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25
“My Senses Were Right”: Woman Buys House, Doesn’t Tell Roommate Until The Last Minute
These days, buying a home is a feat in itself, considering how challenging it has been over the recent years. Especially if you’re a millennial or a member of Gen Z, it’s an accomplishment worth celebrating.
But for this woman, it’s a life milestone filled with tension after she got in a heated episode with her longtime roommate. The reason: she broke the news abruptly and left the other person with nothing but a 30-day notice.
The woman felt she did nothing wrong, but nonetheless asked the Reddit community for answers.
RELATED:
Getting to buy a house as a young person in today’s market is a commendable accomplishment
Image credits: zamrznutitonovi / Envato (not the actual photo)
But for this woman, it became a hectic, tension-filled affair
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She later explained some parts of her story for clarification
Image credits: texas_stargazer18
More people are burdened by their rent, and they rely on roommates for help
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author may not feel like her roommate won’t be financially affected by her sudden move, but that may not be the case. A recent report by Harvard’s Joint Center for Housing Studies revealed that in 2022, 12.1 million people were spending more than half of their income on rent.
This is likely why many young people who live away from home rely on roommates to shoulder the costs. According to a 2022 survey by rent payment platform Flex, that’s 14.4 million people in America between the ages of 25 and 34.
The roommate’s reaction to the surprising turn of events was understandable. They are about to face a potentially hefty financial burden, which more than 21 million people in America also go through.
They definitely deserved more than a 30-day heads-up, as it was a significant change in their living situation. In such scenarios, experts like psychotherapist Courtney Glashow, LCSW, recognize that the timing of divulging these essential changes is crucial.
As she told Well And Good, it gives the roommate ample time to figure out their next living arrangement. It also helps keep the friendship once you start living apart.
If the woman wasn’t too keen about delivering premature news, she could’ve given an earlier notice about possibly buying a home and moving out. Breaking the news almost last-minute with a 30-day notice to boot isn’t a good look.
The woman provided more information by responding to comments
Many thought she was in the wrong for failing to consider how the change would affect the roommate
But some people also sided with her
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What do you think ?
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
OP came back to state that throwing cupcakes was not the first instance of her feeling unsafe and/or unwelcome in her home so I'm giving her a pass. It's actually the land[person]'s responsibility to fill that room unless the roomies want to move someone in who they actually like and won't throw cupcakes at.
David L 6 months ago
Most probably all made up to try and justify their terrible behaviour.
Load More Replies...
Anyone-for-tea? 6 months ago
Finding a new roommate isn’t difficult but finding one that you actually want to live with is a whole different matter. And definitely would take longer than 30 days. You never know someone until you live with them.
Kit Black 6 months ago
And having lived together for at least a year apparently Op knew that roommate well enough not to want to tell her *anything* until it was finalized....
Load More Replies...
Royal Stray 6 months ago
I'm torn if it was a good friend OP should have told them to give them time to find a new roommate. But if they continuously violate boundaries and have outbursts where they throw things OP should just get tf out of there and not speak to them again. Also how is this person a good friend if they have done things like that several times before?
Jaya 6 months ago (edited)
So, first OP says roommate was a good friend until this event, but later says the roommate violated boundaries repeatedly? Sounds like they're just trying to convince everyone that they're the victim here, because OP didn't like how people are voting. Both people are a**holes: if you already knew you were hoping to move out, you should have just told your roommate before, so that they could start preparing for finding someone or mentally prepare for it. The roommate is obviously a major a**hole for throwing the cupcakes, that's absolutely not okay, ever.
Michelle C 6 months ago
Those YTAs are upsetting...OP has no obligation to let them know anything outside what is legally required. I wonder what she considers friends because a real friend would be happy for you and not throw baked goods. It's good she didn't tell them because they probably would've discouraged her.
DC 6 months ago
Y or N TA depends largely on how severe and, generally, how your boundaries were violated. Ate part of your food? Had a camera in the bathroom? There's a lot that can be called so, and depending on that, it could be a plethora of a peacounter's complaints laid onto roommate, or it could be several instances of actually violating actual, real, reasonable boundaries. Which is? I can't answer without that. With everything fine, 30 days can be pretty short. With nothing fine, 3 days may already be unbearable. So ... I can't answer. I guess that I just don't know.
Mike F 6 months ago
At the end of the day, the OP doesn't OWE the roommate anything except the rent. It could have been the culmination of a lot of little things, or it could have been simply that the OP decided to spread their wings. If the roommate was a bit less self centered they would be happy for the OP to score their own home while being disappointed behind closed doors. Coming unglued is not the ideal way to react to the news. Short notice? Sure, but there's always someone looking for a housing situation.
Load More Replies...
KrazyChiMama 6 months ago
I moved out on my own at age 19 to a one bedroom efficiency apartment. It was tiny but the rent was reasonable and it was all mine. I loved it! I didn’t love the noisy neighbors and paper thin walls, but aside from that it was better than living with roommates. I, being young and naive, forgot to budget for food so I lived on ramen noodles and baked potatoes for a few months. But living here, I was able to set aside money from each paycheck to save up for a down payment on my house. It’s not easy, sacrifices must be made like not going out every weekend with friends and spending your savings, cooking your own meals and skipping takeout, ect. It can be done, even in this economy, it will just take longer to save up enough money. For those wondering, I worked in a hospital as a unit secretary making slightly more than minimum wage. This was back in 1992. By the time I bought my house, I had finished school and got about a $4.00 per hour raise but was still employed at the same hospital. I got married at age 24 and I did not have my husband’s name added to the deed either. I worked my butt off for this house and it’s mine. If we were to split there was no way I’d be selling and giving him half. He fully understands and we’ve never had any problems with this arrangement. Next year we celebrate our 25th anniversary and we are hopefully closing on our dream country home in August. This one will be in both of our names. :)
Natalia 6 months ago
It was a d**n sight cheaper to buy a house in 1992 than it is now.
Load More Replies...
ॐBoyGanesh 6 months ago (edited)
I inherited my home in the same city I lived in, which has astronomically high rent. I knew I was likely to inherit it sooner than later as my last surviving grandparent was on palliative care. Much like OP, there was a good chance I was going to have a new home shortly. I told my roommate that I’d be moving out & would pay for the remainder of the month we were in plus two additional months and gradually move. Instead of throwing s**t, they are very happy for me. They, too, would have had to find a new roommate or move ASAP. They did just that before the current month was up. Because they were a friend & understood. It’s not hard to find a good roommate in 30 days in most places. Never once did I tell them I’d likely becoming a home soon as it wasn’t their business. I took care of me & they took care of them without any issue. Especially throwing things. Just because things change for the better for one person doesn’t mean another needs to feel slighted.
K Barnes 6 months ago
You gave them over 60 days, not 30, which is a big difference. I am sure your former roommate benefited from the extra time, 30 days is not much to find a new roommate. I suspect the OP made up the throwing cupcakes story, tbh.
Load More Replies... Manny 6 months ago
It's none of their business. She is not responsible for them. They need to act like adults and figure it out. All they have to do is get a new roommate. The ones saying she is TA are probably the same ones that are like the roommate. Expect someone else to take care of them. She doesn't owe them anything.
Eliza 6 months ago
I don't expect anything from anyone, and don't want it so I don't know what you're chirping about.
Load More Replies...
Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
Well it was two yr ago , but having bought houses myself (I live in uk ) c**p can n does happen ,and until you ligit close , you have no dam ideaWHEN or even IF it will actually happen , never had to deal with room mates tho ,thank god lol bar my kids obvs ,so im on ops side here ,they were having a hard time with mortgage , so you realistically CANNOT give them any kinda time line until you knew ! however , when you knew you were set financially to start looking for a house to buy , maybe you could have mentioned it ,like hey I’ve decided to look around for a house to buy , no idea how long it will take etc but WHEN I get any kind time frame I will give you a heads up ,to look for a new roomie ,even if they have to move in before I leave kinda thing , here in uk it is standard to give one month notice that’s all , so your room mate 100% over reacted !! they won’t lose their home ffs just need a new roomie , me I’d be proud of you ,and pleased for you , blessed be x
Betsy S 6 months ago
This is just weird. No one looks for a new apartment or a new roommate until the 1st of the month, expecting to move in on the 1st of the following month. That's a month's notice and that is standard. Telling the roommate a month early gives them no advantage at all because there's nothing they can do to get a new roommate until one month before the room becomes available. One month is what everybody gives AND gets. And it's none of the friend's business until there is an actual situation to discuss.
Sonya Rice 6 months ago
OP wrote that the roommate made her feel unsafe at times and the cupcake throwing is major! Don't tell the roomie your any of your moving plans, either. Just keep yourself safe. Best wishes for peace and joy in your new home. Say no to rookies as well...
Margie T 6 months ago
NTA 100%. Your roommate may be your friend of eight years but you have every right to share what you want. 30 days is appropriate for a notice. You weren't obligated to tell rm anything until you needed to. It probably spared you a couple months hearing, "oh can't I move in with you?" She or he should be happy for you and because she/he isn't that's on she/he, not you. Nows the time for you both to sit down and figure out what you're taking, i.e. dishes furniture etc.. And with her/his bizarre behavior right now you might want to remove certain things now that are personal like jewelry, etc.. Best of luck. You definitely dodged a bullet asking if she/he wanted to move in Best of luck to you, and drop the whiney a** . Friends come and go all the time. It's called growing and removing the weeds in your yard.
K Barnes 6 months ago
They say that roommate was a good friend until hearing this news, then later edit to say they didn't feel safe after reading all the YTA comments. Hmm. IMO 30 day notice is not sufficient for a long-term friend. It's legal notice for someone you don't care about screwing over and fine for a s****y roommate but not a good friend.
marcelo D. 6 months ago
as always the YTA are idiots. It's not her job to keep other people posted on her personal bussiness. Roomate just assumed she would stay, that's on them . Also "a stakeholder in her life"? unless they bankroll you, they have no stakes on you
Paul Rabit 6 months ago
You're confusing Obligation with Decency. NTAs know the difference, while AHs do not.
Load More Replies... David L 6 months ago
"You're homeless in thirty days, but don't worry about me, I've made sure I'm OK". No wonder they threw a cupcake across the room. The author is a terrible friend and an even worse person.
Kit Black 6 months ago
She's not homeless.She just has to find a new roommate.She hasn't lost her lease, and she knew op was month to month on the lease.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
OP came back to state that throwing cupcakes was not the first instance of her feeling unsafe and/or unwelcome in her home so I'm giving her a pass. It's actually the land[person]'s responsibility to fill that room unless the roomies want to move someone in who they actually like and won't throw cupcakes at.
David L 6 months ago
Most probably all made up to try and justify their terrible behaviour.
Load More Replies... Anyone-for-tea? 6 months ago
Finding a new roommate isn’t difficult but finding one that you actually want to live with is a whole different matter. And definitely would take longer than 30 days. You never know someone until you live with them.
Kit Black 6 months ago
And having lived together for at least a year apparently Op knew that roommate well enough not to want to tell her *anything* until it was finalized....
Load More Replies... Royal Stray 6 months ago
I'm torn if it was a good friend OP should have told them to give them time to find a new roommate. But if they continuously violate boundaries and have outbursts where they throw things OP should just get tf out of there and not speak to them again. Also how is this person a good friend if they have done things like that several times before?
Jaya 6 months ago (edited)
So, first OP says roommate was a good friend until this event, but later says the roommate violated boundaries repeatedly? Sounds like they're just trying to convince everyone that they're the victim here, because OP didn't like how people are voting. Both people are a**holes: if you already knew you were hoping to move out, you should have just told your roommate before, so that they could start preparing for finding someone or mentally prepare for it. The roommate is obviously a major a**hole for throwing the cupcakes, that's absolutely not okay, ever.
Michelle C 6 months ago
Those YTAs are upsetting...OP has no obligation to let them know anything outside what is legally required. I wonder what she considers friends because a real friend would be happy for you and not throw baked goods. It's good she didn't tell them because they probably would've discouraged her.
DC 6 months ago
Y or N TA depends largely on how severe and, generally, how your boundaries were violated. Ate part of your food? Had a camera in the bathroom? There's a lot that can be called so, and depending on that, it could be a plethora of a peacounter's complaints laid onto roommate, or it could be several instances of actually violating actual, real, reasonable boundaries. Which is? I can't answer without that. With everything fine, 30 days can be pretty short. With nothing fine, 3 days may already be unbearable. So ... I can't answer. I guess that I just don't know.
Mike F 6 months ago
At the end of the day, the OP doesn't OWE the roommate anything except the rent. It could have been the culmination of a lot of little things, or it could have been simply that the OP decided to spread their wings. If the roommate was a bit less self centered they would be happy for the OP to score their own home while being disappointed behind closed doors. Coming unglued is not the ideal way to react to the news. Short notice? Sure, but there's always someone looking for a housing situation.
Load More Replies... KrazyChiMama 6 months ago
I moved out on my own at age 19 to a one bedroom efficiency apartment. It was tiny but the rent was reasonable and it was all mine. I loved it! I didn’t love the noisy neighbors and paper thin walls, but aside from that it was better than living with roommates. I, being young and naive, forgot to budget for food so I lived on ramen noodles and baked potatoes for a few months. But living here, I was able to set aside money from each paycheck to save up for a down payment on my house. It’s not easy, sacrifices must be made like not going out every weekend with friends and spending your savings, cooking your own meals and skipping takeout, ect. It can be done, even in this economy, it will just take longer to save up enough money. For those wondering, I worked in a hospital as a unit secretary making slightly more than minimum wage. This was back in 1992. By the time I bought my house, I had finished school and got about a $4.00 per hour raise but was still employed at the same hospital. I got married at age 24 and I did not have my husband’s name added to the deed either. I worked my butt off for this house and it’s mine. If we were to split there was no way I’d be selling and giving him half. He fully understands and we’ve never had any problems with this arrangement. Next year we celebrate our 25th anniversary and we are hopefully closing on our dream country home in August. This one will be in both of our names. :)
Natalia 6 months ago
It was a d**n sight cheaper to buy a house in 1992 than it is now.
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 6 months ago (edited)
I inherited my home in the same city I lived in, which has astronomically high rent. I knew I was likely to inherit it sooner than later as my last surviving grandparent was on palliative care. Much like OP, there was a good chance I was going to have a new home shortly. I told my roommate that I’d be moving out & would pay for the remainder of the month we were in plus two additional months and gradually move. Instead of throwing s**t, they are very happy for me. They, too, would have had to find a new roommate or move ASAP. They did just that before the current month was up. Because they were a friend & understood. It’s not hard to find a good roommate in 30 days in most places. Never once did I tell them I’d likely becoming a home soon as it wasn’t their business. I took care of me & they took care of them without any issue. Especially throwing things. Just because things change for the better for one person doesn’t mean another needs to feel slighted.
K Barnes 6 months ago
You gave them over 60 days, not 30, which is a big difference. I am sure your former roommate benefited from the extra time, 30 days is not much to find a new roommate. I suspect the OP made up the throwing cupcakes story, tbh.
Load More Replies... Manny 6 months ago
It's none of their business. She is not responsible for them. They need to act like adults and figure it out. All they have to do is get a new roommate. The ones saying she is TA are probably the same ones that are like the roommate. Expect someone else to take care of them. She doesn't owe them anything.
Eliza 6 months ago
I don't expect anything from anyone, and don't want it so I don't know what you're chirping about.
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
Well it was two yr ago , but having bought houses myself (I live in uk ) c**p can n does happen ,and until you ligit close , you have no dam ideaWHEN or even IF it will actually happen , never had to deal with room mates tho ,thank god lol bar my kids obvs ,so im on ops side here ,they were having a hard time with mortgage , so you realistically CANNOT give them any kinda time line until you knew ! however , when you knew you were set financially to start looking for a house to buy , maybe you could have mentioned it ,like hey I’ve decided to look around for a house to buy , no idea how long it will take etc but WHEN I get any kind time frame I will give you a heads up ,to look for a new roomie ,even if they have to move in before I leave kinda thing , here in uk it is standard to give one month notice that’s all , so your room mate 100% over reacted !! they won’t lose their home ffs just need a new roomie , me I’d be proud of you ,and pleased for you , blessed be x
Betsy S 6 months ago
This is just weird. No one looks for a new apartment or a new roommate until the 1st of the month, expecting to move in on the 1st of the following month. That's a month's notice and that is standard. Telling the roommate a month early gives them no advantage at all because there's nothing they can do to get a new roommate until one month before the room becomes available. One month is what everybody gives AND gets. And it's none of the friend's business until there is an actual situation to discuss.
Sonya Rice 6 months ago
OP wrote that the roommate made her feel unsafe at times and the cupcake throwing is major! Don't tell the roomie your any of your moving plans, either. Just keep yourself safe. Best wishes for peace and joy in your new home. Say no to rookies as well...
Margie T 6 months ago
NTA 100%. Your roommate may be your friend of eight years but you have every right to share what you want. 30 days is appropriate for a notice. You weren't obligated to tell rm anything until you needed to. It probably spared you a couple months hearing, "oh can't I move in with you?" She or he should be happy for you and because she/he isn't that's on she/he, not you. Nows the time for you both to sit down and figure out what you're taking, i.e. dishes furniture etc.. And with her/his bizarre behavior right now you might want to remove certain things now that are personal like jewelry, etc.. Best of luck. You definitely dodged a bullet asking if she/he wanted to move in Best of luck to you, and drop the whiney a** . Friends come and go all the time. It's called growing and removing the weeds in your yard.
K Barnes 6 months ago
They say that roommate was a good friend until hearing this news, then later edit to say they didn't feel safe after reading all the YTA comments. Hmm. IMO 30 day notice is not sufficient for a long-term friend. It's legal notice for someone you don't care about screwing over and fine for a s****y roommate but not a good friend.
marcelo D. 6 months ago
as always the YTA are idiots. It's not her job to keep other people posted on her personal bussiness. Roomate just assumed she would stay, that's on them . Also "a stakeholder in her life"? unless they bankroll you, they have no stakes on you
Paul Rabit 6 months ago
You're confusing Obligation with Decency. NTAs know the difference, while AHs do not.
Load More Replies... David L 6 months ago
"You're homeless in thirty days, but don't worry about me, I've made sure I'm OK". No wonder they threw a cupcake across the room. The author is a terrible friend and an even worse person.
Kit Black 6 months ago
She's not homeless.She just has to find a new roommate.She hasn't lost her lease, and she knew op was month to month on the lease.
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