“They Will Simply Have To Keep An Eye On Their Kids”: Family Members Are Enraged At This Woman Who Refused To Childproof Her House For Their Kids
Recently, a 30-year-old childfree woman who bought a new house and moved in a couple of months ago turned to the AITA community for advice.
“I don’t have kids hence no need to childproof my house. Of course I don’t have swords sticking out of my walls but my stairs don’t have baby gates, etc.,” the Redditor HelpEducational8357 wrote in a post.
Since the author’s house is the biggest, her family has been pushing her to host Thanksgiving this year and she agreed, although it sounds like a bit of work. “I have 5 siblings who all have their own kids (between 2-4 each). It’s a lot of people when you add my parents, aunts, uncles, etc.,” HelpEducational8357 explained.
But the author’s siblings are now demanding that she childproof her house, arguing that it’s not safe enough for their kids to run amok. The tension in the family soared and as it reached the boiling point, the Redditor wants to know if she made the wrong decision.
A childfree woman wonders if she was wrong to refuse to childproof her house for Thanksgiving and enrage her siblings with kids
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
Image credits: HelpEducational8357
More and more people nowadays are opting for a childfree life, while the societal pressure to have kids and build one’s life according to your kids is still huge.
“If anything should be obvious as a choice, it’s having a child, because the parent isn’t the only one involved in the outcome. Knowing to parent is a choice means weighing the pros and cons,” Isabel, Kristen, and LeNora, who run the project Childfree Girls, a podcast and web series for the childfree community, told Bored Panda.
There is an abundance of reasons why a person opts out of becoming a parent. “Someone thinking (like, really thinking) about becoming a parent might, for example, remind themselves that having a baby isn’t just having a baby; it’s becoming a parent every single day for the rest of their life. They might (should) consider the emotional, financial, and time commitments involved,” Childfree Girls explained.
Moreover, “if they’re happily partnered, they might imagine the change that will take place in their relationship dynamic and decide whether that change is something they can deal with.”
“They might force themselves to acknowledge that their child might be born with extreme medical needs or be like the kid in We Need to Talk About Kevin (small chance, but still—a chance) and ask themselves whether they want parenthood enough to accept that as a possibility,” Childfree Girls explained.
“As more people become aware that parenting is a choice—not inertia to follow, not a milestone to achieve, not ‘just what you do’ because you got married—they’ll treat it as such,” they concluded.
And this is what people commented on this whole situation
I'm Italian, Catholic, with a big family (twenty cousins + SO), and I see so much red flags going there. It is expected that when you go to an house you follow the rules, not viceversa. Cancel the Thanksgiving and suggest they should choose a more safe avenue.
Parrots are usually ok with one person. Everyone else is a target for their tiny little dinosaur brains. Stand your ground, reinforce your boundaries and let them host Thanksgiving somewhere else
I was going to say the same thing. They also don't really like chaos or new people in their spaces & being that it's a new house they're probably still getting settled in themselves. They're creators of habit & routine. They can get very stressed, very easy when that repetition is broken or when their territory & safe space is invaded. Especially if they're rescues too. Im experienced with them & even I wouldn't expect to go into her parrot room or to even meet them unless it was just us or she thought it wouldn't stress them out at all. Depending on the type of parrot too.. like macaws for instance can be very aggressive to new people. & you're right they're definitely a species who only trusts one maybe two people. I wouldn't let anyone up in that room. Hell I wouldn't even have them in my house this soon after moving in
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5 siblings with kids aged 2-4 already sound too overwhelming. If they try to dictate their own rules - it's absolutely inacceptable/
I think 2-4 was a head count, not ages of the children.
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Not once have I expected anyone to alter their house in any way for me to visit with my kids - hell, growing up it's not like my own parents did any of that stuff either in their own home and we've all somehow survived into adults. Having a room aside for them is plenty to keep them amused - bring toys and set rules of behaviour, yeah younger ones might need more attention but that's called being a parent. You don't go to someone else's house and let your kids run feral thinking it's ok. And animals are not toys, keep the birds away from them as going by the adults behaviour the kids won't have been taught any kind of manners or boundaries
Say it again for the people in the back. Or what happens when one inevitably bites or scares the kid & they react & hurt the bird? Or they get hurt themselves.... these parents seem like the type to be like "you need to get rid of that bird! It's a danger to kids! We'll never come here ever again! Your birds traumatized our kids" ..... I'd be like "don't come back! Lol. Your kids traumatized my birds!" Lol
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I bet that if OP just gives in and baby proofs the house, then her siblings will feel entitled to demand for (maybe free) babysitting next, "the house is already safe for kids, why can't you keep them for a pair of hours?"
Was about to say the same. And the moment the kiddos will see the birdies, they'll be drawn to them like magic. And "how can you say no to a baby that wants to see a birdie?!" will be used to make OP to cave in, if they'll cave in this time.
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Nta. Don't let them come. I wouldn't put it past them to break the lock and let the kids torment the birds because 'they're just kids and they wanted to play with the birdies'.
Novel Idea, the people with houses already set up for crotch goblins host, that way no excess work required and entertainment readily available. Everyone else could help (as OP suggested) with food etc. But there's a reason 'they' don't want to and that's because they're aware of the impending destruction that's heading your way and want to walk away from it.
Siblings are acting entitled and being emotionally manipulative. OP should cancel Thanksgiving at her house, let one of the siblings host. Really should have stuck with her original no, which they didn't respect. Unfortunately for OP, she may have to distance herself from her clearly toxic family.
When I was growing up, we had Thanksgiving and Christmas every year at my dad's sister's house. It was my aunt, my grandmother, my parents, my siblings, and myself. My aunt had lots of cool stuff in her house and we were told not to mess with it. You know what we did? We didn't mess with it. We didn't get to act like everything was ours and we had a right to touch it. My aunt's house wasn't baby or childproofed. OP needs to cancel. If these adults can't watch their own children, then they need to make other plans.
For the life of me, I can't comprehend why any siblings would think for one second they have the right to dictate these kinds of terms. I would never, ever try this with any of my family and I would expect (and get) the same consideration in return. As regards the birds, my cat is my family as I assume the birds are OP's family, and anyone who messes with my baby messes with me. There are so many red flags here that it is very clear that OP needs to tell her family that she hopes they have a good time at someone else's house. If they turn their backs on her, they aren't worth her time.
NTA, OP. Cancel this. Don't let family bully their way into your new house. If a kid gets hurt, you will be the one sued and you could lose the property in a worst-case scenario. Just don't even!
So NTA. I don't get people who think that they have the right to control other's property/lives. To demand that someone without kids (or even with kids) child proof a house to their standards is ridiculous. I have often told one of my cousins (who had the same issues with my child-free house, not being child proofed), when she starts helping with my mortgage, I would gladly let her "child-proof" my house. That usually ended the discussion.
I would say abso-f*king-lutley no way to any of this. This woman's parents and siblings are entitled asses for such disrespect. Does she get to go to their houses and demand they un-childproof it because she finds the baby gates annoying?
Some people have no sense. Of course she shouldn't babyproof her house for someone else's kids...
NTA and cancel it, otherwise you end end up with hurt and stressed parrots, messy house and still- entitled siblings, who don't talk to you. They demand you host Thanksgiving in your house and that you change your house to their liking, refuse to keep eye on their kids and even demand you let their kids "play" with your parrots? Ugh.
She's already done the ultimate child proofing and not had any....
I have four kids and I never expected anyone to modify their home for them or upend their lives for my kids. I taught my kids how to respect other people's property and what the rules were at other people's homes. It's difficult enough on people when you haul in your playpen and diaper bag and whatever gear you had to bring depending on the situation, but at least that's all temporary and you take it with you when you leave. I swear an overnight trip with a baby or toddler is like packing for a month-long trip to the Catskills. I digress. Kids can be taught and responsible parents monitor and teach their kids. Also parrots aren't toys. Teach the kids to respect animals.
Put away things that you want to keep, and that breaks easily if a kid makes it fall over. That's it. If they want something to block the stairs, they can bring it. If you have a particularly aggresive parrot you can let the oldest kid play with it. After a visit to the hospital to sew the hand together, I promisse no one else will bickering you into let them play with the birds.
NTA, it is the parrots' house (and OP's of course) so any kids or their parents who can't be trusted not to break into their room to "play with them" should be barred from entry. As far as the child-proofing is concerned, if the kids really need a house child-proofing then the parents should not be letting them out of sight in another's home. Depending on the age of the kids, some might be capable of opening (and leaving open) a baby gate anyway. Actually, 5 siblings who have between 2 & 4 kids each is around 15 kids - far too many to leave unsupervised to play nicely together, more likely is unsupervised they'd run amok. Also, be careful if they want to bring a gate or anything with them as some depending on how well they fit could cause damage to paintwork etc.
"Gee sibs, it just seems like my place is way too dangerous for Thanksgiving this year. In a couple years, when the kids are a little older, I'd LOVE to host it, but this year, lets go with one of your very much safer houses, so you all can relax more, knowing the kids are safe. What do you want me to bring? "
You should cancel they are not acting like a family should and there’s the possibility that if something goes wrong you will be responsible and have to use insurance to handle any accidents that occur (cause it will happen) suggest they rent a party hall.
OP your family sounds toxic AF and you should never let them pressure you into hosting an event if they won't follow your simple rules. Just say NO. Cancel the gathering and let them fend for themselves.
Nope! My nephews aren't able to come into my house unless their moms look after them. I'm not child proofing my home. My own aunts never did it for me and neither did my grandparents. Because it was their house. Same as my dog, she us very anxious and nervous around kids yet I've been told I should get rid of her because the kids can't play with her. Seriously?! I'm not abandoning my dog, who is my own child, just because she doesn't like hyper activity. Plus they have their own dogs!
The parrot needs to be off limits. If I were going to someone else’s house with a baby/toddler and they didn’t have a gate, I’d ask if I could bring one of the pressure ones with me.
It's not a big deal if they want to bring a baby gate with them and remove hazardous objects like coffee table ceramic bowl, vase whatever is likely to get broken. Other than that obviously the bird room is off limits.
We rotated Christmas at aunts and uncles when I was little- off limit areas were off limit areas. Kids were allowed or not allowed here and that was that. My aunt had bunny rabbits and while you could look, but quietly, at them in the mudroom no putting fingers in cages and if you wanted to pet one you had to find my aunt or oldest cousin and they would find a min to take them out while they held and you could pet the rabbit. If /when they decided. And with the parrots this sounds like a disaster ... amongst other drama. Nta.
I'm on the NTA side of the argument, but am also stuck on the thought of how a house with multiple free range birds would smell. 🤔
Well they're actually pretty clean animals. They don't like to stink up & mess up their living space. They generally potty in the same area (usually directly under their food dishes or near by) so it's actually very easy to allow them to roam. It's a common misconception that birds are dirty & smelly if they're allowed to roam. But in reality you shouldn't have birds as pets if they're going to be in a cage. I grew up with them & we never had our birds in cages. Never. Not once. We used puppy pads under their feeding area & that's the only place they ever pottied & we'd vacuum the seed mess once a day & you'd never know we had birds unless you went into their room (they roamed the whole house. But spent most of their time in the sun room cause it had really high ceilings) or you heard them screaming swears at you in English & Italian!
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I used to host Christmas (we've moved, it's not personal) for anywhere from 10 -16 and my idea of "childproofing" was making sure no candles were burning on the coffee table. I kept my bedroom door closed and I didn't have stairs, but that was it. Your kid is YOUR responsibility.
I have 3 kids. I never ever, ‘childproof’ anything. Why should I or anyone. I made my kids listen and mind me. If they did not listen, they knew there were consequences. Going to friends and families, I told them don’t put anything up. My kids will listen one way or another. Not all, but probably 8 out of 10 parents, let their kids do what they want and expect everyone to cater to their kids. Her family sounds like they need to take responsibility, and look after their children.
NTA. My apartment in NYC was in an old brownstone, which still had the dumbwaiter shaft going down five floors to the basement. Open the right one of the kitchen cabinets.. SHAFT! It was the first stop on the tour for the rare occurrence of anyone bringing children to our child-free apartment.
I largely agree with all of the NTA commenters, but the gigantic red flag for me is that the young lady maintains an in-home aviary of many parrots. While the individual aged parrot is an endearing fantasy image, birds are simply not adapted to captivity, with few exceptions. The noise, smell, dusty mess, and other issues are a deal-breaker for me as a guest, as my experience shows birds really only accept their singular keeper and not others. You bring others in, and it becomes a shrieking, squawking, messy cacophony of ungodly proportion. Parakeets/Budgies are uncontrollable banshee wailers, while large parrots do whatever the hell they want, at all times. None of them belong in cages in peoples' homes, and should never be given free reign indoors.
NTA but I hope you realise that your house should be safe for people. If something happens, you are legally to blame. If you allow little children upstairs, and there is not safety fence, and something happens, you are responsible. It's like a fire extinguisher in a restaurant. If something happens, like a fire, the restaurant is to blame, they should make the restaurant safe. Same is it with your own house. If you agree with people and children coming over, your house should be as safe as possible.
I'm Italian, Catholic, with a big family (twenty cousins + SO), and I see so much red flags going there. It is expected that when you go to an house you follow the rules, not viceversa. Cancel the Thanksgiving and suggest they should choose a more safe avenue.
Parrots are usually ok with one person. Everyone else is a target for their tiny little dinosaur brains. Stand your ground, reinforce your boundaries and let them host Thanksgiving somewhere else
I was going to say the same thing. They also don't really like chaos or new people in their spaces & being that it's a new house they're probably still getting settled in themselves. They're creators of habit & routine. They can get very stressed, very easy when that repetition is broken or when their territory & safe space is invaded. Especially if they're rescues too. Im experienced with them & even I wouldn't expect to go into her parrot room or to even meet them unless it was just us or she thought it wouldn't stress them out at all. Depending on the type of parrot too.. like macaws for instance can be very aggressive to new people. & you're right they're definitely a species who only trusts one maybe two people. I wouldn't let anyone up in that room. Hell I wouldn't even have them in my house this soon after moving in
Load More Replies... 5 siblings with kids aged 2-4 already sound too overwhelming. If they try to dictate their own rules - it's absolutely inacceptable/
I think 2-4 was a head count, not ages of the children.
Load More Replies... Not once have I expected anyone to alter their house in any way for me to visit with my kids - hell, growing up it's not like my own parents did any of that stuff either in their own home and we've all somehow survived into adults. Having a room aside for them is plenty to keep them amused - bring toys and set rules of behaviour, yeah younger ones might need more attention but that's called being a parent. You don't go to someone else's house and let your kids run feral thinking it's ok. And animals are not toys, keep the birds away from them as going by the adults behaviour the kids won't have been taught any kind of manners or boundaries
Say it again for the people in the back. Or what happens when one inevitably bites or scares the kid & they react & hurt the bird? Or they get hurt themselves.... these parents seem like the type to be like "you need to get rid of that bird! It's a danger to kids! We'll never come here ever again! Your birds traumatized our kids" ..... I'd be like "don't come back! Lol. Your kids traumatized my birds!" Lol
Load More Replies... I bet that if OP just gives in and baby proofs the house, then her siblings will feel entitled to demand for (maybe free) babysitting next, "the house is already safe for kids, why can't you keep them for a pair of hours?"
Was about to say the same. And the moment the kiddos will see the birdies, they'll be drawn to them like magic. And "how can you say no to a baby that wants to see a birdie?!" will be used to make OP to cave in, if they'll cave in this time.
Load More Replies... Nta. Don't let them come. I wouldn't put it past them to break the lock and let the kids torment the birds because 'they're just kids and they wanted to play with the birdies'.
Novel Idea, the people with houses already set up for crotch goblins host, that way no excess work required and entertainment readily available. Everyone else could help (as OP suggested) with food etc. But there's a reason 'they' don't want to and that's because they're aware of the impending destruction that's heading your way and want to walk away from it.
Siblings are acting entitled and being emotionally manipulative. OP should cancel Thanksgiving at her house, let one of the siblings host. Really should have stuck with her original no, which they didn't respect. Unfortunately for OP, she may have to distance herself from her clearly toxic family.
When I was growing up, we had Thanksgiving and Christmas every year at my dad's sister's house. It was my aunt, my grandmother, my parents, my siblings, and myself. My aunt had lots of cool stuff in her house and we were told not to mess with it. You know what we did? We didn't mess with it. We didn't get to act like everything was ours and we had a right to touch it. My aunt's house wasn't baby or childproofed. OP needs to cancel. If these adults can't watch their own children, then they need to make other plans.
For the life of me, I can't comprehend why any siblings would think for one second they have the right to dictate these kinds of terms. I would never, ever try this with any of my family and I would expect (and get) the same consideration in return. As regards the birds, my cat is my family as I assume the birds are OP's family, and anyone who messes with my baby messes with me. There are so many red flags here that it is very clear that OP needs to tell her family that she hopes they have a good time at someone else's house. If they turn their backs on her, they aren't worth her time.
NTA, OP. Cancel this. Don't let family bully their way into your new house. If a kid gets hurt, you will be the one sued and you could lose the property in a worst-case scenario. Just don't even!
So NTA. I don't get people who think that they have the right to control other's property/lives. To demand that someone without kids (or even with kids) child proof a house to their standards is ridiculous. I have often told one of my cousins (who had the same issues with my child-free house, not being child proofed), when she starts helping with my mortgage, I would gladly let her "child-proof" my house. That usually ended the discussion.
I would say abso-f*king-lutley no way to any of this. This woman's parents and siblings are entitled asses for such disrespect. Does she get to go to their houses and demand they un-childproof it because she finds the baby gates annoying?
Some people have no sense. Of course she shouldn't babyproof her house for someone else's kids...
NTA and cancel it, otherwise you end end up with hurt and stressed parrots, messy house and still- entitled siblings, who don't talk to you. They demand you host Thanksgiving in your house and that you change your house to their liking, refuse to keep eye on their kids and even demand you let their kids "play" with your parrots? Ugh.
She's already done the ultimate child proofing and not had any....
I have four kids and I never expected anyone to modify their home for them or upend their lives for my kids. I taught my kids how to respect other people's property and what the rules were at other people's homes. It's difficult enough on people when you haul in your playpen and diaper bag and whatever gear you had to bring depending on the situation, but at least that's all temporary and you take it with you when you leave. I swear an overnight trip with a baby or toddler is like packing for a month-long trip to the Catskills. I digress. Kids can be taught and responsible parents monitor and teach their kids. Also parrots aren't toys. Teach the kids to respect animals.
Put away things that you want to keep, and that breaks easily if a kid makes it fall over. That's it. If they want something to block the stairs, they can bring it. If you have a particularly aggresive parrot you can let the oldest kid play with it. After a visit to the hospital to sew the hand together, I promisse no one else will bickering you into let them play with the birds.
NTA, it is the parrots' house (and OP's of course) so any kids or their parents who can't be trusted not to break into their room to "play with them" should be barred from entry. As far as the child-proofing is concerned, if the kids really need a house child-proofing then the parents should not be letting them out of sight in another's home. Depending on the age of the kids, some might be capable of opening (and leaving open) a baby gate anyway. Actually, 5 siblings who have between 2 & 4 kids each is around 15 kids - far too many to leave unsupervised to play nicely together, more likely is unsupervised they'd run amok. Also, be careful if they want to bring a gate or anything with them as some depending on how well they fit could cause damage to paintwork etc.
"Gee sibs, it just seems like my place is way too dangerous for Thanksgiving this year. In a couple years, when the kids are a little older, I'd LOVE to host it, but this year, lets go with one of your very much safer houses, so you all can relax more, knowing the kids are safe. What do you want me to bring? "
You should cancel they are not acting like a family should and there’s the possibility that if something goes wrong you will be responsible and have to use insurance to handle any accidents that occur (cause it will happen) suggest they rent a party hall.
OP your family sounds toxic AF and you should never let them pressure you into hosting an event if they won't follow your simple rules. Just say NO. Cancel the gathering and let them fend for themselves.
Nope! My nephews aren't able to come into my house unless their moms look after them. I'm not child proofing my home. My own aunts never did it for me and neither did my grandparents. Because it was their house. Same as my dog, she us very anxious and nervous around kids yet I've been told I should get rid of her because the kids can't play with her. Seriously?! I'm not abandoning my dog, who is my own child, just because she doesn't like hyper activity. Plus they have their own dogs!
The parrot needs to be off limits. If I were going to someone else’s house with a baby/toddler and they didn’t have a gate, I’d ask if I could bring one of the pressure ones with me.
It's not a big deal if they want to bring a baby gate with them and remove hazardous objects like coffee table ceramic bowl, vase whatever is likely to get broken. Other than that obviously the bird room is off limits.
We rotated Christmas at aunts and uncles when I was little- off limit areas were off limit areas. Kids were allowed or not allowed here and that was that. My aunt had bunny rabbits and while you could look, but quietly, at them in the mudroom no putting fingers in cages and if you wanted to pet one you had to find my aunt or oldest cousin and they would find a min to take them out while they held and you could pet the rabbit. If /when they decided. And with the parrots this sounds like a disaster ... amongst other drama. Nta.
I'm on the NTA side of the argument, but am also stuck on the thought of how a house with multiple free range birds would smell. 🤔
Well they're actually pretty clean animals. They don't like to stink up & mess up their living space. They generally potty in the same area (usually directly under their food dishes or near by) so it's actually very easy to allow them to roam. It's a common misconception that birds are dirty & smelly if they're allowed to roam. But in reality you shouldn't have birds as pets if they're going to be in a cage. I grew up with them & we never had our birds in cages. Never. Not once. We used puppy pads under their feeding area & that's the only place they ever pottied & we'd vacuum the seed mess once a day & you'd never know we had birds unless you went into their room (they roamed the whole house. But spent most of their time in the sun room cause it had really high ceilings) or you heard them screaming swears at you in English & Italian!
Load More Replies... I used to host Christmas (we've moved, it's not personal) for anywhere from 10 -16 and my idea of "childproofing" was making sure no candles were burning on the coffee table. I kept my bedroom door closed and I didn't have stairs, but that was it. Your kid is YOUR responsibility.
I have 3 kids. I never ever, ‘childproof’ anything. Why should I or anyone. I made my kids listen and mind me. If they did not listen, they knew there were consequences. Going to friends and families, I told them don’t put anything up. My kids will listen one way or another. Not all, but probably 8 out of 10 parents, let their kids do what they want and expect everyone to cater to their kids. Her family sounds like they need to take responsibility, and look after their children.
NTA. My apartment in NYC was in an old brownstone, which still had the dumbwaiter shaft going down five floors to the basement. Open the right one of the kitchen cabinets.. SHAFT! It was the first stop on the tour for the rare occurrence of anyone bringing children to our child-free apartment.
I largely agree with all of the NTA commenters, but the gigantic red flag for me is that the young lady maintains an in-home aviary of many parrots. While the individual aged parrot is an endearing fantasy image, birds are simply not adapted to captivity, with few exceptions. The noise, smell, dusty mess, and other issues are a deal-breaker for me as a guest, as my experience shows birds really only accept their singular keeper and not others. You bring others in, and it becomes a shrieking, squawking, messy cacophony of ungodly proportion. Parakeets/Budgies are uncontrollable banshee wailers, while large parrots do whatever the hell they want, at all times. None of them belong in cages in peoples' homes, and should never be given free reign indoors.
NTA but I hope you realise that your house should be safe for people. If something happens, you are legally to blame. If you allow little children upstairs, and there is not safety fence, and something happens, you are responsible. It's like a fire extinguisher in a restaurant. If something happens, like a fire, the restaurant is to blame, they should make the restaurant safe. Same is it with your own house. If you agree with people and children coming over, your house should be as safe as possible.
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