Dad Livid His Daughter Objects To Babysitting His 5 Y.O. Twins, Even Though She Lives With Him Rent-Free
There is this rather natural parental frame of mind that if you’re gonna have kids, you might as well have several, because they’ll just babysit each other, right? Seems like a good idea, right? On paper. Not so much in practice. Why? Because humans are notoriously complicated beings and there’s a lot to consider before going along with that auto-babysitting plan.
Now, if you want an example of how it can go wrong, consider this: a single dad of an adult daughter and twin preschoolers recently turned to the internet for some perspective on whether he was wrong to expect his daughter to babysit her twin siblings on a regular basis, all the while paying her back in free rent under his roof, and once it hit the fan, he got upset she was “acting privileged.”
More Info: Reddit
While having several kids just so the parents can have them babysit each other sounds like a good idea, it’s not the smartest idea in the long run
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual image)
The story goes that OP has a daughter who’s currently 20 years old and studying while living under his roof. He doesn’t charge her rent as she does some chores here and there and occasionally keeps an eye on his 2 other kids, 5-year-old twin boys. This happens if he’s busy with work, or wants to take a break to see his girlfriend.
For context, OP elaborated that “occasionally” means 3 times a week in most cases, and is more often than not only away for a few hours at a time. According to him, the twins are mature for their age and tend to not cause a crazy ruckus. So, in his eyes, it seems like a simple task.
This one parent had to learn that the hard way after he asked the internet if he was wrong to have his adult daughter regularly babysit his twin sons, her siblings
Image credits: u/Throwaway476905
The 20-year-old daughter was OK with doing the daily chores, but was frustrated with having to babysit as it got in the way of her studies
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual image)
However, one day, the daughter approached him about the whole babysitting thing. She feels as if he’s putting too much of a workload on her with all the chores and all. While she did mention that she’s OK with the cooking and cleaning, the babysitting, however, is frustrating and stressful for her. In turn, it’s a speed bump in her studies.
This immediately upset the dad. He recalls having to go to school all the while having to pay the bills and take care of her as a baby alongside his ex-wife. In his eyes, she was acting privileged. But if he could do it, so could she. The daughter did not take this well, and stormed off to her room.
The dad’s sister also got involved and sided with the adult daughter, saying the dad should at least pay her for it, but he argued she’s already living rent and tuition-free
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Image credits: u/Throwaway476905
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
Soon after, the dad got word of how the daughter “went behind his back” and talked to his sister about how he was treating her. So, the sister in turn called him and tried to do some damage control in this situation by suggesting mayhaps paying the daughter for the chores she does. He disagreed, but admitted that comparing his situation to hers was unfair as at least he had a choice to have kids, and his choice shouldn’t bleed out into other people’s lives.
However, he still stood his ground that, if she’s going to live in his house rent free, all the while he’s paying for college, this alone should be considered an allowance. But the question was passed on to Reddit’s r/AITA community just to be sure.
The online community was having none of it, though, saying that the dad should not shove his responsibility onto his daughter, let alone even think that it’s OK to charge her rent
And sure enough, the community delivered a verdict the dad probably didn’t like, i.e. many considered him the bad guy in this situation. For the most part, folks reiterated OP’s sister’s comment that he can’t compare his situation to his daughter’s—he had a choice, whereas she wasn’t given one, let alone it’s not her responsibility to bear this burden, to be fair.
Others were a bit more understanding of this whole situation—it all depended on how much he was actually asking her to babysit. They argued that it is not unreasonable to ask a daughter to do things, but cooking and cleaning on the daily seemed a bit too much, and he still needed to listen and consider her wants, needs, and plans.
And yet others considered the whole concept of having a child live “rent free” at his house to be madness. If anything, that sounded like very poor parenting as the task of a parent is to provide a home. And should that continue, she might just move on and leave for good.
This is, however, an even bigger issue if viewed from a psychosocial perspective. Children parentification, i.e. assigning roles and tasks to kids that would otherwise be handled by the parents (or adults in general), is known to lead to higher levels of anxiety and depression, which in turn perpetuates the same behavioral cycle with their own kids.
Though, the Awareness Center also notes that not everyone is affected negatively by parentification, namely that only a quarter actually experience negative effects. The upside of parentification is that such kids often grow up with greater levels of interpersonal competence and take on “caretaker” personality traits, which in turn often lead them to become nurses, support workers or even childcare specialists.
Whatever the case, folks on the subreddit have spoken, all the while upvoting the post, which you can check out here, over 9,000 times (no meme intended, I swear), and generating over 5,500 comments in discussion.
So, what’s your take on this? Was the dad right to do what he did, or do you side with the daughter? Let us know in the comment section below and keep the conversation going!
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This guy is basically asking his daughter to raise his other children for half of the week as well as do all the cleaning and cooking so that he can spend time with his girlfriend? He’s got this the wrong way around. HE should be raising his sons, SHE should have a social life. She didn’t choose to have those kids.
Semesters last only last 16 weeks..he can find a baby sitter during that time. Considering the study time requirements, class times, and refund time limits. If daughter is dropped by any of the professors because she's not meeting the requirements for class and that includes the study hrs, then he loses the refund. So he needs to look at date night and ask, am I ok with losing with amount of money just so my daughter can watch the kids? Btw, I work full time and just graduated from going to school full time.
Load More Replies... To be fair, I don't think he actually says he asks her to do ALL the cleaning and cooking, only that he expects her to do "cleaning and cooking" and goes on to say that those are things that need to happen every day anyway. He doesn't actually say she always does them, and that wasn't the impression I got.
True but he also says babysit sometimes, then clarifies as 3 times a week. Personally don't trust. Maybe he means the things that happen everyday like both his mess and hers. The everyday stuff that he's avoided all his life. Like adult responsibility, child raising... (I'm stretching, but I don't trust this guy from what he says).
He said he asks her to babysit maybe 3 times a week for a few hours, and from time to time cooking and cleaning - how is that ALL the cleaning and cooking? You are exaggerating his words. Personally, I think 3 times a week for baby-sitting is too much - but getting a grown woman to sometimes pitch in for cooking and cleaning is not ridiculous.
It's hard to tell how much he's expecting but I'm seeing a tendency to minimize and dismiss in the way he writes. He later referred to the cooking and cleaning as daily chores. Doing some cleaning daily is a pretty normal part of living. If the cooking is also every day, too, then it sounds like she's doing more of the work around the house than the other adults.
He's literally expecting her to be a parent to her siblings. I should know. It's what my parents did to me.
It’s not a sibling’s responsibility to be a parent to their brothers and sisters. My dad died when I was 10 so my mum had to go out to work full time and my sister who was 12 used to make sure my younger brother and I got breakfast, got to school and she made our evening meals when we got home. It was never expected of her but she did it anyway. She never had kids but she helped raise my child while I worked. She’s a legend and so are you.
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Lol that's called life. The entitlement I've seen in this thread is really off the charts. Someone's comment was about how her dad was slaving her... how exactly is his working a full time job to pay for her education, her heat, electricity, food, clothes, spending money, etc. HER slaving for him?? She's got it pretty good if you ask me. Dad gets to have a little bit of a life in exchange for some babysitting for a few hours and he gives her all of the above in lieu of telling her she can move out and pay for her own life since she is an adult. I'll take that deal! Can I move in?!
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I agree. I had to pay for my own college and so worked full time while living at home. If my parents could have afforded to pay for my college and asked that I babysat and cooked and cleaned, I would have been totally fine with that.
Goid for you. You aren't her and aren't in her position. You having it s****y and not getting the support you needed isn't right and we should definitely do more as a society to support all students regardless of income, family status or even the relationship students have with their parents. What we absolutely shouldn't do is make things unnecessarily difficult, stressful, and push so that only those with the most privileged backgrounds can realistically actually focus on school. Plus she had to deal with all these high school and college stresses during COVID, which in and of itself is s huge negative for mental health and thus the ability to manage the same stresses. (Plus trauma is stored genetically. Any hardship the parents complain about experiencing is actually compounded in their children further making it even more difficult especially without the support and aid they should be getting instead of the judgment for not being able to do it handle as much as their parents)
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Libtard much? I worked 50 hours a week to support my college. .and my son just graduated college and I paid for all his college and living expenses. Guess he lucked out and didn't have any of my stored trauma..you probably think student loan forgiveness should be a thing. What kinda gun do you think the dad held to her head to make her go to college and except his money? This country is turning to s**t with this narrative or free s**t and not not pulling your own weight and being part of victim hood mentality. Poor girl she was asked to watch her brothers. Maybe she should move out and pay for everything herself..get a job.
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She did chose to go to college and not have a job to support herself. She wants and gets all those entitlements she she pays for her own college and rent
How is it entitled to say that watching her brothers all the time is interfering with her studies? Especially since she does the cooking and cleaning as well and is willing to continue to do that. He is the one acting entitled by passing on his responsibilities to his daughter as much as he does with no regard for anyone else.
Entitled by the fact that she lives as an adult for free. And she gets free college. If she were to pay for both of those she would even have less time to study with an outside job. Entitled that she is missing out on social events. Dad doesn't get any social events?
She certainly did not ask to be here. If he didn't want the responsibility of a child, which includes their education, he shouldn't have engaged in activity that could possibly result in said child. If he wants a nanny for the children he sounds like he wanted, then, she is NOT it! Go find a nanny, or, better yet, let their mother take care of them. Unless, of course, she's not.
I really don’t understand the rent free thing either. Like once a kid turns 18 they suddenly owe you money for everything? It’s your child.
In the US, that's the way parents think. Apparently it's about reimbursement for what they are legally required to do when we are minors. If you don't pay, it's you move out.. don't care if you're homeless. Then the real shock comes when the parents hit retirement..off to retirement home.
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Just to clarify, it's how SOME American parents think. Typically conservatives. Although I have heard of some liberal parents charging a nominal rent ONLY IF the son or daughter isn't in college or a training program; but will bank all the money they're paid and will keep it to give to their child when they move out, to use for first, last, and security when they get their own apartment and maybe some basics to get started.
Lol like they wouldn't do it anyways. They want all adults including their parents to die. Wait until you find those kids were written out of the will and given to some trust fund like the Clinton foundation. Lol
Real shock comes when the dad lost out on retirement income after spending his on her college.
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It actual means to grow up and acknowledge you are getting everything paid for. Nothing in life is free. Dad is taking care of his adult daughter. Maybe she can realize this and not complain about some child care 3 times a week.
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She's *not* a minor. And he in no way comes off as someone who is going to kick his daughter out on the street. He seems like a great guy who cares about his daughter a lot. I wish my parents had been so generous. The entitlement in this thread is really over-the-top. Calling him sexist -which is really ridiculous. She occasionally does some housework and babysits 3 times a week. Are you kidding? No wonder the world is in the state it's in if you think this is too much in exchange for free rent and free food, utilities, clothes, etc. Oh poor baby. What a joke. If she's that unhappy, she's not Cinderella. She's not tied there. She can get herself a job and move out and pay for her education and her rent and her needs and see how that goes. She is not owed anything. College is a choice. If her career choice is requiring a degree, then she needs to find a way to make that work in her life. Or she live at home for free in exchange for a part time 'job' of light housework and babysitting.
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You are wrong. It’s about being an adult and doing adult things. Daughter is perfectly capable of going to school AND helping out with the household. She should not be so entitled as to EXPECT to have others sacrifice so she can go on her merry way. It is called being part of a family. Each member pulls their own weight based on their capabilities. Daughter is now an adult and should take on an adult roll, 5 yr olds can even help by picking up after themselves.
Daddy is saving money by not paying for her to live in a dorm instead of at home. Sure, she can HELP OUT with chores, but being expected to keep house AND take care of two small kids AND go to class AND study is a bit much for a 20 year old. Daddy doesn’t mention whether he does any housework and childcare at all, or if he just wants to come home from work like a 1950s husband and do nothing all evening—-aside from go on a booty call with his current girlfriend. Two rambunctious small children can make one helluva mess, including messing up the area you JUST cleaned. Plus, they need to be watched all the time. Daddy is treating his oldest child like a combination maid and nanny, or like one of those “traditional” wives (which is f*****g creepy btw), instead of like she’s his child. Wonder if her Mom lives close enough for her to live with, instead of her delusional sexist daddy.
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His adult child. Easy fix. She moves out and gets a grant or student loan and take care of all her bills. Get her own apartment and pay for that as well. Total freedom. Oh wait to do that she would need a job..to work more hours than she would if she just shut up and help when asked..and Daddy could save more money with her paying the bills. Parents aren't obligated to pay student housing or tuition. Her choice..
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Why is it all of dad responsibility to pay all her bills and college education? Pretty sure a lot of young adults get student loans or work. At what age is she expected to become an adult? Because I'm pretty sure a live in nanny and maid is cheaper than all the expenses of college and daily costs(phone,car,food,clothes) for a 20 year old adult. And if he's such a monster how tf do you think he got custody of 3 kids?? Do you know how difficult it is to keep full time custody of kids as a male in this country especially if the woman is anything but a multiple convicted addict/ multiple accounts of abuse? That alone tells me either the exes are a.dead b. Signed away their rights because they don't want them or c.some of the worst human beings as mothers. And if a guy is that sexist/bad guy how does he have yet another girlfriend who is dating him despite him having 3 kids the gf isn't spending time with? Do you think the daughter would be happier doing house repairs/working, instead?
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She's not a child. She's an adult. This comment is screaming of entitlement. Hey, moms on this thread...are you less of a mother if you get a babysitter 3 nights a week? Are we allowed to negate all the sweat and tears you put into being a parent because you go out occasionally? Can we also call you a whore because you do (which is ironic because the people saying that about him are calling *him* sexist)? Does it negate all the story time, laundry, medical visits, diapers you have to change, worry you have, work you do to that you may hate because you want *them* to have a better life...look out because apparently that all means nothing if you have a babysitter for a combined 15 hours a week. Oh and someone put the dishes in the dishwasher occasionally, too, so you don't take care of your house. You don't replace the roof if necessary or the water heater, keep the place heated and cooled. Pay for that electricity so she can study on the computer you bought her. ::rolls eyes::
Children that are describe as more mature are actually not, in fact they more destructive then anything. She can easily ditch the tuition free ride, it's called grants (don't have to pay those back), she's 20 and would be considered low income. Also University Enterprises Inc would get rid of the free ride as well..with a paycheck and credits with working with a state agency. Then again Dad still would want free child care because let's face it.. child care is expensive and parents are looking for the free ride. Plus, dad would lose out on pulling I'm paying thousands for you. Umm, he loses that investment
Nah, he would want free child care because let’s face it…he doesn’t want to have to chase after, clean up after, feed, bathe, and pay attention to HIS smallest children himself. So he’s assigned the homemaker role to his oldest daughter, who is trying to get her degree, probably so she can comfortably support herself and move TF out of his house.
Are you sure about that? Yes, thanks to ACA, adult children can still be on their parent's health insurance but nowhere is it stated that parents must pay for college.
OK so what do you think about children who use their children against their parents? No free or cheap daycare no visitation? How about you have to give me your car so I can go to work mom because it's wi ter and I will not give up my motorcycle that I wrecked once to get a car I can drive all year long? Oh and when I pick my kid up from your house you better bring them out and buckle them into my car so I don't need to get out.
For my family, we do rent free until the kids a job. With me, I just started my first semester at a community college full time, albeit being online, and have no job. I was going to get one but then my schedule changed from part time to full time because we wanted to see if I could handle 4 classes. Next semester, I'll probably do part time and look for a job. By the time I get one, I pay 100 a month because it teaches us how to budget properly when it comes to the money we make and rent purposes. Plus, that money is put to the rent on our house and since the rent is paid by my single mother, with some help from my brother, he pays about 100, maybe a bit more, but that's because they agreed on it to help out. Without it, the income is low and it's hard living on a single income. When my mom and brother are at work, I do the best I can to clean up after the three of us, including our dog. Each of my classes are supposed to take up to 12 hours a week, so I'm limited on how much I can do.
Tris you are a wonderderful person to u derstand the hardship of life and to be willing to give the extra to your mother who kept you loved you, taught you how to be who you are. Thank you for choosing to be a good, responsible, and empathic person. It is truly sad that people think is OK to free load on others who love and sacrifice for them to hopefully get to be a smart and successful person that I know you will become.
They are expected to make their own way in the world..if you don't do it yourself sometimes you have to babysit in exchange to having all your bulls paid to include expensive college. She could simply move out. Pay her own way. With that comes freedom..
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No at 18 you are no longer legally obligated to support or house that child. He is teaching her responsibility, by not giving a child responsibility to learn how to care for themselves and do what is needed they will not thrive but be dependant all their lives. When he is dead and gone she will have no one else to depend on unless she finds a sucker who makes money to support her. Now days all kids feel they will get this. But none of you want or think it should be you. So what then? It will be on you ant you will be an angry mean bitter person in the end blaming others for your lazyness.
What Daddy doesn’t realize is a couple things: 1) when he and his ex had their daughter, I bet you anything SHE did the bulk of the housework and childcare, and he just jumped in when he felt like it, and 2) he’s treating his daughter, who is in college, like the help. She’s not the housekeeper and nanny, ffs! Also, since she’s in college—-and I assume a full time student—-she absolutely needs quiet, uninterrupted time to study. For a full time student, we’re talking anywhere from four to eight hours of study time, to read long articles, chapters, and books, then write all the required papers about them, and if she’s an undergrad, pass all her exams. Daddy is looking at her as a free, live-in maid and nanny, and not his college student DAUGHTER! Wait, I forgot #3) would he expect the same if she was his son, instead of his daughter? THAT’S a question I’d like to hear him (fumble for an) answer.
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You're assuming a lot about his past there. I don't think there's any evidence for that. Living at home after 18 is something most students don't get to. If she lived alone, she would have to pay housing. He's also paying her tuition. She's getting a lot of privileges.
Load More Replies... Privileges? Education is a right. Housing is a right. Food is a right. Water is a right. And children are for life.
Lol nope that's your imagination. Your parents should love you for life but they don't have to support you financially or even like you for life. Just like you don't have to support or like them for life. Stop being an advertisement for abortion.
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Simple fix for her. Get her own place, pay for it, and take out some student loans to pay for college herself. There all fixed. She can be foot loose and fancy free on her own dime..dad can pay for a nanny and come out ahead..
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He is paying her college and living expenses. So yes. My dad didn't give me anything his son and my half brother not his gets his support. And their both loser like most of you complaining about what he asks for. I'm sorry happy that I can provide for myself. Better then being a graduate with mommy and daddy's support with 100k student loans and still can't wipe my butt or my three kids. I have a degree no student loans and one kid. And I'm not slaving to pay what Biden has made the new low interest rate of 30 percent on all my nonexistant loans like you people. Heck he now made sure you won't get loans to pay it because those illegal children at the border are being sent to businesses in need of worker to work for free in the middle of the night working with toxic chemicals at 13 years old. You need to wake up. Real and conclusive oppression is coming your way and your too weak to open your eyes and see that your about to be swept into the sea of you own trash bins. For grateful illegals willing to work for slave wages. For which they deserve better. And you do not deserve a thing because your way of thinking destroyed any idea of a good life now that Biden brought in his trafficked slave labor which is higher wage then their home country but just a shack with little to no heat here in the land of America. Where the greedy just get more greedy.
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How is expecting someone who's in college, that he is paying for, to babysit and do a little extra of the common house work sexiest? Do you not realize how difficult it is to have sole custody of the children as a male in America? So unless his exes have died, he has to have jumped through so many more hoops to keep custody than you realize. That same thinking the ex did a majority, actually would have worked against in him court. If she is so overwhelmed by school and babysitting( many a high schoolers do this everyday) than how is she going to handle a full time job and her own household? Part of being a parent is transitioning your kids from being solely dependent upon you and your hard work to learning to rely on themselves only. If it's so bad babysitting than why not live on campus or because she is an adult, get her own job and place?
Lmao of course people who straight up lie about how hard it is for fathers to get custody (reality check. Most father's don't want custody. If they fight for it it's very likely they get it. Even if the court has found that said father has sexually abused children. Including giving custody of children that were conceived by a 15 year old being raped by her caregiver who was then easily awarded custody of both kids cause the mom was a teenager and didn't have as high a paying job as him and because she left the state to get away from him the court actually mandates she pay him back for his missed time with his rape babies). But of course people who promote that falsehood would deny any of the gender biasing that routinely puts oldest daughters in charge of childcare, housekeeping, and cooking for the family. When it comes to their oldest sons of course it's just not really their thing or fair to make them take focus away from sports and friends. Ditto with the younger boys etc.
Y'all dump all your parenting responsibilities on oldest daughters and then Pikachu face that birth rates plummet. That most of those oldest daughters never want children of their own and some (like myself) would literally rather die from an illegal abortion than create any more children to be abused by the state or their rich buyers or their own responsibility to care for yet again. That everyone better realizes how messed up it is to have kids under the age of about 30 (cause anything under 26 is literally children raising children and the 4 more years helps to give the adults plenty of time and space to establish and learn about themselves well enough to be an actual parent). I'm the oldest of 5 from a big Mexican family. and I've literally never met anyone from a large family that wants more than maybe 1-2 kids. About half the people i know don't even want kids And so much of it comes down to irresponsible, immature, entitled parents who inflicted too much trauma and adultification
Your arguments the best. I don't think occasionally babysitting is a horrible thing to do. But to have to take over total responsibility for the care of your siblings over your education or work so you can get out and be independent is horrible. I do not advocate for dumping your responsibilities on your kids. I think if a couple hours up to 3 hours babysitting and 3 days of that is a way for you to learn child care responsibility for others and being able to achieve your goals with those responsibilities let's you know what you can handle. He the father should be flexible on those hours or days for her schedule. I also think it is a great deterrent then teaching abstinence for birth control. You have had strength foisted upon your shoulders before the time should have come. You have lessons learned these people who don't do anything but demand payment for everything they want. How doesnt that make you sick?
In the us women get children 90% of the time. I do not know what country you are from but men do not get custody. A woman can be a drug addled meth head and still get custody. On top of that she can lie and say the guy abused her and the courts will take away visitation.
That is false generally. My brother was tricked by a 24 year old into knocking her up while homeless and 17 and he had to pay her child support and got no visitation rights. Yet she was a predator. Sorry 17 may be consent age but when a woman 24 goes and stalks you at your work and destroys your life. No women are purposely as bad as men because they are mad that their mothers didn't get to be dickheads too. Now you do.
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8 years ago, I was a double major and worked a full time job while also in school that I paid for. I'm not saying everyone can or should do that, but if you are able to get the deal she's getting, you shouldn't look at it as anything other than a blessing. I'm not sure why this guy who is doing a whole lot of good for his daughter is being made out to be some horrible slave owner in your mind but you're making all these assumptions that there's no proof of. She should be working at least part time. And watching kids for a few hours 3 days a week is the equivalent of that. If she can't handle that, then she should go down to part time at school. Otherwise, he should give her all the freedom she wants and give her a date she needs to move out. Then see how much stress she's under when she has to pay her own way.
I started school in 2018 and just graduated.. required study times increased from 5 hrs to 10 hrs per week as well class. Class last a minimum of 2 hrs. Professors can see the logins and log outs of study hrs and you can be dropped if the required hrs are not met. Since daughter isn't paying tuition, sounds like dad is. She gets dropped as a result in the middle of semester..guess who loses the refund? Semesters last only 16 weeks. He can find someone temporarily or be fine with losing thousands of dollars
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Not sure if maybe that was school specific to you but my patner is in full time college right now and that's not the case unless they're labs or it's a 1/2 days a week class instead of 3/4. This is Jan 19th...she has up to 4 weeks to drop classes and get all or at least a portion of tuition back if she's not able to handle her workload. And if that's the case, she should go down to part time school and get a part time job if she doesn't want to babysit AS her job. She is a 20 year old adult who has made a choice to go to school full time and her parent has generously allowed her to do that while paying for it in exchange for babysitting for few hours a week and some light housework. That's an amazing deal. If she can't do that, if she was my kid, I would say, 'no problem honey. I love you, you always have a free meal here I wish you luck but you need to plan on moving out by x date and I'll help you as much as I can to do that.' Because I'd love my kids enough to prepare them for life.
Btw..the kids who are claimed to be "more mature for their age"..nope. they happen to be more difficult to handle and HE made a choice to have more kids. It's 16 weeks, she can babysit during breaks. You don't get a refund if you are dropped by the professor. By this was the policy as January 2022.. school is HER job, unless he wants to forfeit the money he paid
WOW. Just wow. My son is SIXTEEN and dual-enrolled in both HS and Community College. He spends a good amount of time AT HOME doing pre-labs for Chemistry and also working on pre-Calculus. I went to college at 23 after I was married and was thus condidered independent by Federal Financial Aid. I took out OVER FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS in loans for an IN-STATE UNIVERSITY. Federal Financial aid doesn't consider you independent unless you are either MARRIED OR OVER TWENTY-FIVE and your PARENTS' incomes (tax returns) are what YOUR financial aid is based on. You're off base here. Seriously off base. In addition, sweetheart, he demands she babysit THREE NIGHTS A FREAKING WEEK. HE had those 5 year old twins. They are HIS responsibility, not his daughter's. The fact that they live with him full-time tells me their mom IS DEAD. I would be willing to bet his deceased wife took care of their eldest (who is now 20) while he was in college and that he has expected his daughter to take over mom duties.
He does say ex about the daughter's mom so they probably split up and the twins haveca different mom. She is too old to be considered in custody disputes so it would be her choice which parent to live with and he is likely the one near the college (and since room and board on campus is expensive he could have made living with him a condition of his paying her tutition). Im betting the twins are the girlfriend's kids and she lives there too and is also expecting her "step" daughter to do the work for her
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I'm pretty proud of the fact I've never in my life called another woman 'sweetheart' because I don't agree with them in a show of utter sexism, while also calling out someone else for sexism. But alas, in the end, he is under no obligation to pay anything for her. If their agreement was x amount of work for x amount of money/help, and she doesn't want to do that, she is free to make arrangements to leave. College is a privilege, not a right. And she can feel free to go pay for herself and do all of those things-the study hours, school required hours, etc- on her own dime. He will somehow survive I'm sure. Think whatever you want about him. Those of us who didn't have things handed to us or were not treated like children know that he's being very generous, and she's not being required -by him- to do a lot What her school requires of her is between her and her course choices. She should find a way to make that work with what is required of her at home in order to live rent free.
Dude..my pols class required 10 hrs per week and I got a warning when I did 9.5 hrs
This guy is basically asking his daughter to raise his other children for half of the week as well as do all the cleaning and cooking so that he can spend time with his girlfriend? He’s got this the wrong way around. HE should be raising his sons, SHE should have a social life. She didn’t choose to have those kids.
Semesters last only last 16 weeks..he can find a baby sitter during that time. Considering the study time requirements, class times, and refund time limits. If daughter is dropped by any of the professors because she's not meeting the requirements for class and that includes the study hrs, then he loses the refund. So he needs to look at date night and ask, am I ok with losing with amount of money just so my daughter can watch the kids? Btw, I work full time and just graduated from going to school full time.
Load More Replies... To be fair, I don't think he actually says he asks her to do ALL the cleaning and cooking, only that he expects her to do "cleaning and cooking" and goes on to say that those are things that need to happen every day anyway. He doesn't actually say she always does them, and that wasn't the impression I got.
True but he also says babysit sometimes, then clarifies as 3 times a week. Personally don't trust. Maybe he means the things that happen everyday like both his mess and hers. The everyday stuff that he's avoided all his life. Like adult responsibility, child raising... (I'm stretching, but I don't trust this guy from what he says).
He said he asks her to babysit maybe 3 times a week for a few hours, and from time to time cooking and cleaning - how is that ALL the cleaning and cooking? You are exaggerating his words. Personally, I think 3 times a week for baby-sitting is too much - but getting a grown woman to sometimes pitch in for cooking and cleaning is not ridiculous.
It's hard to tell how much he's expecting but I'm seeing a tendency to minimize and dismiss in the way he writes. He later referred to the cooking and cleaning as daily chores. Doing some cleaning daily is a pretty normal part of living. If the cooking is also every day, too, then it sounds like she's doing more of the work around the house than the other adults.
He's literally expecting her to be a parent to her siblings. I should know. It's what my parents did to me.
It’s not a sibling’s responsibility to be a parent to their brothers and sisters. My dad died when I was 10 so my mum had to go out to work full time and my sister who was 12 used to make sure my younger brother and I got breakfast, got to school and she made our evening meals when we got home. It was never expected of her but she did it anyway. She never had kids but she helped raise my child while I worked. She’s a legend and so are you.
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Lol that's called life. The entitlement I've seen in this thread is really off the charts. Someone's comment was about how her dad was slaving her... how exactly is his working a full time job to pay for her education, her heat, electricity, food, clothes, spending money, etc. HER slaving for him?? She's got it pretty good if you ask me. Dad gets to have a little bit of a life in exchange for some babysitting for a few hours and he gives her all of the above in lieu of telling her she can move out and pay for her own life since she is an adult. I'll take that deal! Can I move in?!
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I agree. I had to pay for my own college and so worked full time while living at home. If my parents could have afforded to pay for my college and asked that I babysat and cooked and cleaned, I would have been totally fine with that.
Goid for you. You aren't her and aren't in her position. You having it s****y and not getting the support you needed isn't right and we should definitely do more as a society to support all students regardless of income, family status or even the relationship students have with their parents. What we absolutely shouldn't do is make things unnecessarily difficult, stressful, and push so that only those with the most privileged backgrounds can realistically actually focus on school. Plus she had to deal with all these high school and college stresses during COVID, which in and of itself is s huge negative for mental health and thus the ability to manage the same stresses. (Plus trauma is stored genetically. Any hardship the parents complain about experiencing is actually compounded in their children further making it even more difficult especially without the support and aid they should be getting instead of the judgment for not being able to do it handle as much as their parents)
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Libtard much? I worked 50 hours a week to support my college. .and my son just graduated college and I paid for all his college and living expenses. Guess he lucked out and didn't have any of my stored trauma..you probably think student loan forgiveness should be a thing. What kinda gun do you think the dad held to her head to make her go to college and except his money? This country is turning to s**t with this narrative or free s**t and not not pulling your own weight and being part of victim hood mentality. Poor girl she was asked to watch her brothers. Maybe she should move out and pay for everything herself..get a job.
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She did chose to go to college and not have a job to support herself. She wants and gets all those entitlements she she pays for her own college and rent
How is it entitled to say that watching her brothers all the time is interfering with her studies? Especially since she does the cooking and cleaning as well and is willing to continue to do that. He is the one acting entitled by passing on his responsibilities to his daughter as much as he does with no regard for anyone else.
Entitled by the fact that she lives as an adult for free. And she gets free college. If she were to pay for both of those she would even have less time to study with an outside job. Entitled that she is missing out on social events. Dad doesn't get any social events?
She certainly did not ask to be here. If he didn't want the responsibility of a child, which includes their education, he shouldn't have engaged in activity that could possibly result in said child. If he wants a nanny for the children he sounds like he wanted, then, she is NOT it! Go find a nanny, or, better yet, let their mother take care of them. Unless, of course, she's not.
I really don’t understand the rent free thing either. Like once a kid turns 18 they suddenly owe you money for everything? It’s your child.
In the US, that's the way parents think. Apparently it's about reimbursement for what they are legally required to do when we are minors. If you don't pay, it's you move out.. don't care if you're homeless. Then the real shock comes when the parents hit retirement..off to retirement home.
Load More Replies... Just to clarify, it's how SOME American parents think. Typically conservatives. Although I have heard of some liberal parents charging a nominal rent ONLY IF the son or daughter isn't in college or a training program; but will bank all the money they're paid and will keep it to give to their child when they move out, to use for first, last, and security when they get their own apartment and maybe some basics to get started.
Lol like they wouldn't do it anyways. They want all adults including their parents to die. Wait until you find those kids were written out of the will and given to some trust fund like the Clinton foundation. Lol
Real shock comes when the dad lost out on retirement income after spending his on her college.
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It actual means to grow up and acknowledge you are getting everything paid for. Nothing in life is free. Dad is taking care of his adult daughter. Maybe she can realize this and not complain about some child care 3 times a week.
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She's *not* a minor. And he in no way comes off as someone who is going to kick his daughter out on the street. He seems like a great guy who cares about his daughter a lot. I wish my parents had been so generous. The entitlement in this thread is really over-the-top. Calling him sexist -which is really ridiculous. She occasionally does some housework and babysits 3 times a week. Are you kidding? No wonder the world is in the state it's in if you think this is too much in exchange for free rent and free food, utilities, clothes, etc. Oh poor baby. What a joke. If she's that unhappy, she's not Cinderella. She's not tied there. She can get herself a job and move out and pay for her education and her rent and her needs and see how that goes. She is not owed anything. College is a choice. If her career choice is requiring a degree, then she needs to find a way to make that work in her life. Or she live at home for free in exchange for a part time 'job' of light housework and babysitting.
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You are wrong. It’s about being an adult and doing adult things. Daughter is perfectly capable of going to school AND helping out with the household. She should not be so entitled as to EXPECT to have others sacrifice so she can go on her merry way. It is called being part of a family. Each member pulls their own weight based on their capabilities. Daughter is now an adult and should take on an adult roll, 5 yr olds can even help by picking up after themselves.
Daddy is saving money by not paying for her to live in a dorm instead of at home. Sure, she can HELP OUT with chores, but being expected to keep house AND take care of two small kids AND go to class AND study is a bit much for a 20 year old. Daddy doesn’t mention whether he does any housework and childcare at all, or if he just wants to come home from work like a 1950s husband and do nothing all evening—-aside from go on a booty call with his current girlfriend. Two rambunctious small children can make one helluva mess, including messing up the area you JUST cleaned. Plus, they need to be watched all the time. Daddy is treating his oldest child like a combination maid and nanny, or like one of those “traditional” wives (which is f*****g creepy btw), instead of like she’s his child. Wonder if her Mom lives close enough for her to live with, instead of her delusional sexist daddy.
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His adult child. Easy fix. She moves out and gets a grant or student loan and take care of all her bills. Get her own apartment and pay for that as well. Total freedom. Oh wait to do that she would need a job..to work more hours than she would if she just shut up and help when asked..and Daddy could save more money with her paying the bills. Parents aren't obligated to pay student housing or tuition. Her choice..
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Why is it all of dad responsibility to pay all her bills and college education? Pretty sure a lot of young adults get student loans or work. At what age is she expected to become an adult? Because I'm pretty sure a live in nanny and maid is cheaper than all the expenses of college and daily costs(phone,car,food,clothes) for a 20 year old adult. And if he's such a monster how tf do you think he got custody of 3 kids?? Do you know how difficult it is to keep full time custody of kids as a male in this country especially if the woman is anything but a multiple convicted addict/ multiple accounts of abuse? That alone tells me either the exes are a.dead b. Signed away their rights because they don't want them or c.some of the worst human beings as mothers. And if a guy is that sexist/bad guy how does he have yet another girlfriend who is dating him despite him having 3 kids the gf isn't spending time with? Do you think the daughter would be happier doing house repairs/working, instead?
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She's not a child. She's an adult. This comment is screaming of entitlement. Hey, moms on this thread...are you less of a mother if you get a babysitter 3 nights a week? Are we allowed to negate all the sweat and tears you put into being a parent because you go out occasionally? Can we also call you a whore because you do (which is ironic because the people saying that about him are calling *him* sexist)? Does it negate all the story time, laundry, medical visits, diapers you have to change, worry you have, work you do to that you may hate because you want *them* to have a better life...look out because apparently that all means nothing if you have a babysitter for a combined 15 hours a week. Oh and someone put the dishes in the dishwasher occasionally, too, so you don't take care of your house. You don't replace the roof if necessary or the water heater, keep the place heated and cooled. Pay for that electricity so she can study on the computer you bought her. ::rolls eyes::
Children that are describe as more mature are actually not, in fact they more destructive then anything. She can easily ditch the tuition free ride, it's called grants (don't have to pay those back), she's 20 and would be considered low income. Also University Enterprises Inc would get rid of the free ride as well..with a paycheck and credits with working with a state agency. Then again Dad still would want free child care because let's face it.. child care is expensive and parents are looking for the free ride. Plus, dad would lose out on pulling I'm paying thousands for you. Umm, he loses that investment
Nah, he would want free child care because let’s face it…he doesn’t want to have to chase after, clean up after, feed, bathe, and pay attention to HIS smallest children himself. So he’s assigned the homemaker role to his oldest daughter, who is trying to get her degree, probably so she can comfortably support herself and move TF out of his house.
Are you sure about that? Yes, thanks to ACA, adult children can still be on their parent's health insurance but nowhere is it stated that parents must pay for college.
OK so what do you think about children who use their children against their parents? No free or cheap daycare no visitation? How about you have to give me your car so I can go to work mom because it's wi ter and I will not give up my motorcycle that I wrecked once to get a car I can drive all year long? Oh and when I pick my kid up from your house you better bring them out and buckle them into my car so I don't need to get out.
For my family, we do rent free until the kids a job. With me, I just started my first semester at a community college full time, albeit being online, and have no job. I was going to get one but then my schedule changed from part time to full time because we wanted to see if I could handle 4 classes. Next semester, I'll probably do part time and look for a job. By the time I get one, I pay 100 a month because it teaches us how to budget properly when it comes to the money we make and rent purposes. Plus, that money is put to the rent on our house and since the rent is paid by my single mother, with some help from my brother, he pays about 100, maybe a bit more, but that's because they agreed on it to help out. Without it, the income is low and it's hard living on a single income. When my mom and brother are at work, I do the best I can to clean up after the three of us, including our dog. Each of my classes are supposed to take up to 12 hours a week, so I'm limited on how much I can do.
Tris you are a wonderderful person to u derstand the hardship of life and to be willing to give the extra to your mother who kept you loved you, taught you how to be who you are. Thank you for choosing to be a good, responsible, and empathic person. It is truly sad that people think is OK to free load on others who love and sacrifice for them to hopefully get to be a smart and successful person that I know you will become.
They are expected to make their own way in the world..if you don't do it yourself sometimes you have to babysit in exchange to having all your bulls paid to include expensive college. She could simply move out. Pay her own way. With that comes freedom..
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No at 18 you are no longer legally obligated to support or house that child. He is teaching her responsibility, by not giving a child responsibility to learn how to care for themselves and do what is needed they will not thrive but be dependant all their lives. When he is dead and gone she will have no one else to depend on unless she finds a sucker who makes money to support her. Now days all kids feel they will get this. But none of you want or think it should be you. So what then? It will be on you ant you will be an angry mean bitter person in the end blaming others for your lazyness.
What Daddy doesn’t realize is a couple things: 1) when he and his ex had their daughter, I bet you anything SHE did the bulk of the housework and childcare, and he just jumped in when he felt like it, and 2) he’s treating his daughter, who is in college, like the help. She’s not the housekeeper and nanny, ffs! Also, since she’s in college—-and I assume a full time student—-she absolutely needs quiet, uninterrupted time to study. For a full time student, we’re talking anywhere from four to eight hours of study time, to read long articles, chapters, and books, then write all the required papers about them, and if she’s an undergrad, pass all her exams. Daddy is looking at her as a free, live-in maid and nanny, and not his college student DAUGHTER! Wait, I forgot #3) would he expect the same if she was his son, instead of his daughter? THAT’S a question I’d like to hear him (fumble for an) answer.
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You're assuming a lot about his past there. I don't think there's any evidence for that. Living at home after 18 is something most students don't get to. If she lived alone, she would have to pay housing. He's also paying her tuition. She's getting a lot of privileges.
Load More Replies... Privileges? Education is a right. Housing is a right. Food is a right. Water is a right. And children are for life.
Lol nope that's your imagination. Your parents should love you for life but they don't have to support you financially or even like you for life. Just like you don't have to support or like them for life. Stop being an advertisement for abortion.
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Simple fix for her. Get her own place, pay for it, and take out some student loans to pay for college herself. There all fixed. She can be foot loose and fancy free on her own dime..dad can pay for a nanny and come out ahead..
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He is paying her college and living expenses. So yes. My dad didn't give me anything his son and my half brother not his gets his support. And their both loser like most of you complaining about what he asks for. I'm sorry happy that I can provide for myself. Better then being a graduate with mommy and daddy's support with 100k student loans and still can't wipe my butt or my three kids. I have a degree no student loans and one kid. And I'm not slaving to pay what Biden has made the new low interest rate of 30 percent on all my nonexistant loans like you people. Heck he now made sure you won't get loans to pay it because those illegal children at the border are being sent to businesses in need of worker to work for free in the middle of the night working with toxic chemicals at 13 years old. You need to wake up. Real and conclusive oppression is coming your way and your too weak to open your eyes and see that your about to be swept into the sea of you own trash bins. For grateful illegals willing to work for slave wages. For which they deserve better. And you do not deserve a thing because your way of thinking destroyed any idea of a good life now that Biden brought in his trafficked slave labor which is higher wage then their home country but just a shack with little to no heat here in the land of America. Where the greedy just get more greedy.
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How is expecting someone who's in college, that he is paying for, to babysit and do a little extra of the common house work sexiest? Do you not realize how difficult it is to have sole custody of the children as a male in America? So unless his exes have died, he has to have jumped through so many more hoops to keep custody than you realize. That same thinking the ex did a majority, actually would have worked against in him court. If she is so overwhelmed by school and babysitting( many a high schoolers do this everyday) than how is she going to handle a full time job and her own household? Part of being a parent is transitioning your kids from being solely dependent upon you and your hard work to learning to rely on themselves only. If it's so bad babysitting than why not live on campus or because she is an adult, get her own job and place?
Lmao of course people who straight up lie about how hard it is for fathers to get custody (reality check. Most father's don't want custody. If they fight for it it's very likely they get it. Even if the court has found that said father has sexually abused children. Including giving custody of children that were conceived by a 15 year old being raped by her caregiver who was then easily awarded custody of both kids cause the mom was a teenager and didn't have as high a paying job as him and because she left the state to get away from him the court actually mandates she pay him back for his missed time with his rape babies). But of course people who promote that falsehood would deny any of the gender biasing that routinely puts oldest daughters in charge of childcare, housekeeping, and cooking for the family. When it comes to their oldest sons of course it's just not really their thing or fair to make them take focus away from sports and friends. Ditto with the younger boys etc.
Y'all dump all your parenting responsibilities on oldest daughters and then Pikachu face that birth rates plummet. That most of those oldest daughters never want children of their own and some (like myself) would literally rather die from an illegal abortion than create any more children to be abused by the state or their rich buyers or their own responsibility to care for yet again. That everyone better realizes how messed up it is to have kids under the age of about 30 (cause anything under 26 is literally children raising children and the 4 more years helps to give the adults plenty of time and space to establish and learn about themselves well enough to be an actual parent). I'm the oldest of 5 from a big Mexican family. and I've literally never met anyone from a large family that wants more than maybe 1-2 kids. About half the people i know don't even want kids And so much of it comes down to irresponsible, immature, entitled parents who inflicted too much trauma and adultification
Your arguments the best. I don't think occasionally babysitting is a horrible thing to do. But to have to take over total responsibility for the care of your siblings over your education or work so you can get out and be independent is horrible. I do not advocate for dumping your responsibilities on your kids. I think if a couple hours up to 3 hours babysitting and 3 days of that is a way for you to learn child care responsibility for others and being able to achieve your goals with those responsibilities let's you know what you can handle. He the father should be flexible on those hours or days for her schedule. I also think it is a great deterrent then teaching abstinence for birth control. You have had strength foisted upon your shoulders before the time should have come. You have lessons learned these people who don't do anything but demand payment for everything they want. How doesnt that make you sick?
In the us women get children 90% of the time. I do not know what country you are from but men do not get custody. A woman can be a drug addled meth head and still get custody. On top of that she can lie and say the guy abused her and the courts will take away visitation.
That is false generally. My brother was tricked by a 24 year old into knocking her up while homeless and 17 and he had to pay her child support and got no visitation rights. Yet she was a predator. Sorry 17 may be consent age but when a woman 24 goes and stalks you at your work and destroys your life. No women are purposely as bad as men because they are mad that their mothers didn't get to be dickheads too. Now you do.
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8 years ago, I was a double major and worked a full time job while also in school that I paid for. I'm not saying everyone can or should do that, but if you are able to get the deal she's getting, you shouldn't look at it as anything other than a blessing. I'm not sure why this guy who is doing a whole lot of good for his daughter is being made out to be some horrible slave owner in your mind but you're making all these assumptions that there's no proof of. She should be working at least part time. And watching kids for a few hours 3 days a week is the equivalent of that. If she can't handle that, then she should go down to part time at school. Otherwise, he should give her all the freedom she wants and give her a date she needs to move out. Then see how much stress she's under when she has to pay her own way.
I started school in 2018 and just graduated.. required study times increased from 5 hrs to 10 hrs per week as well class. Class last a minimum of 2 hrs. Professors can see the logins and log outs of study hrs and you can be dropped if the required hrs are not met. Since daughter isn't paying tuition, sounds like dad is. She gets dropped as a result in the middle of semester..guess who loses the refund? Semesters last only 16 weeks. He can find someone temporarily or be fine with losing thousands of dollars
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Not sure if maybe that was school specific to you but my patner is in full time college right now and that's not the case unless they're labs or it's a 1/2 days a week class instead of 3/4. This is Jan 19th...she has up to 4 weeks to drop classes and get all or at least a portion of tuition back if she's not able to handle her workload. And if that's the case, she should go down to part time school and get a part time job if she doesn't want to babysit AS her job. She is a 20 year old adult who has made a choice to go to school full time and her parent has generously allowed her to do that while paying for it in exchange for babysitting for few hours a week and some light housework. That's an amazing deal. If she can't do that, if she was my kid, I would say, 'no problem honey. I love you, you always have a free meal here I wish you luck but you need to plan on moving out by x date and I'll help you as much as I can to do that.' Because I'd love my kids enough to prepare them for life.
Btw..the kids who are claimed to be "more mature for their age"..nope. they happen to be more difficult to handle and HE made a choice to have more kids. It's 16 weeks, she can babysit during breaks. You don't get a refund if you are dropped by the professor. By this was the policy as January 2022.. school is HER job, unless he wants to forfeit the money he paid
WOW. Just wow. My son is SIXTEEN and dual-enrolled in both HS and Community College. He spends a good amount of time AT HOME doing pre-labs for Chemistry and also working on pre-Calculus. I went to college at 23 after I was married and was thus condidered independent by Federal Financial Aid. I took out OVER FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS in loans for an IN-STATE UNIVERSITY. Federal Financial aid doesn't consider you independent unless you are either MARRIED OR OVER TWENTY-FIVE and your PARENTS' incomes (tax returns) are what YOUR financial aid is based on. You're off base here. Seriously off base. In addition, sweetheart, he demands she babysit THREE NIGHTS A FREAKING WEEK. HE had those 5 year old twins. They are HIS responsibility, not his daughter's. The fact that they live with him full-time tells me their mom IS DEAD. I would be willing to bet his deceased wife took care of their eldest (who is now 20) while he was in college and that he has expected his daughter to take over mom duties.
He does say ex about the daughter's mom so they probably split up and the twins haveca different mom. She is too old to be considered in custody disputes so it would be her choice which parent to live with and he is likely the one near the college (and since room and board on campus is expensive he could have made living with him a condition of his paying her tutition). Im betting the twins are the girlfriend's kids and she lives there too and is also expecting her "step" daughter to do the work for her
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I'm pretty proud of the fact I've never in my life called another woman 'sweetheart' because I don't agree with them in a show of utter sexism, while also calling out someone else for sexism. But alas, in the end, he is under no obligation to pay anything for her. If their agreement was x amount of work for x amount of money/help, and she doesn't want to do that, she is free to make arrangements to leave. College is a privilege, not a right. And she can feel free to go pay for herself and do all of those things-the study hours, school required hours, etc- on her own dime. He will somehow survive I'm sure. Think whatever you want about him. Those of us who didn't have things handed to us or were not treated like children know that he's being very generous, and she's not being required -by him- to do a lot What her school requires of her is between her and her course choices. She should find a way to make that work with what is required of her at home in order to live rent free.
Dude..my pols class required 10 hrs per week and I got a warning when I did 9.5 hrs
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