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“Wouldn’t Feel Anything”: Man Abandons Family, Wants To Use Kids As “Emotional Support” For Mistress
Adultery is the fuel that instantly incinerates all bridges. It destroys everyone beyond repair, and all attempts to make amends only reopen old wounds.
This woman would know. Her husband cheated on her with her best friend, ruining all of their lives. However, the man has been trying to use their children as emotional support for a crisis he’s been dealing with.
Now a divorcee, the author has been strong in her efforts to distance her kids from their dad, but she wonders if her actions may be too harsh and spiteful.
RELATED:
It would be difficult to repair a relationship destroyed by infidelity
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman has yet to recover after her husband had an affair with her best friend
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man recently contacted her, asking to spend time with their children
Image credits: Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She refused to let him use the kids as his emotional support during a time of crisis
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
He responded with some manipulative tactics
Image credits: benzoix / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, she remains firm in her decision
Image credits: Nearby-Savings-5686
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Infidelity has short-term and long-term impacts on the children
The author may be doing her part in trying to keep the same image of family for the sake of her children, but experts say it still affects them.
Dr. Talal Alsaleem is a marriage counselor who specializes in infidelity counseling. In his conversation with Business Insider, he mentioned some short-term impacts, which include poor grooming and hygiene due to the lack of attention they are receiving from their parents.
They may miss school or social functions and be exhausted from sleepless nights brought on by the fallout of the affair. Depression may also kick in through irritable behavior.
“They don’t know what is going on in their house, and their cognitive and emotional bandwidth is really preoccupied with what is going on with their parents,” Dr. Alsaleem explained.
Then, there are the long-term effects, which may affect sexual development. According to Dr. Alsaleem, the child may grow up with unanswered questions. In some cases, the affected kid may also commit infidelity as an adult.
The author says she isn’t planning to ruin the image of her husband to her kids, which is likely why she hasn’t told them about the affair. For experts like Dr. Alsaleem, this is the right move to protect the children.
However, parents must also make assurances that they are working on resolving the problem.
“Children should learn that things might go wrong in life, but it is the responsibility of adults to fix it,” psychologist and mental health counselor Dr. Ana Nogales told Today’s Parents.
If parents continue to shield their children from the ugly truth, they must maintain the status quo. For the author, that means giving in to her husband’s request. It will be a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s something she has to do.
However, therapy would be the best option to help everyone cope. As Dr. Alsaleem explains, “There is potentially a lot of damage, and children need a place to safely explore the impact an affair may have had on them.”
Most readers were on the woman’s side
While some faulted her for acting “from a place of jealousy”
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What do you think ?
Sally Horrocks 10 months ago
What's best for the children? Certainly not being kept out of school for a week, kept away from their mother for three weeks in order to be used as an emotional crutch for their father and stepmother. Lots of comments saying they're not emotional support animals and I agree, but I also think it would be asking a lot for a dog to take on that load, let alone children.
marcelo D. 10 months ago
kept away from school for 3 weeks. The father already seemed to plan not to send them to school the other 2 weeks anyways.
Load More Replies...
Karina 10 months ago (edited)
I was my stepmothers emotional support pet. Its not something any child should go through, because gess what? Kids pick up on grown ups sorrow, and they want to fix it, even if that means sitting for hours each night hearing the same tear sobbing stories again and again. It came to a poit where my step would litteraly hold me hostage, even when I told her its 4 a clock at night, im tierd i want to go to sleep, but she wouldnt quit untill i wept for her. This started when I was 10, and it didnt stop until i fermly, in my twenties told her to do what she needed for her self, or keep me out of it. Suprise, we have no contact today. The dad insisting on OOP's time is absolutly riddicolous. If he wants to act like a 4 year old, he is not capable of having the kids at all, period.
Vinnie 10 months ago (edited)
It's also called emotional incest. The term is seared in my mind because one of my sisters experienced this with our mother as did our mother's brother with my grandmother. I'm glad you were able to shake off the b!tch and that the OP is standing her ground.
Load More Replies...
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 10 months ago
The YTAs and ESHs are idiots of the highest order. It is a messed up request, regardless of whether the kids would say they want to go, they would not be able to understand what they were agreeing to. As for the person who said she should be honest about why they broke up, no. That would literally be putting preteen children into the middle of their conflict.
Tabitha 10 months ago (edited)
OP is most likely waiting for the kids to get older before she tells them why she and their father divorced. You’re right, you don’t spring that kind of information on children too young to understand the nuances of grown up relationships. All you can do is assure them the divorce was not at all about them or anything they may have said or done (kids tend to think they did something that broke their parents’ marriage up), then wait for them to grow up enough and have relationship experience themselves before telling them the real reason for the divorce. Apparently, the ESHs and YTAs are people who merely parrot what they’ve been told (generally the ridiculous idea that family supercedes everything, even if the family, or at least certain members of it, happens to also be horrible and abusive) without understanding it, and are therefore only able to see the world in black and white, totally ignoring all the other colors of the spectrum that contribute to every individual situation. Critical thinking skills seem to be sadly lacking in way too many people over the age of 26 these days. It makes one wonder what is hindering the development of that particular part of the brain.
Load More Replies... Sally Horrocks 10 months ago
What's best for the children? Certainly not being kept out of school for a week, kept away from their mother for three weeks in order to be used as an emotional crutch for their father and stepmother. Lots of comments saying they're not emotional support animals and I agree, but I also think it would be asking a lot for a dog to take on that load, let alone children.
marcelo D. 10 months ago
kept away from school for 3 weeks. The father already seemed to plan not to send them to school the other 2 weeks anyways.
Load More Replies... Karina 10 months ago (edited)
I was my stepmothers emotional support pet. Its not something any child should go through, because gess what? Kids pick up on grown ups sorrow, and they want to fix it, even if that means sitting for hours each night hearing the same tear sobbing stories again and again. It came to a poit where my step would litteraly hold me hostage, even when I told her its 4 a clock at night, im tierd i want to go to sleep, but she wouldnt quit untill i wept for her. This started when I was 10, and it didnt stop until i fermly, in my twenties told her to do what she needed for her self, or keep me out of it. Suprise, we have no contact today. The dad insisting on OOP's time is absolutly riddicolous. If he wants to act like a 4 year old, he is not capable of having the kids at all, period.
Vinnie 10 months ago (edited)
It's also called emotional incest. The term is seared in my mind because one of my sisters experienced this with our mother as did our mother's brother with my grandmother. I'm glad you were able to shake off the b!tch and that the OP is standing her ground.
Load More Replies... Ryan-James O'Driscoll 10 months ago
The YTAs and ESHs are idiots of the highest order. It is a messed up request, regardless of whether the kids would say they want to go, they would not be able to understand what they were agreeing to. As for the person who said she should be honest about why they broke up, no. That would literally be putting preteen children into the middle of their conflict.
Tabitha 10 months ago (edited)
OP is most likely waiting for the kids to get older before she tells them why she and their father divorced. You’re right, you don’t spring that kind of information on children too young to understand the nuances of grown up relationships. All you can do is assure them the divorce was not at all about them or anything they may have said or done (kids tend to think they did something that broke their parents’ marriage up), then wait for them to grow up enough and have relationship experience themselves before telling them the real reason for the divorce. Apparently, the ESHs and YTAs are people who merely parrot what they’ve been told (generally the ridiculous idea that family supercedes everything, even if the family, or at least certain members of it, happens to also be horrible and abusive) without understanding it, and are therefore only able to see the world in black and white, totally ignoring all the other colors of the spectrum that contribute to every individual situation. Critical thinking skills seem to be sadly lacking in way too many people over the age of 26 these days. It makes one wonder what is hindering the development of that particular part of the brain.
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