Guy Specifically Tells Roommate To Not Touch His Food, But He Does Anyway, So He Gets Left Alone Without Any Notice In A Place He Can’t Afford By Himself
Living with other people means you have to follow certain rules to be able to coexist. It is all about compromising because not only do you want the other person to follow your rules, but you yourself have to be considerate of your flatmate.
Some people are more needy than others and it seems that Reddit user Evening-Purpose-5123 didn’t have many specific rules. He is just very particular about his food as he is on the autism spectrum, so when his roommate kept stealing it, he couldn’t take it any more and moved out without warning, but after the fact, he realized he might have created some problems for his roommate.
More info: Reddit
Food is sacred and having a meltdown because of missing strawberries is understandable even if you don’t have autism like the narrator of this story
Image credits: Sancho McCann
The Original Poster (OP) who calls himself Evening-Purpose-5123 on Reddit is a 22-year-old guy who has autism spectrum disorder.
We got in touch with Sandra Kushnir, the CEO and founder of Meridian Counseling and also a licensed marriage and family therapist to learn more about the disorder the OP has. One thing that the therapist would like people to know more about this disorder is that “It is much more common than you think and it is important to keep that in mind when interacting with people who might be different than you and to remember to have empathy. There are many reasons why people behave the way they do and it is our responsibility as individuals to not jump to assumptions or labeling people as ‘good/bad, weird, awkward, etc’ or making them feel ostracized without having all the information.”
A person with autism spectrum disorder moved out without warning his roommate and wanted to hear from others if he was wrong
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
Evening-Purpose-5123 has been living with a roommate for nearly 5 months. He wasn’t on the lease and lived there to help the roommate with rent and utilities.
As the OP has some things that trigger him, he made sure to tell his roommate what they are. He specifically told him that he was not allowed to touch his food as he doesn’t eat anything that was cooked by someone else.
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
Also, one of the ways autism spectrum disorder presents itself for Evening-Purpose-5123 is in the form of compulsions to count things like stairs, lightposts and other things, among which is pieces of food. And if while eating, he notices that the numbers don’t match, he gets overwhelmed.
Another thing we wanted Sandra Kushnir to explain us was the counting ‘tick’ as Evening-Purpose-5123 called it, helps with coping. She explained, “Counting can help people with anxiety break their negative thought loops by ‘distracting’ and ‘disturbing’ the thought loop that they might be stuck in. This can help with rumination or negative self-talk and allow your attention to focus on something else.”
She also mentions other coping strategies that might help, “Additionally, you can use smells, tastes, sensations or mantras in place of counting as well, this is called grounding and is used for helping individuals cope when feeling triggered or anxious.”
Even if OP didn’t have autism and counted every bite and piece of food, it is very understandable that you don’t want roommates eating your prepared meals, so it wasn’t an outrageous thing to ask, especially when he explained that it stresses him out. But the roommate respected this request only for a while.
The OP specifically told his roommate to not touch his food as he counts it and if he finds the numbers not matching, it causes serious distress for him
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
After a couple of months, the roommate started stealing bites from the meals OP prepared for himself. As mentioned, this overwhelmed Evening-Purpose-5123 so he went to talk to his roommate about this. He didn’t deny it and just apologized, promising to not do that again. However, he couldn’t keep that promise for long.
Bored Panda reached out to Evening-Purpose-5123 and he told us that there weren’t any other issues with the roommate, just this one of stealing bites of food.
The overwhelming feeling that OP feels when the numbers don’t match up isn’t just a simple annoyance. The last time the roommate took 3 strawberries from a container he prepared, it actually led to a meltdown that he hasn’t experienced in years.
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
At first everything went fine, but later the roommate started stealing the OP’s food
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
This was the last straw and Evening-Purpose-5123 decided to move out the next day after he had calmed down his brain. He didn’t warn his roommate about it and because he had paid for the next 3 weeks, he thought it was plenty of time for the roommate to find a new person to live there and there was no written contract he had to follow.
It seems that the roommate realized the OP wasn’t living there anymore only after a few days. In the comments, the OP said that he assumed the roommate was fine with him moving out as he was convinced that his move was noticeable as he collected his things from the common areas. But that wasn’t the case and the roommate called, sounding very worried because he needed a roommate to share the expenses with.
Talking didn’t really help and one day finding some strawberries stolen led OP to a meltdown
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
When Evening-Purpose-5123 explained he couldn’t share the apartment anymore because his mental health suffered from it, he was called a jerk for putting the roommate in danger of becoming homeless just because of a couple of strawberries.
The OP was genuinely confused and honestly couldn’t tell if there was something he did wrong as he explained he isn’t good in social situations. Sandra Kushnir explained that not everyone with autism spectrum disorder has this problem, but it is quite common. She explains, “Because it is a spectrum disorder, it shows up differently in each individual. Some are so high functioning that it is not overtly noticeable without proper psychological testing, for others, it is very noticeable that they struggle with social interactions and engagement. Additionally, many of these individuals are brilliant and can be experts in their fields. When you are very intelligent, sometimes the ‘brainpower’ goes towards things like problem solving, memory, critical thinking instead of social interactions.”
Because the OP doubted his own judgement he referred to the internet and people shared their own perspectives on the situation.
The OP moved out without telling the roommate, knowing that he needed a person to share expenses with
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
Some redditors thought that the OP was right to move out as the roommate didn’t respect his boundaries that he very clearly set and explained the reasons for it. Also, they considered taking someone else’s food stealing and didn’t think there was any obligation for the OP to be polite to the roommate upon leaving him.
Other people also thought that it was very wrong of the roommate to take the OP’s food especially when he is so sensitive about counting things. However, they thought the OP wasn’t innocent either because a note on the fridge or a text message doesn’t take long to write but would have been a considerate thing to do.
He thought that the roommate would notice he moved right away and didn’t need to tell him, but when they talked on the phone, the OP was called a jerk
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
The OP was actively answering comments so we get to know that he has lived with other people during his college years and they managed just fine, even being confined to stay at home due to the pandemic.
Also, the OP is having therapy and he has actually come a long way from where he was before, because when he was younger, nobody believed he could have a normal life, to have a job and live on his own, but he proved them wrong.
Furthermore, he told us that this experience haven’t traumatized him to the point that he couldn’t live with other people. He shared that he is actually looking for a new roommate and apartment right now.
Image credits: Evening-Purpose-5123
All the opinions shared in the comments were valid and reasoned, so the thing that would let us decide what our stance is trying to put ourselves in the OP’s and the roommate’s shoes. Who do you side with in this situation and do you think this could have been handled better? Let us know in the comments!
Almost everyone thought the roommate was a thief but some redditors completely sided with the OP, but others thought a note was not that hard to leave
To all the people saying that @5123 should have left a note or informed his room mate, I ask why? The room mate never left a note or informed @5123 when he was stealing food. Make it make sense. Room mate gets the hard earned lesson he deserved. Needs to work on his impulse control.
Of course the OP was absolutely within his rights to move as fast as he did, he stated a simple boundary that was easily followed, and it was repeatedly violated. I would agree that the OP should have notified the roommate, because to move out without saying so qualifies as "ghosting", which is not only rude, but which created serious financial problems for the food-stealing roommate. Of course the roommate has sacrificed his right to common courtesy at this point, but causing someone serious financial difficulties is in a different category than common courtesy. The sooner the food-stealing SOB knows he has he needs to find a new tenant, the sooner he can find a new roommate and make the rent.
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I do not understand the ESH opinions as this guy's request that his food not be touched was disregarded multiple times. It was such a small thing to ask for as well. I feel like a lot of folks don't have enough empathy for someone whose mind works a bit differently. He can't stay in the same place as someone who is going to cause him him to have those meltdowns he mentioned.
Taking a roommate's food without asking is rude. Taking a roommate's food when you've been told not to is theft. Taking a roommate's food when he's warned you about previous thefts and you know he counts every item is just plain stupid! That said, I would vote in favor of leaving a note, as you move out without notice. See above.
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As someone on the spectrum, who has also really struggled with obsessive counting/numbering AND also having a real issue with people touching/taking my food, I can really, really relate to this. I'm very black and white about stealing. If you have told someone not to eat your food, and they keep doing it, they are stealing. One of the ways I handled my issues was by pooling resources with roommates and I would cook for everyone, then separate my portion in my own container. If I made things designed to be shared, I was fine with it. It's important to explain to roommates how your autism affects the situation, that what may seem insignificant for them is a big deal for you. Either way, I wouldn't want to live with someone who consistently lied and stole and disrespected my boundaries.
Regardless of being on spectrum that rule is always clear - do not steal. 1 strawberry or whatnot, if you're not invited to you don't take it, OP is nta and has every right to leave.
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To all the people saying that @5123 should have left a note or informed his room mate, I ask why? The room mate never left a note or informed @5123 when he was stealing food. Make it make sense. Room mate gets the hard earned lesson he deserved. Needs to work on his impulse control.
Of course the OP was absolutely within his rights to move as fast as he did, he stated a simple boundary that was easily followed, and it was repeatedly violated. I would agree that the OP should have notified the roommate, because to move out without saying so qualifies as "ghosting", which is not only rude, but which created serious financial problems for the food-stealing roommate. Of course the roommate has sacrificed his right to common courtesy at this point, but causing someone serious financial difficulties is in a different category than common courtesy. The sooner the food-stealing SOB knows he has he needs to find a new tenant, the sooner he can find a new roommate and make the rent.
Load More Replies... I do not understand the ESH opinions as this guy's request that his food not be touched was disregarded multiple times. It was such a small thing to ask for as well. I feel like a lot of folks don't have enough empathy for someone whose mind works a bit differently. He can't stay in the same place as someone who is going to cause him him to have those meltdowns he mentioned.
Taking a roommate's food without asking is rude. Taking a roommate's food when you've been told not to is theft. Taking a roommate's food when he's warned you about previous thefts and you know he counts every item is just plain stupid! That said, I would vote in favor of leaving a note, as you move out without notice. See above.
Load More Replies... As someone on the spectrum, who has also really struggled with obsessive counting/numbering AND also having a real issue with people touching/taking my food, I can really, really relate to this. I'm very black and white about stealing. If you have told someone not to eat your food, and they keep doing it, they are stealing. One of the ways I handled my issues was by pooling resources with roommates and I would cook for everyone, then separate my portion in my own container. If I made things designed to be shared, I was fine with it. It's important to explain to roommates how your autism affects the situation, that what may seem insignificant for them is a big deal for you. Either way, I wouldn't want to live with someone who consistently lied and stole and disrespected my boundaries.
Regardless of being on spectrum that rule is always clear - do not steal. 1 strawberry or whatnot, if you're not invited to you don't take it, OP is nta and has every right to leave.
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