman was able to build a happy life. But then, when everything seemed going great, her parents reached out for help after facing financial struggles, and she was faced with a difficult decision.
This woman came out to her folks when she was 18
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
And her biggest fears came true; her family kicked her out
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: madetheirbed_aita
Parental support is crucial in helping children and teens cope with adversity
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), parental, family, and caregiver support is very valuable in helping children and youth cope with adversity, especially if they encounter stigma or prejudice associated with factors such as their race/ethnicity, gender, disability, sexuality, weight or socioeconomic status.
For example, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth who are accepted by family members and caregivers are more likely to exhibit healthy development in adolescence, e.g., participating actively with peers, showing personal autonomy, and looking forward to the future. So it’s both sad that the author of the post had to grow up as an outcast and heartwarming that she managed to pull through regardless.
“Unconditional love can be problematic”
Image credits: ORION_production (not the actual photo)
In an increasingly polarized world, conversations about children who stop speaking to their parents have become somewhat common. Yet it also happens the other way around, even if the frequency is much lower. A 2015 study conducted by the British estrangement charity Stand Alone showed that 5% of estranged parents had initiated it themselves.
“In both research and popular culture, we rarely hear from parents who estrange themselves from their children because it’s so taboo, and there are very few non-judgemental places to speak openly about the experience,” Lucy Blake, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of West England, Bristol, who specializes in estrangement, told the BBC.
The reasons parents end relationships with their children are similar to the reasons kids cut off their parents. Blake said that among the most commonly cited are family conflict, differences in personal values (such as religious beliefs), substance abuse, and other toxic behavior.
As people reacted to the story, its author provided more info on her situation in the comments
People thought she did nothing wrong and that it’s her parents who need to take a good look in the mirror
I think she handled this exactly right. She was classy not to rub the bio parents’ faces in it, and kind to find those resources for the bio mother. She has taken the high road
Agreed, huge props to her for being the better person. I would not have been so kind I think. I wouldn't have just rubbed their faces in it. I'd have outright taken a metaphorical dump on their entire lives and laughed while doing it. That probably makes me a pretty s****y person but that kind of injustice really just eats at me.
I was gonna say, she’s practically a saint for how she handled this by even giving them resources because I would not have been nearly as calm and level headed. Would’ve rejected them and probably called them back multiple times just to laugh at them, and said some very choice words as well. Had a few friends who their parents threatened to kick them out for being gay and one who was actually out in foster care over it, another dumped 200 miles from home in a known “sundown town” just for the added glee they “might” get hurt. Parents like this boil me with rage and this is a a karmic justice few actually get for it.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. And being a queer hick from Ohio, I'm entirely too familiar with both her parents and sundown towns. There's not "practically" about it, she should be canonized immediately.
Well it's part of Christian charity to offer help to strangers. She did that.
I doubt she considers herself Christian these. What she did was part of human kindness. What her ultra religious Christian parents did was because their religion/church they are involved in deemed homosexuality "wrong" in the eyes of god. I'm not saying Christians can't be charitable. But imo you find more non Christians doing more to help others than not.
Yes, i missed using either """ or /s. I was hoping irony came across instead
My FIRST thought was she should have told them to ask their church for help. 😁
Right?!
It didn't lol sorry.
NTA. If you think about it pragmatically, if they were not in financial straits you would have never heard from them for the rest of your life. Ever. You owe them zero.
Oh come on, that's just cynical. They probably would have contacted her if she won the lottery too.
Snort-laugh. But true
SAME! 🤣🤣
lol
Ha ha, touche'
Only thing I'd change would've been to say, "I'm sorry, who is this? Do I know you?" when dad called. "Father? No, doesn't ring a bell. You must have the wrong number, bye."
Or... Father/Parents? I don't have any Father/Parents. Mine disowned me. So you must have the wrong number etc...
Hindsight is a fine thing 💖
I think she handled this exactly right. She was classy not to rub the bio parents’ faces in it, and kind to find those resources for the bio mother. She has taken the high road
Agreed, huge props to her for being the better person. I would not have been so kind I think. I wouldn't have just rubbed their faces in it. I'd have outright taken a metaphorical dump on their entire lives and laughed while doing it. That probably makes me a pretty s****y person but that kind of injustice really just eats at me.
I was gonna say, she’s practically a saint for how she handled this by even giving them resources because I would not have been nearly as calm and level headed. Would’ve rejected them and probably called them back multiple times just to laugh at them, and said some very choice words as well. Had a few friends who their parents threatened to kick them out for being gay and one who was actually out in foster care over it, another dumped 200 miles from home in a known “sundown town” just for the added glee they “might” get hurt. Parents like this boil me with rage and this is a a karmic justice few actually get for it.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. And being a queer hick from Ohio, I'm entirely too familiar with both her parents and sundown towns. There's not "practically" about it, she should be canonized immediately.
Well it's part of Christian charity to offer help to strangers. She did that.
I doubt she considers herself Christian these. What she did was part of human kindness. What her ultra religious Christian parents did was because their religion/church they are involved in deemed homosexuality "wrong" in the eyes of god. I'm not saying Christians can't be charitable. But imo you find more non Christians doing more to help others than not.
Yes, i missed using either """ or /s. I was hoping irony came across instead
My FIRST thought was she should have told them to ask their church for help. 😁
Right?!
It didn't lol sorry.
NTA. If you think about it pragmatically, if they were not in financial straits you would have never heard from them for the rest of your life. Ever. You owe them zero.
Oh come on, that's just cynical. They probably would have contacted her if she won the lottery too.
Snort-laugh. But true
SAME! 🤣🤣
lol
Ha ha, touche'
Only thing I'd change would've been to say, "I'm sorry, who is this? Do I know you?" when dad called. "Father? No, doesn't ring a bell. You must have the wrong number, bye."
Or... Father/Parents? I don't have any Father/Parents. Mine disowned me. So you must have the wrong number etc...
Hindsight is a fine thing 💖