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Woman Faces Reality After Parent Wants To Sell Home She’s Been Living Rent-Free In For 2 Years
Woman Faces Reality After Parent Wants To Sell Home She’s Been Living Rent-Free In For 2 Years
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Woman Faces Reality After Parent Wants To Sell Home She’s Been Living Rent-Free In For 2 Years

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Parental obligations usually last until the child turns 18, the age of maturity in most places. Any form of providing beyond that duration would be out of the goodness of their heart. 

Unfortunately, some kids seem to blur those lines and feel entitled to receive support. A 26-year-old woman received a massive favor from her parent, who provided her with free housing for two years. When the house went up for sale, she began acting out and resorting to harsh name-calling. 

Feeling torn by their decision and burdened with the daughter’s reaction, the parent turned to the AITAH subreddit for answers and opinions. Scroll down for the story below. 

RELATED:

    Some parents continue to provide support to their adult children out of the goodness of their heart

    Image credits: Binyamin Mellish / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    This person decided to provide free housing for their daughter and her husband, who were struggling financially

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    Image credits: varyapigu / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

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    The author decided to sell, which didn’t sit well with the daughter

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    Image credits: Unique_Molasses_9987

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    Image credits: Alexander Mils / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    47% of parents in the United States still provide financial support to their adult children

    The story about adult children relying on their parents for financial support isn’t new. Recent statistics by Savings.com reveal that nearly half of parents in the US continue to provide monetary compensation. These numbers don’t include grown-up children with disabilities. 

    According to the May report, parents spent around $1,364 monthly on their adult children. 46% gave money for vacations and “discretionary spending,” while 18% helped their kids pay off credit card debts. 

    A growing number of people also seem to feel they’ve sacrificed their financial security to help their adult children. In 2023, 37% of parents felt this way, which jumped to 58% this year. 

    In an interview with the Pew Research Center, people blamed several factors for these ongoing trends. A 56-year-old man pointed out how “expensive our society has become,” while a 44-year-old woman believes today’s younger people “are forced to work full time at less than a living wage.”

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    However, some parents feel they are to blame. A 60-year-old woman feels they are “too enabling” toward their kids, which creates a sense of entitlement. The author provided sparse details, but based on their account, this is likely what happened to their daughter. 

    Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    There must be balance and boundaries when it comes to parental support for adult children

    Loving parents will never stop supporting their kids, no matter their age. However, experts emphasize the importance of striking a balance and setting boundaries. 

    For financial planner and physician Dr. Carolyn McClanahan, parents must first develop a solid financial plan for their future and then set a budget for how much they would give their children. 

    “You need to create boundaries and figure out a balance,” Dr. McClanahan told CNBC

    For Virginia-based financial advisor Isabel Barrow, striking a fair deal with their kids could also work. While they provide some financial support, the children could promise to contribute 10% of their salary to a 401(k). 

    “If they have income, they have a job, they can save. That needs to be their commitment to you,” Barrow stated.

    According to the account, the author did their part by allowing the daughter and her husband to get back on their feet. Also, the couple already had money for renovations, which likely meant things were beginning to look up. 

    However, the family could have talked it out calmly without hurling hurtful words and instead looked for a compromise. No amount of money or financial favor is worth damaging a relationship for. 

    What do you think, readers? Was there anyone who was more at fault in this scenario?

    The author provided more information

    For a few commenters, the parent was at fault for creating tension within the family

    However, some sided with the author for allowing the daughter to live in the house rent-free

    There were also those who blamed everyone involved

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

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    Miguel Ordoñez

    Miguel Ordoñez

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

    What do you think ?
    Koala ala ala
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yea we aren't getting the full story here, if the point of them being there was that it was short term to help them get back on their feet, no way would they have been spending all that money remodeling the house instead of saving, I think we're getting a very skewed version of events nere

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was thinking the same thing. I'd like to hear the daughter's side of the story.

    Load More Replies...
    Katchen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP lives five hours away, hasn’t seen the house for a year, AND is sick of seeing the house? Huh?

    JanaK
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Taxes? Utilities for the daughter? The house is sucking OP's money. I wouldn't wanna pay too.

    Load More Replies...
    BewilderedBanana
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Meh... Pretty sure OP is telling the complete story. If her daughter didn't have money to pay for rent, where did the money to do the major refurbishment come from? And how was the refurbishment was done without OP's knowledge? Redoing a kitchen, stairs and bathroom isn't a quick job and I find it hard to believe that the daughter never mentioned any of it. The proper way to go about this would have been to set up some sort of written contract/agreement where both parties knew exactly what they were getting into and what options were available to them. Too late for that now, of course, so OP pretty much has to choose between a house/money and a daughter. In OP's situation i would either ask them to start paying rent (if they had money for major renovations, rent shouldn't be a problem) or offer to reimburse them for the work they did. That way, they move out with some cash and not empty handed. But why ask if you're TA and then attack anyone who says you are or might be?

    Acruss
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you have 2 years where you don't have to pay rent or pay for utilities would allow you to save up money. Also they had problems WHEN they were MOVING IN, not that they had problems the entire two years.

    Load More Replies...
    Nimitz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another weighted opinion. No mention of offering to sell the house to the daughter. Why not take money on installments? Dude has no idea they were improving the house so he's not visited, but being a landlord is a "burden"? Why not let the daughter take over the payments of property taxes etc and then work towards purchasing the house outright? This is just another boomer looking to sell property and take it easy while the kids fend for themselves. Wants her to move out and find some place to rent so he can liquidate and swim in cash instead of renting/selling to her. Dude doesn't even mention selling and reimbursing her. I bet the place was badly dilapidated or dirty or full of hoarder stuff, he told the daughter she could move in if she fixed it up, now she did and probably significantly increased the value so he sees dollar signs. Same as my parents, same as the boomer parents of everyone I know.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the comments op says daughter can't afford it, si about 400k to 500k, not including the updates.

    Load More Replies...
    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even when owned outright, houses aren't free. You still have insurance, taxes, utilities, and upkeep. All that is out of OPs pocket. Daughter decided to sink money into a property that wasn't hers. She thought she got a free ride and would live there without paying OP a cent until she inherited the house. Sucks for her. Now she has 6 months to save her "rehab money" for a deposit on a new place. Plenty of notice.

    rullyman
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the real question here- was the property mortgage free? What are property taxes in the area? Any other costs? Because there's a difference between living *rent* free, and living completely free. Even if the daughter needed time to get on her feet, I still would have expected her to pay utilities and taxes. But I also think there has been very poor communication here. Did OP say something like "stay here as long as you need to", for example? Why did the daughter put all that money into the house, and how did she have money for home renovation but not a deposit? Did she get into debt making those upgrades? Too many questions

    Load More Replies...
    Charles McChristy
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell the daughter she can subtract the upgrades from the two years of rent they didn't pay. This is insane. Even if the changes came to the total of $54.000 then you would be even. Absolutely NTA.

    Amy Manzanares
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is OP the AH? Family comes first, but does that entitle the daughter and her husband to a free house that isn't theirs? She has been entirely generous and given them two years plus 6 months to save up and find secure housing. It sounds like the daughter assumed mom was going to give her the house and made upgrades instead. I stand to receive an inheritance. I'm not assuming or planning to receive anything and will be thankful for anything I get.

    Carole G.
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Should have signed a lease even if only 50$ a month. I cannot believe the OP paid for utilities as well. Free does not help with learning responsibilities. I can see both sides actually. OP needs to have a good, gentle sit-down with his daughter & SIL. While I don't believe the bit about seeing the house & he's missing mom, I do believe he has every right to sell & keep the proceeds himself. They may have upgraded however 2 years of free rent & utilities is quite enough & they should & need to understand that.

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems like there's an obvious solution - sell the house and then reimburse the daughter for the cost of improvements, which would also, presumably, have added to the market value of the house.

    Amy Manzanares
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why reimburse? They lived there rent free for 2 years plus six months! Instead of upgrading on a home that was not theirs, they should have been saving money and finding their own home.

    Load More Replies...
    Fellfromthemoon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Snackmomster76 is best, on point, offering ideas that still can lead to a solution for both parties.

    Load More Comments
    Koala ala ala
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yea we aren't getting the full story here, if the point of them being there was that it was short term to help them get back on their feet, no way would they have been spending all that money remodeling the house instead of saving, I think we're getting a very skewed version of events nere

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was thinking the same thing. I'd like to hear the daughter's side of the story.

    Load More Replies...
    Katchen
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP lives five hours away, hasn’t seen the house for a year, AND is sick of seeing the house? Huh?

    JanaK
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Taxes? Utilities for the daughter? The house is sucking OP's money. I wouldn't wanna pay too.

    Load More Replies...
    BewilderedBanana
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Meh... Pretty sure OP is telling the complete story. If her daughter didn't have money to pay for rent, where did the money to do the major refurbishment come from? And how was the refurbishment was done without OP's knowledge? Redoing a kitchen, stairs and bathroom isn't a quick job and I find it hard to believe that the daughter never mentioned any of it. The proper way to go about this would have been to set up some sort of written contract/agreement where both parties knew exactly what they were getting into and what options were available to them. Too late for that now, of course, so OP pretty much has to choose between a house/money and a daughter. In OP's situation i would either ask them to start paying rent (if they had money for major renovations, rent shouldn't be a problem) or offer to reimburse them for the work they did. That way, they move out with some cash and not empty handed. But why ask if you're TA and then attack anyone who says you are or might be?

    Acruss
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you have 2 years where you don't have to pay rent or pay for utilities would allow you to save up money. Also they had problems WHEN they were MOVING IN, not that they had problems the entire two years.

    Load More Replies...
    Nimitz
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another weighted opinion. No mention of offering to sell the house to the daughter. Why not take money on installments? Dude has no idea they were improving the house so he's not visited, but being a landlord is a "burden"? Why not let the daughter take over the payments of property taxes etc and then work towards purchasing the house outright? This is just another boomer looking to sell property and take it easy while the kids fend for themselves. Wants her to move out and find some place to rent so he can liquidate and swim in cash instead of renting/selling to her. Dude doesn't even mention selling and reimbursing her. I bet the place was badly dilapidated or dirty or full of hoarder stuff, he told the daughter she could move in if she fixed it up, now she did and probably significantly increased the value so he sees dollar signs. Same as my parents, same as the boomer parents of everyone I know.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the comments op says daughter can't afford it, si about 400k to 500k, not including the updates.

    Load More Replies...
    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even when owned outright, houses aren't free. You still have insurance, taxes, utilities, and upkeep. All that is out of OPs pocket. Daughter decided to sink money into a property that wasn't hers. She thought she got a free ride and would live there without paying OP a cent until she inherited the house. Sucks for her. Now she has 6 months to save her "rehab money" for a deposit on a new place. Plenty of notice.

    rullyman
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the real question here- was the property mortgage free? What are property taxes in the area? Any other costs? Because there's a difference between living *rent* free, and living completely free. Even if the daughter needed time to get on her feet, I still would have expected her to pay utilities and taxes. But I also think there has been very poor communication here. Did OP say something like "stay here as long as you need to", for example? Why did the daughter put all that money into the house, and how did she have money for home renovation but not a deposit? Did she get into debt making those upgrades? Too many questions

    Load More Replies...
    Charles McChristy
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell the daughter she can subtract the upgrades from the two years of rent they didn't pay. This is insane. Even if the changes came to the total of $54.000 then you would be even. Absolutely NTA.

    Amy Manzanares
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is OP the AH? Family comes first, but does that entitle the daughter and her husband to a free house that isn't theirs? She has been entirely generous and given them two years plus 6 months to save up and find secure housing. It sounds like the daughter assumed mom was going to give her the house and made upgrades instead. I stand to receive an inheritance. I'm not assuming or planning to receive anything and will be thankful for anything I get.

    Carole G.
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Should have signed a lease even if only 50$ a month. I cannot believe the OP paid for utilities as well. Free does not help with learning responsibilities. I can see both sides actually. OP needs to have a good, gentle sit-down with his daughter & SIL. While I don't believe the bit about seeing the house & he's missing mom, I do believe he has every right to sell & keep the proceeds himself. They may have upgraded however 2 years of free rent & utilities is quite enough & they should & need to understand that.

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems like there's an obvious solution - sell the house and then reimburse the daughter for the cost of improvements, which would also, presumably, have added to the market value of the house.

    Amy Manzanares
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why reimburse? They lived there rent free for 2 years plus six months! Instead of upgrading on a home that was not theirs, they should have been saving money and finding their own home.

    Load More Replies...
    Fellfromthemoon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Snackmomster76 is best, on point, offering ideas that still can lead to a solution for both parties.

    Load More Comments
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