It is quite widely accepted that nearly everyone must have children during their lifetimes. However, not everyone agrees with this statement. Some people choose to never have children and are happy with their choice. Reasons for it can vary from financial or medical reasons to the inability to find a partner or even the state of the world and/or climate change.
Just like the reasons for a child-free lifestyle, there are many advantages and disadvantages to that kind of choice. Recently, Reddit user /No_Edu1998 went to the r/AskReddit community to ask about those disadvantages. And people did not hold back with their answers.
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I'm 40, I don't have kids.
4 years ago I moved to a new place and befriended my neighbour, he has 1 daughter from a previous relationship, his girlfriend has 2 more (also from a previous relationship).
They both used to work shifts, so they needed a babysitter for the two daughters of his gf, the other girl would go to her mom's place, as she lives really close.
One year ago, they couldn't find a babysitter for 3 days, and I had to pick up these 2 girls ( 5 and 8 years old at the time), from school, help them with homework, have them shower, make them dinner and then put them to bed.
They already knew me of course as I often hang out with their mother and my neighbour, but I've never kept them alone.
I had the best of times. They were a blast. Lovely, kind, would not talk back or make a scene.
Nowadays they're 7 and 9(nearly 10). I often go to their place and the youngest gives me the biggest hugs, then just sit on my lap while the oldest just sit next to me, and both will tell me about their day and talk about random stuff. We do lots of activity together and I'm now more like an uncle than just the neighbour. And I love it. I feel loved, I feel appreciated, It just feels... nice.
That feeling there, is what is lost when you don't have a kid. I think it's surely the only "pro" of having a kid.
Editing because of many comments: The goal is NOT to compare "parenting" and "being an uncle". OF COURSE being a parent is different and has many downsides. THAT. IS. NOT. THE. POINT. OF. THE. POST.
The point is:
"what's the con of not having kids? "> "the con is that you may miss of these good feelings kids give you when you take care of them"
Nothing more, stop misunderstanding this post. thanks.
I mean, he has a point. There is something about the joy kids bring. My brother has a 2 year old girl, and she brings him so much happiness. She helps him feed his cows and he tells her bedtime stories and they play blocks. I know he wouldn't trade it for peace or alone time.
Well I’m in my 60s and I don’t have kids. The down-side is now I don’t have any family, I’m the last one left.
I don’t get anything for taxes like the people with kids do.
I can’t get food stamps.
If I need help with a bill, the community center won’t help me because I don’t have kids.
Being told somethings wrong with you for not having them yet.
I'm friends with a couple who don't work and have two kids. They have more money than I make, all funded by the state. It's good people who really can't work and also might have children get their rent, insurance and more paid. These two however... they game the whole day and leave the TV to parent their 2 and 3 year old. They definitely don't have a mental illness that prevents hem from working (I know this by being their friend and a former psychiatrist)
People keep asking you when you're going to have kids.
Heck! My husband and I are in our 40s/50s with 7 adult kids between the two of us, and people STILL ask if we're going to have more children!!!
People need to stop asking other people about their reproductive goals.
The con is all the fun stuff, incredible, and amazing things you get to live as a parent. I am a mom and in literal awe of this little person and who he is, how he sees the world and what’s he’s making me see in the world every single day. I get to reexperience the world thanks to my child. I now constantly look for teeny tiny insects on the ground and get honest to God excited when I see any, or when I see certain cars, or birds. Not because that’s something that came natural to me, but because it’s something my child has made me see and appreciate. The amount of absolute belly laughs this little person has given me in his short life is completely unmatched by anyone else on this earth. It‘s autumn now and I hate the cold, but I am also absolutely giddy that it‘s starting because now I can press leaves and collect nuts with my kid. Would I give two hoots about that without him? No. But with him it’s honestly one of the more exciting things I‘m looking forward to in the next month. And let’s not even discuss Christmas. My kid makes the season magical for me.
There’s so much hard s**t about being a parent and I would never want to convince anyone to have kids if you’re not up for it. Because the hard s**t is relentless even when you are 100% onboard with being a parent. But my god is it awesome too, in the most literal sense of the word.
My work makes me not only work more hours, but they also ‘make’ me work the hours no one else can work because they have kids.
Like later shifts and overnights. Also during Covid, people with kids could 100% telework and most still do partially. Since I don’t have kids I had and still have to come into the office every single day, no exceptions. When others with kids ask for vacations days, they always get priority, even if I asked and got it approved first.
I’ve told my work NO more then once and they are shocked when I remind them that just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a life outside work.
Same here. I quit because I was denied vacation 2x in a row. Went to a jewelry store, bought a wedding band. Showed off pictures of my nephews as my own. No more denied days off.
Lack of cheap unreliable labor.
Very unreliable. It's so much easier to just do it yourself sometimes, but then how do they learn?🤣
Having too much money and free time.
Is he running because he has free time or is he running away from his money?
You have fewer excuses to use to call off of work.
I'm sorry, Mary (the squirrel in your backyard) is sick today and I need to stay home with her.
I think it’s best to frame having kids as going on an epic life-changing adventure. There will be glory and wonder and there will be horrors. The highs will take you higher than you ever thought possible but man are those lows low.
So Con: you’ll miss out on this epic adventure.
BUT there are other paths to other adventures, ones with their own excitement and peril. Or maybe you’re more of the “stay in the Shire” type. That’s fine too.
Parenting really is like a roller coaster ride. Some love it, others might get to puke a lot
Having to listen to all the parents tell you what a joy raising a family is
It's funny how parents tell childless couples the joy of parenthood, but they complain bitterly about how hard it is the rest of the time.
According to Reddit there are none. Having kids is a drain on your finances, your personal wellbeing, and ruins the planet.
I had one because I thought we could provide a loving, stable home to raise someone who could be a productive member of the next generation of people. It’s also fun to pass down traditions such as dressing up and trick or treating for Halloween, drinking out of the hose in summer, that the proper way to eat ice cream is with sprinkles. I knew I would miss out on that if I didn’t, it’s sort of intangible and lots of people on here would say it’s not worth it. I don’t expect them to take care of me when I’m old, but I’d be honoured to still be a part of their life when they are an adult.
This is lovely. I admire OC for realizing that they can affect the future by raising kids in a loving, stable home now.
I'm having medical emergencies in my 40s and still need my 70 year old parents to bring and take me to appointments.
I'm in my 40s and can can confirm that a little person who is freeloading in my house is completely useles when it comes to taking you somewhere, they can't even reach the clutch with them tiny hobitses' feets🫣
Holidays are kinda depressing.
I went to watch my nephews open gifts on Christmas morning then spent the rest of day changing exhaust manifold gaskets, oil change, and a tune up on my truck just because I had nothing going on.
C'mon over here, dude! I don't drink, but the dog and I cook a pretty mean dinner, and there's always leftovers. And, my tree is mighty sweet. Decorated in the finest $1 store fare, but it looks really great.
As someone who's not married and has no children: It would be nice to have a closely bonded group of relatives to come home to every day.
I'd say one con is that I since I don't have to get up early on the weekends to shuttle kids to games and events, I sometimes sleep in later that I expected. You wake up, and you've missed breakfast at McD's, and have to order from the lunch menu. No hashbrowns for you. It sucks.
You can have a cat to wake you up at 3 am too if that's what you want. Or a dog. Or - believe me - an alarm clock!
My dad's side of the family is enormous. Each independent family unit has 2-4 kids, so I grew up with great grandparent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and lots of cousins. My mom's side of the family is much smaller. Only one aunt and two cousins. My dad's side was always much more enjoyable on occasions and holidays. Also much more supportive when it came time for family support.
But the real kicker was watching my grandparents grow old. My dad's parents were constantly surrounded by family with a lot of care and support as they grew old, not to mention, many more people to share the expense. My mom's parents had almost nobody. As their friends started to pass away, there were even fewer. My mom and her sister both had busy lives and couldn't spend a ton of time with them. Health, especially mental, deteriorated much more rapidly than the other side.
Anyhoo. That's one of the major reasons that we had kids. People are joy, so we wanted some people of our own to continue the legacy of joy and support.
People with kids, will never stop treating you like you’re strange for not having them.
I find this weird because as a person with kids, I understand exactly why people might not want them, much better than I did before kids. I think it's people with adult kids (and rose tinted glasses) and younger people who want, but don't have kids, that are the least understanding.
I'm going to put the lonely stuff aside about getting old.
The cons, is you never get to experience life through your child's eyes.
You don't get to see their love and excitement that happens when they see you coming home from work.
You don't get the joy and fulfillment of teaching them, spending time with them and watching them grow.
..
I get these are just short answers, but it's hard to really describe the fulfillment when your daughter runs up to you shouting "Daddy,daddy,daddy" and then just wants to hang out.
In addition to that, they are f*****g hilarious.
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Edit: for all the comments of folks that think I'm describing a dog, I have 7 dogs. It's not the same. I can be close at times they are gentle souls.
"In addition to that, they are f*****g hilarious." YES. Kids are the best comedians in the world, even when they don't mean to be. I have nearly wet myself more times playing with little kids than I have ever watching a comedian or a funny movie.
I work with older people mostly those with serious and complex medical problems. Very often the role of carer falls to the childless adult child. Due to the perception "they don't have anyone else to take care of thus it's their duty".
Can't really think of any except no one to take care of me if I do make it to that age, but that's selfish AF anyway.
I am the estate executor for my uncle (aunt died 7 years ago and they had no kids), who died in January. Today I went down and signed the papers preliminary to close on his house, which we just sold a few weeks ago. Closing will be next week. After I signed the papers, I went over to the house which, over the last eight months my family and I have been slowly been emptying and working towards selling. I sat in that empty house and stared out at his property and got really really sad because, well, this is it.
In 4 to 5 days, it will be like him, and my aunt will have their entire life erased from this earth. There’s nothing that they’ve passed on, or rather, I should say down to their children, other than mementos and things like that which we’ve all taken in the probate process. Also, of course we all have our wonderful memories with them and love them so much but the entire life that they’ve built together in that house over the last 30 years is about to be completely erased and I know that our buyers will make it into a wonderful home for themselves, but it just feels so odd like if we didn’t remember them it would be like their entire lives will be washed away.
And I know having children wouldn’t necessarily always solve that problem but since none of us live near his property, and none of us can afford the property, no one can buy it and so it’s left to be sold and it just feels like if they had had children maybe they would’ve had someone directly to leave their house too, leave their life to, and our family in that spot could continue.
So I guess long story short I kind of see that as a con to not having kids. My mother and father, myself, and brother will all remember my aunt and uncle and so will my first cousins but after we’re gone it feels like no one will remember them anymore….like they were never here.
Idk just makes me sad
Everyone is forgotten eventually. I find that comforting. No matter how big your screw up, a few thousand years and no one will remember. We, all of us are impermanent in a universe in constant flux. It just makes our time existing precious. We are mayflies enjoying our day in the sun.
You have to laugh at your own farts.
It can make you feel isolated from your peers, whether childless by choice or circumstance
And I imagine, on the flipside, breeders may feel isolated from life , in general, because they're held back from fulfilling their dreams, can't be spontaneous, and, really, are restricted from basically everything for adults.
I have no heirs for my fortune. I have to count on a gold digger wanting to inherit.
At the age now where my friends from high school are shipping their kids off to college and becoming late 30’s empty nesters. Basically regaining all of the perceived benefits of us childless folk, but with a whole adult offspring out in the world. That part seems pretty cool, but still no regrets on my end.
Wait until those "empty nesters" start having to become free childcare for their grandchildren.
I would like to think that raising my own children I would be able to teach them kindness and acceptance to help rid the world of the stupidity that we can't get over. I likely won't have that chance at least on my own children, but planning to volunteer to maybe help others' children.
It usually comes down to the kid's spirit, natural personality. My ex is a good example that no matter how good you raise your kid, they'll end up being who they want to be, and that could the opposite of the parent's efforts. So glad mine became the opposite of her dad lol.
When I want to impress my wife by doing the dishes, I can't just secretly get the kids to do it for me
He's not wrong. Dad could clean the living-room for mom, but with us (his valiant troops) we could do the dishes and vacuum and clean our rooms too before she gets home.
1) You get excluded from friends events who have kids.
2) Some special events like Christmas may get lonely as everyone is with their families.
3) Less excuses to get off work. I have work colleagues that take off all the time as they have to watch their kids perform or look after their kids. I call b******t but nobody questions them. I don't get time off to enjoy being single.
4) People think there is something wrong with you. Nobody wants to have kids with you because you're hiding a dark secret etc.
5) People you may be somewhat close with assume you have excess money to spend on their kids.
All I can think of, if the top of my head.
Never married, no kids, people think I'm gay. Family members even. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it gets old.
Having to pick up the dog s**t in the yard myself.
would happily do that over changing dirty diapers anytime! the one and very annoying thing about dogs though is the giardia!
The constant thought of what could have been. Or, who they could have been.
As a father of two, the largest surprise was the change in social life. We’ve made so many more friends since having them.
I think you're coming into this with the preconceptions of someone who wanted kids. I don't have kids, and I am not bothered by the "constant thought of what could have been". I wouldn't say it's an occasional thought. And I did think I wanted kids once. "What could have been" is for people with regrets, not people without kids.
All the reasons I can think of still don’t outweigh the fact I would feel guilty and inadequate as a parent. Never been maternal. Never wanted kids. Never really felt close to my parents either. Having them to reduce loneliness seems a common theme, especially as we age. Kids and family don’t guarantee company! We choose the people we surround ourselves with and after a certain point you may not like them, may not even love them and vice versa.
A lot of people I know moved to other countries as adults and intend to stay there - they won't be able to help their parents with anything or even against loneliness very well.
Load More Replies... I have some regrets not having kids, but I will take the freedom and extra money.
I have no regrets that matter when talking about kids. I feel like bringing kids into this dumpster fire of a world is selfish.
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All the reasons I can think of still don’t outweigh the fact I would feel guilty and inadequate as a parent. Never been maternal. Never wanted kids. Never really felt close to my parents either. Having them to reduce loneliness seems a common theme, especially as we age. Kids and family don’t guarantee company! We choose the people we surround ourselves with and after a certain point you may not like them, may not even love them and vice versa.
A lot of people I know moved to other countries as adults and intend to stay there - they won't be able to help their parents with anything or even against loneliness very well.
Load More Replies... I have some regrets not having kids, but I will take the freedom and extra money.
I have no regrets that matter when talking about kids. I feel like bringing kids into this dumpster fire of a world is selfish.
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