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59 Hilarious And Unhinged Notes From Charts That Patients Were Never Supposed To Know
For those of you who are fans of medical dramas like The Pitt, you likely noticed the doctors and nurses mention or get hold of a patient’s note chart. Also referred to as electronic health records, they contain an individual’s personal details, medical history, allergies, medications, and progress notes.
These documents contain critical information, but who’s to say that they can’t get unhinged from time to time? The following posts are proof, courtesy of people on Threads who have seen it firsthand.
Whether or not they are real, most of these may have you cracking up as you scroll through. Enjoy the quick laughs today.
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#1
"Transferred To Jesus" on a note faxed to the office from the ER overnight.
Bill Swallow 22 minutes ago
... Is that "Jeezus" or "Hay Zeus", the Hispanic doctor in the next ward?
RELATED:
#2
I have a file somewhere on my PC from many years ago which has (supposedly) real notes from Drs. Gems include:
“Genital examination of the pt revealed he is circus sized”
“Pt has no shaking chills or rigours, but husband states she was very hot in bed last night”
And my all-time favourite: “Pt has two teenage children but no other abnormalities” 🤣
#4
For a college aged patient who was sobering up in the ER: “They have metabolized to freedom.”
#5
Had a doctor that did his rounds on Halloween dressed as Elvis. His brother (also a doc) consulted on one of his brother’s patients. After he’d made his rounds. Doctor noted:
“Patient claims to have seen Elvis. Will continue to follow up.”
#7
I’m a social worker (sorry) but I once read a nephrologist note declaring my elderly patient a “toothless party animal.”
#8
Dr wrote in pt chart “I can’t believe this pt is still alive.”
#10
Patient attempted hunger strike. Lasted 20 minutes.
#11
I worked at an O&P office. My favorite letter for medical necessity was, “PT (58m) had lower leg amputated at 18 due to cancer, and it is not anticipated to grow back”.
#13
Urologist doing a consult: “Social history: patient has no history of tobacco, alcohol, or illicit substance use due to his status as a BABY IN THE NEWBORN NURSERY.” (Yes, handwritten in all caps.)
Shade heard loud and clear, bud.
(Probably not the most unhinged, but definitely one of the funnier ones.)
Elladine DesIsles 1 hour ago
I would think it might be rather important to know if an infant had been born with such a history, albeit involuntarily, as that is all too common and can have numerous health impacts.
#14
I was taking care of a patient with a stab wound. In the physician trauma notes it said “caused by baby mama drama”.
#15
I had a delivery once where baby presented with head slightly deflexed, making for a *tough* delivery. Misshapen head, floppy as hell. Neo NP swears the kid has a syndrome or something and baby gets transferred to our Level 3 NICU
Genetics note the next day: “neonate had syndromic-appearing facies, but parents present, and resemblance noted” 💀💀
(Sorry I jumped on a nurse post, but too good not to share 😂)
#16
“Patient has been vomiting every 10 minutes since 1945”
(It meant since 19:45 also known as 7:45pm. )
otiose (abort trump) 41 minutes ago
That's the difference between military time and 24 hour clock - military time doesn't use a colon.
#17
I'm not a nurse but in my diagnosis papers for my autism it says that I love constipated animals.. the Swedish words for constipation and taxidermy are very similar. I do in fact NOT enjoy collecting constipated animals.
#19
Diagnosis on chart: “Hungry for a turkey sandwich.”
#20
Student nurse charting on a fresh C/Section patient. All was fine until his last line - ‘moves well, is good in bed.’ 😂 TRUE story!
#21
“Elderly patient hallucinating pretty girls around them. Patient is blind.”
“Patient acting erratic and rolling around in mud at springs stating they’re a mermaid.”
#22
Not a nurse but a note in my CCHD daughter's chart when she was an infant and having to see her cardiologist every 1.5 weeks..."Mom has been using Google again..."
#23
Recently seen in an elderly lady's PCP visit "uses expletives liberally but non-belligerently."
otiose (abort trump) 39 minutes ago
Polite way to say curses like a sailor (every other word).
#24
Not a nurse, but my own chart note: “Major depressive disorder. Mood improved since getting divorced.” Dear reader, I did not mention my divorce.
#25
Neurologist note for a verbally aggressive patient:
“Patient is still mean. CT head in AM.”
That was the whole note 😭
#26
On a frail 90 something year old admitted for dehydration- a PRN order that said “give my man as many Ensures as he wants.”
#27
I worked on an inpatient MH unit once, asked a patient if they wanted anything to eat and they said “I eat souls for breakfast, my diet is water and demons” had to chart “Patient declined food offered due it not being souls, water or demons.”
otiose (abort trump) 35 minutes ago
Sounds more like they just didn't want to cooperate in feeding the patient - could have offered water or their soul! Summoned a demon for them?
#28
A verbal diagnosis from a consult not a charted note, Consultant-“I have examined this baby. I believe he has GOK.” Me (nurse) “Oh, okay? What’s GOK?” Consultant-“God Only Knows.” He laughs, walks away.
#29
Where im from there’s a town called ‘New Parks’ and quite frequently there’d be NFNP(normal for new parks) written in notes. It was NOT a good thing.
#30
“Beautiful pink nose :)” to clarify I was a vet tech. That note did nothing to help me with the fractious cat I had, no note about that.
#31
"Keep eye on resident at all times, especially when doing care. Failure to do so may result in flying feces."
My dear friend.... flying [feces] was not the worst thing.
otiose (abort trump) 32 minutes ago (edited)
So help me out here and name some thing that is worse than flying shít, fellow pandas...
#32
Had to download my daughter's notes for a different provider and her psychiatrist wrote "patient presents as very silly."
#33
Had a patient brought inbox EMS who was extremely inebriated and would only yell at the top of his lungs to questions. Triage nurse entered reason for visit as "Hypervodkaemia" and included a note "Patient states 'Aye eeee aye eee' at loud volume when asked about history."
#34
Documenting a code white (violent or aggressive patient) where a patient attempted to [attack] the nurse: “Writer dodged all punches”.
#35
Not a nurse but at the urgent care, “Pt assumes her vericose veins were implanted by her neighbor to track her for the governments research purposes.” We didn’t see her again after that.
#37
Funny but not unhinged- “large brown stool ambulating in hall”. Punctuation is important when charting.
#39
Years ago in the UK an admission letter sent from one MD to another; "Thank you for accepting this mountain of woman."
#40
In the days when doctors wrote in order books… one resident, after ordering peritoneal dialysis, then wrote “Go, Mets!” Strange, but even worse because it was a Boston hospital!
#41
The chief of surgery at my medical school used to order beer for some inpatients. He’d just write “beer” in green magic marker, taking up a whole page in the chart.
Bill Swallow 9 minutes ago
I understand beer can be good for keeping the kidneys flushed out. Depending on the beer, it can be much more enjoyable than cranberry juice.
#42
Resident told her roommate to “go back to hell” and roommate replied, “show me the way.”
I can’t remember the rest, but I put in my PN: resident is calm. No outbursts observed/reported. Called on call to recommend Quetiapine be switched over to routine.
#43
My son has a note on his chart at the pediatrician that says “cutest kid ever”. Not unhinged, but they always ask me about it.
#44
“Patient stated that he can butcher a pig in six minutes and therefore can butcher me in eight minutes, including the tongue”
Yeah, we had a pretty delirious and aggressive dude.
#45
I recently found a note in my chart from when I was in college that said I was "remarkably noncompliant" with taking my medication regularly. What was the medication for, you ask? ADHD.
I laughed so hard when I read that, because she was right but also that seems pretty normal for that age and condition.
#46
When I was in residency, we consulted surgery at the VA (I don’t remember for what now) and the attending left a note that said “very interesting story, but no obvious need for surgical intervention as yet.”
That’s it. That was the note.
#47
I got in trouble as a Cna for charting:”suspected yeast infection under third abdominal roll.” I found out that your supposed to say skin folds, not rolls.
#48
“Pt scratched by cat. Cat is usually an inside cat but was in heat and got outside”
That was the entire triage note.
#49
“Blood sugars are high in their mind” —-> the way I hollered when I saw this and BG levels were normal the whole hospitalization and after glucose tolerance testing.
#50
I worked as an office manager for a surgeon. I once read “self inflicted eye trauma. Patient attempted to tattoo sclera with sharpie”. Another time “patient cut eye with steak knife trying to remove clothing tag.”
#51
I read too many notes to remember them so allergies are my favorite. This one is in my Top 3.
#53
Not a nurse but my two favorite social work consults with very few words:
1) patient is very old
2) help
#54
“TFTB” (too fat to breathe).
“In addition to blissful and rather dense organic brain syndrome..."
#58
Podiatry consult for toe amp. Was describing the pts uncontrolled sugars and said “pt reports eating biscuits at all times”.
#59
This line- ‘Patient is a BFS: Big Fat Slug (underlined twice)’ Awful.
Amusing one: ‘Discharge to SNIFF’ 🤣
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