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No matter how good a judge of character you think you are, you may still miss the toxic behaviors in the people you meet. Fortunately, there are oddly specific signs you can look out for that may warn you that this person could be a problem to deal with.
Here are some of them, according to a recent Reddit thread. Many of these are red-flag traits you may already expect, while others seem harmless but are actually serious causes for concern.
Scroll through to see what they are, and feel free to join the conversation in the comments below.
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#1
When a stranger runs up to you and says, “Hey hey hey! Let me ask you something real quick”. It’s never quick and it’s always a hassle.
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#2
If you cut the queue. They literally have no respect for others and believe the world is there to cater to them.
#3
They treat people differently based on whether they think those people can do something for them. That's one of the biggest red flags I know.
#4
They start saying things that don't quite add up. "Martha said you didn't do X task," when you did. "Bob was so mad," when Bob isn't one to get mad, especially about something like that. The person is lying to manipulate people and start pitting them against each other to inflate their own importance.
#5
When they are constantly the victim in their life’s story. Everyone else is insane/unreasonable: their employer, their friends, their significant other, their family, that guy they made eye contact with once when they were crossing the street.
Know that this person (guy or gal) will be constant drama and a huge problem.
#7
Suddenly get deeply, zealously religious.
I've seen so many people go off the deep end, and because it's religion most people in their sphere won't treat it like the break from reality that it is.
I've seen it happen more than once, and it always precedes a complete mental collapse, often destroying that persons life and having a huge negative impact on their friends and family.
#12
If you are starting a job, and there is someone who has been a manager for several years, but none of there subordinates have ever been promoted or have more than a year or two in the job, that manager is going to be a problem.
#13
They start defending themselves about something you never even considered (“I don’t steal”, “I don’t cheat”, etc.).
#14
A general attitude of people being inferior to them unless they are beautiful or useful to them.
#17
Dated a girl briefly, on and off, who described herself as a mirror. Didn't immediately raise a red flag and she wasn't awful by any means, but she used it as an unfair defense.
For example, if she wasn't showing interest or putting forth effort, it was only because she was mirroring my own lack of interest or effort. Realized that there was no meeting halfway when that's your attitude. Any fault of hers could automatically be turned around as my fault.
#18
When they drop a "random fact" about themselves and expect everyone else in the room to ask about it.
One time I was getting to know my friend's new gf and randomly she just says "I don't like January, I really won't go out and do anything in January." and I say, "okay."
A few beats later and she asks me why I'm not asking her why she won't go out in January. I tell her that if she wants to tell me, I'm sure she will. She looked really offended and almost yelled "My brother died in January 5 years ago! I can't do anything in January!" "Okay, I'm sorry for your loss."
And she looked like she wanted to end me.
#19
“I’ll tell you what the problem with the world is today…”
This is someone about to share their narrow paradigm, and who has closed down their horizons.
#20
They take your "no" as an opening gambit for negotiations. "Oh come on, just one drink!" Or "it'll be fun, don't be boring!" Or anything else, depending on what the "no" was about.
#22
When they talk a lot of bad stuff about other people. Kinda makes you wonder what they say about you behind your back.
#24
Anyone (man or woman) who calls women “females”. Every time I’ve tried to give the benefit of the doubt here I’ve regretted it.
#25
Telling everyone what others gossiped about them. Why is it that people are so comfortable talking bad about anybody infront of you?
#26
If they spend their day “dealing” with “stupid people” I assume they’re self centered and have anger issues. They’re more likely to be impolite too.
#32
They talk down to women, especially when they’re attractive or have a good job. A certain kind of man just starts off with a mocking tone and gets ruder all the time. They’re absolute nightmares as co-workers.
#35
When they hit you with the “I don’t do drama.” Like, they’re always the ones doing the most drama. No exceptions.
#36
There is a creepy church in my city that sends young people to drive around the city in a minivan with tinted windows. They pull up next to people, who are alone, in parking lots or walking their dogs and say "Would you like to go to church with us?".
When they approached me, I was loading my car with groceries and I said "so you're the ones driving around targeting people who are by themselves and trying to lure them in your dark van?" I had to tease them. The way their faces fell was hilarious. They clearly had never considered their approach as being intimidating for those on the receiving end.
#38
When they say "you'll never meet another person like me" and ends up being the most basic jerk.
#40
When I'm cycling down the canal, there is a certain posture that middle aged white women have that makes me know no matter way I do, slow down get off the bike or keep as I am, they'll start snarling at me and try to get in my way.
When I recognize it, I usually do a huge smile and say morning before they have time to react to me and it slows them down enough to get past. I normally add a really big thank you and know that it leaves them seething.
#41
They look around to see who's nearby before they start to talk. 9 times out of 10 they're about to say something they know is offensive.
#42
They ask for a favor early in the friendship. A litmus test to see how much they can get out of you. Im not talking "can you pass the creamer" it will be a "oh man my car is broken down and no one will help me can you take to the bank and the grocery store".
#43
People who go out of their way to be "nice" but seem impossible to really get to know, despite how much time you spend with them.
These are not necessarily horrible people, but they can be very problematic to have in your life.
They are usually compulsive people-pleasers who are, at best, tiringly insecure and unreliable. At worst, they will stab you in the back when you least expect it if it means they can please someone they want to get to more than you.
#44
They make phone calls in public at work that should be private. Yes, I’m interested in seeing the $800k house for sale this evening, can you arrange it?
#46
Is “about to be” is in the immediate sense? If someone is dealing with a normal but frustrating situation and their speech starts getting faster and a little louder with each exchange and they seem to be prepared for confrontation instead of cooperation, they become more focused on the problem than the solution, or if their ego and sense of pride/“you saying I’m ___??” Then you’re dealing someone who is very much about to become a problem. .
#49
Customers that read your name tag and then proceed to address you by your name during the initial interaction are 1.) Getting off on the power imbalance by showing off that they know more about you than you do about them 2.) Preemptively memorizing your name to make a complaint to corporate before you have even had a chance to try and help them or 3.) Little of both.
#50
When you're out at a restaurant, you can tell how much of a problem someone is going to be based on how they treat the server.
#53
I’m a cashier and I have lots of the same conversations with hundreds of people. I can just tell when someone is going to hold up a line or get mad.
It’s mostly in their voice and in their responses. For example we often have people who don’t understand digital coupons so I gotta explain it to em. Few people actually listen to what I have to say and actually do it, the large majority of them either think it’s too much work and refuse to do it or they straight up ignore me.
I have had multiple occasions of someone completely ignoring me, get overcharged because they didn’t give a rewards number, which I asked for multiple times. Then complain that I overcharged them and whine about going to customer service.
You don’t need to talk to a cashier, if you do put in all the right info and just pay them we literally don’t need to speak a single word… but you should always listen and answer the questions they ask and the advice they have.
#56
When they know about item returns more than you and love to mention the sales of goods act. Yes, you still need a receipt Debra, yes 3 months ago is an issue.
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