New Homeowners Refuse To Get Rid Of The Pool Their Neighbor’s Kid Drowned In, Ask If They’re Being Insensitive
Losing a child is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone in their lives. The grieving process may take years and, in the end, you might never move on from the trauma. However, the harsh reality is that the world does not stop turning for anyone. Not for you. Not for us. Not for anyone. Life… moves on. And not everyone will be willing to accommodate your grief.
Redditor u/thepoolwhere turned to the AITA online community with a sensitive question. They and their family bought a new house with a pool. It turned out that one of the neighbor’s kids had, sadly, lost their life in that very same pool. You’ll find the full story below. Be aware that the topic ahead is a very sensitive one and some of you might feel uncomfortable reading it.
The loss of a loved one is a traumatic experience that will affect every aspect of your life
Image credits: luisviegas (not the actual photo)
A family moved into a new home, but their neighbors were against their kids swimming in the pool because of what happened in the past
Image credits: arturoeg (not the actual photo)
The author of the post shared some more information
Image credits: thepoolwhere
Pools are incredibly dangerous if kids are left unsupervised
In the United States, there are over 4,000 fatal unintentional drownings, including boating-related drowning, as well as 8,000 non-fatal drownings, according to the CDC. More children ages 1 through 4 die from drowning than any other cause of death. Meanwhile, for children ages 5 to 14, drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury or death, after car accidents. Non-fatal drowning can lead to brain damage and long-term disability. Most small children who drown lose their lives in swimming pools.
The CDC states that 80% of the people who die from drowning are male due to “increased exposure to water, risk-taking behaviors, and alcohol use.” What’s more, people who can’t swim or are weak swimmers have an increased chance of injury or death in bodies of water. One way to counter this is by attending formal swimming lessons.
Another factor that contributes to death by drowning is the lack of effective fences around pools and bodies of water. Better fences help protect the neighborhood’s kids. Something else that helps prevent drowning is better supervision from adults.
The family was thinking about practicality when looking at buying the house, first and foremost
Image credits: luisviegas (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, the redditor’s account got suspended, so Bored Panda was unable to reach out to them and speak about what happened with the pool and the neighbors. The situation that they described on the AITA subreddit is one without any clear-cut answers: everything’s incredibly emotionally charged, and whatever you decide to do (use the pool or pay to have it filled in), someone will end up getting the short end of the stick.
The neighbor who lost his child at a pool party felt that it was insensitive of the family who had just moved there to use the very same pool for having fun. Some of the other people living in the local area thought the same thing. From their side, the situation is clear: the pool shouldn’t be used because of the traumatic incident.
On the other side of the fence, you have the family who was very practical about buying the house with the pool. “Normally it would have been out of our price range, but this one was a great deal. The reason why was because one of the neighbor’s children had drowned in the pool last summer,” the OP wrote.
“I know it’s really morbid, but my husband and I discussed it and we decided we could look past it. I mean we could never otherwise afford anything like it. It was big enough that all our kids could finally have their own bedrooms,” they explained their reasoning. They were focused on their financial matters, not the emotionally charged situation in the neighborhood.
For them, using the pool meant using the full extent of their property, which they had purchased with their hard-earned money. They weren’t being flippant about the child drowning in the pool. However, they weren’t planning on sacrificing their family’s welfare just to tiptoe around their new neighbors.
How someone grieves will depend on who they are as a person
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Everyone grieves differently. For some, it might mean crying a lot. For others, the tears simply won’t come. It would be wrong to assume that everyone has the same process of dealing with the loss of a loved one.
There isn’t a limit to how long a person grieves. Usually, the grief diminishes over time, however, not everyone fully ‘recovers’ from the loss of a relative or a child. These people may simply learn to live with their sadness and grief.
Supporting someone who is going through such a tragedy is vital. Ask them how they are, allow them to speak, but don’t assume that you know what they need. Everyone needs different things and what might work for someone might be wrong for others. Some might need a kind word, a casserole, and a hug, others might need space, silence, and distractions. Reaching out to a therapist can help move forward.
The author also answered a few questions that some of the readers had
Most internet users thought that the family that just moved in did nothing wrong
Meanwhile, some others thought that nobody was to blame. It was a horrible situation for everyone
However traumatic it is for the neighbours, they bought the house with a pool and the children enjoy swimming. Every parent's (and aunties) nightmare is losing a child and I feel sorry for the neighbours but they can't expect the new owners to get rid of the pool. The neighbours need therapy and healing. That's not up to the new owners tho.
Yeah, I mean - if a house is older than fifty years or so, chances are that someone has died in it at some point. People have died everywhere, we have burial grounds specifically because the living world can’t come to a screeching halt because of it. Neighbours are being very, very self-centred here I’d have to say; understandable, potentially, but not really defendable and certainly not reasonable.
Load More Replies...
I don‘t know if this is something related to the current times or just something US related (no judgement, I just only ever see such stories from the US). Anyway, it baffels me how many of these stories go like „am I wrong to just mind my own business and not change my life to sccomodate the fragile ego/ feelings of others totally unconnected to me“. I‘ve lost a child too but I would never go around banning others from having children or whatever just to spare MY feelings. It‘s MY responsibility to not burden others with my grief, NOT the other way around! Those neighbours could have asked nicely if the new house owners can maybe try to not be too loud or if possible wait just one year, as the loss is still so fresh or something. The key is politeness.
I'm so sorry to hear you lost a child. Sincerely, you really do have my sympathy.
Load More Replies...
Why is everyone overlooking the fact that the previous owners had the pool removed, with financial assistance from all the neighbours who are now sticking their noses in? Oh that’s right. Because it never happened.
they only got rid of the neighbors lol tbh the parents that lost their kid should be the ones moving somewhere else
Load More Replies...
Maybe the neighbours concerned should move from the area - I think I would if my child had died there
gonna sound like and AH but don't care. The pool is not responsible for the death of the child. Negligent parents that should have been taking care of a child in the pool are.
This does sound very callous but I agree with you. The people who were hosting the pool party were the ones who caused the child's death- not maliciously, of course, but negligent manslaughter exists. They should have been watching. The pool isn't a dangerous thing and with the right precautions, no one would have been hurt.
Load More Replies...
Maybe the neighbor who lost the child should move? If they’d lost their child in a car accident, would they have expected their neighbors to stop driving cars?
What makes you think that everyone can afford the expenses of just buying a new house and moving?
Load More Replies... I can understand the grieving family's trauma and upset but I cannot understand why they continue to live where they do. They saw the house go up for sale and they saw that the pool was included in the sale. The previous owners did not remove the pool nor did they make removal of the pool a condition of sale. The house was discounted but -- c'mon -- probably not that much to pay for the work needed and the hassle involved. It was completely predictable that the new owners would buy the house and use the pool. Who would buy a house and have a big empty pit sit in their backyard? It would be a safety concern in and of itself; it would be an eyesore; it would render a good chunk of the property unusable. The grieving family is placing an unreasonable burden upon their neighbors. Either accept reasonable use of the property or move away.
My thoughts exactly. Make you wonder if the neighbours actively 'encouraged' the previous owner into moving, maybe because they wouldn't fill in the pool themselves but left it for the new owners to take the fallout?
Load More Replies...
If we follow the logic of the folks who live in the neighbourhood we'd best stop driving on all roads where an accident occurred. And we should definitely stop eating hot dogs. Probably should just exterminate all the bees too while we're at it. It's of course horribly sad that a child died, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the new family living there.
So....if they lived on a lake and the neighbor's kid drowned in it, then are they supposed to drain the lake and close it off ?
I think so. I’m not sure, it’s not making any sense to me.
Load More Replies...
Sorry but you can't put the blame for your trauma on other people and expect them to abide to your demands. I have some serious triggers myself, but I would never demand everyone around me to change their lives to cater to my needs. I know losing a child is hard, but new neighbours have nothing to do with that
I'm probably going to be the AH here. The child died at a pool party. Who was supervising the child? The pool is not responsible for the death, the lack of supervision is. To expect a homeowner to devalue their property and take away the reason they bought the house is ridiculous. If it is so traumatizing for the family that Lost the child who I'm guessing wasn't supervising the child properly, then they should move. Looks to me like a transference of guilt from personal guilt to an inanimate object.. a pool. It is neither the new homeowner nor the pool's fault.
As a pool designer, I can tell you that depending upon the pool construction, where the pool is located, and local codes, it can cost upwards of 30K (US) to remove and fill in a pool. There is no reason a new homeowner should be saddled with that cost to assuage a neighbor's feelings.
This family deserves to enjoy themselves in their own home. The family who has suffered the loss needs to go to therapy. Something to allow them some tools to help with PTSD.
Terrible that it happened but if it's that traumatic, they should consider relocating. Dictating what the new owners do with the property isn't the answer. If their child was playing in that yard, then tripped and died from a fall, would they oppose the new owner's kids playing that yard?
No matter the situation, I can't imagine being such a busy body that I'd feel entitled to tell someone in the neighborhood what they can and can't have on their property. If the direct neighbors are *that* triggered, they should move. What if the accident had been inside the house? Should they have torn the house down after they bought it?
You never knew the child who died. You wanted all your kids to have their own bedrooms. You don't know your neighbors. They don't know you. You aren't responsible for their opinions, they need help healing their mental wounds and you shouldn't be the one helping. They need a therapist, you could recommend that to them. As long as your kids are being safe and responsible and are being supervised, you are fine. My question is, who let the child die. Obviously they weren't looked after properly, it isn't the new homeowners fault that child died. It's the child's parents fault.
I totally understand why the neighbours are triggered by the sounds of kids playing in the pool; to be honest, those sounds are going to bring back sad memories for a very long time, if not the rest of their lives. As a parent, I get how hard it must be for them, even though I have not experienced it before. However, if their kid had died in a car accident, would they have asked everybody in the neighbourhood to get rid of their cars? If their kid had died of cancer, would they have asked ill neighbours not to appear in front of them as they don't wanted to be reminded of their kid's painful treatment? I don't see how this is any different. Different things are triggering to different people. It is not other people's responsibility to get rid of everything that triggers you.
I lost both of my brothers and I don't think the neighbor should get rid of their pool. It's their pool, they are being appropriate with the pool and if the neighbors don't like the sounds of children playing they can move. Something anywhere at any time can remind them of the lost child. They need to suck it up buttercup. Just because something bad happened to them doesn't mean they have the right to harass others for having a normal life. I mean I wasn't going to harass people because my brother was killed in the army. You either heal and move on or you wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life. Pick up the pieces and move on. Not the a-hole.
As a mom, I can't BEGIN to imagine that pain. I also can't imagine staying in the house next door, even if it meant moving my family to a tiny apartment. The new owners have no responsibility to their neighbors and don't need to take on the burden of their grief. Life goes on.
I can understand both viewpoints. My parents lost my younger sister to cancer when she was 8m old, and they never really got over it. TBH, I don't know that it's possible TO get over something so horribly unnatural. But the neighbors are being irrational in expecting complete strangers to (1) shoulder the cost of filling in the pool, (2) suck up the reduced home value of the house they just bought, and (3) disappoint their own kids. The neighbors have my empathy, but they're asking too much here.
Reminds me of that whole story about the vegan jogger complaining that neighbours were cooking meat *eyeroll* I know it's not a tragedy like this one, but the grieving neighbours' attitude and treatment of the new homeowners was unreasonable and uncalled for.
Not your accident, not your responsibility. NTA 3000. And they say it was at a party? Blame the parents.
What would the world be like if we destroyed every gun that killed a person?
NTA. Sorry you lost your kid, but why should I pay to have the pool removed because of your feelings?
The situation is sad but the neighbors are the AHs if they think that anyone that owns the house has to avoid using something they paid for because of their grief. If it is that traumatic they should either move or bought the house themselves so they control what happens with the pool.
That's a bummer. Nobody wins here. I think the best answer (if this is going to be a truly ongoing problem) is that the parents of the deceased child must seriously consider moving. That way they get to actively choose not to live near to a pool at all and wipe that trigger from their lives. They are fairly lucky the new owners are relatively understanding but if they then decide to move and the next people move in etc, etc, whose to say that they may end up having extremely insensitive people move there at some point that go all out and have major pool parties and kids being unsupervised? They should move house I think to just have some peace and clarity on this pool issue that seems like it's going to affect their lives permanently.
NAH, it's tragic that a child died. Like any house where there's been a death, there's going to be the "How can they live where someone died?" gossip, because people are jerks like that. The previous owners didn't fill in the pool. The current owners didn't witness the trauma, and it's unfair to expect them to take on responsibility for that trauma. Not doing so doesn't make them a******s. I think a sympathy letter is really all they can do, because there's not really any reasonable measures to take in this situation. "We are so sorry for your tragedy and pain. The pool gives our children great joy and we won't take that away from them and it is unfair to expect them to carry the burden of your trauma and distress. We acknowledge your pain, you have suffered an unimaginable trauma, and we are sorry for it. We cannot allow your loss and pain to affect how our family live and enjoy life. With deepest sympathy for your loss. etc"
Well, I would let my kids to use the pool (with as much security meassures as I could immagine and afford, of course). But, I understand the neighbour's feeling. The best I could offer would be planting a line of brushes in order to allow them to skip the image (and part of the noise) of kids happily playing in that pool.
That's hard. I understand the owners, but I understand the neighbour too. Nobody's an a*****e here. What a godawful situation...
I feel like I would be a little wary of letting my kids swim in a pool a kid had just died in regards of the circumstances. Logically could have nothing connected but still just would be weird
I don't think I would care. It's in the past and you have nothing to do with it. In a local indoor swimming pool, a person died last year or so. People continue to go there. No weird feelings.
Load More Replies...
NTA, but consider doing something about sound barriers to reduce the noise (hedges against the fence line, floor mats, sound absorbing panels, whatever). As one person noted, because the pool was empty when you moved in, the neighbors weren't prepared for hearing the noise of a pool party and probably didn't expect to be triggered. In time, they will adjust to it, but keeping the noise down right now would help. Not required, but since you are new to the neighborhood you might want to appear sympathetic to those neighbors. It's not fair that everyone is trying to put the burden on you when all you did was buy a home with a pool. Otherwise it will be up to the neighbors to move away if it continues to bother them that much.
As tragic as a child's drowning is, the neighbors have no right to even ask the new owners to fill in their pool and not use it. If the sound of splashing and child laughter is too traumatizing, then they can move. We have become a nation of entitled snowflakes.
Neighbors need to move period! Life should be enjoyed as it is entirely too d@mn short! Let these poor people be happy in THEIR pool! Jebus! I'm so sorry a child lost their life, but why ruin it for these innocent kids that just want to live in THEIR home? Ugh... People suck sometimes. Life sucks sometimes. Healing starts with laughter - esp the laughter of children.
My son (31 at the time of his death) died in an accident while out with his best friend. Does that mean the friend shouldn't ever go out with another friend again (it was 1/3 his fault 2/3 my son's fault)? Most certainly not! He has a life to live, and I know what my son did wrong that caused his death (there was no driving involved, nor drugs or drinking. People in the past have nosily asked), so by no means would I ever tell his friend that HE "shouldn't" do the same thing Son and he were doing that day. It was a one-off event that resulted in my beloved son's death, not an ongoing dangerous situation that needed to be remedied.
I'm wondering if the original owners moved because of the trauma or if they were bullied out by the neighbours. Maybe it was a case of 'you fill the pool in or you leave' and they didn't have the cash to do the former. I feel for the neighbours and maybe it would have been kind to leave the pool empty for this first year, but OP is NTA for wanting to make use of the property they bought.
My spouse had a sibling who drowned in a swimming pool as a child. It was awful and it is not the kind of thing you get over. That said, my spouse continued to swim in pools, lakes, and even the ocean. Everyone else's life does not stop because someone died. Life if for the living. These neighbors will be haunted by what happened no matter what. Every birthday, every death anniversary, looking through photos, etc. Their lives are altered forever, even if you did remove the pool.
My question is how on earth do you just stay next to where your kid died because you weren't watching it properly? I don't care whose pool it is. Your kid, your responsibility. That's probably how the kid died. They felt entitled to leave the responsibility to the original pool owner and now feel entitled to saddle the new ones with their sorrow? They should move. Hopefully across the street from a really good trauma therapist.
Yikes no one is being horrible here, it's just a tough no perfect solution here in my useless opinion haha. What a tragic situation to be in. My heart goes out to everyone involved and I hope the neighbours are able to find comfort somehow while the residents can still enjoy their home and pool if they choose to keep it.
I was reading this and of course aligning with the new owners, but more than anything l was thinking l wish l could find an apartment where something terrible happened so l could afford it *cries in broken housing market*
Agreed, the neighbors need to work on their healing. I really appreciated the one compromise that they offer to text when they are playing in the pool. Also, if I had the opportunity (meaning finances mainly), I'd try to make the pool my own and change the esthetics of the yard to Maybe lessen the difficulty. Buts that's more of a 'if I was going to get some work done to suite my family anyway' thing.
Tragedy happens everywhere and everyday. It can't be stopped, but neither can living. I can't begin to understand the deceased child's parents' grief, but I don't think that they have the right to ask their neighbors to change their property because of what happened to their family. It maybe traumatizing to hear children playing, but if we can't adapt the world to everyone's trauma. Sometimes you just have to figure out a way to keep moving on that doesn't involve other people.
The property next door is going to be a source of trauma to the parents of the dead child whether the pool is filled in or not. So the best solution is for them to move. If this seems like punishing the innocent, that is exactly what they're trying to do to their new neighbors, isn't it? (Unfortunately, I suspect the previous owner never mentioned this tragic circumstance to prospective buyers. If anyone had a moral obligation to fill in the pool, it was him. Perhaps that's why he moved away.)
I see so many comments suggesting that the neighbours should just move. If only life was that simple. There are a thousand and one reasons why this may be impossible for them.
Yet they expect the new homeowners to pay tens of thousands of dollars to fill in a pool that they want to keep, because their neighbors failed to supervise their own child at a pool party.
Load More Replies... However traumatic it is for the neighbours, they bought the house with a pool and the children enjoy swimming. Every parent's (and aunties) nightmare is losing a child and I feel sorry for the neighbours but they can't expect the new owners to get rid of the pool. The neighbours need therapy and healing. That's not up to the new owners tho.
Yeah, I mean - if a house is older than fifty years or so, chances are that someone has died in it at some point. People have died everywhere, we have burial grounds specifically because the living world can’t come to a screeching halt because of it. Neighbours are being very, very self-centred here I’d have to say; understandable, potentially, but not really defendable and certainly not reasonable.
Load More Replies... I don‘t know if this is something related to the current times or just something US related (no judgement, I just only ever see such stories from the US). Anyway, it baffels me how many of these stories go like „am I wrong to just mind my own business and not change my life to sccomodate the fragile ego/ feelings of others totally unconnected to me“. I‘ve lost a child too but I would never go around banning others from having children or whatever just to spare MY feelings. It‘s MY responsibility to not burden others with my grief, NOT the other way around! Those neighbours could have asked nicely if the new house owners can maybe try to not be too loud or if possible wait just one year, as the loss is still so fresh or something. The key is politeness.
I'm so sorry to hear you lost a child. Sincerely, you really do have my sympathy.
Load More Replies... Why is everyone overlooking the fact that the previous owners had the pool removed, with financial assistance from all the neighbours who are now sticking their noses in? Oh that’s right. Because it never happened.
they only got rid of the neighbors lol tbh the parents that lost their kid should be the ones moving somewhere else
Load More Replies... Maybe the neighbours concerned should move from the area - I think I would if my child had died there
gonna sound like and AH but don't care. The pool is not responsible for the death of the child. Negligent parents that should have been taking care of a child in the pool are.
This does sound very callous but I agree with you. The people who were hosting the pool party were the ones who caused the child's death- not maliciously, of course, but negligent manslaughter exists. They should have been watching. The pool isn't a dangerous thing and with the right precautions, no one would have been hurt.
Load More Replies... Maybe the neighbor who lost the child should move? If they’d lost their child in a car accident, would they have expected their neighbors to stop driving cars?
What makes you think that everyone can afford the expenses of just buying a new house and moving?
Load More Replies... I can understand the grieving family's trauma and upset but I cannot understand why they continue to live where they do. They saw the house go up for sale and they saw that the pool was included in the sale. The previous owners did not remove the pool nor did they make removal of the pool a condition of sale. The house was discounted but -- c'mon -- probably not that much to pay for the work needed and the hassle involved. It was completely predictable that the new owners would buy the house and use the pool. Who would buy a house and have a big empty pit sit in their backyard? It would be a safety concern in and of itself; it would be an eyesore; it would render a good chunk of the property unusable. The grieving family is placing an unreasonable burden upon their neighbors. Either accept reasonable use of the property or move away.
My thoughts exactly. Make you wonder if the neighbours actively 'encouraged' the previous owner into moving, maybe because they wouldn't fill in the pool themselves but left it for the new owners to take the fallout?
Load More Replies... If we follow the logic of the folks who live in the neighbourhood we'd best stop driving on all roads where an accident occurred. And we should definitely stop eating hot dogs. Probably should just exterminate all the bees too while we're at it. It's of course horribly sad that a child died, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the new family living there.
So....if they lived on a lake and the neighbor's kid drowned in it, then are they supposed to drain the lake and close it off ?
I think so. I’m not sure, it’s not making any sense to me.
Load More Replies... Sorry but you can't put the blame for your trauma on other people and expect them to abide to your demands. I have some serious triggers myself, but I would never demand everyone around me to change their lives to cater to my needs. I know losing a child is hard, but new neighbours have nothing to do with that
I'm probably going to be the AH here. The child died at a pool party. Who was supervising the child? The pool is not responsible for the death, the lack of supervision is. To expect a homeowner to devalue their property and take away the reason they bought the house is ridiculous. If it is so traumatizing for the family that Lost the child who I'm guessing wasn't supervising the child properly, then they should move. Looks to me like a transference of guilt from personal guilt to an inanimate object.. a pool. It is neither the new homeowner nor the pool's fault.
As a pool designer, I can tell you that depending upon the pool construction, where the pool is located, and local codes, it can cost upwards of 30K (US) to remove and fill in a pool. There is no reason a new homeowner should be saddled with that cost to assuage a neighbor's feelings.
This family deserves to enjoy themselves in their own home. The family who has suffered the loss needs to go to therapy. Something to allow them some tools to help with PTSD.
Terrible that it happened but if it's that traumatic, they should consider relocating. Dictating what the new owners do with the property isn't the answer. If their child was playing in that yard, then tripped and died from a fall, would they oppose the new owner's kids playing that yard?
No matter the situation, I can't imagine being such a busy body that I'd feel entitled to tell someone in the neighborhood what they can and can't have on their property. If the direct neighbors are *that* triggered, they should move. What if the accident had been inside the house? Should they have torn the house down after they bought it?
You never knew the child who died. You wanted all your kids to have their own bedrooms. You don't know your neighbors. They don't know you. You aren't responsible for their opinions, they need help healing their mental wounds and you shouldn't be the one helping. They need a therapist, you could recommend that to them. As long as your kids are being safe and responsible and are being supervised, you are fine. My question is, who let the child die. Obviously they weren't looked after properly, it isn't the new homeowners fault that child died. It's the child's parents fault.
I totally understand why the neighbours are triggered by the sounds of kids playing in the pool; to be honest, those sounds are going to bring back sad memories for a very long time, if not the rest of their lives. As a parent, I get how hard it must be for them, even though I have not experienced it before. However, if their kid had died in a car accident, would they have asked everybody in the neighbourhood to get rid of their cars? If their kid had died of cancer, would they have asked ill neighbours not to appear in front of them as they don't wanted to be reminded of their kid's painful treatment? I don't see how this is any different. Different things are triggering to different people. It is not other people's responsibility to get rid of everything that triggers you.
I lost both of my brothers and I don't think the neighbor should get rid of their pool. It's their pool, they are being appropriate with the pool and if the neighbors don't like the sounds of children playing they can move. Something anywhere at any time can remind them of the lost child. They need to suck it up buttercup. Just because something bad happened to them doesn't mean they have the right to harass others for having a normal life. I mean I wasn't going to harass people because my brother was killed in the army. You either heal and move on or you wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life. Pick up the pieces and move on. Not the a-hole.
As a mom, I can't BEGIN to imagine that pain. I also can't imagine staying in the house next door, even if it meant moving my family to a tiny apartment. The new owners have no responsibility to their neighbors and don't need to take on the burden of their grief. Life goes on.
I can understand both viewpoints. My parents lost my younger sister to cancer when she was 8m old, and they never really got over it. TBH, I don't know that it's possible TO get over something so horribly unnatural. But the neighbors are being irrational in expecting complete strangers to (1) shoulder the cost of filling in the pool, (2) suck up the reduced home value of the house they just bought, and (3) disappoint their own kids. The neighbors have my empathy, but they're asking too much here.
Reminds me of that whole story about the vegan jogger complaining that neighbours were cooking meat *eyeroll* I know it's not a tragedy like this one, but the grieving neighbours' attitude and treatment of the new homeowners was unreasonable and uncalled for.
Not your accident, not your responsibility. NTA 3000. And they say it was at a party? Blame the parents.
What would the world be like if we destroyed every gun that killed a person?
NTA. Sorry you lost your kid, but why should I pay to have the pool removed because of your feelings?
The situation is sad but the neighbors are the AHs if they think that anyone that owns the house has to avoid using something they paid for because of their grief. If it is that traumatic they should either move or bought the house themselves so they control what happens with the pool.
That's a bummer. Nobody wins here. I think the best answer (if this is going to be a truly ongoing problem) is that the parents of the deceased child must seriously consider moving. That way they get to actively choose not to live near to a pool at all and wipe that trigger from their lives. They are fairly lucky the new owners are relatively understanding but if they then decide to move and the next people move in etc, etc, whose to say that they may end up having extremely insensitive people move there at some point that go all out and have major pool parties and kids being unsupervised? They should move house I think to just have some peace and clarity on this pool issue that seems like it's going to affect their lives permanently.
NAH, it's tragic that a child died. Like any house where there's been a death, there's going to be the "How can they live where someone died?" gossip, because people are jerks like that. The previous owners didn't fill in the pool. The current owners didn't witness the trauma, and it's unfair to expect them to take on responsibility for that trauma. Not doing so doesn't make them a******s. I think a sympathy letter is really all they can do, because there's not really any reasonable measures to take in this situation. "We are so sorry for your tragedy and pain. The pool gives our children great joy and we won't take that away from them and it is unfair to expect them to carry the burden of your trauma and distress. We acknowledge your pain, you have suffered an unimaginable trauma, and we are sorry for it. We cannot allow your loss and pain to affect how our family live and enjoy life. With deepest sympathy for your loss. etc"
Well, I would let my kids to use the pool (with as much security meassures as I could immagine and afford, of course). But, I understand the neighbour's feeling. The best I could offer would be planting a line of brushes in order to allow them to skip the image (and part of the noise) of kids happily playing in that pool.
That's hard. I understand the owners, but I understand the neighbour too. Nobody's an a*****e here. What a godawful situation...
I feel like I would be a little wary of letting my kids swim in a pool a kid had just died in regards of the circumstances. Logically could have nothing connected but still just would be weird
I don't think I would care. It's in the past and you have nothing to do with it. In a local indoor swimming pool, a person died last year or so. People continue to go there. No weird feelings.
Load More Replies... NTA, but consider doing something about sound barriers to reduce the noise (hedges against the fence line, floor mats, sound absorbing panels, whatever). As one person noted, because the pool was empty when you moved in, the neighbors weren't prepared for hearing the noise of a pool party and probably didn't expect to be triggered. In time, they will adjust to it, but keeping the noise down right now would help. Not required, but since you are new to the neighborhood you might want to appear sympathetic to those neighbors. It's not fair that everyone is trying to put the burden on you when all you did was buy a home with a pool. Otherwise it will be up to the neighbors to move away if it continues to bother them that much.
As tragic as a child's drowning is, the neighbors have no right to even ask the new owners to fill in their pool and not use it. If the sound of splashing and child laughter is too traumatizing, then they can move. We have become a nation of entitled snowflakes.
Neighbors need to move period! Life should be enjoyed as it is entirely too d@mn short! Let these poor people be happy in THEIR pool! Jebus! I'm so sorry a child lost their life, but why ruin it for these innocent kids that just want to live in THEIR home? Ugh... People suck sometimes. Life sucks sometimes. Healing starts with laughter - esp the laughter of children.
My son (31 at the time of his death) died in an accident while out with his best friend. Does that mean the friend shouldn't ever go out with another friend again (it was 1/3 his fault 2/3 my son's fault)? Most certainly not! He has a life to live, and I know what my son did wrong that caused his death (there was no driving involved, nor drugs or drinking. People in the past have nosily asked), so by no means would I ever tell his friend that HE "shouldn't" do the same thing Son and he were doing that day. It was a one-off event that resulted in my beloved son's death, not an ongoing dangerous situation that needed to be remedied.
I'm wondering if the original owners moved because of the trauma or if they were bullied out by the neighbours. Maybe it was a case of 'you fill the pool in or you leave' and they didn't have the cash to do the former. I feel for the neighbours and maybe it would have been kind to leave the pool empty for this first year, but OP is NTA for wanting to make use of the property they bought.
My spouse had a sibling who drowned in a swimming pool as a child. It was awful and it is not the kind of thing you get over. That said, my spouse continued to swim in pools, lakes, and even the ocean. Everyone else's life does not stop because someone died. Life if for the living. These neighbors will be haunted by what happened no matter what. Every birthday, every death anniversary, looking through photos, etc. Their lives are altered forever, even if you did remove the pool.
My question is how on earth do you just stay next to where your kid died because you weren't watching it properly? I don't care whose pool it is. Your kid, your responsibility. That's probably how the kid died. They felt entitled to leave the responsibility to the original pool owner and now feel entitled to saddle the new ones with their sorrow? They should move. Hopefully across the street from a really good trauma therapist.
Yikes no one is being horrible here, it's just a tough no perfect solution here in my useless opinion haha. What a tragic situation to be in. My heart goes out to everyone involved and I hope the neighbours are able to find comfort somehow while the residents can still enjoy their home and pool if they choose to keep it.
I was reading this and of course aligning with the new owners, but more than anything l was thinking l wish l could find an apartment where something terrible happened so l could afford it *cries in broken housing market*
Agreed, the neighbors need to work on their healing. I really appreciated the one compromise that they offer to text when they are playing in the pool. Also, if I had the opportunity (meaning finances mainly), I'd try to make the pool my own and change the esthetics of the yard to Maybe lessen the difficulty. Buts that's more of a 'if I was going to get some work done to suite my family anyway' thing.
Tragedy happens everywhere and everyday. It can't be stopped, but neither can living. I can't begin to understand the deceased child's parents' grief, but I don't think that they have the right to ask their neighbors to change their property because of what happened to their family. It maybe traumatizing to hear children playing, but if we can't adapt the world to everyone's trauma. Sometimes you just have to figure out a way to keep moving on that doesn't involve other people.
The property next door is going to be a source of trauma to the parents of the dead child whether the pool is filled in or not. So the best solution is for them to move. If this seems like punishing the innocent, that is exactly what they're trying to do to their new neighbors, isn't it? (Unfortunately, I suspect the previous owner never mentioned this tragic circumstance to prospective buyers. If anyone had a moral obligation to fill in the pool, it was him. Perhaps that's why he moved away.)
I see so many comments suggesting that the neighbours should just move. If only life was that simple. There are a thousand and one reasons why this may be impossible for them.
Yet they expect the new homeowners to pay tens of thousands of dollars to fill in a pool that they want to keep, because their neighbors failed to supervise their own child at a pool party.
Load More Replies... 
84
99